Word of Mouth

New YF Science Fiction Contest

2010-05-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

It's true

2009-05-11T10:48:00.002-05:00

I've grown tired of updating two different blogs now. I'm professionally obligated to keep the one at happythedog.com up and running, and let's face it, if I ever came to a place in life where I had time to continue TWO DIFFERENT ONLINE BLOGS, then I've just got too much time on my hands.

Oh, I'm not quitting. I guess I'll just settle for the days when I do have a little extra time on my hands. Although, today is not one of those days. I'm just going down my to-do list, trying to cross things off in order. "Blog" has been on there just enough weeks to drive me insane.

I went way up by Isabel, South Dakota a few weeks ago with Danny and David Fergen. Had a really good time. It was middle-of-nowhere's-ville up there. I mean, no power lines, no NOTHING.

It was gorgeous though. I'd love to live up there someday where there'd never be a neighbor greeting me in the driveway after a 3 day speaking trip with little sleep to make sure I knew, "You need some dandelion killer on that lawn, kiddo!"

Although, to my joy, my much maligned lawn is not nearly as bad as our relatively new neighbors next door. Theirs is a veritable jungle. It is deep, thick, and weedy like I've never seen. I'm pretty sure they have a mower as I remember seeing it at least once last fall, but they obviously haven't used it this year yet.

Speaking job is just really starting to begin to conflict with church job in the next year or two. I'm short adults on one summer trip this summer because I'm emceeing the event. Another event I do annually is going to conflict with a senior high trip next year. . .

I'm eating a lot of McDonald's Snack Wraps on the road right now. I doubt they're much healthier than a hamburger, but hey, they look healthier.

Quit pop again for a couple weeks last month. I'm back on again, but in much smaller quantities. I'm probably averaging only one a day now instead of five or six, so that's good.

Also hitting the exercise bike for another hour a day again trying to lose the baby weight. I'm down six pounds so far, but gained a pound over the weekend by eating Pizza Ranch at my nephew's birthday party and then eating homemade pizza made by my mom and I.

It was, by far, the best homemade pizza I've ever had. I'm eating leftovers for lunch today. (And tomorrow and Wednesday if I'm lucky.)

Doing an actual poetry show again in a couple weeks (June 1) and other than that I had to take most of May off from speaking because I've got graduations and parties and congregational meetings and Tulip Time every weekend all month.

See you later,

Jason

Tired

2009-04-20T00:49:00.002-05:00

Been burning the candle at both ends between youth group and traveling for Happy the Dog every weekend. It's starting to catch up with me.

Went out again this week and drove about 1000 miles in a little under 48 hours to do two shows. Took one of my youth group guys with me and had a lot of fun. But for the first time in ten years, I stopped halfway through the drive on the way home and just checked into a hotel.

I was tired.

We were in Prinsburg, MN Friday morning for an elementary chapel and Brooten, MN Friday night for a youth group.

Lots of fun. Lots of driving.

Man, where was I the week before Easter??? I'm wracking my brain to remember. Somewhere . . . in South Dakota . . .

Estelline! Went to a rally in Estelline and had a good time, but it was another one of the "drive all day, get out and speak, get back in the car and drive" events.

It wouldn't be that bad but it's the end of the school year so there's a lot going on in youth group right now that I've got to get ready for Sundays before I get in the car and leave.

I'll update the Happy blog at happythedog.com soon if you want to read more specifics about the trips over the last couple weeks.

Looks like I have most of May off from speaking as graduations and youth prevented me from taking a couple things.

No complaints. I'm burning out.

Cat Fight

2009-03-09T09:27:00.002-05:00

There's a student up at Northwestern College that might be doing a play a wrote. It was originally going to go up this spring, but now it looks more like the fall. I have a sneaking suspicion that it might not make it up at all, but I'm hopeful.

I went up last weekend to do a workshop reading of the play with some actors for the college.

It'd been a long time since I'd done something like that - playwriting, I mean. I did a lot of it at Iowa State and had a moderate amount of success. I went as far as to look into and apply to a number of grad schools - and if I'd gotten into any, I might have gone.

But they all said the same thing - get some more life experience and come back. Most playwriting grad programs seemed to want their writers to go out and live life for a few years and then start up.

At the time it drove me crazy. I was ready to go on. Oh well.

I took a few years off. While I've written the occassional play over the last ten years, it's been nothing serious. I simply didn't have a venue to perform them, so I switched styles and have been trying my hand at novels, poems, short stories, and jokes.

The reading was a real kick for me. It was easy to see why ten years of life experience can help a lot. It made me eager to work, change, adjust, alter, and tinker with every line that seemed off. It made me humble enough to be open to all kinds of critique that ten years ago I would have probably shaken off.

I realize that what comes out on the paper the first couple times is probably not perfect anymore.

It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I was doing something that just clicked. They had questions, I had answers. I had questions, they had answers. I put some serious time into the play over the last month or two and even if it doesn't get produced, it was worth every second. It was just fun.

It's an old play. It's not very good. Hopefully the reading will make it better. If not, I think I'll write another one anyway.

Did improv with the 88improv guys after the reading in Le Mars, IA. If you want to read about that, you can check the happythedog.com blog. I wrote a bit about it there.

I'm excited to see the Watchmen if it happens to come to Pella.

Andrea leaves for Haiti in a little over 24 hours and I'm dreading it. She'll be gone for ten days, and while I'm really looking forward to a lot of good bonding time with Carson, the house will feel very lonely without her.

Generally when she takes a trip, I try to catch up on a few movie rentals that she would never want to see when she was around - i.e. martials arts action, dramas with sad endings, and anything with Nicholas Cage. She hates Nicholas Cage. I don't really like him either, but he's kind of forbidden fruit when Andrea's around, so every once in a while I get a hankering.

Jason

Yeah, some stuff

2009-02-27T09:48:00.002-06:00

I had the interesting opportunity within the last week to speak for both a secular crowd and then a Christian crowd within the span of less than a few days.

I went up and spoke and did some improv for good friend Professor Mike Rottink at Ellsworth Community College. Then just a few days later drove over to Chicago for a couple days at Chicago Christian School.

It was a wierd feeling to go up in front of the college crowd and try to remember that I didn't have to end up talking about God, Christ, Salvation, or any of the other numerous theological talking points that I normally end up on. I did talk about it though, a little here and there. I was supposed to be speaking about how I earned a living from the humanites (I don't), So I had to mention the ministry, and youth directing here and there.

I had youth Sunday night, and immediately after it was over at 8:30pm, I had to jump in the car and drive to Chicago to be there for our Monday morning worship. My youth group small group leading partner, Jon, made a comment just before I left (and not about me or my trip in any way) that a life on the road, in hotels, can be very lonely.

It was a fun thought as I began my five hour trip in the car. I'm doing it again today as I head up to Orange City to work with some students and do improv tomorrow with 88improv.

The more I travel, the more I hate it.

When I was a kid, there was nothing more fascinating to me than staying in a hotel. First of all, you got cable TV. That was a luxury we were never afforded growing up on a pig farm. So anytime HBO, Cinemax, or the Weather Channel were available, it was always a rockin' good time.

Then there was the fact that there was A CANDY AND POP MACHINE JUST DOWN THE HALL! Are you kidding me? Pop and candy at my disposal 24/7 and all I need is a fistful of quarters?

Now hotels are just depressing. In Chicago, they put us up in a really fancy DoubleTree. Warm cookies when you checked in. Somewhere around 74 pillows on a large and fluffy bed. Big, flat screen TV. Internet wasn't free though. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem as most Christian schools keep us busy from dawn till dusk. But we were done at 1 every day.

So I took a nap.

I watched part of The Gridiron Gang with the Rock.

I played solitaire.

I missed Andrea and Carson.

Complain, complain, complain.

I think I'm finally coming to a close on my Henry Rollins kick. I'm four books in to his works and they're still well written and fun. But it's starting to get a little repetitive. Lots of road stories and pent up rage. Not good to read in long stretches.

Here's something I have been working on though:

You can find my whole series at youtube.com/user/jkaintaylor. I used a website that let's you pick scenes, characters, and voices and then you just write the script. It sounds a little mechanical, but it's oh so fun!

Jason

A subtle shift. . .

2009-02-09T11:48:00.004-06:00

I've had to make a decision to change a few things about the blog.

I also blog over at happythedog.com which is the ministry I speak for on a regular basis. I try to update it after every speaking event as well, and more often than not, it's the exact same blog as what you read here, with only minor, occasional changes.

Well, it seems that now these two blogs are starting to serve different purposes. The happy blog is primarily for speaking and ministry engagements, and not necessarily for all the trivial, sporadically bizarre, ideas and activities that I often post about on here.

So to keep things nice and separate, the happy blog will have more event details, while the wordofmouth blog will have more details about me as a speaker outside of the events.

I know there are a handful of you who are now thinking, "What? I have to check two blogs now? Ridiculous."

I agree, but I know that blogging as if I were only writing for one site was limiting me greatly as to what I could say on either as they both tend to have different audiences.

So that being out of the way, if you want more event details, just go to happythedog.com and look for the blog posts by Jason (as Troy and Dawn post as well).

On with the blog:

Just got back from Ripon, CA Christian School last week and had a great time. I had to give ten talks in five days, so that was really challenging. We had to do a middle school service at 8:30, then a high school service at 10:55. Then we also had to do a Wednesday night high school rally on top of it, while visiting classes, eating meals, and playing soccer in gym with the students.

It was definitely a challenge to come up with that many back to back talks as I couldn't always use the same ones from middle school for high school, but I felt like they all went really well by the end of the week.

While in CA, we went to see Gran Turino Monday night. Really fun movie. Andrea and I went to see The Wrestler two nights before. Even more fun movie.

I finished reading the Shadow series by Orson Scott Card as well as a book called Posers, Fakers, and Wannabes by Brennan Manning which was the first Christian book (besides the Bible) that I've read in YEARS and actually enjoyed.

I'd highly recommend it. It basically boils down to the different personas we have to put on depending on who we're around at the time. Kind of similar to the different blogs we have to write . . .

Missed Carson and Andrea horribly while gone. Being gone for a week at a time now is almost unbearable as Carson is picking up so many words and tricks daily now.

Airports used to seem a lot more fun than they do now, as well. I had to sprint from gate G4 to A13 Friday night at about 10pm because the tram was shutdown for the night. I was a sweaty mess for my seatmate on the hour trip home to Des Moines, and I can only imagine what he must have thought as the 225 pound man sitting next to him had to towel off the entire flight home because he was sweating so much. Malaria? Typhoid? Sars? Haha! I'll never tell!

I was hoping my seasons of Extras would come in before I left but it didn't. Which is just peachy cause Andrea and I are now watching them together. Much different than the British Office, but still a lot of fun.

I also found a good site to keep up to date on current Flight of the Conchords (my favorite television right now) since I don't have HBO.

What else? I suppose if you want two more blogs on all the happenings from Ripon, feel free to check out the happy site linked on the side of the page. I'll try hard in the future to give this site a much different feel with a little more insight than usual.

On a fun note, a guy at Northwestern College in Orange City is doing a play I wrote a while back on April 18th. I'm pretty excited about the opportunity as I feel my playwriting skills have greatly waned since college and I'd like to sharpen them up again. If this one goes well, I have a couple more in my brain I'd like to get down on paper.

We have a cast reading coming up this month that I'll get to sit in on, so I'm really looking forward to that. As well as a couple improv dates - one with good friend Mike Rottink in Iowa Falls, and one with good friends at Omaha's 88improv in LeMars, Iowa.

Phew. I'm done blogging for the day.

jason

Cran SNOW Hill SNOW Ranch

2009-01-20T13:56:00.005-06:00

It's been a while since I blogged, I know. Brother-in-law Kyle reminded me that I did, indeed, have more speaking things to write about since my last post, but my last major speaking thing between this past weekend, and the last one I posted was so gruesome that I figured I shouldn't spill too many details so as not to offend anyone.

Let's just say that if you can't say something nice about an event, don't say anything at all. (And for all of you who may be rushing to the Happy the Dog calendar to see which event I didn't blog about, sorry, but it's not on the web calendar!)

I was in Michigan this past weekend catching up with some old Convention friends for a big retreat at this really cool camp called Cran Hill Ranch.

Dawn, Troy, and I all headed up on Friday. I had a nine hour car ride. Dawn and Troy had 14 hours as they drove five hours before picking me up.

Rides were a bit tricky as my Lumina refused to start and Andrea had recently hit a deer with the new HHR. The good news was that the HHR was still good enough to get me to Newton to hook up with the HTD crew, so it all worked out.

It started snowing on us heavily on the way there, and didn't let up for three days. It was a heavy, thick, almost movie-fake looking type of snow that just fell straight down and kept piling up. There had to be a good foot of it before we left.

Met a guy named Eric who plays host at Cran Hill. He's a twenty-one year old guy who went into ministry straight from his training as a professional welder. I guess that's not so wierd considering I came straight from pig farming.

The Big Rapids and McBain students and adults that attended the event were just really great all the way around. We had three rocking worship services where I got to explore my "You Are Known" theme a little farther.

Deb and Roger, who I've met when they were running security at Convention, were the retreat hosts and they treated us really well. We got to stay in a little cottage (called Bayview since it was on the bay of a lake), and it was fun to see them again.

I've been devouring one book after another recently as I can't seem to get enough to read. This cycle usually follows a period where I tried to be creative, and as I just wrote a play that might possibly get produced by a college soon, the cycle makes sense.

I'm midway through reading the Ender and Shadow series by Orson Scott Card, and they're just as good as I remember them. To break them up a bit, I'm reading journals from the 90's by Henry Rollins.

And here's where I'll get in trouble as all the folk who read this blog and don't know Henry will start googling and youtubing him. I'll just qualify it by saying that I saw Henry Rollins do a spoken word show at Iowa State once and it was amazing. He's got a real, raw, forceful, complete honesty, type delivery that I think I could learn a lot from.

Do I like his punk rock style, heavy duty, thrashing music from Black Flag or The Rollins Band? Eh, not really.

Do I agree with a majority if his opinions concerning any number of relevant topics to today's society - especially God? Definately not. But I feel like there are so many mediocre books out there for Christians on trying to understand the blue collar, youth rage, depressed, angry, bitter, tired, lonely, and unloved part of our world - and I rather read a book by a guy who's living it.

He's funny, insightful, incredibly intelligent, and a great writer.

That said, I've gone way off topic and will get a good tongue lashing by the HTD folks when they read this and say, "Why didn't you write more about the retreat?"

We did have a really cool moment in the retreat where Troy invited anyone to stand up on Saturday night and share some of the problems/concerns/joys/fears with their spiritual life, and several kids really stepped up to the challenge and shared some amazing stuff.

It's during those moments that I realize who I'm really trying to speak to in those retreats - those in the crowd that were a lot like me when I was that age.

Another interesting thing I'm realizing more and more (especially after trekking all by my lonesome up to White Pass, Washington a month and a half ago) after this trip, is that I tend to be two different speakers when I travel with and without the band.

When I'm alone, as I was in White Pass, I'm forced to break out of the little, social anxietal(word? probably not) box I'm in and meet people. I gravitate towards the kids and adults who remind me of myself.

When I'm traveling with the band, they're so outspoken, friendly, and cool that I slip into the background more often and let them handle a lot of the more social moments of ministry.

Nothing I can change since I would never give up the opportunity of traveling with them, but something I can probably work on as the events where I'm alone force me into such amazing situations where I meet kids who, much like me, won't really speak unless spoken to.

Well look at how reflective I've been this blog already! And it's a long one.

I'm also thinking more and more about my severe addiction to all things food and soda. I really, really like food. I really, really, really like diet cherry pops. I wish my psyche wasn't so dependant on either one.

I often muse about going a week where I research the bare nourishment essentials and then eat only those for a week while drinking water and taking a multi-vitamin to make sure I'm staying as healthy as possible.

But for a guy my size who exercizes as little as he does, I shouldn't be craving pizza, 6 sodas, chocolate, and chinese 7 days a week.

Okay, that's all for now.

Book review of the week - read (or reread) Ender's Game. What a great book with lots of tidbits about leadership.

Till next time,

Jason

Ooh Ahh White Pass

2008-12-02T10:05:00.003-06:00

After 6 hours in a plane on last Friday morning I arrived in Portland, Oregon and was greeted at the airport by sign waving youth from the retreat I spoke at this past weekend. Two great gals named Aubrey and Samantha spent some arts and crafts time making me two sweet welcome signs, and I must say it's the first time I've been met with actual signs at an airport.

I felt pretty special! Those signs will soon adorn the wall of my office.

I jumped in a car with Aubrey, Samantha, and youth guy Paul Covey and headed to the great white (not so white but unseasonally warm unfortunately) north of White Pass, Washington, but not before a quick pitstop at Burgerville where I tried the pepper bacon burger and a pumpkin shake. How's the diet? Going well, thanks!

Then it was off to the retreat in one of the most beautiful locations I've ever gotten the chance to speak in. I took some pics with my new camera phone, but I'm really hoping that new friend and youth leader Andrea Covey will send me some of hers that she took with an actual camera, because my puny phone did not do it justice.

Where to begin . . . the folks at the retreat were just great people. We had a lot of fun in games, free time, and worship. The band was a youth band led by a great guy named Cal who had a little country flavor mixed in with his stuff and the guys in the band rocked it out pretty hard.

There were 50 or so of us there, and I always think that's about the perfect number for a retreat like that. I got to know a lot of the kids by name (Nathan, Josh, Ashley, Aubrey, Samantha, Val, Justin, Donny, Connor, Matt, MJ, and lots of others that I'm forgetting (about 40) as I'm sitting here at the computer, but I'm sure they'll email to remind me and I can drop them in.

Lots of great leaders too who all gave up their Thanksgiving Weekend to hang out with the kids which I thought was pretty cool. They really put on a fantastic retreat and I have to give a big thanks to Andrea who played host for the weekend. She and Paul are expecting their first little one in January after a long, and patient wait and I can't imagine two more loving parents.

I also got a chance to do a little song and dance with some of the guys. During the Saturday night talent show, Donny, Nathan, Josh, Tony, Paul, Connor, and I all did one of my favorite old camp skits which is hard to describe on a blog, but there was much choreography and choral directing involved. It was a blast and I'm very thankful that no video camera was around - or Troy and Dawn for that matter.

What else, what else . . . the food was fantastic. I had the first lemon bars of my life that I actualy liked - check that - LOVED. This great gal named Lynn cooked in the kitchen for us with her daughter (Sarah and I think) and Tony (her nephew I think) and the food was so good. I've always loved hot sauce, and this week I got turned on to Sweet Chile Sauce. Who knew of such things??? I'm buying my first bottle today, though.

I learned a great new dice game too. I can't wait to play it with my own kids. And just in case anyone asks, always roll for the big points! Don't ever stop. Turning the corner almost always comes around! I can say with confidence as I finished in a respectable 5th place after starting late and a little slow . . .

The jet lag was rough. With the two hour time difference, I was going to bed at midnight or 1am Washington time which was like 2am or 3am our time. The only problem was that I was still waking up between 6am and 7am Iowa time which was around 4am Washington time. Ugh. I felt like molasses when I got home last night after another 6 hours on a plane.

It was great to see Andrea and Carson though. In just the last few days it seems like Carson's speaking more clearly as he says things like, "I love you, daddy," and "Uncle Chris," and maybe even the clearest now is, "Cousin Isaac."

I'm sure other memories from the weekend will pop up and I'll make sure to add them. I had great conversations with people like Brandon, Henry, Dave, JJ, Bud, Tim, David, Valerie, Sarah, Jamie, Stephen, and lots of others who's names are foggy now. Why do I try to name drop when I know I'm going to forget people? I should take polaroid pictures and then write their names on the bottom.

If I missed anyone, I'm sorry.

Did I mention the scenery was amazing? The camp was nestled between moutains on three sides and a lake on the fourth.

I always get so nervous traveling without the rest of the Happy crew, but this group this weekend really took care of me well and made me feel like family.

You are known!

Till next time,
Jason

Orland Park, Ill

2008-11-20T08:41:00.002-06:00

Troy and I headed over to Orland Park, Illinois last weekend to help out at a CRC church youth rally/function/event/rock out. I'm not sure what to call it really. They had a crazy rockin' DJ. They had a crazy rockin' worship band. They had a really neat speaker who's a former bank theif and is now working as a secretary at a church. (I know, I know, typical church secretary.)

And then they had us, smack dab in the middle doing our silly songs and goofy jokes.

I had a ton of fun. We got to meet a band named S.H.A.R.C. We got to see old friend from NW Iowa, Matt Sharpe and eat at Denny's. We got to work with great Orland Park youth workers Becky VK and Caroline. (Caroline's a youth director's assistant btw . . . I wonder how I can get one of those in Pella. Hmm.)

There were somewhere between 100 and 120 kids who rocked out hard for four hours. Crazy. They sang loud, danced hard, and had a penchant for Johnny Cash songs.

And by the way, Troy, I did learn the trumpet part on accordian! Our next crowd has no idea what's in store for them.

Next weekend I head to Washington (the state) to speak for a post-Thanksgiving retreat and I'm really looking forward to it.

Here's the gold that came out of our breakfast with Matt S. on Saturday before we left:

If you want to make wine, you have to stomp on grapes. I'm glad that we don't have to do the same thing for all our drinks. Otherwise I would be drinking much less milk.

"What's that between your toes?"

"Snout."

Dear Deer,

2008-11-03T08:38:00.002-06:00

Was on my way up to Alton, IA last Wednesday night to speak for the My Choice Middle School group in Alton on Thursday morning. I was joining Troy and Dawn, and I was really looking forward to it. This middle school bunch is really fun, and I was really excited for Troy and Dawn to experience their fun for the first time.

Long story short, I hit a deer on I-80 about five miles from the Atlantic exit and totaled my car. It was a busy highway, and I was pretty lucky no one else got hit or hurt.

It jumped right out in front of me and I hit it dead on. Its head was on one side and it's rump was on the other.

The airbags went off, the hood flew up and smashed the windshield, and I pulled over immediately to the side.

One thing I didn't know about airbags is that they apparently use shotgun shells (sans bb's) to fire them off. This means they're really stinkin' loud, smell like gunfire, and immediately fill the car with smoke.

As soon as I found myself engulfed in smoke, I grabbed my Ipod and darted into the field from the car. After a few moments of observation, I realized the car was not on fire and called Andrea, then 911, then Troy to let him know I wouldn't make it to the event.

A nice sheriff from Cass County came to help me out. As we looked at the car, he asked if I would mind climbing inside to get my insurance info. As I did, I happened to step on a discarded beer can in the ditch. I looked down. There were several more nearby.

The officer said, "Those belong to you?"

"No, sir." The only thing I was under the influence of was a McDonald's Southern Chicken sandwich.

He reached into a pocket and pulled out one of those little, yellow evidence markers and dropped it by the cans. I figured that I was soon about to take my first breatalyzer test . . .

The wrecker truck came and towed my poor, totalled car away.

After explaining who I was and where I was going, the officer seemed satisfied that I had, in fact, not been drinking, and so we discussed how I knew the Schoenfeld brothers from Atlantic, and how they now did Improv in Omaha.

The sheriff was a great guy. I got dropped off at a gas station in Atlantic and waited for an hour or so for my brother to come and get me.

To add insult to injury, Troy let me know the next day that the Alton group was fantastic and they had an amazing time with them . . .

It didn't help my sour mood any.

We go to Orland Park, Ill. next week, and then I get to go to the great Northwest - Washington State, the day after Thanksgiving!

Till next time,

Jason

Quakers in Indy

2008-10-14T14:03:00.002-05:00

Joined up with Happy the Dog friends Danny and David Fergen (the Sons of Thunder) and headed over to Indianapolis to the Jameson Camp to lead worship for a Quaker retreat.

For the first time, I wasn't the one who had to do the crazy driving - at least not most of it. Danny and David drove 5 hours down to Pella on Thursday night and got here around 10:30pm. They bunked down for the night and then we all got up Friday morning to drive the 7 hours to Indianapolis. When all was said and done, it was Saturday afternoon. We jumped back into the pickup and drove seven hours back to Pella dropping me off around 11:30pm. Then the boys headed home and arrived in Sioux Falls another five hours later.

Total time at the retreat = 12 hours.

Total time on the road for the Fergens = 24 hours.

Was it worth it? Oh, yeah. We had a blast. It was the first Quaker experience for all of us, and the kids and adults couldn't have been better.

The camp was amazing, they had a giant inflatable, bungee corded football game (I dominated Danny), and they had adult sized tricycles of which we took liberty and had a blast.

Plus! I got to see old Northwestern friend Katey "Pokey" Palmer who was arranging the retreat. She's doing wonderfully awesome things out east with the Quaker folks and it was a huge blessing to get to hang out with her and her friends.

Danny and I also took on a couple adults in Wii tennis. While my partner and I won several matches, we didn't win the entire game as Danny knew how to some sort of special move, super fire fast serve that the rest of us couldn't do.

As per usual, the ride home was spent laughing until we were all hoarse (and Danny once again complained of heartburn).

I spent the weekend sick with a bit of a cold, and apparently passed it onto David after he took a drink out of my coffee. Sorry David.

What else? I did craft time and made a neat truck for Carson that I forgot about until just now. I try to bring a little something back from every trip - a little trinket or what not. It's plaster, so he won't be able to play with it, but I suppose it can hang somewhere in his room.

I think the next trip I embark on is to the great city of Alton, IA for a 7am gig with Jonah's Wale on October 30th. Then we do Illinois and Wasthington in November.

Till next time,

Jason

Sons of Thunder

2008-09-15T14:18:00.005-05:00

Had the Sons of Thunder (D&D Fergen) come on down for our youth group here in Pella last night. The Fergen brothers are good friends of Happy the Dog, and they are known well to many of our kids from when they did a couple middle school retreats for us way back when.

They rocked our little youth room pretty hard, and our group did their best to rock back at them.

Afterwards, we packed up the trailer and headed three blocks southwest to the Central college Sunday night worship "The Calm" which is led by Andrea's dad Joe. The Sons of Thunder played for a packed out group of college kids and afterwards, Danny Fergen commented on how much fun it was from the first song.

The Thunder brothers brought along a drummer (Tyler) and sister in law (Kelsey, who's in her own band with her sisters - Truemotion) and apparently they wiled away their five hour ride down by telling goofy stories about me.

The time I pulled a pair of underwear out of my pants during a business meeting.

The time I destroyed David Fergen's kitchen table by leaning one hand on it.

The time I put a ding in the door of David Fergen's brand new pickup by hitting a fire hydrant with it.

The time I cleaned off a pubic restroom toilet because there was someone outside and I didn't want them to think that I was the one who'd made the mess. . .

Man, you don't really realize what a complete dork you are until someone starts an impromtu goofy story jam session about you.

Till next time,

Jason

Waupon (WAH-PAWN)

2008-09-11T13:19:00.004-05:00

So, Happy the Dog just headed up to Waupon (pronounced WAH-PAWN, or as I prefer WHOOPIN') for a spiritual renewal week / half-week at the Central Wisconsin Christian High School.

What a good time. It was Troy and Dawn and I, and about 150 different middle school and high schoolers. They were into it too. It was the first time in a long time that I've seen kids doing actions to songs that I'd never seen before.

They were loud. They were happy. They were excited to worship. And so I found myself asking the question, "This is a Christian High School right? Indeed it was. I don't mean to knock Christian High Schools, but I've found that they can sometimes be the worst places to lead worship.

I don't know if it's because the students get "God stuff" so often that they're sick of it, or what, but I generally have a small feeling of dread well up inside when I see a high school coming up on the calendar.

Not for the folks at CWC, though. Those folks know how to rock.

We got to stay with Happy the Dog friends (and board member) Dan and Latricia Ten Napel and their beautiful new daughter.

I got to watch some Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe (sp?) which is always a real treat for me because we don't have cable at home.

We got to eat out at a Mexican restaurant called Dos Gringos which I have a feeling might be a derogatory name towards me, but I'm not sure why . . .

What else? Oh yeah. We gave a prize away to a cool guy named Jory (once again, sp?). When I handed him the shirt he wanted, he said, "How much?" I said, "What?" He said, "How much are your prizes?" I told him our prizes were free, but it made me wonder if there weren't some other, less scrupulous, ministries out there charging for their goofy prizes! For shame!

We got to take a Wisconsin detour, which was three left turns that brought us right back to . . . wait for it . . . the place we started. It was a little after midnight when we pulled over to the road construction worker and asked what we were doing wrong. We were told that we needed to turn right at that last left arrow.

I kid you not.

Till next time,

Jason

A Few Updates

2008-09-02T09:50:00.002-05:00

Preached in my home church last weekend. It went just fine and I got a lot of good comments. Like always, I sweat buckets since it was summertime, and since most of the home congregation doesn't see me do a lot of my speaking, they became concerned afterwards. I tried to assure them all it was normal.

This past recent weekend, I met up with Troy and Dawn and various other sundry Happy the Dog folk at the Lifelight Music Festival in Sioux Falls, SD to help man the Happy the Dog booth.

It was fantastic. The weather was beautiful. I got nice and pink. We had a lot of laughs and got a lot of donations for shirts. We made some contacts with folks about coming out to their events.

One of the coolest things was getting to see a few folks from the Sunshine Bible Academy where I spoke with worship band and Happy friend's David and Danny Fergen.

Come to think of it, the Fergen brothers were also at Lifelight, playing the coffee house stage. I didn't get up there in time to hear it, but word was that they rocked out.

I got to hear just about any and every big name Christian band around - albeit from several hundred yards away with the booths for two radio stations between us.

We had theblastfm.com right next to our booth, and we got to groove out to their edgy hard rock all weekend. Those guys are a little nuts, and seemed to attract a lot of young folk to their booth.

Saw Jonah's Wale geetar and bass man Matt Groen, along with Happy the Dog friend Jacklyn who's always a treat to see.

What else . . . what else . . .

Have I mentioned lately how fantastic Happy the Dog board member and Jonah's Wale piano gal Dawn Ryswyk is? Man is she great. She was at the booth with us all weekend to discuss bizness, have fun, and buy us a couple pork sandwiches. She makes everyday better for me.

