50/50 Again

Well, last night's show went considerably better than the show a week ago. It was essentially the same audience - not the same people, but the same organization, so it was the same type of people.

I scrapped the possiblilty of doing anything remotely close to a stand-up performance, and decided that if there was a chance of failing as miserably as I did last week, I was just going to make sure that at least I had fun. So I decided