Tons of other Happy the Dog friends showed up. Saw lots of old friends from Rock Valley.

I think my favorite moment came with the water truck. The festival is held on this big pasture outside Sioux Falls, and several times a day this big tanker truck would drive by with a guy on a water cannon on the back. He'd spray the ground down with water to keep the dust at bay.

Well, by day two, the water truck had a good number of kids following behind it even though it truly was a water cannon. That thing had all the pressure of a fireman's hose, but these kids weren't deterred.

As they went past our booth, the water cannon man was having fun playing cat and mouse with the kids behind him. Once, when the kids ran away to escape the blast, they happened to run right past two high school girls who looked all prim and proper, decked out in their best for the festival.

Well, the water cannon guy blasted them with his stream before realizing they weren't part of the fun. The looks on their faces were priceless to say the least.

I'm sure Troy or Dawn might have some more updates on happythedog.com eventually. As always, you can check out that site for the same blogs you see here, or you check out blog posts from my other ministry partners and see where I'll be traveling next.

Till next time,

Jason

What I do on the weekends . . .

2008-08-22T11:20:00.001-05:00

Some people ask what I do when not on the road. This is it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwcKeR5XPkA

Candy

2008-08-10T10:45:00.004-05:00

I like trying out new kinds of candy when I travel. I always tell myself that when I'm in Canada and I reach out to try a Big Turk candy bar that I'm broadening my mind, but the truth is that I just like sugar.

The Big Turk, by the way, is a chocolate bar with a gummy, fruity filling that's not unlike a giant grape Dot - maybe not quite that chewy though.

The only other country I've really ever been to is Canada, so that's where most of my foreign candy experience comes from. I've had a few bits and bobbles of Asian stuff from foreign exchange students, but I don't remember much about it other than there was some sort of corn flavored Jolly Rancher-type thing.

No, Canada seems to have a much better assortment.

I notice that in Edmonton, Calgary, Red Deer, and Neerlandia that if you want a Milky Way at a gas station, you have to settle for a dark chocolate one. It's fine by me since I prefer dark chocolate, but it seemed strange not to see a regualar Milky Way anywhere.

Kit Kat's only seemed to come in one large Kit Kat as well, instead of the four smaller connected ones. I've seen the one large Kit Kat here in the states, but I have yet to see anyone sell the smaller versions in Canada.

Don't even ask for Smarties in Alberta if you're an American. You won't get'em. At least, not the tart little treats that we know and love here. No, in Canada, Smarties are like giant M&M's except they have a little bit of a Sixlet's taste to them. Not all that pleasant. If you mention that though, they seem to get very defensive.

Our Smarties are called Rockets to them, and I think everyone can agree that that's just silly. They don't look like Rockets at all. Why can't they just call their Smarties "Rockets", and the whole thing will be settled?

What's even stranger right now is that I've typed the word Smarties so many times that it doesn't even seem like a word anymore. Stare at it. Say it aloud a few times. Smarties. What the heck does that even mean?

Andrea and I bought some Runts a few years back when we lived in Rock Valley. It was right after they discontinued the lime pieces for the larger watermelon ones. Don't get me wrong, watermelon was a great addition, but getting rid of lime? Those were my favorite and they were the easiest to chew! How many times have you grabbed a cherry or an orange and almost broke a tooth because it didn't have that give that the lime always had?

There was a 1-800 number on the back so I dared Andrea to call it and complain. She did without hesitation, and said the woman on the other side seemed quite interested in her tasting opinions. Two weeks later she got an envelope in the mail from the Wonka company filled with coupons for Carnation Instant Milk. I don't see the correlation at all, and I pity the poor child who might have tried the same thing only to recieve powdered milk coupons as a reward. It seems more like they were trying to discourage any further candy unrest.

I bought an Indiana Jones Snickers bar at Dollar General a couple days ago. I'd seen them on display for awhile. They boasted a special spicy flavor boost and coconut flavoring. I hate coconut, so I always passed right by. But then I realized that it wasn't the flavor so much as the little bits that get stuck in your teeth. Maybe I actually liked coconut flavoring?

I bought one, not for the coconut experience, but more for the chance to taste the special spicy flavor boost. Let's just say that the taste of the coconut kind of overwhelmed the entire experience, as it often does. I could barely even taste the chocolate and caramel compared to the coconut. End result: I dislike the flavor just as much as the little bits in my teeth.

The only coconut I eat willingly comes in those little chocolate and caramel Girl Scout Cookies. What are they called? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to look it up. But for some reason (Wait, I just remembered they're called Tagalongs while checking on Carson who was making crying noises during his nap) I don't mind the coconut bits at all. I think it's cause they've soaked up so much caramel, they're not quite as rigid.

And lets get this out on the table right now - orange has got to be one of the least desired flavors on the planet. It's a good flavor when you're chewing gum, or having a cough drop, or, let's say, eating an orange, but as far as candy goes, I tend to eat everything else first. (Except for Runts. With Runts I always eat the bananas last because I borderline loathe artificial banana flavoring.)

Andrea brought home one of those giant packs of super cheap Flavo-Ice freezer treat things with all the different tubes of fruity ice. Typically, our bag will end up with six or seven oranges left after everything else is gone. Sure, along the way you might grab an orange or two in an effort to keep the bag from becoming overrun with them - some sort of sham equality emotion taking over - but they're always the last ones left.

Not last week though. Last week I pop open a bright yellow Flavo-Ice all ready to enjoy my absolute favorite artificial flavor - LEMON - and guess what? B-A-N-A-N-A. I almost threw it away. Almost. It was Flavo-Ice afterall. After it was gone though, I grabbed a slightly less yellowed icee and guess what? Coco-freakin-nut. I kid you not. I go back to the freezer and look and low and behold they're not Flavo-Ice's but some cheap knock off. And no lemons to boot!

Let's get one thing straight: There are exactly six - count'em SIX - artificial flavors to be considered for icy pops - Cherry, Grape, Orange, Lemon, Lime and Blue. Anything else is a gross misjustice to the taste buds.

So for the first time in our freezer, there remain two oranges, four coconuts, and three bananas. I have a good feeling that someday when we move from this house, we'll open that freezer, ice pick past three inches of frost, and find those coconut icy pops right where they are right now.

Till next time,
Jason

Convention

2008-08-01T13:09:00.002-05:00

Long time, no post.

MC'ed, led seminars, and did some late night entertainment in Bozeman, MT for about 1,000 teenagers and adults with Youth Unlimted's yearly Convention. I had a blast.

Met all kinds of great new people. Tiger McLeun, Chap Clarke, Shane Claiborn, Olive Aneno, and the worship band Pocket full of Rocks.

Got to know Pocket's lead singer and songwriter, Michaelf Farrin a bit. He was a lot of fun to hang around with. He's written about 1 bajillion songs that have been recorded by lots of fantastically famous folks in the record industry, but my favorite bit of info I gleaned from Michael was that he's a fan of country music. And not just a fan - but an old school country music fan.

So I put this info to good use and at one of the late night entertainment shows that I led, I grabbed Michael and Jonah's Wale leader Troy Kooima for a little impromptu Morgan Valley Social Club performance.

We all took turns telling stories and singing songs. Troy and I thought we were bringing Michael along to class the show up a bit, but that guy's crazier than we are. His road stories, self written music (Ghetto Christmas, I want to tinker with you) had us rolling in the aisles and we had a great time. I lamented to Troy afterwards that I really wish we could have recorded it.

Shane Claiborne was fantastic. I had fun getting to know seminar leader JR Pittman who's just as funny as a guy can get. Getting to hang out with Dawn, Troy and Happy the Dog friend Danny Fergen was just a real blast.

We were in Montana, so the scenery was great. I got to see the new Batman. I got to sneak in to a Casting Crowns concert for free! I got to hang out with a lot of cool friends from Neerlandia and some folks from Pella, Brooten, MN, and all sorts of places we've been blessed to travel in the past.

Troy spoke at Monday night's worship and knocked it out of the park. Truly the most spirit moving Convention main stage I've been a part of in three years with the group.

My flight got delayed on the way home, but that was fine as I got to spend some quality time with YU's own Carrie Ypma at the airport. We had a great conversation about family.

What else. . . lots of YU folk there. Millie, Les, Lenny, Kristen, Jeff, Carol, Bob, and many, many others that I'm sure I'm forgetting.

I got to dance on stage with Pocket's crazy tune, Now I Sing.

I got to sing Momma, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys with Troy at a mainstage. It didn't rock as hard as Ring of Fire did last year, but it was definately a highlight for me.

Jet lag knocked me around something awful. Carson's got my inner clock waking every morning around 6 a.m. Iowa time, so I was waking up at 5 a.m. like clockwork out in Bozeman. It wouldn't have been so bad, but I wasn't going to bed until between 1 and 2 a.m.

What else, what else?

I led some seminars on journaling and poetry and then emcee'd a late night entertainment session open mic for creative writing. Wow! What great stuff we heard from so many kids and a even a few adults. Original music, poetry, and hilarious stories. I hope they let me do the same thing again if I'm asked back next year.

There's probably a ton more I'm forgetting.

My reading for the weekend was The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz which won the pulitzer. It's about a Dominican family and their trials over the last fifty some years. Just fantastic, sad, hilarious, and thought provoking all at the same time.

Thought the new Batman was great, but not quite as good as the hype. It should have been two movies, with Two Face dominating the second. With everything shoved into one, it felt rushed in some scenes.

okay, signing off for now. I'm sure Troy and/or Dawn will write more about the event on happythedog.com if you're interested.

Till next time,
Jason

2008-06-25T11:25:00.003-05:00

A conversation I overheard on the road in front of my home.

10 yr old girl #1 on bike: I don't want to play anymore!

10 yr old girl #2 on foot: Why?

#1: Because your mom is going to play!

#2: So what?

#1: I don't want to play hide and seek with your mom. (Rides off)

#2: Have fun playing by yourself! (Storms off the other way)

#1: (Over her shoulder) Have fun being a stupid idiot!

A conversation in the hall where I work.

(Mother and six year old son coming off the elevator.)

Mother: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.

Son: (Looks down at his flip flops which are a good three sizes too big and CLEARLY on the wrong feet, pointing outwards.) Oh. They were ouchy.

Lots of stuff

2008-06-25T09:31:00.003-05:00

Behind on blogging again. . .

A couple weekends ago I went and did some worships with RISE on the Road with good friend Rob Rozeboom. Rob got abotu thirty kids or so to come to Knoxville, IA and work a service project and then had a big music festival on Saturday night.

Improv buddy Steve Hydeen came over from Omaha and we got to do some drama/talks together. I love working with Steve and every time we get together, we get to experiment a little more with biblical drama stuff. It was a lot of fun.

Unfortunately, I never made it to the music festival for my emceeing part due to a small flare up with my past illness. But I heard it went great.

On the topic of illness, I'm almost fully recuperated with just a hint of spleen swelling now and again. I had some blood tests done two days ago, and things looked really good. The doctor seems to be labeling it as a mono-like illness that just didnt' show up on the tests.

I also just got back from Sioux Falls SERVE and had a great time. I can usually go on and on about my SERVE weeks in big long posts, but I don't have a ton of time today as I'm leaving in a few hours for a three day service project with my own youth group.

But I will say this, Sioux Falls SERVE continues to be one of my favorite weeks of the entire year. So many good friends coming together with lots of new faces to work, worship, and have fun.

I took a good share of ribbing from a few people about my "weak spleen" since I was on doctor's orders not to rough house or lift much. But other than that, it was fine.

Good friend Jacklyn Punt had challenged me to do more talks about women from the Bible, so that's where I spent most of my talks. It was far easier than I thought it would be and I really liked the results.

What else? Man, there's so much. I'm going to just have to make a longer post when I get back from Kansas City. Although, I hear there's a blog at sfserve.blogspot.com about the event, but I haven't checked it out yet.

In a crazy turn of events, I was only gone one week and Carson learned how to eat with a spoon, say new words like eat and bubba, and make the sign for "more" when he'd like more food to eat.

Correction

2008-05-26T20:58:00.002-05:00

Yes, everything in the previous post happened, but as I feared, it was not in that order. What do I know? I had a 103 fever at the time and was on painkillers and sleeping aids for most of it!

Missed two shows cause I was sick. . .

2008-05-22T08:39:00.003-05:00

Woke up a couple weeks ago on a Sunday and had a bit of a fever. Didn't think much about it. I had a church meeting that morning and my nephew's birthday party that afternoon, so I figured I'd trudge through the day. Afterwards, I wish I hadn't as my temp had reached 103 and I felt just plain horrible.

Woke up the next day with the same fever and now a pretty severe headache. Since it was Monday, it was my day to watch Carson so that Andrea could work. I figured I'd trudge through the day. Afterwards I wish I hadn't as my temp was still around 103 and I still had a bad headache.

This is where everything starts to get a little fuzzy for me. I remember going in to work on Tuesday morning for a couple hours but heading home right afterward because I felt so rough. I think it was at this point that we decided Andrea and Carson should spend a night at her folks because I was going through some pretty severe sweats and chills with the bad fever and headache and we thought I was probably contagious.

If I'm remembering right - aw forget it. I'm not remembering anything right. The whole first week was just one long day for me as I had the fever and couldn't really sleep.

One night in there, I hit 104 degrees and decided I should probably make a trip to the emergency room. They drew blood, did chest x-rays, checked for pnemonia, mono, lyme's disease, strep, and menengitis, and came up with nothing. They told me it was a bad flu and sent me home.

I think it was at this point I called Troy and told him I wouldn't make our scheduled youth rally the next night in South Dakota.

Two days later, I visited my doctor after the symptoms hadn't passed. They did more blood work, checked for everything again, and came up with nothing. I had to wait a few days to find out about hepatitis though. My white count and platelets were low, and my Billy Rubin and liver enzymes were off. They scheduled an ultrasound and more blood tests for the next week and the doctor seemed a little nervous. It was at this point, he prescribed me some medication to help me sleep as I was averaging four or less hours a night because of the fever and headaches.

I made the mistake of taking one pill. I had the most crazy, vivid dreams I've ever had. When I woke up, some of the things from my dreams were still in the room with me. As I tried to crawl out of bed to get a drink, possessions, ideas, and people began to pour out of my ears onto the bed. After about 30 seconds, I realized it was a hallucination, and it was actually sweat that was pouring off of me. I made the decision to never take those pills again. I still only got four hours sleep that night.

The next night (I think), I woke up with pretty bad pain right under the bottom of my ribs, right where the doctors had been feeling my liver, gall bladder, and spleen. I tried to ignore it for a while, but finally decided that since the doctor had been worried about those organs, I should probably go in.

I headed into the emergency room for the second time in three days around 2 a.m. maybe? They took some blood work and asked me how bad the pain was on a scale of 1 to 10.

Now, I've had bad back problems for a long time. I've had mornings where it hurt so bad, I couldn't roll out of bed. I've had days where I had to let my legs drip dry from the knees down after a shower because I couldn't bend over to dry them. I've had one or two times in my life where someone else had to tie my shoes for me. I would say my back pain has reached a 10 on several occasions. So, in all honesty, I had to tell the lady that my stomach area was only around a 5 or 6.

This is when I got my very first I.V. and shot of morphine. The pain ebbed away. I awaited the ER doctor to come in and take a look at me. He decided to push up the ultrasound to the morning, and I settled in to wait the next four hours in a hospital room.

The ultrasound showed an enlarged spleen that seemed to be causing the pain, so the doctor gave me a prescription for painkillers and sent me home.

The pain killer was interesting. I can see how people might get addicted, and not for the reasons you might be thinking. I didn't get that rush of a high like the morphine had given me. It didn't mellow me out, and make me goofy. In fact, the only really good thing it did was make me wake up for the first time in ten years with no back pain what-so-ever. I rolled out of bed that next morning and it took me about 10 seconds to realized my back pain was gone. Completely gone. And for about the next four days I remembered what it felt like to move as I pleased without shooting pain in my lower back. I went off the pills a couple days ago, and am now back to the realization of what that pain is, though.

My favorite part of the pain pills came with the instructions. I always have a morbid curiousity with any medications I recieve to see what kind of side effects are listed. This one was a doozy, and the hands down all time winner:

Possible side effects - anxiety, constipation, diarrhea (How can they list both? That's just covering your bases if you ask me.), dizziness, dry mouth, gas (with constipation and diarrhea, no kidding), headache, heartburn, increased sweating, loss of appetite, nausea, nervousness (I'm guessing any and all nervousness begins after reading listed side effects), stomach pain (THAT'S WHAT I'M TAKING THE STUPID PILLS FOR!), upset stomach, trouble sleeping, vomiting, and weakness.

But it doesn't end there. I'm supposed to call my doctor if I get any of these side effects which have been known to occur:

Bloody, black, or tarry stools; blurred vision; change in the amount of urine produced; chest pain; confusion(one of my symptoms already); dark urine; depression; fainting; fast or irregular heartbeat; fever, chills (already have fever and chills), or blistered peeling skin, seizures, severe headaches or dizziness (already have both), severe or persistent stomach pain (again, isn't this why I'm on the medication?) or nausea, sever vomiting, shortness of breath, slow or shallow breathing, stiff neck (another symptom I already have), sudden or unexplained weight gain (yeah, yeah, doctor, ever since college), swelling of hands, legs, or feet, unusual bruising or bleeding, unusual joint or muscle pain (already a symptom), vision or speech changes (I'm now speaking french in a dutch accent. Is that bad?), vomit that looks like coffee grounds, (WHAT???) yellowing of the skin or eyes, rash, or itching.

I had a Morgan Valley Social Club show that night (at least I think it was that night) at the home church in Pella, and I was really bummed that I was going to miss it. We had a ton of extra music lined up besided just me and Kyle, and I knew it was going to be a great crowd. Unfortunately, I couldn't attend, and like I feared, the show was apparently fantastic. I'm really sore that I missed that one. . .

I went in that afternoon and had some more bloodwork done. I finally got some good news. My white count, platelets, Billy Rubin, and liver enzymes were all almost back to normal. That meant that the more serious tests the doctor had mentioned, like bone marrow sampling, wouldn't have to happen.

He told me they were gonna check for the three viruses that cause mono, check my mono spots, and do the hep tests and get back to me.

They all came back negative. This meant they have no idea what went wrong in me, but the blood work was all coming back much better. I was finally diagnosed with an unknown virus that settled in my spleen and messed with my liver, gall bladder, and blood, that may or may not have caused mono, which they didn't catch if it did.

I spent another week recuperating at home as the fevers and headaches faded away, and Andrea and Carson were able to return home after spending most of the week with my folks.

After two weeks, I finally was able to return back to work (two days ago, Tuesday) with a giant pile of work on my desk.

That's all for now. If anyone actually made it through this post, you're probably suffering confusion, irritation, heachaches, and depression. If so, call me immediately and I'll give you a few of the pills I have left. Just let me know if you have constipated diarrhea that looks like coffee grounds. I'd like to see it for myself.

Jason

Refusing to Take Their Money. . .

2008-05-01T11:33:00.002-05:00

Let's say you're a pilot. Maybe small, single engine planes. You do a lot of independant work, here and there, for whoever calls. One day a major airline phones you up and says, "We need you to fly our 747's for us."

You politely decline. You don't fly 747's.

They say, "Come on. You can do it! We'll give you this big wad of cash!"

You again politely decline. You even point out that the last time you tried to fly a plane that big, you had to make a crash landing and the plane was ruined.

They say, "Come on! We've heard good things about you! What if we add another big wad of cash to the first big wad of cash?"

This is tempting. Isn't a risky plane ride worth that much cash? But in the end, you must decline because you really shouldn't be flying that type of plane. The airline folk hang up in a huff, and you can tell you've made them mad.

Can you even imagine that scenario happening? Of course not! There isn't an employer in the world that would hire a prospective employee if that employee specifically said, "You shouldn't hire me for this. Not only am I not qualified, but the last time I tried to do this specific kind of job I messed it up royally!"

Yet, that doesn't seem to be the way it works in stand up comedy. I can't tell you the amount of times I've had to tell someone that it would probably be better if I didn't do their show.

250 elementary aged girl scouts in the wilderness for an hour? Hmm. While it sounds interesting, and your GIANT check looks nice, trust me when I say it's probably not my crowd. Five minutes of polite arguing later, and double the money turned down, and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.

Would you hire a firefighter in inner city New York if they said, "I don't perform well any higher than a first floor house." But what if we double your salary?

I'm sorry, I can only work in your veternary clinic if I spade and neuter cats. I've never been trained to do dogs. But if we offered you enough money, wouldn't you be willing to give it a shot?

I'm a pediatrist. I'm not qualified to do open heart surgery. But we've heard such good things about you! I bet you'll do just fine.

I don't know, maybe it happens in more professions than I know.

I do my best to have something ready for every age group, gender, club, church, youth group, and gathering. But there are few key demographics that I just don't do well for. As time goes on, I try to be a little more honest with my employers about what I can and can't do, but they just don't want to hear it most of the time.

Are we that desperately short on clean, low income, midwestern, Christian speaker, poet, storytelling, comedian, youth directors in America?

For all of our sakes, I hope not.

Jason

My Choice, Alton, IA

2008-04-24T15:00:00.002-05:00

Drove up to Orange City, IA yesterday to speak at a My Choice event early this morning at the middle school in Alton. My Choice is a middle school youth group that started a few years back with one guidance counselor and four kids. Now it's one guidance counselor and about 175 to 200 kids.

It's a pretty amazing group run by a pretty amazing guy - Scott Starkweather. It's a secular school. It's at 7am on Thursday mornings. Its attendance reaches 200 at times. That's just amazing. I have enough trouble getting 9 kids to show up on a Sunday night, let alone 175 on a Thursday morning.

We had fun. I even got to stick around and give a message to a home room class during second period. Good friend from RISE Ministries, Rob Rozeboom was there pitching his RISE on the Road that I'll also be speaking at come June in Knoxville, IA.

On the way home I broke out the old Willie Nelson and Family Live CD, and had a honky tonking good time grooving out. Willie's sister Bobbie Nelson plays a pretty mean country, honky tonk piano, and it reminded me of a story that I just shared with the Fergen brothers a few weeks back.

Last year, Troy, Dawn, and I all went up to lead a retreat in Oh Canada. We were staying at a camp that's made up like an old west town - including a worship room that's set up like a saloon.

Well, long story short, Dawn (Happy the Dog's resident piano player) obviously can't pack a piano to bring along, so she's at the mercy of whatever the host has to offer. We walk in, and they show Dawn her electric piano. A little casio jobby that's still in the box, kind of like one you'd buy at Walmart to learn how to play.

Dawn just stood looking at that box with her arms crossed for a bit with a look on her face of, Dawn not happy. Which, if you know Dawn, can be pretty amusing as long as you're not the one Dawn's not happy with.

Well after a bit of hemming and hawing, Dawn looks over at the saloon piano in the corner. It's a real old honky tonk job. Barely tuned. The "ivory" on the top of the pressboard keys is coming off of several keys. But Dawn bangs away on it a bit and finally declares it usable.

Now, I don't know if Dawn was completely satisfied with the sound, but I loved it. It added a real honky tonk sound to the songs that weekend, and I felt right at home.

I think my next show is May 7 in Dell Rapids (South Dakota?) with Jonah's Wale, and then I have a Morgan Valley Social Club show in Pella at the home church on May 9.

I also have my own middle school overnighter tomorrow night, and . . . I'm . . . not . . . quite . . . ready for it. I don't know how I'm going to stay up all night. I stayed at the Dutch Colony Inn last night after eating dinner with one of Happy the Dog's best friends - Jacklyn Punt - and the motel was a bit cold and noisy.

My room was right next to the door, and lots of people came and went all night. I would have switched rooms, but I'm lazy that way. Seeing Jacklyn again was great though!

Till next time,

Jason

Comedy in Lincoln, NE

2008-04-10T09:11:00.001-05:00

Buzzed down to Lincoln, NE last night for a stand up show for a church volunteer appreciation night. Had a great time and met lots of new people. It's crazy how small of a world the Reformed Church really is. Pastor PT (I'm not sure what it stands for) at Hope church knew my Pella pastors and my Pella Pastor's father, and he'd also come out of Northwest Iowa and knew ministry guy Bob Cleveringa and several others. PT and his wife had also gone to Iowa State University just like I had. So many connections.The show went well.

The crowd laughed at all the laughy parts. Great food was enjoyed. Prizes were given out. Puzzles were solved that seriously hurt my brain to look at.

As my portion of the show ended, I thanked all the volunteers for having me out and for volunteering their time at the church. I asked how many of them volunteered with children or youth and about 1/3 of them raised their hands. I asked how many of them volunteered with adults and got about another 1/3. It certainly made me wonder what the last 1/3 did. Animals perhaps? Maybe that's why the pastor's name is PT . . . they have a circus ministry!

In all seriousness, they were a fantastic church and it looks like they've got a great ministry going on in Lincoln. PT shared some really cool stories with me about their recent relocation and how the old church is now being used for a Hispanic ministry.

******************

On a side note, I'm always looking for new things to keep my mind occupied on LONG lonely car drives. Music can only take me so far. Ricky Gervais podcasts can only take me so much farther. Last night though, I downloaded about eight hours of NPR's comedy news quiz show Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me! What a fantastically funny show. I listen on Saturday's whenever I get the chance, but to have it as a free down load is just superb. Thanks NPR and itunes!

In two weeks I'm in Alton, IA for the My Choice youth group at the middle school in Alton. I may blog before then, but we'll see what the week brings.

Justin

2008-04-08T13:28:00.003-05:00

Had a very busy long weekend with Happy the Dog. We started last Thursday in Estelline, SD, and ended up on Monday in Rock Valley. If you want to read all the details, you can. I'm in a little bit of an awkward spot right now as I'm currently blogging on three different sites right now for three different reasons . . .

I'm updating Happy the Dog Trips right here: http://happythedog.com/index.php?page=blog for the ministry. But I feel it important to keep updating this site because I know there are a lot of you out there who come here for the non Happy the Dog engagements. So until it becomes too big of a burden, I'll be doing some double posts. I'm short on time today, though, so I'll just comment on a few things, and then you can check out the Happy site for all the crazy details of the fun stuff.

Yesterday, the Happy the Dog crew had a very solemn morning as we attended the celebration of life for Justin Bousema. Justin, as you'll remember, was a guy from my former youth group in Rock Valley that had become a pastor. Happy the Dog had the privelage to go up and do a benefit for him a couple months back while he was in the hospital battling aplastic anemia.

Unfortunately, last week, Justin lost his battle and passed away early Thursday morning. Jonah's Wale led worship at the funeral, and it was nothing short of an amazing experience. Justin's wife Bethany not on spoke, but sang - even singing a song that Justin was supposed to sing on CD until the CD skipped! It was a powerful and moving testament to her faith.

The main sermon was from Justin himself. It was recorded from a Sunday message he'd given quite a while ago. Hearing his voice and confidence as he delivered the message was very emotional, and we send out our love and prayers for the entire family.

Justin will be sorely missed.

New CD and Book

2008-04-01T11:52:00.003-05:00

So the Church of the Brethren show was recorded, and Pastor Tim was nice enough to send me a CD of the show. The audio quality was great - for one of our shows, anyway. And overall, it was a great show.

Long story short, I used a freebie web audio editor and came up with pretty good CD for the show. The plan right now is to include it in the back of the new poetry book (as of yet untitled because Andrea didn't like my last title) as a bit of a freebie, although the book will cost a little more anyways. The book is in the final stages of development, and we hope to bring it and the CD out at our next show at Second Reformed Church on May 9.

The show is a fundraiser for a group our pastor works with during the year, and we're going to have a TON of great music. Lots of extra high quality down home bluegrass musicians are coming on board for the show, and it should be great. When I get a specific time, I'll post it on the blog to let you know.

We've also done a major revamp on our ministry site - happythedog.com - so check that out. Soon you'll be able to navigate our ministry a little easier, and there'll more than likely be another blog attached to that site where several other cohorts I work with will post. Not to mention that the donation and merchandise buttons will be a lot slicker to use. Troy said he just got some great new stuff in, so in about a week when the site is fully operational, check it out and support some great worship.

Jason

New Audio

2008-03-26T13:13:00.000-05:00

Put a little bit of new audio up here.

http://www.myspace.com/themorganvalleysocialclub

Yeah so. . .

2008-03-25T22:28:00.003-05:00

I stink at all things computer related, as I spent the better part of tonight trying to figure out how to add music to the blog. Instead, I just did this:

http://www.myspace.com/themorganvalleysocialclub

It's a myspace page for the Morgan Valley Social Club with a little audio up. It includes the audio from These Boys in the Car (The Great Story) poem that I posted earlier along with a few songs from the fundraiser show we did at the Brethren Church a few weeks back.

One song is Kyle and Brian singing "Mama Tried" by Merle Haggard. See if you notice when Kyle forgot the lyrics.

The other is "Life is Like a Mountain Railroad" with the whole crew that was there. The audio is not quite a loud as they weren't on the main microphones. But it give you the flavor of what we do.

I accidentally redid the template, so the links are in the lower right now, below the archives. You'll see The Morgan Valley Social Club's site is now earmarked. Whoop Dee Do.

Jason

Daren Streblow is funny. . .

2008-03-25T09:44:00.001-05:00

This is a link to a comedian I've had the blessing to work with a couple times. They're cartoons he makes, and they're funny. FUNNY.

http://www.darenstreblow.com/toonplayer/

If the link doesn't work, it's because I don't know how to use a computer.

Some fresh ideas. . .

2008-03-25T08:34:00.003-05:00

Here's what good friend Nathan thinks I should post about:

1. What every young person should know about gastropods.

2. How your choice of socks can make or break your ministry.

3. Should the 11th Commandment be "Thou shalt not speculate about any additional commandments"? (Classic Nathan humor. This type of joke sums up the genius of Nathan's humor.)

4. The top four and a half Bible stories about public speaking.

5. Home-made ziplines - a fool proof recipe for fun.
(I actually tell a homemade zipline story while speaking.)

6. Why does God allow cool things to have stupid names like "walkie-talkie"?
(More classic Nathan humor.)

7. People named "Chris" should be able to cut hair without any special training.
(Referencing the time in college when I let my older brother cut my hair and I actually looked worse than Jim Carrey on Dumb and Dumber.)

8. Why you shouldn't take suggestions for blog topics.

9. Lederhosen?!? Lederhosen.

10. Rocky Mountain High, Colorado. COLORADO!!!!
(Another inside joke to college where we'd call up good friend Mike and procede to destroy the John Denver classic into his answering machine. Nathan would hit the highest, most off pitch "COLORADO" on the echo. We made sure that each message went on for three or four minutes minimum.)

Fairly new poem. . .

2008-03-21T15:39:00.000-05:00

These Boys in the Car

I’m thankful for the conversations you have
with the people who talk to you first
because I am the worst
at being the one
who has to talk first

And so this is the story
told to me
in the back of a church sanctuary
from the very last pew
by a woman I knew
through her husband
and because I didn’t get up the nerve
I almost never heard
the greatest story
that I’ve ever heard

she says,
“These two boys!
These two boys!
High school age
come flying over the hill
by our place

these boys are driving
90
just flying!
Over the hill by my place

And as they come over the hill
what do they see standing right in the middle?
Right on the double yellow line?
But a bull
a full sized, brown bull with horns no less
and they hit that bull head on,”
she says

“Boom! The bull drops dead in the middle of the road
and the boy’s car goes
and skids into the ditch
an front of my home

and now over the hill comes a semi
from the other way.”
“No, way,” I say, “No way,”

“Yes,” she says, “This semi
now it comes flyin’
over the side of the hill
and there is the bull
still
lyin’
right in the middle of the road
right front of my home

and the semi just annihilates this poor bull
launching it into the air
and this mass of blood, meat, and hair
comes crashing down
where?
Right on the hood
of the car
of the boys in the ditch

it’s just staring
through the cracked windshield
with it’s big, dead, bull eyes
blood dripping
as both boys try
to get out of the car but they can’t
because the doors are stuck

and then the semi,” she goes on,
“Slides over the ditch
and it skids onto my lawn
and tears through the grass I just mowed
until it comes to a stop
just feet from my picture window.”
As she’s talking
I’m leaning more and more forward
on the pew where I sit
and I think this story is so freaking fantastic
I can’t wait
to steal it

“There’s more,” she says
but I don’t know if I can take any more
there’s speed, and wrecks, and blood, and gore and stupidity galore
what more
could you need in a story?

She says, “I’d been asleep
and I hear this crash
so I make a mad dash
to the living room
I throw open the curtains and look outside
and staring back
are the eyes
of a man of a man in surprise
behind the wheel
of an enormous semi
just three or four feet away, maybe five

so I run over
and throw open the door
and see the boys with the bull on their hood
screaming in horror
for someone to open their doors
and I think for sure
this is the end of the world
and the bull. . .
starts. . .
to moan. . .
Arrrruuuuuuuuu!

And those boys fly
into that backseat so fast
as the bull raises his head and looks right passed
them
almost like he’s looking at me
and thinking
This isn’t how I thought my day
was going be

and now the semi driver is out on the lawn
between the truck and my home
standing there
stretching out his arms
as if measuring the distance
from his grill
to the window glass
as if it were the distance
from his first breath to his last

and I just called 911
and by the time I get done
telling them what I’ve seen
all three town cops come
because this story’s too good to believe

and as the first cop car approaches the site
the guy gets so excited
that he immediately slams on his brakes
and the two cars that are behind
can’t stop, and they collide
with his backside
causing the fourth and fifth wrecks of the day.”

and so she finishes her story
this wonderful story
with such bravado and blazing white glory
and I cannot think of the words
to show appreciation for the story I’ve heard
so I just give her a hug and say
thank you

Brooten, MN

2008-03-14T22:21:00.003-05:00

I've fallen a little behind in updating since my last post. Andrea's had a nagging flu, and my office time has suffered a little bit. So when I've been at the office, I've been doing . . . well, office stuff just to keep up.

Went up to Brooten, MN last week Thursday for a one night worship with Jonah's Wale for a little church there. Lots of old friends from Prinsberg, MN made the trip up as the band had played for their chapel that morning.

Had an interesting experience finding the place as instead of using my directions, Mark decided we should use his fancy-smancy GPS device.

Oh, it was fun at first. This beautiful British woman's voice guided us along our route for two hours, saying things like, "Turn left in four miles," and "Destination in 75 miles." Her voice was so pretty, it was easy to take directions.

That is, until she said, "Turn left now," and it meant leaving the blacktop for a gravel road to nowhere. We took the turn anyway, and heard our lovely guide advice, "Destination in five miles."

The only problem was that we could see for five miles and there was no town in sight. Eventually, right there in the middle of this gravel road, right in the middle of nowhere, she said, "You have arrived at your destination."

Right. . .

Mark did a little reconfiguring and we eventually got to our destination, but I think I'll stick to yahoo maps for a while.

Had a bit of a disappointment last week as well as I had a poetry show canceled because of weather on Monday. It was an especially big disappointment as it was the last one on my calendar at the moment. A bolt of fear ran through me that no more may come.

While I don't have another on my list yet, Pastor Sophie at the home church asked if I'd get some musicians together for a fundraiser - date to be determined! So that was great news. Pastor Tim, and choral director Jim from the Brethren show have already agreed to be onboard, so this may be the MVSC's best show to date, we'll see.

On a side note, I've been thinking a lot lately about the blog and how I wish it was a bit more interesting. I don't feel that I've ever really found my voice on it yet. So if you're game, feel free to shoot me a comment in the comment box about any ideas you have. For instance, "I really liked it when you talked about this. . ." or, "Enough talk about this kinds of stuff, I'd like to hear about this. . ." Anything you want I guess.

And yes Kyle, Nathan, and Mark, that's you're cue to start leaving wildly sarcastic comments now.

Jason

Prairie City Church of the Brethren and the MVSC

2008-02-24T20:52:00.007-06:00

The Morgan Valley Social Club descended on the Prairie City Church of the Brethren this past Saturday night, and we had a great time. New poems were read. Kyle sang a song he'd never heard before. And we were joined onstage by Pastor Tim Peter playing the mandolin, worship leader Jim Jones playing guitar and singing a little Joan Baez, and Brian Gumm playing guitar and making Kyle look a lot better than he probably is. (Note to Kyle: insert sarcastic snipe in comment sections now.)

We were raising moolah for the new playground equipment for the church, and I haven't heard a final total yet, but I'm hoping they got a lot.

For those who haven't seen the show, or saw it for the first time past weekend, I introduced everyone to the MVSC with some quotes from people who've seen our show in the past.

For instance, a guy at our last show in a big Pella church commented after a show:

"When the show started, I didn't know if I was going to like it or not. But when it was over, I think I did."

Or the teenage boy who heard my poems as part of a two hour show of gospel music and commented:

"My parents had to drag me here tonight, but I wanted to tell you that you were the only thing that was halfway decent to listen to."

Or my personal favorite, from an orgainzer at a church we performed for:

"We have a lot of elderly and shut ins that don't get out much, and they really loved your show!"

So I guess what it comes down to is this, you might think our show is halfway decent if you don't get out much.

A big thanks goes out to all the family (Brummel's, Kain's, and Taylor's) and friends (Kyle's friends really, as I don't have many) who came out in support of the show and the kids of the church.

Where am I next . . . ? I'm not really sure. But if you really want to know, as I do, you'll just click over on the Happy the Dog link and check the calendar as I am also going to do momentarily.

Until next time, I remind everyone that I will no longer be posting pictures of Carson on the blog.

Jason

Brethren Church Show This Saturday!

2008-02-18T09:30:00.004-06:00

For all (both) of you that read this blog, we've got a big Morgan Valley Social Club Poetry/Music show this Saturday, February 23 at the Prairie City Church of the Brethren five miles south of Prairie City. Lots of new poems and songs debuting.

There's a baked potato supper fundraiser at 5pm, and then we go on at 6:30. It's going to be a good time, I promise. And it's for a good cause! Playground equipment for kids! Come on! Get the coal off your heart and show up! Who doesn't want to help kids?

Rock Valley, Sioux Falls, Influenza A

2008-02-15T20:32:00.003-06:00

Got real sick a couple weeks ago and had to miss a poetry show in Sully, IA. I was pretty disappointed as I'd been looking forward to it for a long time. Poetry shows don't come up all that often, but I do have another one in a week. For any and all that read this in the area, the Morgan Valley Social Club will be playing a fundraiser at The Church of the Brethern five miles south of Prairie City on Saturday, February 23rd. There's a potato supper at 5pm, followed by Kyle and I at 6:30pm.

I'm hoping there's a good chance the show can be taped for CD as I'm planning on including it in the back cover of the next book.

Went up to Rock Valley, IA for a benefit for an old youth member named Justin Bousema who has aplastic anemia. What a blast! Jonah's Wale played, they raised $15,000+ dollars, and Justin's health updates have been steadily improving over the last couple weeks!

Just got back from Sioux Falls, SD where I spent three days speaking for Sioux Falls Christian High School Bible Days. Once again, I was with Jonah's Wale, and we had a grand time.

Got to stay with Wale's leader, Troy Kooima, and read a few books to his young daughter Sage. They were interesting to say the least.

My favorite was one called Worm Gets a Job. What it basically boiled down to was a worm ruining everyone's life until he stumbled into winning an art show by stealing supplies. The last pages of the book had someone saying, "Look at worm, now he's rich and famous!" You turn the page and worm is giving the old wink while saying, "And happy!" I don't think I'd ever read one quite like it.

We finished up with one about a little boy who goes on a picnic with his mom in the woods. The boy insists there's a bear. The mom disagrees. Mom leaves the boy alone because she forgot dessert and guess what appears? A bear. Mom returns and they're both chased screaming out of the woods. The end. You may think I'm just doing a quick summary and leaving out the important parts or valuable lesson, but I'm not. I guess the lesson was, "Don't listen to your mom. Monsters exist, and they're coming for you."

And no, no more pics of Carson this week.

Getting back into it. . .

2008-01-08T11:11:00.000-06:00

My first post of the new year, I believe. Also my first speaking event of the new year.

Sunday night, Happy the Dog led worship for youth in the Pella area. It's a monthly worship held at Central College called Deep and Wide. We had a great turnout and a great time of worship together. Troy came down with his brother Eric, drummer Jason Baartman, and bassist Matt Groene.

I talked about trying to figure out transformers when you're a little kid and how them make the instructions WAY to hard. For example:

You can see in the upper right corner it says: Age 5+, but the instructions contain a small novel's worth of words in three different languages - complete with diagrams in varying shades of gray.

If you could read the note on the top left, it would read: Some parts are meant to detach when excessive force is used.

Some parts. That's always good to tell a five year old.

After the worship, the band and I played a little Eskimo poker. A game we made up which turned out to be pretty stinking fun. If you want, I'll teach you.

Someone posted a while back about posting more pics of Carson on the blog. Well . . . I apologize, but this blog is supposedly solely dedicated to information on speaking shows. But here's Andrea's blog where she writes and posts about our beautiful baby boy:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=38241049

Heading to Sully at the end of January to do a poetry show. Then I head up to Rock Valley, IA for a fundraiser for former youth member Justin Bousema. I'm pretty excited for that show as the rest of the Happy the Dog crew will be joining me, and we're just going to have a rocking good time to hopefully raise some money for Justin.

Till next time,

High Tea With the Ladies

2007-12-13T09:53:00.000-06:00

Had a great show last night here at Second Reformed in Pella.

Every December they have an event called "High Tea" where all the women of the church are invited to dress in their Christmas best, enjoy a cultural show, and then eat a wonderful meal. Only women allowed!

Well, for whatever reason, they invited me to share my poems this year. They also invited our church organist, Kris DeWild, to play Christmas selections on her harp since she's a fantastic harpist. (Is harpist a word? It's surely not harpie . . . nope, just looked it up on dictionary.com. Harpie / Harpy is a winged death-spirit best known for constantly stealing all food from Phineas. Who Phineas is, I have no idea. But he must be fairly hungry at this point.)

Let me make this perfectly clear. As far as I've ever heard, this event is known for being a pretty fancy-smancy event. And this year they invited me to share my silly poems at it.

Just to be on the safe side, Kris and I decided to alternate between songs and poems just like Kyle and I do when we do a Morgan Valley Social Club show.

Well, my nervous fears proved worthless, because we had a great time. The crowd laughed at all the right places, Kris' harp playing brought a few to tears. And overall, I'd say it was one of my better poetry shows in a while. Plus, I got a great meal!

I have a few weeks off here before I do a couple benefits in January.

I'll be doing a poetry show as a fundraiser in Sully for the Christian school there. It looks like Jonah's Wale and I will also be doing a benefit for an old youth student of ours from Rock Valley, IA named Justin Bousema.

Justin is a fantastic guy, and we loved having him in youth. He went on to seminary up in Sioux Falls, and a while back was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia. When they called the other night to see if we wanted to help out, I jumped at the chance, and Troy, being a Rock Valley guy himself, jumped on as well. So that show will be coming towards the end of January, I believe.

Have a great Christmas! Till next time,

Jason

List of books I've read recently while traveling or at home. . .

2007-12-07T08:28:00.000-06:00

H.M.S. Ulysses by Allistair MacLean
- Great book. The first one McLean every wrote. Unbelievably full of British technical jargon about military ships. The first in a long line of "heroic men brave unbelievable weather and traitorous actions to get the job done" stories.

Ice Station Zebra by Allistair Maclean
- (See the last sentence of the previous book description.) Falters a bit at the end as it turns into a Matlock wrapup. Very, very good up until then.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
- Inspired Lunacy. One of the funniest books ever written. Douglas Adams' gift for unique metaphors is unparalled.

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
- Not quite as good as the first. But it comes close. A ton of great moments on it's own. Adams is so good at poking fun at religion without declaring which side he's on.

Life, the Universe, and Everything by Douglas Adams
- Good. But after reading it amidst the other three, I'm vague on what exactly happened. More searching for the meaning of life, I suppose. It must have been good, because I immediately wanted to go read the next one.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams
- A strange diversion from the typical Adams' Hitchhiker book. This one is almost more of a character study of Arthur Dent as he finds the woman of his dreams. Very good. But very different. I still have to read the fifth book in the trilogy. (Not a misprint.)

The Innocent Man by John Grisham
- I didn't know this was non-fiction until I opened it and began to read. A bit slow in parts, as Grisham writes it like a typical non-fiction crime drama. So there's lots of repetition of evidence in court proceedings and witness recollections, but it was still a very good read, and made me very nervous about our justice system.

A Lion's Tale: Around the World in Spandex by Chris Jericho
- I've read nearly every wrestling autobiography that's come down the line. (I tend not to read the ones put out by the actual wrestling companies, as they tend to distort the facts a bit.) I enjoy wrestling, but that's not the main reason I read them. They're stories about guys who spend a lot of time in cars, vans, planes, and hotels, traveling around the country, and sometimes the world. They get out, do their show, and get back in the car again. They're about staying busy, happy, sane, and occupied while traveling and performing. A lot of them are good. A few have been lousy. This one I would put up near the top. Maybe even better than my all time favorite written by Mick Foley.

Recent problems . . .

2007-11-27T10:40:00.000-06:00

I've been lots of places and done lots of things. I've spoken in Wisconsin for a great group, and Orange City for another great group. I got to seem some fantastic theater, and work with some really cool people. I also gave the Sunday morning message at my home church at Second Reformed, which I thought went okay.

So why haven't I been updating?

Well, like the clumsy dope I am, I spilled a bottle of Diet Cherry Pepsi all over my laptop and crashed the whole thing. So, I've been a little preoccupied with getting that mess cleaned up.

It's sort of ironic, now that I type it, that it was Diet Cherry Pepsi that's almost ruined my online life. I've blogged several times about the fact that my diet pop addiction is beyond control some days.

(I've recently been trying to slowly replace my pop intake with hot tea and iced tea. But it's slow going.)

Now my addiction is so out of control that my subconcious (elbow) knocked over a pop to try and ruin my laptop and therein destroying a lot of important information (my speaking life).

I have all my talks, talk lists, presentations, poetry, stories, and the as of yet unpublished book on my laptop. It may be gone, it may not. We'll find out.

Even tougher to swallow is the fact that my entire iTunes library may be gone. I can handle losing the music. But the Ricky Gervais Podcasts will be the real knife in the gut as far as I'm concerned.

I did have an interesting comment after a talk I gave Sunday night at Central College here in Pella. My father in law, and Central's chaplain, Joe, is gone on vacation and he asked me fill in for his Sunday night worship with the students.

I spoke on one of my favorite stories from II Samuel 23 about King David, and a well, and three soldiers, and overall I thought it went all right. The faces in the crowd seemed to be smiling at all the smiley parts, laughing at all the laughy parts, and seriously thinking at all the seriously thinky parts.

Afterwards, a young woman approached me. She told me she was Roman Catholic, it was her first time to the college Sunday night service, and then she commented that, "Everything that happened here tonight completely contradicts everything I believe."

Okay . . .

I'm not sure if it was just the talk, or the whole worship service, but I figure I was implicated in some way shape or form with her complaint. So I just passed her on to Joe and the rest of the staff and told her to bring it up with them.

Sometime I'll have to blog about all the wonderfully interesting comments I've gotten after speaking . . . it can be enough to discourage a guy, but now I tend to find a lot of them quite amusing.

Well, okay, for instance, I gave a talk once for a church where I felt like I really poured a good deal of my heart out. I related some of my own favorite stories that still have quite an emotional impact on my life - several that were ABOUT me and my faith walk.

Afterwards, a guy walked up and said, and I quote, "I don't know if any of that was true or not, but I enjoyed it."

He wasn't joking, he was quite sincere. And I still can't quite grasp how someone's brain might work in that they would think someone would not only make up a "personal story", but also become emotional while telling a made up "personal story." But, oh well.

Sometimes I'll use some of my old standup stories during a talk to lighten things up at the beginning. And sometimes they really are great lead-ins to the deep stuff I'm getting to. Quite often they get very good reactions - lots of laughs. There's the finger story, and the puke story, and the zipline story, many of which are probably familiar the the blog readers.

But what I enjoy, is the occasional listener (usually a high schooler for some strange reason) who comes up afterwards, pulls me aside, and says something to the effect of, "A story like that has no place in worship."

Now, none of my stories are dirty in any way. The most they are is occasionally gross. As in someone throws up, or someone loses a finger. I always want to retort by pulling out my Bible and reading some of the scriptural stories that are so disgustingly crazy and perverse that they'd never be used in worship, and yet they're in the Bible. My stories can't compare to those.

I won't share them on the site, but a camp counselor back in high school shared a few with me under the premise, "You'll never hear this one in church!"

Well, back on to computer repair! Till next time,

Jason

Canadia

2007-11-01T15:26:00.000-05:00

So, Troy, Dawn and I all went up to Red Deer, Aberta, Canada for most of last week. We led seminars for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and then headed to the Circle Square Ranch near Halkirk, Alberta for a youth reatreat on the weekend.

Some highlights include:

On a day off we visited the Olympic Park in Calgar and got to go to the top of this bad boy. That would be a pic of the ski jump.

Once on top, I noticed something interesting. There were only two small bathrooms. One for the women, and one for men. And each only had one small toilet. I had to go to the bathroom, and as I did I realized something. All the great skiers from 88' had to use the exact same bathroom I did. That means . . .

I was two degrees of separation away from Eddie the Eagle!!!

So, while we were there, we got to see some of our friends in ministry. Of course I have to mention our great friends Dave and Cathy Tilstra. They are big supporters of Happy the Dog Ministry, and we can't thank them enough for their hospitality. Cathy was even kind enough to give me a print of one of her paintings for my wife. And I must say, the painting is fantastic. I'll have to take a pic to post on the site, but it is definately going to the be the highlight of our art collection.

We also got to catch up with good friends Sharon and Thomas. Thomas even came on board as at Happy the Dog supporter which is a pretty crazy committment for guy not far removed from high school.

Here's a pic of us worshipping. The Circle Square Ranch is set up like an old west town. We worshipped and ate in the saloon. The guy in front (with his back to the camera) in the white shirt and jeans that's about a foot taller than everyone is me.

The worship was great. We played Mission Impossible in the cooley. Billeted in some nice rooms. And we had gravy with our fries. Plus, there were Big Turks galore, and plenty of Red Rose. What does all that mean? I'm not really sure and I experienced it. . .

This group up in Red Deer is just the best to us, and they've quickly become a family away from home. We can't thank Dave, Cathy, Sharon, Thomas, and the rest of the crew enough for making us always feel welcome.

I also got Carson a sweet Calgary Flames onesie which almost got my head bitten off by the pro-Oiler crowd. . . but I figured hockey's hockey, right?

We head to Sheboygan, Wisconsin for a week on Sunday. And then the week after I head up to Northwestern College for a bit to try out some new material with good friends Jeff and Karen Barker.

Till next time,

Jason

Speaking in English

2007-10-09T08:14:00.000-05:00

I had the opportunity to do a twenty minute poetry set at North English, IA on Saturday night. Now, I'd heard of North English, but just a few miles south is another town called South English. This was interesting to me since I'd never heard of South English, and I wondered how the two towns earned their respective names. No one really seemed to know.

We had a meal before the show and these were the place mats we used at the church . . .

I thought it might be a bad omen, but it turned to be a great show.

I went on after the North English Community Choir and before the Interfaith men's choir.

This is Interfaith.

Both groups were just fantastic. It was another show I got to do because of Old Time Gospel Show friend John Finical - who also sings in the Interfaith choir.

The crowd was roughly around 70 or 80 people, and they were just the best. They were very energetic and laughed hard. I know just a few posts ago I talked about cutting back and retiring from alot of the poetry shows, but man, this crowd really makes it hard to think about.

And some very exciting news for myself - one of the sound guys said he had a digital recording device hooked up to the sound system at the show and he wanted to know if I wanted a CD of the night to do with as I please! I've been lamenting for a long time now that I really wanted a CD of the poetry, and now it looks like I may get one!

Perhaps I'll have to include the twenty minute show in a CD on the back jacket of the next book.

I head off to Canada here again in another two weeks or so, and then to Wisconsin a week after that. But as for poetry shows, it appears I'm done for a while anyway. I don't have any more booked for the long term. So perhaps that gives me some time to work on Farm Dog 2, and edit a CD together.

Till next time,

Jason

Carson

2007-10-03T13:39:00.001-05:00

More recent Carson pics . . . Here he's on the right while his TWO MONTH YOUNGER COUSIN Isaac is on the left!

After a bath . . .

Having a good time. . .

Pole Rally / Archaeology / Canada

2007-10-02T09:31:00.000-05:00

A bunch of trips to update on. . .

Last Wednesday I trekked up to Sioux Falls to do a short comedy set at their big "See You at the Pole Rally". The Sioux Falls Christian School gym was packed with over 1000 kids, and we had a wild time.

On Thursday morning, I did the Sioux Falls Christian morning chapel and talked about the woman weeping from Luke. Then in the afternoon I spoke for good friend Luke Vander Leest's Old Testament Bible class about the Biblical Archeology stuff I've been studying over the last year.

This past weekend, I headed up to Red Deer Canada with bandleader Troy Kooima for a big CRC 150 years in Alberta celebration. And it was a wild time to say the least.

It started with my plane being delayed for about an hour in Des Moines before I took off. This led to a very interesting, albeit mostly one-sided, conversation with a woman sitting near me who appeared to be very drunk.

I'll give you just a taste of what she said. (Now, most of her sentences were filled with words I cannot repeat on a Christian speaker's blog, so I'll replace all the profanities with the words "huggy-buggy" to protect the eyes of innocent blog readers.)

The first thing she does is lean over to me and say, "Can you believe this huggy-buggy airline? Of all the huggy-buggy, huggy-buggy things they do, they can't huggy-buggy get a huggy-buggy plane off the huggy-buggy ground. This whole huggy-buggy airline's going down the huggy-buggy tubes and this is the first sign!

I nod my head and smile, trying not to encourage a full blown conversation with her. Finally she leans over real close and says, "You want to go get a huggy-buggy cocktail?"

I told her that I was fine with my diet coke, but thanks anyways. She went on for quite awhile longer before finally heading to the bathroom. I took the opportunity to move across the waiting area, and sit hidden behind the terminal desk.

So what else happened in Canada? Got lost. Had a fire drill. Got a little sick. Danced and sang with about fifty elementary school kids. Ate some wonderful barbeque with good friends Dave and Cathy Tilstra. Watched "The Guns of Naverone" with Troy on the airplane.

All in all a great trip,

Jason

Vriendschap Village

2007-09-20T15:44:00.000-05:00

No, that's not a typo. That's the dutch spelling of "Friendship Village" - the place I did a poetry reading this afternoon. It's a retirement community here in Pella for independant and assisted living.

I did a show for them last year, and they're a really fun crowd. Turns out quite a few in the crowd knew my grandparents way back when, so that always helps.

It may be one of the last few poetry venues for me for a while as well. Turns out my schedule is getting a little too hectic between speaking and youth group activities, and something had to give. So, for the time being, I'll only be doing local poetry shows for in and around Pella - and the occasional show if somebody fun like the Runnels church calls once a year.

Usually I only make what I can sell in books at these shows, and some weekends, that's just gas money or less. So, while I'll miss doing things like The Old Time Gospel Show dearly, I'll just have to look more forward to the Vriendschap Village and Runnels shows.

I have one more poetry show coming up next month, I think, in North English, and then I'll retire for a bit.

I got asked back for Convention again next year. That's the big Youth Unlimited youth event that I did this year in Salt Lake City, and last year in Flagstaff, AZ.

In '08 it's going to be in Boseman, Montana - just ninety miles from yellowstone and Old Faithful, so that should be pretty fun.

Next week I head to a Rally at the Pole event in Sioux Falls, SD on Wednesday, a Christian school chapel on Thursday morning, an old testament Bible class on Thursday afternoon, and then back to Canada on Saturday and Sunday!

Till next time,

Jason

Pipestone

2007-09-11T08:52:00.000-05:00

I spent twelve hours in the car on Saturday as I drove up to Pipestone, MN to speak at a men's retreat with Troy, Dawn, and the rest of Jonah's Wale.

I left at ten a.m. and I got home at 2:30 a.m. That means I spent sixteen and a half hours away, and TWELVE of those were in the car. So here's a quick breakdown of what I listened to on the trusty cd player and ipod radio hookup thingy.

Cake - Comfort Eagle
Great album. Lots of folks say Cake stopped being as good when this album came out, but I love it. Not as much trumpet as their previous works, which is kind of disappointing, but it's still very good none-the-less.
Cake - Pressure Chief
Even better than Comfort Eagle in my opinion. This album's quickly becoming my favorite of Cake. Just a great mix of silly lyrics with an alternative rock drive behind them. And more trumpet!
Beck - Mutations
Great wierd and funky album. Almost a little too mellow for a drive in parts though.
White Stripes - White Blood Cells
I haven't listened to this album since the first few times after I bought it way back when Andrea was still in school. It's nothing less than fantastic. What a great band. I don't like all their stuff, but this, to me, is their best album.
Ben Folds - Rockin' the Suburbs
Ben's best album in my opinion. Lots of fun.
Ben Folds - Live
Ben Folds with the greatest audience participation song of all time . . .
Foo Fighters - One By One
A little harder than what I was in the mood for, but it still rocked.
Foo Fighters - In Your Honor
I don't love every song on this album, and I only listened to the electric side, but it still has some great stuff.
The Ricky Gervais Show on Podcast
I love me some Ricky Gervais. I have all three seasons downloaded to my ipod and I've listened to them (all thirteen hours of them) about seven or eight times. It's just three funny guys sitting around making fun of each other and laughing. It's the funniest thing I've ever heard. And it's British, which helps . . .

Till next time,

jason

Poetry at Living Faith United Methodist in Toledo

2007-08-21T08:38:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone. I hope you've had a good week since my last update.

I went up to Tama this week to do a poetry show for a Methodist church up there. I opened for the Headin' Home Gospel quartet -

This is a really grainy photo taken with my trusty camera phone. Headin' Home is a great gospel group, and they do a wonderful job of getting the crowd riled up for great music.

This show was an offshoot of the Old Time Gospel Show that I do for John Finical. John was at the show since Tama is his hometown, and I got to meet his wife Karen for the first time and see his new house.

The real highlight for the show, for me, was the fact that Karen told me a great story about a car accident that happened right in front of their old house that involved two teenagers, a bull, a semi, and three DOT trucks. Trust me, this story was a classic! And it will soon be in repertoire of poems as soon as I get some time to work on it. I'll make sure to post here first.

Something else interesting that happened . . . I do a poem called "The Squirrel" in which I detail an experience of almost hitting a squirrel on the road after some wild driving. Well, on the way to the show, I saw a big turtle crossing the road in the other lane, and my first thought was to stop and snap a picture of it so that I could post it on the blog for all those of you who constantly complain that I'm a bit too boring here.

How a picture of a turtle would liven things up, I don't know. But that was my initial thought for you the loyal reader.

Anyway, as I began to slow down, a pickup coming from the other direction just demolished the poor little guy right before my eyes. Needless to say, I didn't stop for the picture. I figure that if any of you really want to see him, I can now just give you directions. But if I change my mind about the photo, I guess I know where to find him.

I've also been asked to be a little better at posting my schedule of performances. Don't forget that you can always see where I'm gonna be by checking out our ministry webpage in the "On the Road Again" section at http://happythedog.com/OntheRoadAgain.html.

But here's a quick list:

September 8th - Men's Retreat in South Dakota

September 20th - Poetry show at Friendship Village in Pella.

September26th - See You at the Pole Rally in Sioux Falls, SD

September 27th - Chapel and Old Testament Bible Class at Sioux Falls Christian High School

September 29-Oct 1 - Canada for a retreat

October 6th - Poetry for the DOC Church in North English

October 23-28 - Canada for a retreat

November 5-8 - Sheybogan, WI Christian High School

Till next time,

Jason

A Tour Through the What Cheer Opera House With a Camera Phone . . .

2007-08-13T19:02:00.000-05:00

I did another Old Time Gospel Show this past weekend for my favorite Old Time Gospel crowd at the What Cheer, IA Opera House. Seriously, this is one of the best crowds a guy could ever have. A true dream audience. They cheer, they clap, they laugh, they even hoot and holler, and occasionally stomp a foot or two.

Plus the opera house has tons of great history. For instance:

This is one of the two backstage doors to the theater. It's about a foot and a half wide, and twelve feet high. I was told by two separate people that it's in the Guinness Book of World for the tallest, thinnest stage door. Now, I looked it up on the official site, and I couldn't find it after searching for "stage", "door", "tallest", "thinnest", "skinniest", "What Cheer", or "Iowa" - but none-the-less, it is a fun door to squeeze through.

This is a pic of the stage from the balcony. My camera phone does it no justice, but here it is. The building is air conditoned very well, although it is about ten degrees warmer up in the balcony.

The backstage walls are covered with lots of great autographed photos of all the famous musicians and entertainers that have performed on the stage in the past:

A few of the notables including:

Hank Williams Jr.

Guy Lombardo . . . (there were actually about seven different Lombardo's with pictures up. This family went into conducting in a big way, and they apparently all jumped on Guy's enormous coat tails.)

They also have posters all up around the auditorium like this one . . .

. . . of the Glenn Miller Orchestra (under the direction of Jimmy Henderson!)

. . . and this one of Tommy Dorsey's Orchestra . . .

. . . and of course the Chairman of the Board, Jr. . . .

. . . and then ya got your Kitty Wells - who I know solely through name, and of course her prominent mention in the song Me and Paul by Willie Nelson . . .

I've made myself a promise that the next time I go, I'm going to bring a black and white photo of myself that looks really old, and try to slip it into the ranks of great peformers from the past.

So yeah, it's a pretty spectacular theater when you've got such a great crowd. My twenty minute set of poetry went over really well once again. I got to perform right after this guy:

. . . Joe Shetler - a Swiss, Mennonite, guitar and mandolin playing yodeler. He's good. This is the third time I've gotten to do a show with him, and he's always a fun guy to follow. He got to introduce me this time, and it went a little something like this -

"Okay, so up next is Jason Taylor. He's a youth director and Christian speaker. He's a comedian, and he is also . . . a comedian!"

And so, that's about it for this week. This coming weekend, I'm back in Toledo, IA for another poetry show. Then I have a couple weeks off as we kickoff all of our youth events here in Pella before I head out again for a men's retreat in South Dakota with Jonah's Wale.

But before we go, here's one more snap of a sticker on a backstage door from What Cheer . . .

. . . Lest we forget . . .

Till next time,

Jason

Salt Lake City / Minneapolis / Pella

2007-08-02T08:34:00.000-05:00

Lots to update this week. I've been away on a couple trips, so my computer time has suffered greatly.

Went to Salt Lake City two weekends ago to emcee, speak, and do improv at Youth Unlimited's Convention. There were about 900 high schoolers from all across the U.S. and Canada that came together at the University of Utah to worship and attend seminars.

I had a blast. Happy the Dog was there in full force as Dawn was the woman behind the scenes for all the main stages, and Troy was leading Jonah's Wale in some late night worship.

Emceeing was probably the highlight for me as we got really goofy. Troy and I, along with improv-er Steve Hydeen did a rousing rendition of "Ring of Fire" complete with Steve's amazing trumpet playing.

I also climbed a mountain. . .

This is Steve and I at the top of it. You can't really get a sense of height from that picture, but this one's a little better . . .

This is Steve looking out over Salt Lake City. Again, my camera phone really doesn't do it justice. It took us a big hour to get to the top, and another hour and a half to get down. Shouldn't getting down be faster? Yes, it should. But cosidering that we took a really scary way down, combined with the fact that we kept stopping to make silly camera phone videos, we got a little distracted.

Steve's in possesion of the videos now, and since he's more technically literate than I am, someday there might be a youtube link here to view them.

After SLC, I got to fly home for a couple days and spend some time with Andrea and Carson. Best friend from high school and college, Nathan Kinkaid, swung through for a short visit before he and his family move to Australia. That's right . . . Australia. Hmmm. We tried to go get a margarita at El Charro's here in Pella, but they were having some minor difficulties with their service that night, so we went out to a really fancy grill on the south side.

Then it was off to Power Connection in Minneapolis where I was emceeing again, and doing some improv with Steve Hydeen for about 1000 middle schoolers. If I didn't mention it already, Steve is a professional improv-er out of Omaha, Nebraska with 88improv. We occasionally have the chance to get together and do improv shows and seminars. We also occasionally have the chance to get together and do this . . .

. . . hug giant, rusty, iron turtle sculputres. This was at Bethel College where the event was held. It looked to me like a tetnus shot waiting to happen. But Steve just couldn't resist 'rasslin the big guy into submission.

Finally I came home and got some much needed R and R with Andrea and Carson. Things at home held up well without me, although I sorely missed my wife and little guy.

Last night, the Morgan Valley Social Club hit the Third Reformed Church here in Pella for a Pillar's party. The Pillars are the senior group at the church and we did about forty minutes of music and poetry for them.

I had a blast, as a poetry show was just what I need to wind down from a week and a half on the road. Kyle was in his best form as he alternated hymns with Johnny and Willie tunes, and the crowd really seemed to go with us.

Is that all? Not by a long shot, but I'm trying to keep this post short so you'll come back and read again some time. I'll try to update more later on all the hijinks and hilarity that insued as I did things like lose my luggage at the airport, have my banjo fail to pass security, wear another man's clothes for a day, and scare the pants off a pantsless Troy Kooima as he was getting ready one morning.

Till next time,

Jason

Catching Up

2007-07-12T08:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah, well . . . I didn't exactly post last week on vacation like I said I would. What did I do instead?

I sat in the air conditioning and watched a lot of Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel. What a great show. This is the job I wish I could have if I wasn't such a wienie.

I sat out on the deck at 5:30am with Carson after he'd wake up so mom could sleep. Uncle Bob was often up after fishing.

I ate a lot of food.

I hung out with family. This is always my problem on vacation. I've been told by several people that I'm an undiagnosed case of social anxiety disorder. I get a dreadful feeling in my gut when I know I have to be around people, even when they're people I like. But as the week goes on I come out a little more and a little more and by Friday I always wish I'd been more social the whole week and I promise to do so next year. . .

But we had a great fish fry at cousin Laura's trailer on Friday night, and we got to see a great variety show put on by lots of little cousins. So overall, it was a fantastic week despite the heat.

Favorite laugh of the week - I was eating supper at a card table with my folks and cousin Janae. Cousin Stephanie (Janae's mom) had brought pizza rolls to the supper and Janae had some on her plate. My dad looked over and said, "What are those?"

Janae gave him a skeptical look and said, "They're pizza rolls, uncle Hugh."

My dad said, "I don't think I'm familiar with those."

Janae then looked at me and asked, "They don't get out much do they?"

I tried to run a few times over the week. Four times to be exact. I surprised myself by running nearly 3 miles each time. But now that I'm back home and we're back to our regular full weeks, finding time to run is no longer an option. So instead, Carson and I take hour long walks on the lake trail.

After vacation, Andrea and I headed to Rock Valley (the town in which we used to live and work) so that Andrea could sing at a wedding of a former youth member (Morgen). We stayed with Steve and Lisa Van Den Top and their family in their new house.

To be honest, I was a little leary about going back. I've been back since, but it's always been on a limited scale while traveling to or from somewhere else. But this time we were there specifically to spend time with lots of old friends.

Lots of those old doubts, fears, and anxieties come up when visiting Rock Valley. It was hard to leave, but we needed to at the time.

I always wonder how much good work I actually did while I was there as I cut my teeth my first few years as a youth director.

The Van Den Top's have three great kids, Zach, Katie, and Brittany. I had all three of them in my high school and middle school youth groups. It was great to have them give us big hugs when we saw them.

Saturday night after everyone sacked out for church the next day, I stayed up late with Brittany and played my new favorite, addictive video game - Pocket Tanks - and we had a great time laughing and blowing each other up.

As I sat there it felt great to see Brittany again. She was just out of sixth grade when we left Rock Valley in '04. Of all three of the kids, she was the one I'd really known the least. Yet she treated me like an old friend after coming back, and I had a great time with her. As we talked, laughed, and played, it was one of those moments when you realize that youth work can be very rewarding.

I head to Salt Lake City next week for Convention with about a thousand high school kids. Then on to Power Connection in Minneapolis to emcee and do some comedy with Steve Hydeen. Steve will actually be on both trips - hallelujah!

Jason

SERVE 2007

2007-06-26T12:58:00.000-05:00

Had a great week at SERVE in Sioux Falls this past week. I've got a bit to do this week, so this entry will be short. Not to mention the fact that I'm not really in the mood to write my usual happy go lucky ramblings after coming home and hearing about the news of Lee Eshleman and Chris Benoit both dying of suicide.

Lee was one half of the duo Ted and Lee, and I got to meet them both a few years back at a Brethern Church conference. I was leading a seminar on youth work, and I got to watch a performance they gave from their play Fish Eyes. It was fantastic, hilarious, fun, and they were great guys when I introduced myself after. Lee will be sorely missed, and I cannot imagine Ted continuing on with performing for quite a while after this. Lee passed several weeks ago, I guess, but with the summer schedule, I only learned of it on Sunday.

Chris Benoit, on the other hand, was just an awesome professional wrestler that I've spent hours of my life watching, and had never gotten to see in person yet. He embodied everything left of pro wrestling that I actually enjoyed - technical wrestling and great in-ring storytelling - a far cry from most of what wrestling turns out today. What a sad and tragic end he met this past weekend due to whatever personal problems that he suffered from. I'm sure it will be a large black mark against the sport as he joins a long list of wrestlers to tragically die young.

What a wake of sorrow suicide leaves behind. It makes me want to grab the phone and contact the several friends I have now who are going through rough patches in their lives.

I'll update a more upbeat version of the blog next week. Andrea, Carson and I head up to Okiboji with the family for vacation and I'm very much looking forward to it!

MVSC at the Bethany Lutheran Church in Iowa Falls

2007-06-12T09:12:00.000-05:00

The Morgan Valley Social Club had a great show Saturday night for so many reasons.

First of all, I was asked to do the show by my cousin Laura Brunson. One of my Okiboji cousins growing up, Laura is always fun to be around. Her folks were there - my uncle Bob and aunt Donna. As well as her husband Eric, and her two girls Erin and Paige. They made us a great meal after the show of grilled chicken, and chocolate cake that was a hit with everyone.

Secondly, it was Kyle's first MVSC show back after taking a two month absence after the birth of his new boy Isaac. So that was great. He also brought along a good friend of his named Brian Gumm to help on music and we had a ball.

Thirduhly, I got to see great friends Mike and Susie Rottink. I don't think I really need to elaborate on that much. Just read old blogs. I am a bad friend as I didn't really get to spend much time with them though. Bad friend! Bad friend!

Fourthely, we got to see a part of Iowa Falls I've never seen. I had my camera phone with me, but alas the best pics didn't turn out. But here's a sample of what we saw.

So, Iowa Falls has the Iowa River running through it and there's a dam that looks like this:
Well, this dam is right behind cousin Laura's house, but to get there you have to descend down 99 concrete steps:
This is uncle Bob leading us back up the steps through the jungle. It's not as much fun climbing 99 steps as it is going down.

But once we were down, there were great views like this:

That's uncle Bob closest to the camera, Kyle after him, and Brian after him.

The two best sights by the dam were a tributary stream that runs into it that was AWESOME. The stream was crystal clear, and surrounded by rock bluffs with trees completely overhanging to give it a real cave effect.

There was also some kind of mill that was built right into the bluff wall that was pretty cool to see. But, alas, my camera phone has no flash, so I'll have to go back again some time.

And FIFTHEDLY - my cousin Laura wrote me a poem. For those of you who've seen the MVSC show, I read silly poems, and Kyle plays country music. It's a pretty simple concept. Well, Laura surprised us all by introducing us with a poem she'd written herself about me.

How was it? Well, it was fantastic. And I was a little embarrassed to read my stuff after she was done. We'll have to see if she can go on tour.

And Sixedethly, it was great because for the second time while traveling with Kyle, a small child came up and asked him how tall he was. Seriously, it's like traveling with Chewbacca, or bigfoot or something. The guy's height just draws attention.

Till next time,

Jason

MVSC at the Tama Bluegrass Cafe

2007-05-31T10:50:00.000-05:00

Seven people showed up to listen, but we'll get to that.

The Morgan Valley Social Club hit the Bluegrass Cafe in Tama, IA last Saturday night. The Bluegrass Cafe is this great place in Tama where you can have a good meal, and apparently listen to great bluegrass on the weekends. One of the neatest things about it, is that it seems to cater to senior citizens very well - which is exactly up our alley - so that was cool.

I went and checked the place out about a month ago while in Toledo for the Old Time Gospel Show. There were about fifty or so seniors listening to a great bluegrass band, and the owner Lisa asked if we'd like to do a show there. I instantly agreed.

When we got there, it turned out Memorial Day weekend was not the best time to have a show.

I took good friend and fellow improv-er Tim Schoenfeld with me, as Kyle couldn't make the show. Tim is a great guitar player / singer, and can play a ton of great songs, including some really, really fun ones that he wrote himself.

We were supposed to play a two hour show 7pm - 9pm, and at around 6:55pm we realized there was only one man in audience so far. Apparently there were two big weddings in Tama that night, and, of course, it was Memorial day weekend.

But we played on anyway! Before it was over, another six people showed up, plus we had the staff of the cafe, so we still had a good time.

Since we were playing a little loose and free, I forgot the poetry for a bit and took the opportunity to pull the banjo out and play my own favorite Willie Nelson songs. Earlier in the week when I wasn't sure if I could find a replacement for Kyle, I began practicing a few songs for the show. Upon hearing me butcher a classic Willie tune, Andrea advised me not to play or sing. Well, the crowd was small, and Tim's tunes were so inspiring, I decided to have a go, and it was a blast.

We also debuted a new song I wrote for Kyle's new son called, "The Ballad of Isaac Clayton Young" which went over like hotcakes!

June 9th, Kyle and I head to Iowa Falls for a show at a church, and then my summer of Christian speaking really kicks off, so I'll be busy:

June 16-23-Sioux Falls SERVE with Jonah's Wale
July 14-18 - Cadets Camp out with Jonah's Wale
July 20-24 - Youth Unlimted Convention in Salt Lake City, Utah
July 27-29 - Power Connection with Jonah's Wale in Minneapolis, MN
August 1st - MVSC at 3rd Reformed in Pella
August 18th - MVSC in Toledo
Sept 8th - Men's Retreat with Jonah's Wale somewhere way up north.

And guess what? We get to back to the great state of Canada, not once - but twice! Once in September and once in October. How did we get so lucky????

Till next time,
Jason

Another Old Time Gospel Show

2007-05-10T10:02:00.000-05:00

Headed up to Toledo, IA for another Old Time Gospel Show with John Finical's bunch. Had a great time. Heard Interfaith and a great yodeler! Read some poems, including a couple new ones that went over okay. I got a 50 / 50 reaction. One went great, the other one went rough.

I also went to visit the Bluegrass Cafe in Tama, which is just a fantastic place. It's kind of like a bluegrass nightclub for senior citizens, and it was fun just to hang out there for just a few minutes as I talked to the owner - Lisa Blomme. Turns out she's interested in having The Morgan Valley Social Club come and play a show on May 26th, so I'm pretty pumped about that! It was a great crowd, and a great atmosphere, so I'm sure the show will be lots of fun.

I heard bits and pieces of two very interesting conversations while I was traveling to the show on Saturday night. While eating some buffalo wings in the Tama Hardee's while working on a poem I overheard a conversation from a couple senior citizen couples that went like this:

Guy 1: So Joe and I pull up to the bar and we were already three sheets to the wind.

Guy 2: Oh no!

Guy 2's wife: Oh no!

Guy 1: There was a crowd outside talking and I couldn't get my door open.

Guy 2: Oh, no! What'd you do?

Guy 2's wife: What'd you do?

Guy 1: I kicked the windshield out and crawled out over the hood.

Guy 2: Oh no!

Guy 2's wife: Oh no!

(Guy 1's wife sits and looks incredulous as she sips her drink.)

Guy 1: It was the best 50 bucks I've ever spent!

Guy 2: 50 bucks! That's pretty cheap!

Guy 1: Well this was years ago, Don!

(Guy 1's wife gets up to go refill her drink, but I don't think it was empty)

Pretty classic stuff. Then when I stopped to buy gas at the Casey's on the way out of town I walked in to hear the cashier talking to the pizza maker:

Teenage girl cashier (kind of under her breath as if I'm not supposed to hear it): Oh, hold on. Somebody's coming in! I better tell you the rest later. (Loudly adding) But that is THE DRUNKEST I have ever been! (laughter from both)

So yeah, two drinking stories in one night. Those people in Tama really know how to live it up I guess.

Till next time,
Jason

Gunn Lake Community Church and the Diet Pepsi Woman

2007-04-30T16:15:00.000-05:00

I apologize (to all three of you that read this regularly) for my lack of posting recently. I've been filling in for Andrea during her maternity leave, and between keeping up with her senior high work, my junior high work, the speaking stuff, and the baby, it's been a little hectic.

A week ago last Sunday I headed out to The Gunn Lake Community Church in Wayland, MI to do a little comedy for the congregation. They'd just finished some big rennovations on the youth portions of their church, and the night was set up as a celebration for the whole church.

I did about a half hour of comedy. The first fifteen minutes or so was all new jokes about the baby and it went over really well.

I listened to a great book on the way home called Deep Storm by Lincoln Child. Since I get to do so much driving, I try to listen to as many unabridged books on tape that I possibly can. I got hooked on Lincoln Child when I read a series of books he wrote with Douglas Preston about an FBI agent named Pendegrast.

Long story short, the book was about oil drillers who discover alien technology at the bottom of the ocean - so I found it pretty entertaining.

I've said it before on this blog, but I think it bears repeating - you see some strange folks at rest areas between 2am and 6am. It was a long weekend for me because my middle school crew had an overnighter on Friday where I only got an hour of sleep. Then on Sunday morning I hopped in the car and drove to Michigan, got out, performed, got back in the car and drove all night to get home.

So I'm well aware that when people see a disheveled thirty year old guy in rumpled clothes and a five o'clock shadow stumbling into the mens' room at three a.m. on the interstate - they may think I'm the strange one.

But I got out somewhere just across the Iowa border for a stretch and a soda, and when I got to the Pepsi machine, there was a lady in front of me who just kept putting the same quarters in over and over - and the machine just kept spitting them out.

She wasn't angry. She didn't even seem that confused or concerned. She would put them in, and the machine would spit them out. The machine was clearly full on quarters, but she kept trying. Over and over. I'm not exaggerating when I say I stood and watched her do this mabye twenty or so times. She would not give up. A man who was apparently her husband sat on a bench nearby and spoke back and forth to her in Spanish. I have no idea what they were saying, but I'm guessing it went something like this:

Man - Did it take them this time?

Woman - No, it didn't.

Man - How about this time? Did it work this time?

Woman - No, it still didn't work. I think I'll try again.

Man - Okay. Yes, I think you should just keep trying.

I waited patiently for her to realize her effort was futile so I could get my diet Pepsi. I thought about exchanging her quarters for my two dollar bills, but then I would not have had anything but quarters - which obviously didn't work. I thought she might eventually just sigh and step out of the way so I could have a chance. But she didn't. She just kept plugging away at it while chatting amiably with her husband. Finally I just turned around and bought a diet Coke which was not what I wanted - but I had to get on my way.

Sigh,

Jason

MVSC and The World Famous Harlem Globetrotters!

2007-04-16T10:25:00.001-05:00

Well, the Morgan Valley Social Club hit the Prairie City Church of the Brethren this weekend. Unfortuanely, Kyle wasn't able to be there, so it was just myself reading poetry.

The men of the church were putting on a supper for the women where the guys did all the cooking and the serving. The meal was great, the crowd was great, and I got to see a lot people I hadn't seen for awhile since I grew up in the Prairie City CotB. Old high school and college friend Aaron McConeghey (Sp?) was there. As was Ann Bach, the wife of my childhood pastor Jeff Bach. We all laughed a lot.

I did about a forty minute show, and I realized pretty quickly that as much as the people seemed to be enjoying things, it sure does add a lot to the show to have Kyle along. When I do the Old Time Gospel Shows for John Finical, I usually do about a twenty minute stretch of poetry, which is just about right for that kind of performance I think. When I can add Kyle's guitar and country songs into the mix, it definitely can stretch a good show out, though, as we've easily gone an hour before. I think the music can help clear the palette a bit and get you ready for more poems and stories.

I also went to the Globetrotters in Des Moines this weekend with my jr high group. WHAT A BLAST. . . I had so much stinking fun, I can't believe it. I've always seen the commericials for the Globetrotters. I've seen them on that old Scooby Doo episode, and Gilligan's Island of course. But man were they fun live. The whole bucket full of water / confetti bit, the stealing a woman's purse out of the crowd joke, the pulling the other teams shorts down - they did it all - and I'm not ashamed to admit I was nearly in tears at times. They put on a GREAT show.

Now if I'd only thought twice before putting twenty bucks on the New York Nationals . . . they've never won a game, but I thought they were due!

I wish I was a Globetrotter. Here's my favorite player - the ringleader of the whole team - Matt "Showbiz" Jackson. He's been on the team for twenty years! Good grief, this guy was funny.
I think I'm going to ask for a jersey for my birthday.

Till next time,

Jason

Bradenton, Florida

2007-04-03T10:20:00.000-05:00

Yeah, check this out. This is me giving the message last Sunday night on a beach on the opening night of Bradenton, Flordia SERVE. I was there with Troy and Dawn (they were leading music), and it was a fantastic week. Look at me! Just from the picture, I appear articulate, thin, and interesting. Either that, or I'm reinacting some of my favorite Karate Kid beach scenes.

Here's the whole crew that was there. They were all Canadian except for Troy, Dawn, and I. Even the Pastor of the Bradenton Church. But I won't hold that against them . . .

A pic of Troy leading music on the beach. He led while we all watched the sunset, which was pretty amazing. Then, after my talk, he led a last song - at the exact same moment, about 15 to 20 feet off the shore, dolphins began to spring up like crazy. Probably the best worship moment of my life.

We washed and waxed this airplane for Agape Flights. They fly missionaries and supplies to the Dominican Republic and Haiti. What's so funny, Dawn?We helped out here at the Good Samaritan Mission doing all sorts of painting, repair, and lifting. The mission serves immigrant workers in the area. We had a great host named Laura who sang and gave backrubs and served us THE BEST authentic Mexican meal I've ever had. It was great.

This was the Pastor who hosted us for the week - Pastor Jeff Klingenberg. (or PJ, or Colonel Klink, or Klinger, or Klinky-dink). What a great guy and a fun man of God. Don't let this picture fool you. He does have a silly side.

Highlights of the Week:

1. Nicknames: We had a student ride with us (Troy, Dawn, and I) in the car every day, and we took it upon ourselves to deem them with a new name. We had Magellan, Ups, Flo, and Peter Son of Tater Heir to the Throne of Bobcat. Don't ask. It was a long week.

2. Canadians: What a great group! I've totally changed my opinion on Canadians. I didn't tell our group this last week, but I've had a few not so great experiences with Canadians before. Well these two groups from Alberta totally changed my mind. They were some of the most humble, ministry minded, caring folks I've ever met.

3. Shark's Teeth: Yeah, I was one of the few that found one on the beach.

4. Canadians

5. Troy and Dawn: I got to spend A LOT of time with these two this week. Now, let me just give you a little insight into our relationship as a ministry team. The three of us, along with business guy Mark Elgersma, are the core of Happy the Dog Ministry. We get to travel together quite often.

Now, you'd think, being the world travelled, amazing musician, theater trained, theologian, Christians that we are - you would think that we'd have some pretty fantastic conversations about God, life, faith, and all those kinds of things. Well here's a typical conversation for us:

Troy, Dawn, and I head out for steaks on our last night before our flight home, and I go to use the restroom. As I'm unbuttoning my shorts, the button on the front of my new Old Navy shorts pops off and lands in the urinal. Now, I have a very simple rule about the bathroom - anything that lands in the toilet (under a certain value, of course) stays in the toilet. I quickly realize that buttons are worth mere pennies, and I did indeed have a spare attached to my inside pocket, so I let it be.

As we're waiting for our table, I tease Troy that I've left something for him in the bathroom that I wonder if he could fish out for me. Troy immediately goes to the bathroom and comes back with my button. You see, Troy has been serving as a temporary janitor at a high school for some weeks now, and he says that's he's fished all kinds of things out of toilets and gross places. He tries to give me the button back.

I decline.

He says I'm being silly. I should take and reuse the button. It's been thoroughly washed.

I say I don't care how well it's been washed. It was in the toilet. I'll use my spare.

Troy says I'm being silly. Dawn now chimes in and says I should just use it. I have a feeling she's just egging Troy on, because I'm pretty sure Dawn wouldn't use a pee button.

Troy tells me I'm a baby and that I need to chill out.

I tell Troy that I've had to do gross things in my life. I grew up on a pig farm afterall, and I worked there six months after college. I've done gross things. I just choose when I do them. I do not want the button back.

Was I crazy here? It fell in the urinal! The toilet! It got very wet! I've asked a few people since coming home and they have all agreed with me - once the button hit the water, it's gone!

What do you think? Feel free to chime in on the comments. I'd love to hear who you think is really right?

I'll update some more on Bradenton with more pics later!

Till next time,

Jason

Edgerton, Minny Soda

2007-03-16T08:54:00.000-05:00

Went up to Southwest Christian High School in Edgerton on Wednesday to speak at a spiritual renewal day with Troy and Dawn leading music worship.

I was tired. Dead tired. Everyone said that all babies do is sleep, eat, and poop. Well, they got two out of three right. This kid does not like to sleep -

- at least during the night. He'll sleep all day if you let him. He'll sleep so hard that you can't get him woken up. You think he must be in a coma. You shake his legs, his arms, you pinch his cheeks - nothing. You try to get him to feed. He stirs for a little bit - then nothing.

At night though, he's WIDE awake.

So with little to no sleep I went to speak in Minny Soda with Troy and Dawn. Let's just say that it's good God works in spite of me. The day went great.

The first talk was . . . well . . . kind of blah. I was tired, it was morning, I did the best I could. Afterwards though, they had an open mic session for the kids to give some testimonies and it was unbelievable. Some kids came forward and really opened up in a deep way. There were hugs, and tears, and lots of peer support. Troy, Dawn, and I all just looked at each other and went, "Okay, that was pretty cool!"

Since the students were so into it, we scrapped the schedule for the rest of the day and just went right back into worship. Troy and Dawn were fantastic. Troy played this new song by this guy named Trace Elliot (wink, wink), and I've been singing it nonstop since I got home.

What a day! I hope the school can keep up the feeling that was created on Wednesday.

I was very happy to crash home late Wednesday night and slip Carson into my arms from Grandma so we could rock awhile.

I'm home for the week and then Troy, Dawn, and I all take off again for Florida to lead worship for a week at a SERVE site in Bradenton.

Till next time,

Jason

My Boy is Here!!!!!

2007-03-10T19:51:00.000-06:00

Here's Carson West Taylor just about two minutes after being born. He has good lungs.

That's ketchup right? It's ketchup? Tell me it's ketchup.

Check this out. 8lbs 15.6 oz. I thought that was a pretty big baby. Turns out the night before, they had a boy who was 12.8lbs. That was a Pella record. Our guy looked like a . . . well, a baby next to him I guess. I told Carson not to start trouble in the nursery.

Here's mom and dad with little Carson. The baby is five minutes old. The beard is two weeks old. Which one's cuter?

Here's our going home outift and teddy bear. We got home today (Saturday the 10th of March) and we're doing great. Thanks to all who helped and prayed!

The Morgan Valley Social Club

2007-02-28T11:35:00.000-06:00

Thought I'd take a moment to update since I have a few weeks off from speaking due to our impending baby. . .

Brouther-in-law Kyle and I have teamed up after our recent success with the Valentine's Day shows. We're now calling ourselves The Morgan Valley Social Club and offering ourselves up for entertainment to all sorts of groups. (Morgan Valley is the old coal mining town where a lot of my mother's family is from. Although the town is now defunct I guess, and the coal mines are gone, the area down around Runnells is still often referred to as Morgan Valley.)

We've had a very promising first few weeks as several offers have rolled in. Several churchs and banquets have called already. I kind of wish speaking events would come in this quickly.

What's the show? It's basically me reading poems, stories and cracking jokes while Kyle fills in with all kinds of classic country music or whatever tickles his fancy for the night. It's very midwestern, and definitely geared for the 35+ crowd. But the shows are fantastic fun. In fact, I really hope more of them pour in because they're such a blast to do. Aw, well, if wishes were fishes, right?

I also heard that Van and Bonnie on WHO radio read one of my poems a few weeks back, although I wasn't aware of it until after the fact. I was in Omaha performing with the improv guys and gals when one of my cousins called to tell me they'd heard it. I took it as a great compliment that they deemed it worthy of air time, although I was told they changed the name of the person in the poem and messed with with ryhme scheme a bit. Oh well, any publicity is good publicity, right?

Till next time,

Jason

Jason Taylor - Wedding Singer

2007-02-15T13:18:00.000-06:00

Kyle and I did two more Valentine's Supper shows last night for the 1st Reformed Church in Pella, IA. There was a supper at 5pm and another one at 6:30pm and we performed for both.

It was a bit different from the Runnells shows as we didn't perform after the crowd ate, but rather while they ate. This can be interesting as most of the time during the first show they would have their mouths full of food while we were trying to make them laugh.

So for the second show, we did about three minutes up front, and then waited till dessert was served to finish off with about twenty minutes that went very, very well.

Kyle worked in Johnny Paycheck, Sam Cooke, Willie Nelson, and Johnny Cash all in one show. You can't tell me that's not a show you'd pay two bits to see. C'mon, that's a good show.

And on top of that, I once again accompanied Kyle on Johnny Cash's version of Rose of My Heart with my Grandpa Kain's old accordian. Afterwards, Andrea's sister Aleisha asked if we'd play it at her wedding to future brother-in-law Troy Elscott.

Now let me tell you how big of a deal this is for me. I'm no musician - not even close. I've tried many times - piano, guitar, banjo and now accordian. I'm occasionally good enough to use an instrument in a comedy bit. Some easy, short song that I can come up with. But I would never consider doing anything even semi-serious in front of people.

I've performed some comedy with music at several weddings now, but it was always for the reception. But Aleisha - Aleisha has asked me, if I understand her right, to actually perform at her wedding ceremony - and on the accordian no less!

So I'm pretty excited about that. We'll have to see how that turns out.

What else is new? Hmm. Baby's due in a week. Andrea shows no signs of labor yet which leads me to believe it may be awhile. Everyone keeps coming up and assuming she's just miserable, but she says she's not really - other than a bad cold. So if this miserable feeling precedes childbirth, we could be in for the long haul.

Heading to Minny Soda for a day next month, and then Florida - both trips with Troy and Dawn. I think I mentioned that in the last post, so I'll just wrap up now.

Till next time,

Jason

The Runnells, IA Crowd

2007-02-12T10:50:00.000-06:00

Did a poetry show over the weekend. It was the Valentine's Supper for the Runnells Christian Church in Runnell's, IA. For those astute readers of the blog, you might remember I did this show two years ago and it went fantastic.

Well, this year, I brought along my brother-in-law Kyle for the show to play some music, and it went even better. Kyle is a great guitar player and singer and we did an hour show of poetry and music. I even joined in on the last song with my Grandpa's old accordian.

The food was great, the crowd was great (probably 50% of them were relatives in one way or another), and the show couldn't have gone better. Many laughs were had, we got to listen to Kyle dissect a Johnny Paycheck love song while he was playing it (Andrea said my dad was rolling with laughter during this part), Andrea came up to sing back up on Sam Cooke's You Send Me, and we got rid of lots of my new poetry book, Farm Dog, and Other Poems.

It was, quite honestly, the most fun I've had with a show in a long time. One of those times where the material and the audience just really seemed to click. It makes me really want to set up lots more shows just like that one. I think with a little polishing, we may be onto something here.

Kyle and I are doing two more shows this week for the First Reformed Church in Pella, IA. They'll be back to back shows for their Valentine's Night Supper, and I'm really excited to make a few touch ups on the show and see what happens.

Other than those shows, I've kind of taken about a month off from speaking until the baby comes. The due date is February 23rd, but Andrea has been feeling so well that I'm afraid the baby may come a little late. But that's okay, because we'll both be around for the next few weeks.

Next month I'll be heading up to Minny Soda to speak for a spiritual renewal day for a high school, and then the last week of the month Troy, Dawn, and I head down to Florida for a Happy the Dog Ministry trip on a SERVE project in Bradenton.

I'll try to update after the Wednesday shows with Kyle.

Till next time,

Jason

Go Oilers!

2007-01-30T11:48:00.000-06:00

88 again

I've been doing a lot of traveling over the last couple weeks. Two weekends ago, I went over to Omaha again to perform with 88improv. I worked with Nate and Sarah Schoenfeld at a really swank country club for a dinner. It was a great show. Some of the best improv I've been involved in for a long time.

We played this game called Genres which is kind of hard to explain if you don't know it, but it essentially breaks down into everyone having to make up showtunes on the spot. Well, I'm horrible at this part of the game. I can't make up songs on the spot (let alone sing on tune). Over the last couple weeks I've performed with the 88 crew, it's gone something like this:

Tim: I don't care
If you don't share
About the fair
With that pair!

Jason: That Pair!

Just basically me repeating the last line of what the other improver says as best I can. Well not this time! This time I made up my own song about ear piercing with Nate and it worked really well. It ended with me singing about Nate giving me a kiss on the ear, which, in improv, he naturally had to do since you're always supposed to agree with everyone.

Oh, Canada!

So Troy and I headed up to Alberta, Canada this past weekend to lead a retreat. He played some rock your face off music like normal, and I spoke. We had a blast.

First of all, it was about 30 to 40 degrees warmed in Canada than it was in Iowa the entire time we were there. It was great!

We were speaking in this little town called Neerlandia. When we were renting our car at the Edmonton airport, we asked the ladies behind the counter, "Do you know where Neerlandia is?" And one of them asked, "Did you say Narnia?" While that would have been pretty cool, it was not what we'd asked. So after several phone calls and lots of map searching, we finally found the town which was located two hours north of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

It was strange. It was just like Iowa in most ways. At 6:30 am, I left my house in my little dutch pig farming community on Friday morning, drove for an hour, got on a plan for four hours, drove for two more hours, and got out of the car in a little dutch pig farming community. It was all a bit surreal.

We had a great time with the 100 or so students and adults at the retreat. Troy and I discovered that all Canadian punctuation is spoken out loud.

Eh = .
Right = ?

For instance:

Jason: Hi, I'm Jason!
Canadian: Good to meet you, eh You had a good trip, right

They also put gravy on their french fries, and they love hockey. Both of those quirks were very agreeable with me, so we got along great.

We also started marketing our new Happy the Dog Ministry t-shirts, which I'll have to post on here soon. The kids seemed to take to them very well, and we sold a lot of them.

Sunday morning, we led worship for about 500 people in the Neerlandia Christian Reformed Church, and we had great time. Troy even got everyone, and I mean everyone, up and dancing to Undignified.

So, in short, Canadians were great. It was my first time out of the country, and I had a blast spending time with Troy all weekend. We met some great new friends like Becky, Joelle, Sandy, Cindy, Janice, Rob, Rick Rick, Randy, Randy, and many others who I'll think of immediately after I post this blog.

Till next time,
Jason

88, 89 . . .

2006-12-12T08:53:00.000-06:00

I went and did another 88improv show in Omaha this past weekend with good friends Tim and Sarah Schoenfeld. It was for the Cargill Christmas Party, and I had a pretty stinking good time.

The food was great, the people laughed, and I had a lot of fun playing improv games. The team of 88improv is just about the best team you could hope to watch, and it's hard for me not to laugh the entire time I'm up there with them.

In an effort to try and liven up the old blog again, I'll relay an old story from my days at Northwestern College in Orange City, IA. I didn't attend Northwestern, but my wife Andrea did, so I was there for several years.

I first met the guys from 88improv while at Northwestern, and we liked to get together once in a while and have fun. Well, one Friday night we're all sitting around looking for something to do, and I ask the guys if they want some golf balls. I'd been biking every morning around the Orange City golf course, and I noticed that there were often thousands of golf balls just laying around on the practice range. They apparently didn't believe in picking them up very often.

So we all jump on some "borrowed" bicycles (which we returned!) and headed off to the golf course. It was late enough, and dark enough, that no one was there, so we went to work. I took off my hockey jersey and tied off the sleeves and the neck to form a make-shift sack of sorts. Then we stuffed the thing with hundreds of golf balls.

When we got home, we really didn't know what to do with all the golf balls. First we spread them out on the floor and took turns rolling around on them. It was a pretty amazing feeling to shoot across the floor as they rolled underneath. I think we let them all fall down some stairs a few times. Then we got an idea.

Andrea and I were living in a house owned by theater professors Jeff and Karen Barker. We were in an apartment attached to the house, and the rest of the home was occupied by several other theater students.

We grabbed the big bag of golf balls and headed down to the basement room of Amy Christiansen. She had one of those little dorm fridges, so we tipped it backwards and proceeded to fill it all the way to the door with the golf balls. Then we put it back into place and made ourselves scarce.

I don't remember if I was around or not when Amy finally opened her fridge, but I'm sure it was hysterical.

DISCLAIMER
Now, I don't condone the theft of golf balls from golf course practice ranges. I know what we did was wrong, and I'm very sorry about it now. I'm not sure what happened to the big bag of golf balls, but I'm sure we returned them all to where we found them . . . I'm pretty sure anyway.

Till next time,

Jason

88 Improv

2006-12-07T11:21:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the late blog. Just catching up to this past weekend.

I attempted to go to Grand Rapids, MI this past weekend to perform some poetry for a church Christmas party, but due to the extreme weather hitting Illinois, I didn't make it. I was travelling with ministry partner Mark Elgersma, and about twenty minutes into Illinois, we notices that NO ONE was coming towards us in the other lane.

"That can't be good," Mark said.
"No, it can't," I responded.

And it wasn't. When we came around a big bend in the road, we found that both lanes of traffic were backed up for miles because of a jacknifed semi or two. We finally found an exit and then just turned around to come home. Apparently, O'Hare airport was shut down for the day due to the blizzard, so we should probably have never left in the first place. Dumb me.

I did make it to Omaha on Saturday to perform some improv with good friends Tim and Sarah Schoenfeld with 88improv. They'd double booked some shows over the weekend, and asked if I'd come down and be an extra body for them. I had a ton of fun. The show was downtown in some hotel for a Christmas party being held by a bunch of computer techies. It ended up being a really good show and Tim and Sarah are always hilarious.

This weekend I head down to Omaha again for another show on Saturday night. And, as far as I can think, that's my last show of any type for the rest of the year. The next thing on my docket is going to Canada in January . . . great timing, eh?

A few changes coming up - the first of which is a name change for the ministry I'm in with Mark and Troy. It's changing from "39-27 Ministries" to "Happy the Dog Ministries". The website on the side of the page hasn't been updated yet, but that's because the new web page isn't ready.

. . .

A few people have complained that I need some more "jokes" on my website so it's not so boring, and I'm afraid I didn't come through this time. Let's see . . . our bedroom ceiling is leaking and our septic tank needs an expensive repair. Wait, that's not funny to me. But maybe you can laugh at me.

What else? Oh, yeah. The dripping ceiling hit my video ipod and ruined it. Also funny if you like laughing at me instead of with me. The car may also need new tires as well.

Enough of all that tomfoolery though. Here's a Christmas poem:

Last Minute Shopper

Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.

Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.

“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.

Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.

Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.

He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.

As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.

We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.

“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”

“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.

And a marriage poem. . .

Married Life

My brother asked awhile back,
“Is your married life still on track?
You’ve been together for five years,
Do you have any regrets or fears?”

I said, “Oh, yeah, it’s really great!
There’s always good food on my plate,
There’s always shampoo in the show’r,
And outside there are pretty flow’rs.”

“The bed is almost always made,
The bills are almost always paid,
Cobwebs are very rarely seen,
And my laundry is always clean.”

He said, “It sounds like paradise,
And what you’ve said makes me think twice,
About the single life I’ve got,
And whether I should tie the knot.

So maybe I should buy a ring,
And find a girl to wear that thing,
The married life just might suit me,
Since your life is so problem free.

I must have paused a little bit,
Because he asked me, “What is it?”
You seem like something’s on your mind,
Like maybe things aren’t always fine.”

I laughed and said, “Forget it, man!
My life is great from where I stand,
There was just this one minor time,
When everything wasn’t sublime.

It’s nothing, don’t pay it a thought,
Cause a complainer I am not,”
But he said he just had to know,
And so I said, “Well here we go . . .”

We’re in the living room one day,
And Andrea looks up to say,
You know I think I’d like this space,
If the couch and book shelf traded place.

So I huffed and puffed for an hour,
When I was done her face looked sour,
And then she had the nerve to say,
“It looked better the other way.”

And then there was the other night,
When we played poker till daylight,
And even though I’d left a note,
I guess my absence got her goat.

“I was all alone!” she hollered.
I said, “I won fifty dollars!”
She said, “Well I’m still mad at you!”
And spent the fifty on new shoes.

And then the times I hate the most,
Are times when she can be quite gross,
She trims her nails in bed at night,
And leaves used Q-Tips in plain sight.

She eats with this loud slurping sound,
She’ll eat food she dropped on the ground,
And though I swore I’d never tell,
Man, she can make that bathroom smell!

He nodded as he took it in,
“So you would say you’re happy then?
With everything about your wife,
And all the changes to your life?”

And I assured him that I was,
But I don’t think he bought it cause,
Even though he heard my story,
He’s still single and near forty.

Till next time,
Jason

Look at me, blogging once a week and all...

2006-11-20T08:40:00.000-06:00

So I went to Des Moines this past weekend to speak at a Presbyterian retreat along with the band Jonah's Wale (Troy, Dawn, and Mark). It was held in the Westminster Presbyterian church near the Drake neighborhood.

It was what I'd consider the first real 39/27 Ministry gig since, to my knowledge, it's the first job we've had together that was pitched as a package deal. For those of you who don't know, 39/27 is the name that we (Jonah's Wale, Son's of Thunder, and I) have picked to represent ourselves in the Christian world as we promote ourselves together for events. If I'm not too lazy here when I'm done with this post, I'll put a link up for our site on the side of the page next to all the other links I've got.

The event was great. Man, do I love Presbyterians. It was pretty clear in the opening worship that Troy's worship leading, cow milking, movie butterfly, river dancing, ways of music were new to this crowd. At one point during worship, Troy said, "You know, this is my first experience with Presbyterians." And a pastor from the crowd answered back, "And this is the first time Presbyterians have experienced someone like you!" Which got a large laugh from the crowd. Troy asked if that was good, to which they all responded that it was.

We ate pizza, camped out in the church lounge, ate at Fazzoli's, watched Mark dissapoint us all by not finishing a hamburger that was as big as his head, and had some fantastic worship. It was seriously the most fun I've had speaking in quite a while, and I really hope that the 39/27 possibilities keep flowing in.

Last night I headed over to Lynnville, IA to speak for the youth group at the Lynnville Friends Church. We had Lasagna (which I choose to prounounce as LUH-ZAG-NAH), and it was fantatstic. I had a chicken/broccoli lasagna that rocked my face off. And the group I spoke to was a lot of fun. Wow, two great crowds in a row! I'm kind of scared to go to the next job . . . but that's back to Gunn Lake, Michigan on December 1st for a Christmas party. And those folks are always great to me!

On a sad note, I've once again given up soda of all forms. I quit about a week ago after a lengthy conversation with good friend Luke Vander Leest about the dangers of addictions. For those long time blog readers (yes, both of you), I gave up once a long while back for about two weeks and then started up again. I was sadly up to about ten cans a day for a while, but I've been clean for a week now.

Well, that was until last night. At last night's Lynnville dinner, all I found to drink was soda, so I had a Diet Pepsi. It was just one! And I'm officially back on the wagon again this morning. Or off the wagon, maybe, because I don't remember which part of the wagon it is you need to worry about when it comes to addictions.

I'm in Michigan for poetry on Dec. 1, Omaha for improv on Dec. 2, and Omaha again for improv on Dec. 9. I'm getting to team up with my good friends in 88 Improv again for a couple weeks of Christmas parties, and I'm really looking forward to it!

Till next time,

Jason

Still a Lazy Blogger. . .

2006-11-13T08:53:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I've been lots of places and done lots of things since the last blog. And yes, I still get the occasional emails and folks I bump into that say, "Hey, why no blog? Have you given up on the blog?"

No.

In October I went up to Milwaukee to speak for a large group of ninjas (people with panty hose on their heads that each held a tennis ball.) I found them quite entertaining, and while in Milwaukee, I accomplished my ultimate purpose - to pick up jars and jars of Milwaukee's own pickles for my wife who is 6 months pregnant.

And, as always, after stating that I had to pick up pickles for my pregnant wife, I am to offer the disclaimer that my wife has ALWAYS liked pickles and eaten them in large quantities - even before she was pregnant. (If you ask me, that actually sounds worse than just telling people they're a pregnancy craving.)

Also in October, I went and spoke for the Pella High School football team at their weekly team supper. It was one of those odd little God things where I spoke about some soldiers from the old testament sticking together, and afterwards the coach showed me the dog tags that every player and coach were given for many of the same reasons I spoke about. And I also found out that speaking to a large group of football players can be intimidating.

This past week I was up in Sioux Falls, SD, Edgerton, MN, and a little town I can't remember just north of Sioux Falls where the Tri-Valley High School is located. It was a little three day midwest tour, as I like to imagine it.

I spoke for the chapel at the Southwest Christian High School in Edgerton on Wednesday afternoon. It was a great session not because of anything I said, but because it gave me a chance to worship with good friend / worship leader / piano player Dawn Ryswyk. Dawn helped make us all feel a little older by playing the worship song Carrier only to have most of the crowd admit they'd never heard it before.

Oh yeah, Mark was there too.

On Wednesday night we headed to Tri-Valley high school and I walked into the gymnasium and realized the event was much larger than I thought it was going to be. They had a large stage set up and seating for around 900 people. The place packed out, my good friends from Sons of Thunder played the worship leaders, and it was a great time. There were LOTS of people there.

Oh yeah, Mark and Troy were there too.

On Thursday I headed to the Sioux Falls Christian High School in the afternoon to speak to good friend Luke Vander Leest's old testament bible class on biblical archaeology. I've been reading up and taking notes on the subject for the last several months, and thought it would be fun to share it with some others.

To put it simply, I bored the buhjeebers out of the class. It reminded me a lot of my first speaking engagement. I talked way too long, and way too fast and no one seemed to like me. But when I was done, I thought, I think I could do that better next time! So only time will tell whether or not I get another chance to share my studies on archaeology.

This coming weekend I'm speaking for a Presbyterian retreat in Des Moines. Troy and Dawn will be leading worship. And, oh yeah, Mark will be there.

Till next time,

Jason

Come on blogger.com!

2006-09-27T14:04:00.000-05:00

Just got done typing a post about my recent trip up to Waylan, MI to speak at another Summit event and stay with good friends Andy and Erin Rozendaal, and the blog site temporarily crashed on me.

This is the second or third time this has happened, and I have NO desire to retype all that is lost. Bah. What a lumpy day.

So, in short, I went somewhere this weekend and things happened and I came home. Bah. Today, I hate blogspot. Instead I shall post a poem to fill space:

The Des Moines “International” Airport

You may want to call the police,
Or maybe the CIA,
Or whatever watchdog group may be,
Protecting the US of A.

There’s chance I might be a terrorist,
A chance I might be insane,
At least that’s what I found out last month,
While trying to get on a plane.

When I went through security,
A guard swabbed my laptop case,
Then put the swab into a machine,
A grimace affixed on her face.

I nervously tried to chit-chat,
“How long does it take this thing?”
She said, “Just a few moments and then,
It’ll make a noise that goes ding.”

I made a little joke or two,
She seemed immune to my charm,
Then the machine began to light up,
And out came a piercing alarm.

“That sure doesn’t sound like a ‘ding’”,
“No, it sure doesn’t,” she said,
Then she picked up her walkie-talkie,
And whispered, “I’ve got a code red.”

It’s strange that when this all happened,
I knew that I should stay calm,
But I’ll admit the thought crossed my mind,
“Well, maybe I do have a bomb. . .”

Just maybe Al Qaida changed plans,
To bring about our demise,
And instead of Arab extremists,
They’re targeting white, Irish guys.

Or maybe they got to my wife,
It wouldn’t be hard I guess,
Just catch her on one of my bad days,
When I’d left the bathroom a mess.

This uniformed man stormed over,
Like he was in a bad mood,
“Do you work with explosives?” he asked,
“Just when I eat Mexican food.”

Well, after a thorough pat down,
From a large black guard named Steve,
They told me it’d just been a mistake,
And said I was free to leave.

Yet, as I headed toward my gate,
After gathering my stuff,
That guilty part of me still wondered,
If they didn’t look hard enough.

Yes, that actually happened. It just didn't rhyme at the time like it does now.

Till next time,
Jason

Can't think of a good title . . .

2006-09-20T09:23:00.000-05:00

Went up to emcee a couple of youth rally's in Northwest Iowa and Minny Soda this past weekend.

I met up with ministry partner Mark Elgersma, and his wife Cassi in Albert Lea, MN to car pool the rest of the way to Sioux Falls, SD where we were staying with Mark's wonderful parents Barry and Brenda. Had a great time chatting on the two hour drive with Cassi . . . and I guess Mark was okay to be around too.

The two events I was at were fall youth rally's for the area, and a kind of reunion of sorts for the event I spoke at this summer in Arizona. They brought Tom Tufts (former golf pro, and Christian speaker from Florida) to be the main speaker, and he's a pretty fun guy to hang around with. And when I say "pretty fun guy" I mean "he also likes to give Mark a really hard time" which I always enjoy.

I didn't have a terrible amount of responsibilities this weekend, so I got to do a little more hanging out than usual. I watched the entire Iowa/ISU game. I'm not a huge football fan. In fact, I rarely ever watch sports. But since I went to ISU, this is the one game of the year I always try to catch. Not because I necessarily find it interesting, mind you, I just like to know ahead of time how much razzing I'm going to have to take from Iowa fans if ISU loses. Well . . . it's going to be a long year.

I got to eat lunch with good friend Luke Vander Leest, his wife Carla, and their beautiful kids Derek and Caity (Sp?). I played an extensive game of hide and seek with Derek and I got to see Luke teach two year olds how to sing and dance, so that definately made my weekend.

Also got to chat a bit with Jacklyn Punt who was recovering from the same cold I'd had only days before. Troy and Dawn were there, of course. Dawn was great as always, and I got to punch Troy on stage and get away with it, so that was fantastic.

What else? Bored yet? I am and I lived it. It was more fun than it reads, trust me. Got home about two a.m. on Monday morning, then had to jump out of bed at seven a.m. to paint a day with Andrea's uncle Jere Brummel. How good of a painter am I? Well, Jere didn't curse or fire me on the first day, so that must have meant I wasn't completely awful. Although I did mess up quite a bit.

Okay, next time, I'll just post pictures - they'd probably be more interesting than anything I wrote today.

Till next time,
Jason

Long Time No See . . .

2006-09-07T08:39:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's been awhile since I updated. I'm a bad blogger with no other excuse than extreme business, followed by extreme laziness. But here's a list of where I've been as of late:

July - I spoke at Convention in Flagstaff, AZ for about 1,500 high schoolers and adults. Highlights of the trip include getting business manager Mark to do improv, and being flagged for a bomb at the airport (I'll cover that in a bit).

I also emceed and did some improv at Power Connection, the Reformed Church middle schooler event in Maryville, MO. The big highlight of that trip was getting to work with good friend Steve Hydeen from 88 Improv in Omaha, NE.

August - I got to do another Old Time Gospel Show in What Cheer, IA in the What Cheer Opera house. Seriously - this was the most fun I've had all summer. I read poems, and the audience was huge, and they rocked. We laughed, I got to hang out with Chris "Crackers" Bennett again, and I got to hear some great music. What's not to enjoy?

I also spoke for a youth event in Sully, IA. About 100 kids. Mark and Dustin were with me. Highlight? Mark and Dustin were with me.

Coming up, I get to head up to Minny Soda for a little Convention reunion type thing this month, as well as giving the message at 2nd Reformed Pella, and then I head out to Michigan to speak for my good friends in Dorr again.

In October I head to Milwaukee, in November I'm in South Dakota and Des Moines, and then in January I'm pretty pumped to head on up past the border to Canada! That's right, Canada! For the first time in my 30 long years here on earth, I'll be in another country. I'm pretty excited as I've heard a lot of good things about Canada - hockey, Tim Horton's coffee, and uh . . . snow.

So, back to the only part of this post that might be halfway interesting - I set the bomb detector off at the Des Moines "International" Airport. It was a pretty thrilling experience. I was on my way to Flagstaff, when I was pulled aside for a random extra security screening. This essentially means they give you a good frisking and give all your stuff an extra search.

After a security guard swabbed my laptop case, she put the little cotton cloth into a machine (the bomb detector), and we made a little chit chat while she said we had to wait for the little 'ding'. I told her I was a youth director going to speak at a teenage convention. Then the alarm sounded.

I said, "That doesn't sound like a 'ding'."

She said, "No, no it doesn't." She then grabbed her walkie talkie and radioed in a "hit on station six". A large guard came over, asked me if I worked with explosives, gave me my second frisking of the day, and then they sent me on my way.

I have to admit, even though I knew that I didn't have a bomb on me - my mind did go there for a second. Well, maybe I do have a bomb. Maybe someone did slip it into my things while I wasn't looking. I then realized the only person I'd been with all morning had been my wife, so you can bet I'm keeping a pretty close eye on her as of late.

You heard it here first - Al Qaida is now targeting tall, lanky, Irish guys through their wives. Be aware.

Till next time,

Jason

The Old Time Gospel Show

2006-06-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

I traveled up to Toledo, IA this past weekend to do some comedy/poetry at the historic Wieting Opera House (now movie theater). Unfortunately, I'm still forgetting to take my camera along, so this is the best picture I could find on the internet. But trust me when I say it's a really cool theater on the inside with a real oldfashioned feel.

This is apparently what it looked like in it's heyday though.

A guy by the name of John Finical called me up a couple weeks ago and asked me to do a few shows with his Old Time Gospel Tour. The first of which was this past weekend, the next two are over the first couple weekends in August in North English and What Cheer, IA.

John lined up lots of great acts for the show like Homeword Bound, Bob Mehrer, The MaClain Family (sp?), and a 12 year old madonlin and violin player named Chris "Crackers" Bennett.

In fact, I was the only non-gospel music portion of the evening - which made me a tad nervous. But it ended up being all for naught as the crowd really seemed to enjoy the poems I performed and gave me a great round of applause after it was over.

I've always thought that I'd love to go back to the day when Vaudeville was the main vein of entertainment in the country, and this show on Saturday was probably as close as I'm ever going to get.

Church / Kiwanis / Old Timey Gospel!

2006-05-31T11:24:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the late update. I delivered the message a week ago last Sunday for the Bethel Reformed Church youth service in Des Moines, IA. I got hooked up with them through ministry partner Mark Elgersma who's aunt and uncle attend the church.

I had a great time, and they were really receptive, appreciative, and welcoming to me. I used some old photos of my dad's dog Happy from when he was a kid in the message, and talked about Peter and John in Acts 4.

I also did a 6 A.M. breakfast poetry reading for the Knoxville Kiwanis. Yes, that's right. 6 A.M.! It was EARLY. We just bought a new house and we've spent several days moving into it, and we've had a lot of early mornings and late nights, so I was dead tired when I rolled out of the house at 5:30. But the show went all right. I had a great time.

The biggest news, at least to me anyways, is that I was contacted by a fella about doing a series of storytelling/poetry shows as part of something called The Old Time Gospel Show. I guess it's a kind of tour thing where lots of different gospel singers and bands get together and put on a shows around Iowa, and I'll be providing the comedy portion of the evening.

I've been booked for three shows, the first one being this Saturday night, and it would be an understatement to say I'm a little excited. I'll be doing some poetry, storytelling, and a little banjo, so it's going to be about my favorite show of the year.

And in two short weeks I'll be in Sioux Falls, SD for the 2006 SERVE! And I'm super pumped cause Troy asked me back for the 2007 SERVE as well. Now I guess I'm really free to do some crazy stuff this year - like throwing rotten eggs at the crowd, or wearing my spiderman underoos to preach in. I can't wait!

Till next time,
Jason

For Dustin!

2006-05-02T22:02:00.000-05:00

Here it is! A project I hope to enjoy for a long time with my good friend Dustin!

http://ifihadbeenmacgyver.blogspot.com

Pella - Chicago - Michigan - Chicago - Pella

2006-05-02T19:29:00.000-05:00

Went to Michigan over the weekend, by way of Chicago. I was going to speak at a youth rally in Wayland, MI at Gunn Lake Community Church. For those of you regular readers, it was the one I mentioned a while back that was going to have the praise band ride in on Harley's. You may also remember that I promised to start taking a camera along to take pictures. Well, there were Harley's, and I did bring the camera, but I completely forgot to take any pictures. So in lieu of the pictures I promised to take, I'll be inserting some pics I got from Google image search.

For instance:

The praise band rode in on Harley motorcycles!

Something unique that happened on this trip that was a real treat for me, was that good friend, and ministry partner, Mark Elgersma came along for the ride.

Once again, this is NOT a picture of Mark Elgersma, but it is the first picture that comes up when you type the name "Mark" into the Google image searcher.

We stayed the night in Chicago on Saturday to break up the driving a bit so we wouldn't have to drive the whole way in one day and then get out of the car and speak right away. The most amazing thing about the car ride was that it rained the WHOLE STINKING WAY from the moment I got in the car in Pella, all the way to Chicago, and all the way to Michigan, and it didn't stop until I hit the Iowa border on the way home on Monday.

Once again, this is not the rain we faced, but it is rain none-the-less.

In Chicago, we stayed with Mark's old college roommate Phil, who was a great guy that took us out for some great deep dish pizza, and then on to a real live Chicago Jazz Club. We had a great time.

Then it was on to Michigan on Sunday, and the worship service. Gunn Lake Community Church was just great, and I got a chance to see a few folks I'd worked with before at various times like Cindy, Bill and Pastor Todd.

Once again, this is NOT Cindy, Bill and Todd, but it is the first - yeah, well you get the picture by now.

After the show, which went pretty well, we headed over to visit old SERVE friends Randy and Becky Bennett in Dorr, MI. We had great time talking to them, catching up, and eating some fantastic monkey bread!

Okay, that's just a great picture! And yes, that's actually Randy!

What else? Hmmm, I'm guessing with all the pics this blog has been getting a little long. So I may call it quits here. I'm speaking for Bethany Reformed Church in Des Moines coming up here in May, and I'll be reading some poetry for another Kiwanis group on the 20th. It may be a bit before I update again, but in honor of good friend Dustin coming back from Holland, I will soon be linking to a special treat I'm arranging for Dustin as a welcome home present. Stay tuned!

Till next time,
Jason

Dolph

2006-04-27T13:45:00.000-05:00

Did a little stand-up for a Serve Our Youth fundraiser last Friday night. I was the opening act for a guy from Des Moines by the name of Dolph Pulliam who was on the Drake basketball team when they went to the final four in the sixties, and then spent about twenty years as a newscaster in Des Moines for KCCI channel 8. Before he took the stage, I made sure to relate my story about watching him interview my great uncle Johnny at the Iowa State Fair and told him it was the biggest thing that'd ever happened to our family up to that point. He seemed pretty amused at that.

The guy is an amazing speaker. Born in Mississippi with eight (I think) other siblings, his parents died in a car wreck when he was young. He moved to Indiana with an aunt, got into basketball, and the rest is history. It was one of the best talks I've heard in a long time. He was down to earth, funny, and inspiring. The kind of guy who makes me wish I was a far better speaker.

Brother-in-law Kyle went with me to the dinner/fundraiser since Andrea was busy with some youth stuff. The meal was fantastic, and we had a pretty good time entertaining one another. I learned that Kyle is a praise band drummer that secretly loathes most of the music he has to play. I'd have to agree on a lot of points, but he's also a pretty stinking good musician and songwriter when he puts his mind to it, and hopefully it will inspire him to write some of his own music.

I travel to Michigan this weekend to speak at a Youth Rally at Gunn Lake Community Church. Mark Elgersma's riding along with me, and I'm expecting it to be a pretty good time. Hopefully Dolph will have inspired me a bit to bring my own game up a notch.

Till next time,

Jason

And yeah, I should try to take a camera along to finally get some pictures up on this blog.

I'm a big chump . . .

2006-04-18T09:30:00.000-05:00

I missed a show yesterday. No real excuse really - Andrea and I are trying to put a bid down on a house, and yesterday we had about six hours of unexpected meetings come up. They all had to do with money, lawyers, septics tanks, loans, and other pleasant things. So we both pretty much skipped work for the day and sat through meetings.

Well, about 9 PM last night, a sudden, sickening feeling stabbed into my stomach as I realized that I'd forgotten all about doing a poetry reading in Knoxville, IA over the lunch hour. I'd set it up about two or three weeks ago, and even though it was only a fifteen minute show, as far as I can remember, it's the first show I've ever missed in more than ten years of performing.

Now, granted, there was a show five or six years ago that I missed as well. A young lady called me up and asked me to do some comedy for a class reunion in a certain Iowa town that I won't mention. I agreed, and she said she'd be in touch with me as the date got closer. All the info I had on her was her first name, the date, and the name of the town she was in.

Long story short, she never called me back - until the day after the reunion, when she asked me why I'd missed. I told her she'd given me no real info on the show, her full name, or her phone number, and she'd never called me back. I told her that I had no real desire to drive around the town looking for a reunion on the day of the show, and she quickly apologized for forgetting to call me back. Other than that incident, I don't think I've ever missed a show.

It was something I'd taken quite a bit of pride in, especially after hearing others tell me about how speakers/entertainers had burned them in the past by being late, canceling at the very last minute, or not showing up at all. In fact, I've gone to great lengths to make it to everything I've been booked for.

Once I agreed to speak for a youth retreat on a saturday morning, do a stand-up show five hours away on Saturday night, and then be back at the retreat to speak on Sunday morning. So esstenially, I spoke, jumped in the car and drove five hours, spoke again, did an hour of improv with friends, jumped back in the car around midnight and drove another five hours, got to the retreat, slept for two hours, then got up and spoke.

I agreed once to speak for a huge outdoor worship service in Sioux Falls, SD on a sunday morning. About a month after I'd made the arrangements, my brother announced he was getting married the night before, about six hours away, and wanted me to stand up with him. I agreed, went to the wedding, stayed for the reception, got in the car about 10:30 PM, and got to Sioux Falls at about 5:30 in the morning. I slept for about an hour and a half, and then headed to the service and spoke.

I once got severely sick, had a bad fever, lost my voice and had to spend two days straight out in the sun running a fundraiser for the youth group. And when I say I lost my voice, it was gone. All I had was a thin rasp. I'd agreed to do some stand-up for a seeker service in Des Moines on what was the worst day of my illness, and so for about ten hours before the show I just chugged and chugged cups of hot tea with honey. I made it to the show and performed, although it was what I would consider one of my worst shows ever, but I made the obligation.

So the fact that I missed a show yesterday - a show that was about twenty-five minutes from my apartment - for no other reason than I just forgot, I feel absolutely horrible. I called and apologized profusely, and the lady I talked to was very nice about the whole thing. I promised to make it up to them at any time, and she said that was nice. But I still can't get over the sick feeling. My perfect streak is broken . . .

This Friday night I'm the opening act at a Serve Our Youth fundraiser banquet for Des Moines' own Dolph Pulliam. I'm going to be very early for the show . . .

Till next time,
Jason

Lazy Blogger!

2006-04-12T10:36:00.000-05:00

I admit it. I'm not holding up my end of this blog thing. I've been extremely unmotivated as of late and I can't really tell you why. But after some prodding from good friend Dustin, here's an update on the last few engagements I've been on . . .

1. Kiwanis! I went and read some poetry to a group of Kiwanis here in Pella a couple weeks back over their lunch time meeting. I'm not sure if they were expecting what they got. I think they were used to reports from park and rec commissioners, local ministries, and Pella politicians. What they got was half an hour of pig, dog, and farm poems. I had a great time and it lead to me getting two other shows. One for the Kiwanis in Knoxville (they meet over breakfast . . . oogh) and one for a hospital in Knoxville.

"Fantastic!" is all I'm thinking. I've made no secret that these kinds of shows are my guilty pleasure, and if I could figure out a way to make a living doing them, I would. I've just got to figure out how to get them to pay first . . .

2. Vriendship Villagebochendootch . . . Okay, I don't know how it's spelled, but it's a retirement community here in Pella that's actually called "Frienship Village" but they spell it the Dutch way to confuse Irish poets. I read some poems there too, this time to my ideal audience of 70 to 90 year-old retired folks. I love these shows because they always go the same way. I read poems. They laugh more than they should. We have coffee time afterwards. They ask me two questions in this order - "You're from Prairie City? Who was your grandpa?" I wouldn't have it any other way.

3. Church stuff - I took part in a five part monologue last week in church, and then we did it again this morning at Central college for a Lenten breakfast for the students. It was basically five biblical characters with five different monologues on why they think Christ deserved what he got. I was Judas. Gotta love the bad guy roles.

This Sunday morning I'm in charge of the Sunrise Service sermon. Why do they call it the sunrise service? Yeah, oogh, six a.m. I'm doing it with father-in-law Joe B. again like we did last year. I'm expecting it to be just as much fun.

Coming up,
I do some stand-up next week in Des Moines for a Serve Our Youth banquet. I know, I know, I've said it before, I'm trying to shy away from straight stand-up. But listen! The main speaker for the night is Iowa newscasting legend - Dolph Pulliam! As soon as I heard that, I was on board. Dolph interviewed my great uncle Johnny Taylor way back when about milking cows at the Iowa State Fair. I figure if I can get Dolph to laugh just once, my life will be complete.

I'm also heading to Michigan in a few weeks for a Sunday night youth rally. I don't know much except that Mark Elgersma is going along for the ride, and they emailed and told me that the praise band is riding in on Harley's. It sounded too good to pass up.

Till next time,
Jason

At least Nathan's funny.

2006-03-17T08:18:00.000-06:00

Happy St. Patrick's day everyone.

I'm filling in for the church secretary this week and since it's Friday morning, it's a little slow around the office, so I thought I'd take a moment to blog.

Nothing much to say today. I am, in fact, Irish. And the picture on the left is an authentic painting of my great, great uncle Charley McKain'O'Taylor.

I was thinking the other day about how good this blog is not, and wishing I did cool things on my blog like post pictures of where I've been, and who I saw.

But I realized that I'm usually far to lazy to find the camera before I leave on trips, and even when I have it with me, I'm far too lazy to take any pictures.

So anyway, wishing this blog was more entertaining for you the reader, I've decided to include a story today sent to me by good friend, and rocket scientist, Nathan Kinkaid.

Nathan and I are friends from back in middle school, we went to college together at ISU and were roommates for a better part of it, and we shared a lot of stage time on ISU's sketch comedy group Grandma Mojo's Moonshine Revival.

Nathan now spends most of his time doing cool things like hiking, biking, raising a family, living in California, and thinking up ways to make rockets go "Whooooosh!" up in the sky. But occasionally he'll send me a great tidbit of comedy he's worked up. Sometimes it's a skit, sometimes it's a story - either way it usually makes me laugh.

So, without any permission from Nathan what-so-ever, I present to you his latest story to me - which at least ties into today's theme because the main character has an Irish name. And oh yes, to maintain full disclosure, I did edit one word out of the story for my family readers. Sorry Nathan.

Chancy McLuckyguy and the Ogre
by Nathan Kinkaid, Rocket Scientist, Good Friend, Super Genius, Funny Man

Chancy McLukyguy awoke from his nap to urgent knocking on his door. It was Rolph and Timmy. Chancy arose from his couch and answered the door.

"Why aren't you at the picnic, Chancy?" asked Timmy.

"I flipped my lucky coin, and a nap won over the picnic," explained Chancy.

"Wow, that was lucky," said Rolph, "Cause an ogre showed up at the picnic, and it ate all the jello. Now it's making Mrs. Artlemore eat all the devilled eggs."

"That coin sure never steers you wrong, Chancy. It sure is lucky that a guy with the name 'Chancy McLuckyguy' found it in some black cat poop under a ladder," said Timmy.

"Yeah," said Rolph, "But, oh yeah, we need your help against the ogre."

"You're the only one who could help Mrs. Artlemore now," chimed in Timmy, "We all know she can only hold 50 devilled eggs before she gets violently ill, and the ogre has alread made her eat 17! You have to help us!"

"Well, I'll have to flip my lucky coin," said Chancy, "Heads I start heading down to the picnic and see if I can help, tails I stay here and go back to sleep." Chancy flipped the coin in the air, caught it in his right hand, and slapped it down on the back of his left hand. "Heads," he said, "Let's start heading down to the picnic."

"Yay!" exclaimed Rolph and Timmy, as they followed him out to the street. "Why are you stopping?" they asked.

"Heads I keep going out to the sidewalk, tails I get my mail out of the mailbox and read it." Chancy flipped the coin again. "Heads."

"Yay!" They arrived at the sidewalk by Chancy's street. Chancy stopped again. "Heads I'm going to the video arcade, tails I cross the street to go to the picnic," said Chancy. "Heads. See you guys later."

"No!" said Timmy.

"Please, you have to help us", said Rolph.

"You don't need luck to cross the road," said Timmy, "You can do it without your coin. Please, just once."

"Yeah, just once," implored Rolph, "You don't need luck just to cross the stupid street."

Chancy pondered it. He supposed just this once, he could help out these two idiots. He relented. "Okay," said Chancy, "Let's cross the street."

"Yay!" Chancy turned and stepped out into the street. He was hit by a bus. A bus made entirely of nerf - on the only day it would ever run because buses made entirely of nerf are not very reliable. Chancy bounced over onto the grass on the other side of the street.

"Wow!" said Rolph, "Can you believe how lucky that guy is? Even without his coin, the bus he got he by was made of nerf!"

"That's crazy," said Timmy, "I'll go wake him up." Timmy ran across the street to Chancy. "He's dead!"

"Oh no! I can't believe he got killed by a nerf bus! He should have listened to the coin and not us."

"Where's the coin? We'll need that to defeat the ogre."

"Here it is. Wait! It has too heads! He was never lucky, he was just smart!"

"No way! Now I'm glad he's dead."

"Yeah, we hate smart people here in Dumbville."

"Let's go kick the ogre in the butt. That'll teach him to ruin the Dumbville Town Picnic."

And then the ogre killed everyone in the town by making them eat devilled eggs until they blew up. Those idiots in Dumbville always made way too many devilled eggs.

THE END

till next time,

Jason

Late Night Musings

2006-03-13T13:54:00.000-06:00

I found myself driving over night again on Friday, as I often do when I travel to speak, and decided that there are just some things I've grown to expect while driving late at night. Some events just seem to reoccur every time I travel between the hours of midnight and six a.m.

For instance:

1. More nighttime truckers than not choose to travel with the confederate flag emblazoned somewhere on their clothes. I'm not certain on why it's more nighttime truckers than daytime truckers, but during most late night gas station visits, I'm fairly sure the south may rise again.

2. I've never stopped at a rest stop between the hours of midnight and six without seeing at least one biker. Now, granted, the exception to this is during severe winter conditions, but I've even seen a few diehard Harley riders during some rough snow storms.

3. To be a gas station attendant during the graveyard shift requires one to be short some type of body part. Now most of the time, it's just a tooth or two. But I've seen missing hands, arms, legs, eyes, and even one young guy I see on occasion who has no nose! I'm completely serious. I know what you're thinking - "If he doesn't have a nose, how does he smell?" Just awful.

4. If the skies are clear, I will see at least one falling star. What do I wish for? More wishes of course.

5. Coast to Coast AM is the best way to stay awake. There's nothing like staying awake because you've become paranoid that there are aliens or black ops government officials that patrol the highways during early morning hours.

6. As good as Krispy Kreme doughnuts are, they're even better when you can get them delivered fresh at 4 AM as you pass through the right gas station.

7. While driving past the casinos where I-80 meets I-29, I've discovered that they apparently don't suffer from "slow hours". Those places are always hopping.

8. Small children are up way too late. I see at least one or two cars every trip when I stop at a gas station or rest area where they have several elementary aged children awake and running around with enough energy to make you think they'd say it was noon.

I'm thinking this list would seem more complete if it ended at 10, but alas, it's time for me to move on in my day.

till next time,
Jason

No blog for you!

2006-03-07T11:42:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I'm desperately behind in my blogging, but unfortunately in the next ten minutes I have to devote to it this week, you're not going to get very much.

I head off for Orange City, IA in a few hours to do a Wednesday-Friday Spiritual Renewal Week for the Unity Christian High School there with Troy and Dawn. This immediately follows the Renewal Week I did last week here at Pella Christian High School with Troy, Dawn and Mark.

We had a great time last week. It was fun just to have those three at my apartment here in Pella for a change, rather than them always hosting me in Sioux Falls. We laughed, ate a ton, had great talks, and I got the chance to scare the beejeebus out of Troy late one night with one of my new Mexican wrestling masks (the one Nathan got me in LA). So it was a good time.

I should elaborate more, but I wouldn't even know where to start. We led chapels every morning, and then did a big praise and worship service on Wednesday night. We got to visit classes all week (and many prayers go out to God that He never calls me to be a full time teacher - those long days in the classroom wear me out!) and sit in the guidance office to talk to a lot of cool kids. I met some great students with a lot of heartache and a lot of promising futures.

We ate out on Thursday night at El Charro, and, as usual on our ministry trips, Troy promptly grabbed a waiter and told him we had a birthday at our table. Troy does this almost every trip, whether there's a birthday or not. He just thinks it's fun to see the wait staff come out with treats, a song, and a silly hat for the innocent bystander. Usually he picks on the new guy or gal in the group and makes it a surprise - this time he just pointed at me. So I got to wear a sombrero (and Troy got a much smaller one!) and we got some kind of flaky, whip creamy dessert with chocolate. No complaints from me.

Will I update next week after Orange city? More than likely. I'll be filling in for our church secretary Cindy while she's on vacation, so I'll be in front of a computer - no excuses this time.

A big shout out to Dustin who's still enjoying his time in Holland. Make sure you check out his blog on the right. He's living the high life right now, and having a blast. He msn'ed me yesterday and said they're taking a trip to the beaches of Normandy this weekend, and I'm very jealous!

Till next time,

Jason

A little behind. . .

2006-02-21T13:47:00.000-06:00

Okay, so more than a few people have said, "When are you going to update your blog already?" As I've said, I try to update after every speaking engagement, and unfortunately I've fallen about three events behind.

So to play catch up a bit - last Monday I went across the street to the First Reformed Church to perform for the "Keen-agers". (Think: Senior Citizen Youth Group)

I've performed for them before, usually crazy stories and songs, and I've always had a great time. Plus, they have always offered me one of my favorite forms of payment - Jaarsma Bakery baked goods.

Well this past Monday was no exception to my string of fun engagements for the group. Plus, I got a little daring and added some four-tenor banjo to mix.

As most of you know, I inherited my four-string from my Grandpa Kain after he passed and it looks much like the one above, yet much older. I've plucked for several years now, and even written a few goofy songs.

One of those goofy songs got me in a bit of hot water, as you regular blog readers may remember, when I sang it at farmer's gathering in Southern Iowa and had a few lines about how bad pigs smelled. Well, I sang the same song for the Keen-agers, and it went great. They loved it, and a few of them admitted to being hog farmers and agreed that hogs do indeed smell. So I guess I have a little vindication there.

I'll be updating more in the next few days to try and catch up with what's been going on. I speak next week at the Pella Christian High School Spiritual Renewal Week, and the week after that I'm in Orange City, IA for their Renewal Week. Both are crowds I really enjoy, and so for all of you blog desperate complainers (or maybe you just like to complain in general) the next few weeks should be a goldmine for you. That is, if you enjoy reading about semi-pro, banjo playing, Christian/Comedian speaker from Podunk Nowhere, Iowa.

Till next time,

Jason

Meetings are a drag . . .

2006-01-31T09:23:00.000-06:00

I don't care what the meeting's for, I don't want to be there. It could be a meeting to make sure that I get a free ice cream cone everyday for the rest of my life, and I still wouldn't want to be there.

Meetings happen when a group of people get together who all have differing opinions - which invariably means that at least one person in the group will think I'm an idiot. So my solution is to sit quietly and pretend I don't exist. I like to daydream about things - and not just any old thing, I have very specific meeting daydreams.

The first one is great scenes from movies. 99% of the time, it'll be the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark when Indiana Jones is holding the rocket launcher on the Nazis as they round the bend in the canyon holding the ark and Indy yells, "I'm gonna blow it up Rene!"

I've had that daydream since sitting through boring high school classes, and it always makes me immediately yearn to run home and watch the movie. Yet, by the time I get home, the yearning has faded, and I end up watching cartoons.

The other daydream, and the one that currently holds realm in most of my meetings, is remembering great pro wrestling matches that I've seen. Most often, it's the Bret Hart - Steve Austin match from Wrestlmania 13, a true mat classic.

Otherwise it'll be just about anything Ric Flair's been in.

And yet, no matter how quiet and invisible I attempt to be, someone always says, "Jason, you've been so quiet. What do you think?" And then I open my big, dumb gob, and end up regretting it for the rest of my life.

I've got to figure out a way to get out of more meetings . . .

Making your own fun . . .

2006-01-26T10:33:00.000-06:00

I've spent a lot of time on the road over the last five years cramped up with a lot of other people. Besides just speaking, and stand-up, I performed on the Northwestern College summer drama ministry team for two summers, driving around the country in a 15 passenger van for up to 8 or 10 hours a day. I've driven hours upon hours with the Sioux Falls crew, and spent many a night on an air mattress-crowded floor with seven or eight other people. After a while, monotony of travel, lack of sleep, and close quarters on bad beds can make you go a little nutty and get a little tense. I've always taken it upon myself on trips to loosen things up a bit. My main choice of action is the practical joke or dare. So I figured I'd take a moment or two and share some of my favorites from over the last several years - at least the ones that are fit to print.

The Dare / Exploding Cigarette
On one of the drama ministry tours, right in the middle of an extremely long van ride, our group stopped to eat at a McDonald's in the middle of Podunk, Nowhere. I was eating at a table with my wife Andrea, and a good friend Tonya (now Tonya Folkerts).

Dares are always really big with me on gruelling trips. I like to challenge people to crazy things for either small amounts of money, or I'll guarantee them I'll do something even crazier than the challenge I pose. I never plan on winning the bets. Part of the fun is finding a challenge that's crazy, but just easy enough for the participant to accept. Then, not only do they do something crazy, but they get to watch me do something a little nutty too. It can liven the whole group up.

So we're sitting there, and we look out the window, and there are these two teenage girls who can't be more than 14 apiece, sitting outside at a table, smoking cigarettes. After a lengthy conversation over hamburgers about how unappealing these two girls are, I dare Tonya to go outside and bum a cigarette from them. I tell her I'll give her two bucks.

Tonya quickly agrees, but I tell her that's not all. There's a large, round (about a foot in diameter) rubber adverstisment on our table (sticky on one side, with a picture on the other) advertising the new McDonald's milkshake. I tell Tonya she has to peel the ad off the table and wear it on her stomach. She does. We watch. The girls give her a wide-eyed surprised look. And Tonya gets a cigarette.

So now we're in the van, I give Tonya her two bucks, and she says, "Well, I guess I'll throw it away, I don't smoke." That's when the great idea hits. Someone has brought along on the trip these things called "Cigarette Loads". They're basically these little white firecrackers you can hide in the end of cigarettes to make them explode after the person's lit them and puffed. We have several smokers on the trip, and we've been waiting for an opportunity to slip them one, but we can never get our hands on their cigarettes.

So Tonya loads it up, walks over to a smoker on our team named Solomon, explains the teenage girl dare, tells him it was funny but she doesn't smoke, and offers him the cigarette. He kindly accepts and we watch as he walks off a bit from the van and lights up.

Now, these loads are pretty small, so we're not expecting much - maybe a small *pop*. Well, about five seconds into the smoke - BANG - like a black cat going off. Sol drops the cigarette and just backs up like he's been shot. We were laughing so hard from the van and feeling so content at such a string of great jokes.

Frozen Toilet
Another drama ministry trip - we're in Traverse City Michigan over a spring break. The drama team is rehearsing a play on the main stage, and I'm sitting in the empty auditorium watching because I'm not on the trip for drama, just stand-up. So I'm sitting there, bored out of my mind, and sitting next to me is the theater director's son, Joseph.

I lean over to Joseph and ask him if he wants in on something good. He does. I lead him back to our two suites that we're staying in (the guys in one, the girls in the other) and we walk out to the patios. Luckily, we find the girls' patio door open, so we let ourselves in. I tell Joseph to find a bucket of some kind, and he comes back from the kitchen with a big plastic bowl. Michigan is in the middle of this huge snow storm, so we make trips back and forth outside collecting snow - which we then kindly deposit in the girls' toilet until it finally tops off. We pack it down hard, put the bowl back, let ourselves back out the patio door, and head back to the auditorium.

Later in the afternoon when we're all back in our rooms watching TV, we hear a scream from the girls' side. We all rush over and find one of the girls, Crystal, standing in the kitchen in a very panicked state. "What's wrong?" everyone asks. Crystal tells us that when she sat down on the toilet a second ago, something "bit me!"

Well, it was just the snow (now ice) giving her a little frost nip, and the greatest part was, that even though Joseph and I were the only two people on the tour who could have slipped away from the rest of the group, the girls are blaming the other guys in the group. Perfect.

Underwear Ninjas
I ran out of underwear during the middle of the week three years ago at the SERVE project in Sioux Falls, SD. I had come to SERVE in the middle of a summer drama tour, and hadn't had time to do laundry. It was Thursday, we were all tired as all get out, and I decided that instead of tracking down a laundry machine, I'd just buy more underwear.

We head to Walmart, and I grab a pack of boxer briefs. (Which was pretty fun in itself because I'd forgotten what my size is, so Mark Elgersma actually checked the pair I was wearing, while I was wearing it, in the middle of Walmart.)

We get back to the van, me and Mark in the back seat, and Troy Kooima and Dawn Ryswyk in the front seats. Now, I've figured out this little trick that only works with boxer briefs. If you put your head through the waist and one leg so that you're wearing it like a turtle neck with the leg pulled up over your nose, and then take the other leg and bring it down over the top of your head leaving only your eyes open - you look like a ninja.

We (Mark and I) decide we all need to be underwear ninjas, so we hand a pair around to everyone. Dawn quickly removes hers though after Mark and I ponder about whether or not it was the pair I tried on in the store.

Now we're all driving along on our merry way, making up great underwear ninja names for ourselves (Skid-Mark, Blue Flame) when we pull up to a stop light and Dawn points out to Troy (who's driving) that there's a cop on our left.

Troy freaks, because he's a guy who never wears a seatbelt, so he goes, "Oh, crap!" and starts struggling to get his belt on before the cop looks over. Right when Troy snaps it into place, the cop looks, the light turns green, and we take off. Troy lets out a big "Whew!" And Dawn says, "Yeah, I'm really sure he was noticing your seatbelt when you and two other guys in the car ARE WEARING UNDERWEAR ON YOUR HEAD!"

He didn't pull us over, so it must not have been the wierdest thing he'd ever seen.

Till next time,

Jason

The Shortest Distance Between Two Points is Sioux Falls

2006-01-18T13:23:00.000-06:00

So I attended and spoke for the Youth Unlimited Summit Conference at Camp Geneva in Michigan this past weekend. It's a conference set up for all the different groups around the world that will be hosting SERVE projects for the coming year. I'm the speaker for the Sioux Falls SERVE site, and last year I had the crew pick me up in Newton, IA on their way out to Holland, MI.

This year, though, I drove the extra five hours of the trip up to Sioux Falls in order to be able to spend an extra day when we got back for a going away party for good friend Dustin Vander Haar as he's headed for the Netherlands tomorrow for four months.

It was a fantastic trip. Too tough to go into detail on everything, so I'm just going to give some highlights of the trip. As I've said before, and I'll say again, the Sioux Falls crew is by far the greatest group of people I've ever had the chance to minstry with. It's non stop fun and laughs the whole time.

"In the bathroom." That was answer you would recieve 99% of the time if you asked the question, "Hey, where's Dustin?" Dustin had a severe cold / stomach flu, so he spent most of time expelling things from his body in the cabin bathroom. It got so bad that Danny Fergen and I ran into town to get him some extra soft toilet paper, extra strength Immodium, and moist towelettes. You can probably imagine how manly we felt walking through the checkout line with those items together. The highlight came on Sunday though, when after finally feeling better, Dustin walked into the bathroom while I was in there, and loudly asked, "Whew! Did you do that?" Well, unbeknownst to Dustin, there was a guy in the stall next to me who quietly answered back, "That was me . . ." We all thought Dustin had a lot of nerve to take offense to someone else after the weekend he'd just gone through.

Roommates So the Youth Unlimited people always mix our crew in with strangers in the cabins. This is not always a good idea due to the fact that we tend to sleep very little, and make a lot of noise at night. Last year, at about 2:30 AM Dan Tenapel and Mark Elgersma came back to the cabin after defeating some Canadians at ping pong and did a victory dance or two in their underwear. This year, Mark laid under / next to my bed in the pitch dark, in his underwear for an unbelievably long time just to try and scare me when I came back from the chapel on Saturday night. After waiting five or ten minutes after I'd laid down, he reached up and smacked me. Unfortunately, rather than being scared, I thought Dustin had fallen out of the bunk above me since he was so sick. Add on top of that the fact that several of us snore, talk in our sleep, or toss and turn, Mark has an interesting nude shower dance, and Dustin stunk up the bathroom for the whole weekend, and you can get a pretty good clue as to who you shouldn't room with if you come to Summit.

"If you're too tired to drive . . . " Another phrase often heard this weekend. You see, when you get all of us together in one van, the driver often feels left out since they have to concentrate on something other than the uproarious laughter coming from the back. In an effort to be included, the various drivers often turn part way around to catch some of the conversations. This often leads to some good back and forth swerving on the road, at which point someone will invariably look up and offer, "If you're too tired to drive, I can take over!"

Dustin has a stinking hammock in his room! I got to spend a good chunk of Monday at Dustin's house before his going away party. And to put it simply, his house rocks my face off. For starters, he's accomplished a childhood dream of mine that my father assured me was impossible - he has a hammock hanging over his bed in his room. I laid in it. We also watched a classic Halloween episode of Macgyver where Mac had to team up with his arch enemy Murdoch on Dustin's fam's 60 inch tv. That was after we played pool on his pool table next to the wet bar / basement kitchen, but before we ate homemade banana bread from his mom . . .

Riding buddies. Mark and I made the last two and a half hours of the trip alone since we picked up his car along the way in Albert Lea. It was late, we were cranky and tired, and we'd been in the van for almost ten hours already. So after about an hour in the car together, Mark decided to count the little white posts that mark every tenth of a mile! And I decided to retaliate by making a really neat little annoying noise with my lips. We quickly made the decision it was time to switch up driving partners for a bit, and since we were way ahead of the van, we pulled over. I got out of the car, grabbed my phone, called the van, and said, "Pull over! We're switching now!" We then found out that the van had caught up to us, passed the exit and were a mile down the road when we called them. Mark and I looked at each other, and decided we were stuck, so we got back in and made it the rest of the way home without killing each other. And you know what? I'm pretty sure it made our friendship stronger. What would have happened if we'd split at the exit? Would we have talked again? Would we have broken up for good? Who would have taken custody of the kids?

Poker game. Me, Dustin, Mark, Jason Baartman, Danny Fergen, Luke Vander Leest, David Fergen, and Troy Kooima all around one table to play cards, laugh and give Dustin a sending off. Then a SERVE conversation with Dustin, Mark and Troy that started at 1 AM and lasted till 3. My sides literally hurt from laughing so hard at the end.

And then there are the things that if I went into them now, not only would this post end up twenty pages long, but I may get in trouble with the law:

Grandma Dawn
Tooth nerves
Underwear running
Mouse hunts
"Two weeks at camp till the bleeding stopped"

And oh yeah, I spoke on Sunday morning too. All in all, I'm charged and ready for a great year with these guys. I speak with David, Danny, Mark and Baartman in February, Troy and Dawn in March, Danny and Mark in April, and the whole crew in June and July. I'm excited. Every trip up there I'm reminded in a big way why I got I'm in ministry. God is huge, friends are fantastic, and big things happen with them.

Till next time,
Jason

Happy New Year

2006-01-03T13:56:00.000-06:00

I usually get VERY nervous before I speak. Usually it's only bad for a few hours before I go on, but if the speaking engagement is big or important, I can get pretty nervous for up to several days before hand. Fortunately, I seem to have found a cure.

I was asked to give the Christmas morning message here at the 2nd Reformed Church, and I initially got very nervous. I would be up in front of the whole congregation (the home crowd is always more nerve wracking) and I knew that I'd have family there. So the nerves started up about a week and a half before I even had to speak.

I had the severe stomach butterflies, lack of sleep, and an inability to think about anything other than the message so early, that I feared this Christmas holiday would be marred by my agreement to speak.

Then I got the flu.

Not just any flu - but the real bad, horribly nauseous, I fainted on the way to the bathroom, couldn't eat, bad headache, really tired, in the bathroom every fifteen minutes for five days kind of flu. And thankfully, during the whole time that I was either sitting on (or hunched over) the toilet, I wasn't nervous in the least. I lost five pounds, got some loopy pills from the Doctor, and took many naps on the cool bathroom linoleum, but I wasn't nervous one bit.

I also didn't put much time in on the sermon either. In fact, most of it was written between the hours of 5 and 9 AM while I laid on the bathroom floor on Friday the 23rd. Saturday the 24th, I started to feel a little better, and I was probably 75% on Sunday morning when I actually had to give the message. And it went really well. Brother-in-law Kyle played a shepherd for me, and I got a lot of really great comments from the congregation. So I don't have to worry about hanging my head as I walk the hallowed halls of 2nd Reformed.

Then on Christmas day, Andrea came down with the same thing and it lasted three days for her.

Yet, despite the illness, Andrea and I had a great Christmas / New Year. We saw all the family. Got great loot. And my brother Jon and his wife Amy gave us our first nephew on December 29th. They were very gracious when we showed up to wait in the hospital all day for the baby to be born, and they even let us come into the room to see him get his first bottle and blood test. His name is Noah Warren Taylor, he's extremely cute, and we're excited to have a new family member!

We also hosted three different New Year's Eve celebrations this year. We started early on the 30th with good friends Mike and Susie Rottink - playing cards till three AM. Then on the 31st we added California friends Nathan and Dina Kinkaid with their beautiful babe Haley and my brother Chris unit 3 AM. And then on the first, Pella friends Jennie and her fiance Tracy joined us for 90's Trivial Pursuit and Apples to Apples until 4 AM. We actually went through every single card in the Apples game - which is no small feat if you know how the game is played.

All in all, it was one of the best holidays in memories regardless of the flu, and as you can guess, Andrea and I are having a little trouble getting back on a "normal" sleeping schedule after three late nights.

I'm very excited for an upcoming trip to Michigan at the end of next week with the Sioux Falls crew. We're attending a SERVE team retreat for all the sights around the country and I have to give a commissioning message. I'll hopefully have an update on that event soon.

Till next time,
Jason

Things Not to Do on a Sunday Night . . .

2005-12-19T12:30:00.000-06:00

1. Shave your head.

And that's pretty much the whole list. I let Andrea shear my golden locks last night, and I have a feeling that my head doesn't look all that good right now. Or maybe I'm just misinterpreting everyone's initial reaction of, "It'll grow back!" the wrong way.

So I performed some poetry at the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party on Saturday night. I had a great time, ate some great food, and I got to do what I love the most - read some crazy poems. I didn't think the new Christmas poems I posted earlier last week went over all that well, but the poems about dying pigs, escaping cows, and puking children went over very well as usual.

I, and my newly shaved head, will be presenting the Christmas morning message here at the 2nd Reformed Church this coming Sunday morning. I'm kind of looking forward to it, and kind of not. I always think that speaking in front of family jinxes me into a bad message, but on the other hand, speaking in front of brother-in-law Kyle usually goes really well. So we'll see which of the two superstitions holds true on Sunday morning. 2nd is typically a traditional worship style church, and for my message, I'm going to be speaking in a more non-traditional way as I do when I travel to camps and conventions, so I'm a little nervous about that. But it's Christmas! So no matter how it goes, it'll still more than likely be a great day.

And hey, I just had a thought! I got a Donald Trump wig on the internet a few months back for our Apprentice Over-nighter for our middle school youth. Perhaps I can wear that till the hair comes back . . .

till next time,

Jason

Christmas Poemetry

2005-12-12T13:22:00.000-06:00

Hello all,

Unfortunately, my improv show for Omaha this weekend didn't work out, so I have no update on that. But since I'm doing a poetry reading for the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party this weekend, I thought I'd give you a little sampling of some of the new material I'll be trying out. And go easy on me, they may not be completely edited yet. Enjoy!

Sledding
In the winter when it would snow,
We knew the best spot we could go,
To have a blast and get our fill
of winter sledding was our hill.

It had to be a mile long,
As we’d climb up we’d sing a song,
Promoting lots of Christmas cheer,
And hiding any trace of fear.

Behind we’d drag the toboggan,
Proclaiming we’d have lots of fun,
And boasting who would go down first,
And which of us would wreck the worst.

You see our hill was quite well known,
Of making other children groan,
When they took one look at our slope,
Their little hearts just couldn’t cope.

It angled forty-five degrees,
Complet’ly covered with large trees,
Which if by chance you made it through,
An icy pond awaited you.

And then of course we’d pack and stamp,
Large mounds of snow to use as ramps,
So we could brag that we would fly,
That ol’ toboggan ten feet high.

But when we’d get up to the top,
We’d always take a breath and stop,
As we felt our stomach’s sinking,
Wond’ring what we had been thinking.

Then my brother’d say, “Go, ahead!”
And I’d say, “No, you go instead!”
And then our little brother’d cry,
“Oh please Lord! I don’t wanna die!”

So once we thought that we’d all go,
And we’d all sit right in a row,
And if bad fate was to befall,
It’d happen to us one and all.

And so we sat from old to young,
And onto both the sides we hung,
Now I was fearless for this stunt,
Since I had padding back and front.

Then down that hill we really flew,
Not knowing for sure what to do,
As that first ramp was coming near,
And we did not know how to steer.

And so we all just held on tight,
As the toboggan took to flight,
Then we watched squirrels run and hide,
As past there branches we did glide.

And when we finally came down,
We bounced a few times on the ground,
My younger brother lost his grip,
And he fell off ending his trip.

We pinballed off a tree or two,
And so that’s when I really knew,
I should have known without the pain,
Our sledding trips were all insane.

But soon we left the trees behind,
And we were sure that we would find,
That the pond ice was really thick,
And we’d slide over really quick.

But when we hit, we heard a crack,
And thinking now, as I look back,
We should have know the ice was thin,
We sure knew it when we fell in.

As we climbed out all sopping wet,
I don’t think that I will forget,
My younger brother’s little face,
As he giggled at our disgrace.

And as we stood there he did tease,
“I bet your shorts are gonna freeze!”
Our mouths too frozen to respond,
So we just tossed him in the pond.

Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.

Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.

“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.

Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.

Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.

He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.

As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.

We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.

“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”

“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.

Our Fort
When winter came we’d build a fort,
Then standing on it we’d exhort,
About how tight we’d packed our snow,
And how well we’d repel our foes.

And then the kids across the way,
Would chant back how they’d ruin our day,
They said their fort was ten feet high,
They said their’s reached up to the sky.

We said their fort was pitiful,
We said we’d crush it like a bull,
With our snowballs ready to go,
We would yell out to let them know,

“We packed them with some rocks and dirt,
And when they hit they’ll really hurt.”
So they yelled back that they weren’t scared,
And they yelled back they hardly cared.

They said their snowballs were packed tight,
They said they froze theirs overnight.
“For our attack,” they said, “Prepare!
You challenge us?” they said, ‘How dare!’”

And so right quick we’d answer back,
“How dare you threaten with attack!”
We’d say, “Your scared to face our wrath!”
We’d yell, “It will be a bloodbath!”

They’d say, “Our snowballs pack a sting!
They’re packed tighter than anything!”
We’ve packed each with a rabid mouse,
That we’ll bombard onto your house

And though it was a great big lie,
It almost made my brother cry,
And so then we’d begin our fight,
To prove our worth and prove our might.

Then the snowballs would start to fly,
And with war calls we’d start to cry,
My brother took one in the face,
My other brother took his place.

Then I nailed two with my barrage,
And they go hide in their garage.
And then we had them two on one,
And it was really getting fun!

Our last foe crouched down in shear fear,
And he flashed us a little sneer.
And just when we’re about to win,
My mom calls out, “Time to come in!”

And that’s when I made my mistake,
And a lucky shot my foe did take.
“Oh come on mom, more time,” I said,
As I looked back and raised my head,

And then I heard a whis’ling near,
And felt an ice ball strike my ear.
And as I laid there in the snow,
My brother took a mighty blow,

So that was that, we had been beat,
And they had used my mom to cheat.
And so we trudged our way back in,
So someday we could fight again.

till next time,
Jason

Buddy Hackett and the Snowstorm

2005-12-05T10:20:00.000-06:00

Well, I don't know about you, but I think the title to this post would have been a great title to a Christmas movie. I can imagine Buddy dressing up as Santa Claus to swoop in and save the day for some poor kids who live in an orphanage and have no toys.

I went up to Orange City, IA last Wednesday to spend the night and speak for the middle school group My Choice on Thursday morning. As most of you who live in Iowa know, we had one heck of a snowstorm on Wednesday night, especially up in Northwest Iowa. Due to the impending storm, I left early on Wednesday morning in hopes of beating the snow. I got to Orange City around 3 o'clock, just when the snow really started to come down. It then proceeded to keep coming down for around the next six or seven hours - snowing about an inch an hour.

So, not knowing whether or not my speaking engagement the next morning was canceled, (It was at the middle school at 7 AM) I headed over to Sioux Center, IA to pick up good friend, Dordt College student, and blog regular, Dustin, so that we could go out to eat and hang out. We went to the Pizza Ranch, played some pool (Dustin destroyed me), and then ate some dark chocolate over coffee while playing chess (I destroyed Dustin) in the Dordt College coffee house.

We had a great time. I always have a great time with Dustin, but just the fact that we had about four hours of time to just hang out with no other worries was fantastic. We just goofed off and watched the snow fall. Dustin told me about how anxious he is to get out of Dordt and head to the Netherlands to study overseas, and the whole time I kept thinking I wished I was back in college and hanging out with Dustin on a regular basis.

After "Dustin Time" was over, I made the slow crawl of a drive back to my hotel in Orange City. Usually, the drive between Orange City and Sioux Center is about 15 minutes. But due to the severity of the snowstorm, it took me about 45 minutes. But I made it safely, found a note that said my speaking engagement had been postponed by three hours in the morning, watched some cable TV, and hit the hay.

I slept in a little, packed up, and got a call from My Choice director Scott Starkweather telling me that I was now going to be speaking in school at 10:15 AM. It wasn't going to be for the My Choice group, but another group of middle schoolers, so it would be just about the same.

I talked about Abram and Lot from Genesis 13 and 14, and related it to the importance of family. The students were fantastic, and I even used one to play Lot to my Abram. Scott asked me to stick around and give the talk one more time for another group of students, so I did, and I had another great time. And then Scott asked me to stick around one more time, so I did, and, that's right, I had yet another great time.

I love speaking to Scott's group at the Middle School. It's a great group, and an amazing thing that he's got going on at the school. The students listen so well, and laugh at all the right places.

After I was done at the school, coincidentally enough, my good friend Rob Roozeboom of RISE Ministries happened to be having his RISE benefit dinner and auction that night. It had originally be scheduled for November 15th, but it'd been canceled due to poor weather, and had been rescheduled for the Thursday I was there. I was supposed to emcee the original event, but had another engagement, so when Rob heard I was in town last week, he asked me to stay the day and introduce him at the benefit that night and I agreed.

It was a great event. I spent the afternoon helping Rob and his crew set up the dinner hall. They had all kinds of great autographed sports memorabilia and fun gifts to bid on. While perusing the merchandise, I found something that I knew I just couldn't leave without - an autographed caricature of Buddy Hackett along with a FILA sweatshirt he used to wear around the house and a letter of authenticity for both from his wife.

For those of you who don't know, Buddy was the star of such hits as It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, World, The Music Man, and one or more (I don't remember) of the Herbie movies. As soon as I saw the items, I raced to put my bid in. Oddly enough, no one else bid. I did see a few couples pick the items up and look at them fondly, though. I was very tempted to run over and tell them that it was the sweatshirt that Buddy had actually died in to scare them off, but it ended up that my fears weren't warranted because they didn't even bid. So at the end of the night, I got the picture and sweatshirt! What will I do with them now? I have no idea. But they're mine!

After the benefit was over (around 10:00 PM) I hopped back in the car and started the 5 1/2 hour long drive home. Driving long distances over the late night hours has become something I've gotten used to since I started speaking. Some time, I may have to blog on just exactly what that can be like at times. You tend to meet the most interesting gas station attendants at three in the morning, and I've seen my share of strange drivers and unidentifiable flying objects in the night sky on those lonely Iowa roads. But alas, that's for another time. This blog has gotten very long as it is!

I think I'm doing some improv this weekend in Omaha, and then doing a poetry reading next weekend for a bakery Christmas party. So expect more updates soon!

Till next time,

Jason

In the Grip Addiction

2005-11-29T09:13:00.000-06:00

I've been addicted to very few things in my life. The biggest one is food. For most of my life, it's been about all I can think about. No matter where I am, or what I'm doing, more than likely I'm thinking about what the next meal's going to be. In fact, the only time I'm really not thinking about food is when I've just stuffed my face with it, and I have that sick feeling of fullness for about 30 minutes. Once it passes, though, I'm right back to food. The good news is, I've really gotten that personal demon under control in the last year through exercise and diet. I've conditioned myself to crave healthier, more filling foods, and I've started running regularly which helps fight the cravings as well.

So with that addiction mostly removed, I'm left with the big one - Soda. More specifically, any cola of your diet cherry variety. Let me be totally honest about this - if Diet Cherry Coke or Pepsi were around me 24 hours a day, I would drink it. I crave it. I want it. I drink it all the time.

I've always struggled with a soda addiction. In college, when I roomed with my older brother and my good friend Nathan, the three of us (along with another ISU friend Chris Gummert) drank 735 cans of Mountain Dew in only the first semester. Do you know how much Mountain Dew that is apiece? If you really want to do the math, go ahead, but I'm glad I've forgotten how many that was per day, per person.

After college though, I've made the switch to diet after talking to a guy who lost a ton of weight by making simple dietary changes. One of which was switching from regular to diet soda. He said (and I have no idea if this is really true) that two regular pops a day for one year can contribute to gaining 15 additional pounds. So, me being a much meatier 40 pounds heavier after college than I was going in, I switched.

And I've settled in quite nicely with Diet Cherry Coke. Oh, if I'm at a gas station, and I'm thirsty, I'll grab a Diet Cherry Pepsi in a bottle because it tastes better than the Coke in a can. But if you're strictly talking cans, then Coke wins the taste test. And I range from 2 to 5 Diet Cherry Cokes a day, depending on my schedule.

I've attempted to quit several times. Most notably the night I found myself in a dentist's chair in Lennox, South Dakota at 10:30PM for an emergency root canal after finishing a late night retreat talk through severe pain. Luckily one of the high school girls attending had a father who could help me so late at night. As I laid in the chair and the dentist drilled me open I looked at a poster on the wall that showed the ill effects of soda consumption. I quit for a week.

It was the longest I've gone, and I only started again because I went to a friend's house and that's all they had to drink. That, and a funny colored tap water I didn't want to touch with a ten foot pole (let alone drink it). Other than that, I've quit here and there for a few days at a time.

But there really are no substitutes for the taste and feeling of that cool, refreshing coke. I've tried tea, water, juice and even coffee. Nothing tastes that good!

But today again, I face off with this nagging addiction. I finished my last Coke of the 12 pack in the fridge last night. My wife got groceries yesterday afternoon, so I can't use that as an excuse to grab another. To drink again today, I'll have to make a specific trip to the store to buy some more. I'd like to think I don't have to do that. I know my poor teeth would be thankful if I just laid off. We'll see how far I make it.

I speak again on Thursday morning for a group called My Choice in Orange City, IA. I get to see good friend Dustin again, so I'm pretty pumped about going up. I'm sure I'll update at the end of the week.

Till then,

Jason

Butterflies and Basements

2005-11-15T11:27:00.000-06:00

This is my second attempt at a blog entry today, as I lost the first one after trying to use the blog spell check and being told I had to turn off my pop up protector. So I turned it off, and it immediately rebooted my page and deleted everything. So much for spell checking this blog ever again.

Once again, I've failed in my promise to post more regularly. I guess I just don't ever think I have anything that interesting to say. I'm not one of those bloggers that thinks, "Hey! I just got a clever idea about a drain cleaner commercial I saw today! I should share it with the world." So bear with me as I try to dream up ways to post more frequently.

I spoke this morning at the Pella Christian High School Chapel. Fellow youth director, and great speaker in his own right, Todd Zylstra was there as well. During the opening music, right before I went up to speak, Todd leaned over and asked, "Do you get nervous before you speak too?" I answered that I did - often feeling nauseous. To which Todd responded, "Right before I speak I always wonder 'Why do I even do this?'" And I had to admit I often feel the same way.

Before nearly every speaking or comedy show I have, I always get the same attack of the butterflies and think to myself, "There's got to be something less stressful I could choose to do with my life!" I think it's a pretty typical reaction for most speakers to have, and the key is to learn how to go on without letting it affect you. But I don't know if it ever really gets better. I've talked to guys who've been speaking professionally for years and make their living at it, and they all tend to think the same way. One even told me that right before he goes on stage, he always hopes the show gets cancelled for some reason so he doesn't have to go on. And this guy makes his living at it!

The talk went all right this morning. Everyone seemed to be paying attention and responded well. But those Pella Christian kids are so well behaved you never really know. I had to speak on prayer, and used 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18.

My next show is in December, and I'm pretty psyched because it's a poetry gig. I wish they all were, but I'll take them where I can get them.

My next year is shaping up really well as far as speaking goes. I'm booked great for the first six months. Several of the engagements are week long, and I get to spend a lot of time with the Sioux Falls crew.

So we had some tornado action here in Iowa over the weekend. I guess one touched down and destroyed a Casey's General Store only a scant few blocks from my sister and brother-in-law Amber and Kyle's place. My brother Chris and I were driving right through the storm as we headed up to Iowa Falls to see my friend Mike in a production of Death of a Salesman.

The weather wasn't honestly all that bad on the way up - a lot of lightning, a little wind, and a little rain. We stopped in to eat at an Italian restaurant called Clark & Addison when we got into town. After ordering our drinks and food, we were ushered down to the basement because the tornado siren started going off.

Normally, a basement would feel like the safest place to be during a tornado, but we weren't so comforted. As the waitress opened the door to go downstairs, we suddenly heard the loud rush of water. There was a large pipe along one wall that was apparently bringing water off the roof and taking it to the sewer, and it had sprung a major leak. Water was shooting out of the hole at about the power of a garden hose turned on full blast with someone's finger partially covering the nozzle.

So we walked through inch deep water to stand in a ten by ten foot space that looked a little less stable than a lean-to made of sticks and mud. After forty minutes, and all the free drinks and Gardetto's we could stomach, we headed back upstairs to eat our meal. The food turned out to be cheap and fantastic. I had a meatball sandwich, and it's the best I've had in a while. So as far as Clark and Addison's is concerned, I'd give the food and service a 9.5, and the basement bunker a -2.

On the way out of the place, I kid you not, every single waitress, hostess, and cook (six or so people in all) told us to have a good night. So I tried extra hard to make sure I did.

Death of a Salesman was a fine play put on by the community of Iowa Falls at Ellsworth Community College. Mike had prepared me to think that it was going to be a travesty of a production, and we'd regret coming, but we thought it went just great. Mike did a great job as Biff Loman, and we had fun. Although the 6 free Diet Coke's I'd gotten at the restaurant made the two hour plus play a little too long for my taste.

Till next time, and I'll try to make sure it's soon,

Jason

Dakota . . . South Dakota

2005-10-31T09:51:00.000-06:00

Headed up to Sioux Falls this past weekend for a "business meeting" with good pals Mark Elgersma and Danny Fergen, and I've come to realize that I have some of the best friends in the entire world.

We were meeting to discuss the possibility of putting Danny (a wonderful worship leader and musician) and me (someone who can speak words out loud and occasionally gets paid for it) together as a package deal and see if we could get some more SERVE projects to work at this next summer.

The meeting went just swell. We put together a promo letter, got some great quotes from lots of other great friends, and the letters are probably being mailed out as I type this. If all goes as planned, we may pick up a few extra gigs where Mark, Danny, and I get some quality road trip time.

While in Sioux Falls, we also met up with Troy Kooima and Word of Mouth blog regular Dustin to play a little texas hold'em at Troy's house. I didn't have the best of games. We played four times and I lost all four. Dustin, Mark, and Troy all got a win, and I got several second places. But we still had a great time, ate a great meal of Italian spicy brats, played with Troy's wonderful family, and had a lot of great conversation.

I also got to see good friend Dawn Ryswyk's new grandson Logan. A real cute little guy who I got to meet over lunch at Applebee's. Now we can crack "Grandma" jokes about Dawn and she can't get too upset.

And Mark and I got to run by Luke Vander Leest's new house as he was putting the roof on. Due to my extreme love of heights, I decided not to help out because I didn't want to steal all the fun away from Luke.

What else is new? Today's one of those days. I'm probably just tired from an overnighter that Andrea and I had for our high schoolers this weekend, but today feels like one of those days (as I've explained to brother-in-law Kyle before) where I feel weighted down by all the dumb mistakes of my life. Does that ever happen to anyone else? Not that I've made any lately, or even for several years - as far as big dumb mistakes though. But sometimes I just get depressed that there are some things in my life that I did and won't get a second chance to fix.

Reminds me of that new show, My Name is Earl, about the guy who writes down all the mistakes he's ever made, and then tries to fix them in hope of changing his bad karma. I should make a list. Hmmm. Not that I believe in karma or anything, there are plenty of bad people who have great stuff happen to them anyway, but maybe for peace of mind . . .

Man, would that be a scary list to start or what?

Till next time,

Jason

Sweating Through

2005-10-27T11:15:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I sweat heavily at times. I say at times, because I could be giving a talk in front of a packed crowd with the room temperature being 85, and I won't sweat a drop. Other times, like last night, the room temp was around 72, and I was dripping by the end of twenty minutes.

It used to happen a lot in college during comedy shows. It was never that salty, smelly sweat like I was working out or out of shape, it's always been a flop sweat kind of thing. Yet, unlike flop sweat, it doesn't just happen when I'm nervous, but the flop sweat can also happen when I feel completely comfortable and prepared. It tends to drive me nuts.

I've always had the problem though, ever since I was a little kid. I remember that after elementary gym classes, I would just be literally soaked with sweat. Other kids would accuse me of holding my head under the faucet, and I'd have to tell them, no, I just sweat that much.

Anyway, if I haven't disgusted you too much yet, last night's talk went okay. It was a talk I was giving for the first time, and I probably didn't put nearly as much oomph into it as I could have since I was just standing in front of a youth room and delivering it after a Mountain Dew chugging contest, but I guess it went all right.

The leader of the group, Todd Zylstra, gave me a ton of encouraging words after it was over, like he's always so good at. But I know Todd's a really great guy, so I'm never sure if he'd actually tell me, "Boy that was a rough one, huh?"

The group was very respectful though. They laughed at the right times, and listened at the right times. They're one of my favorite groups to be up in front of. I'm starting to think that I can be kind of boring though. Sometimes I may find certain Bible stories more compelling than the people I'm talking to, it's kind of hard to tell. But like always, this group treated me very well, and it was great to see all of them again.

I take off for Sioux Falls, South Dakota today to meet up with ministry friends Mark Elgersma and Danny Fergen. We're going to be hashing out some type of plan to offer ourselves up in a speaker / musician package deal for youth events. I'm really excited about the opportunity, and the fact that if it works, I'll be guaranteed the chance to work with people I really like and respect.

Anyhoo - My next speaking engagement is not for two weeks. (Winter's always a little slow for me.) But I think I've got three between November and December. I'll make an effort to update more regularly between jobs this time, I promise.

Till next time,

Jason

Logo

2005-10-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

My good friend and genius graphic designer Mark Leiknes designed me a quick logo as a favor. I'm still putting together some promotional material, and I asked Mark for something quick, slick and effective in telling the audience who I am. Here's what he sent me, and I really like it.

Afraid of Commitment

2005-10-25T09:39:00.000-05:00

So here I am, attempting to make good on my promise to write entries more often when there's a lull between speaking engagements. I've had two people call me on my promise to write more regularly, and so here's my attempt.

What do I have to say today? Nothing. Not much anyway. I speak tomorrow night for a large youth group here in Pella. I spoke for them at a camp last summer, and I've spoken to them in their youth room. So they've heard me before, and they're a pretty good group of high schoolers and adults.

The question is - what do I have to tell them? I'm straddling the line right now between two separate subjects - peer pressure or committing sins even when we know we're doing something wrong while we're doing them.

I, for the first time in my life, actually read the entire story of Balaam in the Bible book of Numbers. Long story short, Balaam's an occultist / magician / soothsayer kind of guy who's asked by the king to curse God's people. If Balaam does so, the king will reward him handsomely. God meets Balaam on the road as an angel, get's his donkey to talk to him, and convinces Balaam to not say anything that's not God approved.

Well, three different times, the king points out the Israelites to Balaam and says, "There they are! Let's have a good curse now!" And three times, Balaam instead blesses them because that's what God wants instead. The king refuses to pay Balaam, and they go their separate ways.

Now, right there I figure I have a pretty good story for a talk. Here's a guy that's told he'll be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams, and all he has to do is say a few cross words even though he knows he's not supposed to. This guy, even though he's already a pretty messed up, sinful guy, refuses to accept the influence of important people around him, and does the right thing. Great peer pressure illustration.

On the other hand, just a few chapters later, we're told his body is found dead with several enemy leaders after a battle with the Israelites. Not only that, but it's then explained that after the whole cursing / blessing incident, Balaam was responsible for leading God's people down the road of temptation through lust and adultery. So now the illustration kind of changes to a guy who was living his life the wrong way, got to actually get a glimpse and have a conversation with the one true God, and yet he still decided to go down the wrong path later on even though he must have know what he was doing was wrong.

Either angle on the story, I'm happy with. I'm just having trouble finding a clincher for the talk. A good and simple illustration that I can use to really bring the point home.

I know a lot of speakers who tend to use the internet for good illustrations, but I've always found that a dangerous path. Not because the illustrations are bad, but because sometimes they're so good that everybody's heard them. And the one thing that I'm really happy with about the responses that I get from speaking is that people often mention I'm original and I use new ideas.

So there's my quandry for the day. Feel free to chime in on the comments if you have any suggestions. I'll let you know how it went on Thursday morning.

till next time,

Jason

Chili Fries

2005-10-04T15:01:00.000-05:00

Made another trip up to Sioux Falls on Sunday Night to speak at Troy Kooima's church for an "Online" service. Many students from a couple different youth groups, and lots of adults participated and we had a great time.

Dustin came again to help me out by letting me carry him down the aisle while ruining my back and begging for money. I lamented over the fact that I have yet to have Dr. Phil show up at my door and offer me an extreme makeover of any kind, and I challenged everyone to show the spiritual makeover they recieve through Christ in their daily lives. Yep, just your typical speaking gig.

Troy took Dustin, Danny Fergen, and I out to the Cherry Creek Grill for some appetizers and we had a great time talking about the night and how the service seemed to go. Both Troy and Danny had been at church since very early that morning, so by the time the youth service came around, they were both spent. Yet they both said they were excited at how well it went, and surprised by how well the youth and adults participated. These were great things to hear on my end - leading me to believe I'd hopefully done something right.

After appetizers, I headed off to the Kooima Ranch and bunked down for the night which is always an adventure. Troy has a great wife (Jana) and three great kids (Alek, Reis, and Sage) who always inspire me to be a better family man myself.

On the ride up and back I listened to Coldplay's new CD "X & Y". I liked it very much. On the way home I stopped to pick up something new to listen to and considered Kanye West's "Late Registration", but instead chose Christian Hip Hopper John Reuben's new one, "The Boy vs. the Cynic", and I was pretty happy with it.

I was particularly struck by the line in track 10 which says, "All I have is what God gives, and that's all the life that I was meant to live." I found it a very comforting thought as I made the five hour drive home and wondered if this whole speaking thing will ever jump to the next level. I think I finally made my peace with the fact that if all I get to do is speak to small groups and share chili fries with the likes of the Sioux Fall's crew afterwards, I'll still be a very happy man.

Till next time,

Jason

Driving Through the Lightning Storm

2005-09-19T13:05:00.000-05:00

Hit Inwood, IA last night to work with the Sioux Falls crew again for a big youth rally thingy that they were putting on.

I picked up good SERVE buddy, and frequent blog comment poster, Dustin on the way. He attends college in Sioux Center, IA at Dordt, and was more than happy to ride along and help out with the talk I had to give. I had him dress up in his nerdy, hiked-up-all-the-way plaid shorts, sandals with black dress socks, and pink polo shirt to impersonate an older guy dancing. Don't ask why, it was just a very funny visual, and it got a lot of laughs. Then I talked about Jonathon, son of Shammah, brother of David from II Samuel, and talked about killing giants. The evening went pretty well. The band was made up of Troy, Dawn, and a bunch of high school folk, and actually rocked pretty hard considering they threw their set together that night.

On the way home though, I had to drive through the freakiest thunder storm I've ever seen. For about the last three hours of the journey, it was pouring rain, and lightning was striking all around in non-stop bursts. For anyone in western Iowa who saw it, it was completely crazy. There didn't seem to be a single moment were I couldn't see lightning striking somewhere. It was so bad, that each strike sent static interference through my radio and made it almost impossible to listen to.

Tons of people were pulling over to rest areas on the side of the road. I thought about doing the same thing. There were so many lightning strikes that seemed so close that I was actually a little scared of getting hit. But then I figured that if I kept moving, there was less of a chance of the lightning hitting me than if I just sat in one place, surrounded by a hundred other cars. I don't know how scientifically accurate that may be, but I didn't get struck, so I guess it worked.

It was fantastic to see Troy, Dawn, Luke, and Dustin again. We sat for a bit and laughed about how great Mark's wedding was a few weeks ago. We caught up on ministry stories, laughed till it hurt, and planned on seeing each other again in January when we head up to Michigan for a retreat.

Was this a really boring post? Seems like it. Let's see, what can liven it up? Hmmm. Dustin and I were amused greatly when I stopped at a gas station to get a fountain drink. On the side of the cup there was a cartoon picture of a dinosaur taking a shower. Think about that picture for a second. I really have no idea what it meant, or why it was on there, or who in this world thought, "You know what our fountain drink glasses need? Showering Dinosaurs!" But it was pretty hysterical. At least to Dustin and I.

I'm rambling. I'm tired. I think I'll just sign off now and try to get something more coherent down later in the week.

Till next time,

Jason

December in September

2005-09-12T08:38:00.000-05:00

Drove up to Holland, MI for a quick stand-up show on Saturday/Sunday. It was at the Beechwood Church in Holland, and I was the opening act for southern-fried Christian rockers DecmeberRadio.

First off, DecemberRadio was fantastic. I had to take off early for the seven hour drive back to Pella, but I heard them warm up, and I heard the first few songs of the concert, and needless to say I was very intrigued. The only way I can really describe them is say they sound like a Christian version of someone like Lynard Skynard. They've got a sound that's greatly lacking in Christian music, and they're extremely talented. I got to snag one of their CD's on the way out - a collection of praise songs - and I'm giving it a listen as I type this. Very enjoyable. Check them out.

The show was outside on the lawn of the Beechwood Church. And, although I was breaking one of the cardinal rules of stand-up (never perform outside), the show went pretty well. The crowd was smaller than expected. It was a BEAUTIFUL night in Michigan, the Lions were playing, and there was another Christian concert not to far down the road, so not as many folks showed up they might have hoped, but it was still pretty good. And those that did show up still got a great rock concert, so it was definately worth it.

The stand-up went as well as could be expected for an outdoor event. The breeze was a little strong, the crowd was pretty far back from the stage, and they were pretty spread out. All of which is pretty on par for stand-up at an outdoor event. All that being said, there were some laughs to be had, and the staff of Beechwood smiled big, shook my hand, and had very kind words for my departure (which is always a good thing for a comedian).

All of which brings up an interesting topic I've been meaning to write on: The Top Five Unspoken Rules of Performing Stand-Up. "The rules", as I'll call them, were not developed by me, but by comedians that came before me long ago and far away, and have been passed down through the generations of willing saps who think they can tell a joke on stage. The concept is very simple. If you want to have a good stand-up show, try to stick to the following five things. (Listed in no particular order.)

1. Don't perform outside. Supposedly, small, dark, cool places are more conducive to comedy, and, for the most part, I'd have to agree. The closer the quarters, the more laughter seems to be contagious. Plus, being indoors, there are far less distractions for the audience. They're forced to focus forward onto the performer. While outdoor venues, on the other hand, are supposedly more ideal for music. You can spread out, get comfortable, and have a lot more choice about how loud you want the volume to be since you can choose how close you sit to the stage.

Is it true? Actually, for the most part, I find that it tends to be. I've only performed stand-up outdoors a few times, and the best I could ever say it went was "pretty good". There's just someting about being outdoors that seems odd for comedy. I got to see a couple of my favorite Christian comedians, Jay Laffoon and Taylor Mason, perform at the RISE Above music festival in Orange City, IA earlier this summer. They both were hilarious, of course, but even they weren't quite as effective outdoors.

2. No proms. I've blogged about this one before. The only entertainment that seems to work at proms is something that's interactive - hypnotists, magicians, karoake type stuff. The general rule of thumb is that the students are too tired, and more than likely have something other than comedy on their minds. It can often be a heckling nightmare.

For the most part, I turn all proms down now. Out of the handfull I've done, I've only ever had one successful one. They're brutal. I had one once where I was supposed to perform for an hour between the dinner and the dance. Well, twenty minutes in, no one was laughing, and I mean no one! I wrapped up and walked off. Turns out, as I was later told, the kids didn't want a comedian. So they decided that if they just refused to laugh, I'd quit earlier. They were right. One of the worst performance nights of my life.

3. Don't perform for crowds less than 50. The smaller the crowd, the less contagious the laughter. I'll give a message, read poetry, or peform improv for a crowd of 10 on any night, but stand-up needs more people. The smaller the crowd, the more self concious they get. Are the other 20 people laughing? I don't want to laugh real hard if they're not laughing! The larger the crowd, the easier it is for them to let go. I've found this rule of thumb to be right most of the time, and I always feel way more confident when the crowd is 100+.

4. Don't peform Before 1 PM. I think the actual rule is like 6 PM, but I don't mind lowering it a bit since I do a lot of camps, retreats, and the like. I think the thought here is that most people's brains aren't firing as quickly before noon, and I'd generally have to agree. There's nothing scarier than having to do a 9 AM show for a droopy-eyed group that looks like they'd rather be in bed. People are just way more serious before noon.

5. Don't peform just because it pays. This can be a hard rule to follow, especially when the rent's due. But some people just don't know when it's appropriate to hire a comedian. I don't turn down a lot of shows, in fact, I take a few every year that I probably shouldn't, but sometimes you just have to say "No, thank you."

I was once asked to do an hour of comedy in what I was told was going to be a retirement home. Well, I got there, and it wasn't a retirement home as much as it was a long term care facility for people who were dying. I'm pretty sure very few of the people were really coherent enough to know what was going on. There was some crying and yelling during a lot of it. Nurses were constantly coming in to help patients. And they wanted me for an hour???? At the twenty minute mark, I thanked them and walked off. While I understand that these folks need entertainment, I don't think that a 20-something youth director telling puke stories is quite appropriate.

I've had to say no to a lot of things - girl scout conventions, elementary school classes, library Christmas parties - but sometimes you have to tell the prospective employers that a comedian may not be in their best interest. It's hard, especially when the they're offering a nice check, but some shows just aren't worth the mental punishment on you or the audience.

Do I follow "the rules"? Eh, sometimes. I break them more often than most people I know. I tend to be an optimist when accepting shows, and take most everything. I've tried to diversify what I do enough that I can satisfy most crowds with enough preperation so that I can tell people, "Well, I don't know about stand-up, but I've got some pretty funny poems and stories I could read." For the most part, I've found them all to be fairly grounded in some pretty good truths, though.

This weekend I travel up Inwood, IA for a big youth rally with the Sioux Falls Crew I love so much. I'm giving a spiritual message, which I'm excited about after a rocky month or two of stand-up shows.

Andrea says she's got some great pics from Mark Elgersma's wedding from last week that I'm gonna try to blog soon.

Till next time,

Jason

The Wedding Singer Part Deux

2005-09-06T08:59:00.000-05:00

So Andrea and I headed up to Minneapolis, MN to visit good friends, and new midwesterners, Mark and Lisa Leiknes and their baby Lucy. We had a fantastic time. They just moved back from California. Mark is one of my old friends from when I used to do sketch comedy in Grandma Mojo's Moonshine Revival at Iowa State University. He's probably the funniest guy I've ever met, and he currently works as a freelance graphic artist (which I think is a paltry use of his amazing comedy talents, but alas, he's a pretty awesome graphic designer, so what are you going to do?). Lisa is a school teacher and quite a bit of good fun herself. I don't think I've ever seen her without a smile on her face - except for when she told us about the accidental toxic poisoning of their cat (who they've named "Ourselves" so that they could say, "We named our cat after ourselves!") which resulted in the loss of part of its liver. Who knew the dangerous lives of cats? Good thing they have nine, huh?

We went out for supper, watched Mark berate a Mexican restaurant employee for their lack of air conditioning, ate some good food, bought a pizza, watched Shaolin Soccer, and basically laughed non stop for about a day straight.

The baby is gorgeous and extremely well tempered. I got to give her the nightly feeding on Friday and she promplty fell asleep in my arms. I may have to get me one of those some day.

Overall, it was a great night, and it makes me really glad that the Leiknes' have moved back closer to Iowa from California. Mark also got some great career news that I'm really excited about, but alas, it is top secret, so I will have to wait to post about it. But it's really cool, and as soon as I get the go ahead, I will write away.

Then it was on to Sheboygan, Wisconsin for the main event of our Labor Day Weekend - The wedding of good friend and ministry partner Mark Elgersma to his lovely bride Cassie Smies. For those of you who may not know, I've gotten to become friends with Mark E. during the last three years over the course of all the Sioux Falls SERVE projects I've spoken at. Mark is the sound man, running all the sound for the band and my microphones. He's also just an amazingly great guy, hilarious prankster, and a real man of God. He's helped me so much in my own ministry ways over the last three years.

Well, the wedding was on Labor Day Monday at 11 AM and I was asked to emcee the reception, but the families of the betrothed couple invited everyone up early to enjoy the wonders of Sheboygan.

The town is beautiful. It's right on lake Michigan, has beaches and water like an ocean, tons of great shops and restaurants, and the weather is beautiful this time of year. We walked, ate at a place called The Mucky Duck, had a picnic, played cards, and had an unbelievable amount of fun with all the Sioux Fall-ites that trekked up for the adventure that was Mark's wedding.

Being the emcee for the reception was a lot of fun. I'll admit that for the first time in a long time I was pretty nervous. I'm usually not one to fall prey to those nasty butterflies, but they were biting pretty hard on Monday afternoon. I suppose it was because there were so many people I really liked and respected in the crowd, but, as Andrea will attest, it made me rather testy to be around for awhile till it was over.

I told a few stories about Mark - the first time I met Cassie and wondered how he got someone like her - watching Mark and and Dan Tenapel chase each other in their underpants one night - and the crowd seemed to enjoy them. Troy Kooima shared the legendary story about the "underwear ninjas" which I may have to expound on someday in the blog. And Son's of Thunder band member Danny Fergen basically just stood there looking like a heart throb in his tux and stole everyone's thunder.

Then Dan Tenapel and Troy Kooima joined me for a new rendition of the wedding song from Jill and Rob's wedding, and the crowd seemed to enjoy that as well.

It was a gorgeous wedding, a perfect weekend, and a ton of fun. Plus, I got to go on a long romatic walk with Andrea down a mile long pier and around a lighthouse which was a pretty big plus!

I'm heading off for Michigan, and possibly Chicago, this weekend to lead some worship services and speak at a rally. I'll hopefully have another update in less than a week!

Till next time,
Jason

50/50 Again

2005-08-31T09:02:00.000-05:00

Well, last night's show went considerably better than the show a week ago. It was essentially the same audience - not the same people, but the same organization, so it was the same type of people.

I scrapped the possiblilty of doing anything remotely close to a stand-up performance, and decided that if there was a chance of failing as miserably as I did last week, I was just going to make sure that at least I had fun. So I decided to do what I have the most fun doing - I'd read my poems.

When I walked in the door, I was greeted by the same person who'd lined the show up last week. She said that the "organization" had a suggestion for me after last week. In my mind I thought, What? Be more funny? But to my surprise, she said I had apparently offended some folks at the previous performance with some of my jokes. I was shocked. I pride myself on being a clean comedian. But apparently - and I'm not making this up - but apparently, some folks at the last show took offense to the fact that in a few of my jokes, I refer to pig farms having a bad smell. The "organization" I was performing for is a farm related one, so I guess I was just assuming that they knew that pig farms had a bad smell. But apparently the whole "hog odor" issue is a pretty big one in their area with a lot of play in the media about it, so they took offense to the fact that I was making fun of the situation.

I tried to explain that I felt really bad that anyone would be offended by something I said, especially farmers. I generally consider my entire act to be pro-farmer, considering I grew up on an Iowa farm, and my parents still live on one. They were in possesion of my CD, so I can only assume they knew some of my jokes might head that direction. And I told them that I had done that exact same show for The Iowa Pork Producers and had them rolling on the floor. Now, if the Pork Producers of Iowa don't have a problem with it, I couldn't see how this group could. But, I was told to stay away from "odor jokes", and being the consumate performer that I am, I swore that I would, and I did.

Much to my surprise, the poems went over like gangbusters. They got what was probably their biggest reaction to date. I wrote an extra three in the last couple days to make sure I could filled my alloted time.

It felt really good to perform them, and since it was my forth of fifth reading of them by now, I had many of them nearly memorized and I could spend a lot more time putting energy into the performance rather than worry about reading everything without stumbling.

I'd wanted to use the new song again this week, but unfortunately I realized that it contained the line, "What's that smell?", so I immediately scrapped it. I also had to scrap a brand new poem due to its offensive subject matter. But for you, the loyal blog reader, I will now present a special treat! The world premiere of the previously unreleased poem, That Old Familiar Smell!

That Old Familiar Smell

I moved off the farm at age eighteen,
Back in nineteen ninety-four,
And the smell of all those pigs back home,
Still lingers on me I’m sure.

There’s something about that hog odor,
Some swear it’s the worst smell known,
It sticks in your hair and all your clothes,
And seeps through down to the bone.

If you walk down the street, you might see,
Some folk’s whose heads whip around,
Then they’ll start moving a lot quicker,
And make some disgusted sound.

My brothers and I hated this smell,
And thought it might do us harm,
So we’d go and complain to my dad,
About living on the farm.

We’d say, “Dad it stinks! We can’t stand it!
This place just reeks don’t you see?”
My dad would look at us and he’d smile,
“It smells like money to me.”

I know, I know! It's actually pretty tame considering its supposed offensive nature. So I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize to any of my readers who feel like I've slighted them in any way shape or form due to my own personal opinion that manure smells icky sometimes. The opinions expressed on this web page are solely mine, and may in no way shape or form relfect the opinions of anyone else on the planet who farms, used to farm, lived on a farm, lives near a farm, or has used the word farm.

till next time,

Jason

Different Audiences

2005-08-24T10:16:00.000-05:00

It always strikes me as strange how you can do the same comedy material for two different audiences and have it be a hit with one, while only getting polite chuckles from another.

I did a half hour show last night for an audience that I've never been in front of before. I was excited going into the evening because the show had the potential to lead to many more shows if it went well. So, I decided that to make sure I put my best foot forward I would tell my three most popular stories - Oogey Boogey, Finger, and Puke. These are the three stories that regardless of where I am, or what I'm doing, they tend to go over very well. These are the stories I pull out when I'm nervous about an audience because they tend to be "gold" material for me.

So last night, for this new audience that I wanted to impress, I called on these tried and true favorites for the first twenty five minutes of the show. The last five minutes, I planned on doing something most comedians will do from time to time - I was going to try out a little new material. I've had my Grandpa Kain's old four string tenor banjo for a couple years now, and I've been slowly trying to work out ways to use it when I perform or speak. Well, I worked out a new comedy song (which I'm pretty happy with) and planned on trying it out at the end of the show last night after hopefully getting some big laughs with my old stories.

Well, about five minutes into the show, I knew it wasn't going to be a great night. Instead of big laughs like usual for these stories, I was getting mild and polite chuckles. Even on the big payoff lines of the stories, lines that have gotten raucous cheers and doubled-over laughing from some audiences, I recieved quite subdued laughter.

Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. Now, I know the old adage that every audience is different and sometimes you can just have a crowd that just doesn't get into anything you give them, but these were the stories that have never - to date - really failed me to garner the overwhelming approval of those I was speaking to. Sure, I have some weaker material that I've learned never to open with, but to save until the audience get's to know me, but I didn't even bring any of that out last night.

And then, I get to the banjo song - material I've never used before - and they really seemed to like it. I did a little sing-a-long, and it seemed to be the most well recieved part of what I offered them.

Frustrated, I hopped back in the car, and began the two hour drive home with nothing to think about other than how some shows can just seem to go so off track.

I consider myself a pretty versatile speaker. I can do stand-up. I can give Christian talks and sermons. I can mix a little stand-up with a little Christian message. I've also been doing quite a bit of poetry and prose reading performances. But I'm beginning to feel like it may be time to prune back a little bit.

Straight stand-up has been very good to me. It's how I got my start, and how I've paid a lot of bills over the last few years, but I'll be the first to admit that it's the hardest of all the things I do. I've always seemed to follow a rythm with stand-up - I'll have one fantastic show, and then one mediocre one. I usually hit around 50/50, which, in stand-up, is considered pretty good. And while the bad shows are always a tough pill to swallow, the great ones always make up for them. But for most of this year, I'm probably closer to 10/90, (the 90 being "mediocre" or less in my opinion) leaving me to wonder how much longer it's really worth offering myself up as a straight comic.

I also have to admit that doing the old material - the "gold" stories and such - is not nearly as much fun as it used to be. Most of the writing and creating I've been doing lately has been more focused on the prose, poetry, and Christian message talks. So maybe it's time to hang up the stand-up hat for awhile.

A couple notes on some unrelated subjects.

I just got an email from good friend and part-time ministry partner Mark Elgersma who says several new CD's and a possible DVD from this summer's SERVE project in Sioux Falls are nearly finished. They're recordings of the night time worship services that we had all week, and I'm pretty excited to hear them. We've been wanting to put together some more promotional material to get my stuff out there, and luckily there was a great guy named Brian at SERVE who had the tools to do it. (Note to self, get in touch with Brian soon and give him a big thank you.)

There's a chance the CD's will be made for more than just trying to get more speaking engagements, and we'll end up offering them to the public - which would be really great if it all fell in place. I've had a couple different versions of a comedy CD for a few years now, and I've been waiting to branch out a bit and record some more serious stuff. We're hoping this is the opportunity we've been waiting for. I haven't heard the CD's yet, but I've heard they'll be in the mail soon, so I'm very excited to get my hands on them!

My next show is on Tuesday, August 30th, and that was the next time I was planning on updating the blog, but I've gotten a few requests to update a little more often. I'm thinking about maybe updating once a week, instead of just a couple times a month. I'm not exactly sure what these writings will be, since I generally just update after speaking engagements, but perhaps I can spend some time writing about what I'm currently working on creatively, and how I'm preparing for the next speaking gig.

Till next time,

Jason

On Broadway

2005-08-11T11:01:00.000-05:00

So my church (Second Reformed Church) is located on a street called Broadway in Pella, IA, and a while back, someone got the clever idea to host arts and entertainment events through the church and call them "On Broadway". Throughout the year, they've hosted various musicians and speakers to come and entertain, and last night, they were gracious enough to host me in the "On Broadway: Curtain Call".

They actually hosted more than just me. The event really took place in three different locations. A quartet and a duet of singers performed in the Pastors' backyard. A showtune sing-a-long took place on the front lawn of the church. And I performed some of my poetry in the backyard of Arvin and Connie Bandstra (two members of our congregation with an amazing backyard filled with all sorts of beautiful gardens).

It was a progressive evening of entertainment - meaning - that if you bought a ticket, you would start in one of the three locations, watch a twenty minute performance by the entertainers, and then head to the next location for another performance, and then the next. So in all, each performance had to be done three separate times, for three separate audiences, which suited me just fine since I like to inflict my poems on as many people as possible.

I had a fantastic evening. Food was served at each location, and the poems went over quite well. (Although my second audience of the night seemed a little sleepy.) Everything got laughs in the appropriate places, and many wonderful folks gave me great comments after each performance. The backyard I performed in was, in my opinion, the most beautiful. The entire yard has pretty much been turned into a large series of gardens, complete with a small pond of goldfish on the patio.

The only real downfall of the evening was when a very nice lady accidnetally backed into the driver door of my car and put a pretty good dent in it. Oh well, these things happen.

And so, for you reading entertainment, I present to you the poems performed last night (minus the ones that have been previously printed on this site.) Enjoy.

The Best Day in School We Ever Had
I knew a little boy once,
Who’d eat anything you had,
He’d eat it if it tasted good,
Or if it tasted bad.

All my friends thought this was great,
So we’d give him things to chew,
It might be a handful of dirt,
Or’a jar of Elmer’s glue.

But he’d eat them and he’d smile,
He would laugh and say “You see,
You feed me anything you like,
I’m always hungry!”

One day while I was sitting,
Just in front of him one seat,
He said his stomach was grumbling,
And needed food to eat.

I was out of erasers,
And all of my glue was gone,
The only thing that I had left,
Was my box of new crayons.

I turned around with the gift,
To see if he wanted some,
He took the whole box right away,
And gobbled the first one.

Then he gobbled down the next,
Then another was his snack,
He worked his way from the white one,
Through the whole box to black.

He sat back full and content,
With a smile that widened far,
You would have thought they’d been cookies,
Or little candy bars.

And yet, ten minutes later,
During our geography,
I heard him give a little moan,
And lean up next to me.

He said he didn’t feel good,
The crayons didn’t agree,
He said he needed the bathroom,
“It’s an emergency.”

If it was that bad I said,
Then he should just raise his hand,
The teacher would then let him go,
It sounded like a plan.

But our teacher was well known,
To have been a little mean,
As he raised his hand she acted,
As if she hadn’t seen.

He said, “What do I do now?”
As I tried to read my book,
I said, “You have to say her name,
And just get her to look.”

“If she hears her name get called,
Then she’ll have to see your hand,
Then you can ask to be excused,
And she’ll have to say you can.”

He put up his hand again,
And he said her name quite loud,
She looked at him as if he’d cursed,
And gave him her best scowl.

“You don’t speak out in this class!”
Then her face went all askew,
“You don’t speak out, no not at all,
Unless I call on you!”

He whispered, “What do I do?”
And his fear began to show,
I said, “Tell her it’s serious,
She’ll have to let you go.”

He said, “Really? Is that true?”
I said, “Yeah, cause it’s a rule!
Or maybe a state law I think,
It’s binding for all schools.

We all watched him leave his desk
And walk right up next to her,
It was like she didn’t see him,
I wasn’t really sure.

He waited for two minutes,
Then he shuffled in his place,
He finally dared to say her name,
And flames shot out her face.

She screamed because he’d dare move,
And speak without her say so,
She turned and lectured the whole class,
It was almost painful.

She said, “You see, now there are rules,
I post at the first quarter,
If you cannot follow them it’s
Chaos and not order!”

“What would happen to this class,
If everyone talked at will,
Everything would just go haywire,
That’s why rules are instilled!”

Then she turned back to my friend,
Who now had started to sob,
She said, “Okay now what’d you need,
Our class time you have robbed.”

He stood up straight and said, “Ma’am,
I think I might need to go,”
But just then he threw up on her,
It looked like a rainbow.

Then she seemed to lose her mind,
And a scream came out of her,
She grabbed him and ran from the room,
It seemed like such a blur.

All twas left was just us kids,
There was this horrible smell,
And that’s what set more retching off,
As far as I could tell.

Of twenty-five kids that day,
Only one did not throw up,
And I was not the lucky one,
My stomach did erupt.

A teacher came ‘cross the hall,
To see what was the uproar,
And though she tried hard to fight it,
She threw up at the door.

Legend says that wasn’t all,
Cause then the janitor came,
And some kids still to this day say,
He fared about the same.

Yet, though through all the sickness,
Not one of the kids did pout,
No one dared complain too much cause,
We got an early out.

Stan
Once there was a man named Stan,
Who worked on a drill press,
Old Stan he was a factory man,
He’s just like all the rest.

But you’ll see that Stan is shy,
Some fingers on one hand,
And there’s a real good reason why,
Stan is a dreaming man.

When old Stan would start to drill,
His mind would just get lost,
He’d dream of some imagined thrill-
And a finger’d be the cost.

Once Stan dreamt he was a king,
His wife a gorgeous queen,
Before he’d stopped to really think,
His thumb was severed clean.

Once Stan dreamt he drove race cars,
His mind really lingered,
Before he’d even gone that far,
He’d shear ‘doff his first finger.

Once Stan dreamt he played football,
And that was kind of fun,
The referee’s gave him good calls-
Stan lost the middle one.

Once Stan dreamt he was a mime,
With quick, expressive hands-
He lost the finger fourth in line,
The one for wedding bands.

Now there’s but the pinky left,
You’d think that Stan would quit,
You’d think he’d be a tad bereft-
He doesn’t care a bit.

Now he drills with his right hand,
And even though he’s slow,
With that left pinky he still can,
Hold smokes and pick his nose.

One day Stan may lose the rest,
And then he might relax,
Until then Stan’ll be the best,
At picking out earwax.

Farm Dog
We’ve got this dog here on the farm,
Who really has a unique charm,
He’s rather nice to have with me,
When I long for some company.

The problem is he’s kind of slow,
And I’m not sure he really knows,
That when our Lord passed out dog brains,
He must have been asleep that day.

When strangers come out to my place,
The dog just stares off into space.
But if old friends are coming in,
He’ll likely try to attack them.

He’s like a goat in appetite,
He’ll eat a frog in just one bite,
I even saw him eat some nails,
Then walk away and wag his tail.

And yes, he sleeps in the driveway,
No matter what we try to say,
We have to drag him to the side,
To get our pickup truck on by.

Yet though you’ll hear me gripe and moan,
A better dog I couldn’t own,
So maybe I’ll go pet him soon,
And use the hand without bite wounds.

The Squir'l
A squir’l ran out before my car,
Ten yards or so, not all that far,
His life I knew I’d surely mar,
If I might hit him with my car.

The first thing I thought was to swerve,
I knew that if I kept my nerve,
And around the squir’l made a curve,
I might pull off a des’prate swerve.

I thought I’d drive a little right,
And hopefully change this squir’l’s plight,
But try as hard as I just might,
He also chose to then run right.

I then thought left would work you see,
Although it was much more risky,
I’d have to miss a large oak tree,
But the squir’l’s life I’d save, you see.

But I didn’t know what to do,
Cause when I went left – he did too,
And so that’s when I really knew,
This squir'l must think just like I do.

And so I just drove straight ahead,
A little prayer I quickly said,
To now not turn the pavement red,
Hoping he’d duck his little head.

I looked back in my rearview mirror,
To check out the squir’l at my rear,
And I let out a little cheer,
I saw him standing in the mirror.

He looked at me with happiness,
Though ‘twas short lived I must confess,
The car behind made him a mess,
Which sort of damped my happiness.

The Story
My wife let out a scream one day,
While I was watching some TV,
It was such a sound of trouble,
That I leapt up to my feet.

Her noise was very frightening,
And the sound put my nerves on edge,
Some mugger must have broken in,
And was holding her hostage.

The noise came out the bathroom door,
So I ran as fast as I could,
To place my body between hers,
And this doer of no good!

When I reached my destination,
I found no threat’ning outsider,
Just my wife . . . she was pointing at,
A large, brown, hairy spider.

“Kill it!” she said, as she backed up,
Of my brav’ry she was quite sure,
But what I didn’t tell her was,
That I was more scared than her.

Yet I put on my toughest face,
Like I wasn’t scared in the least,
Reached back and said, “Hand me something,
With which I can kill this beast!”

At this point she put in my hand,
Something that I knew wouldn’t do,
To go to battle for my life,
She’d handed me a tissue.

Now I don’t think she was trying,
To go and get me killed you see,
I think wives just don’t understand,
The right choice of weaponry.

The spider then started to move,
I knew that I had to be fast,
I grabbed the head off the shower,
And cranked the water full blast.

I guess you could say I panicked,
As I chased it around the room,
Up, and down, and around the tub,
Til finally it ran to its doom.

And there I washed it down the drain,
And then keeping the pressure on,
I took a bottle of shampoo,
And I squeezed till it was gone.

I thought I’d drown or poison him,
Either way, the job would be done,
I turned to look back at my wife,
She was having lots of fun.

While I was risking my own life,
To protect my love from her death,
She was doubled laughing so hard,
That she’d almost lost her breath.

“Oh! That was so hilarious!”
She said of my near-death escape,
“I wish I’d had the camera,
To get the whole thing on tape!”

And now she tells most everyone,
About this infamous day,
And every time they laugh so hard,
I just walk the other way.

Questions
People always ask me,
Who mean such little harm,
About my days when I grew up,
On a small remote pig farm.

They have silly questions,
Always taking pity,
They just don’t seem to understand,
(They grew up in the city.)

I had a girlfriend ask,
About where our pigs roamed,
Did we keep them penned up outside,
Did they come into our home?

“Yes, yes,” I answered back,
“They come in all the time,
They sleep right next to me in bed,
And they like it mighty fine.”

A fella from New York,
Once asked me a strange thing,
Did we still use those outhouses,
Or have that indoor plumbing?

I told him, “We had both,
But we prefer outdoors,
Cause hearing all those outdoor sounds,
Can help nature take its course.”

One girl from Chicago,
Asked me about my school,
Did we get there on our tractors,
Or maybe ride a mule.

I said, “Oh, it’s the mule,
But sometimes he might balk,
And if the cows won’t let us ride,
Then we sometimes have to walk.”

And there is my fav’rite,
I get where’ere I go,
Now isn’t Iowa the state,
That is known for potatoes?

“Oh! Potatoes?” I say,
Not letting anger show,
“I think you might have us confused,
With those folks in Ohio.”

They nod and walk away,
And seem quite satisfied,
And I don’t feel much for the worse,
Cause they’re only small white lies.

I think it’s just their loss,
And I have a small fear,
If those dopes knew how good it was,
They’d consider moving here.

Where I’d Rather Be . . .
I’d rather be a pirate,
Sailing on the seven seas,
I think that it would feel good,
Living just as I would please.

I’d get up when I want to,
And I’d go to bed quite late,
I’d ride up in the crow’s nest,
And I’d drink with my first mate.

And if some guy had treasure,
It’d only be my duty,
To take my boat right to him,
And steal all of his booty.

If somebody messed with me,
A bad fate would befall them,
Laughing, I would grab their neck,
And then I’d keel haul them.

(Now I’m not exactly sure,
How to keel haul some one,
I will have to look it up,
But it sounds like lots of fun.)

And then there are the wenches,
That all pirates seem to get,
I don’t know where they come from,
But I’ll have a few I bet.

People would call me swarthy,
And I’d get to shout, “Avast!”
A flag of skull and cross bones,
Would hang high upon my mast.

Maybe even best of all,
I can lose a couple pounds,
Because a heavy pirate,
Is seldom to be found.

So that’s all I could ask for,
Booty, wenches, and my crew,
Sailing out there on my ship –
Pirate pants . . . size thirty-two!

till next time,
Jason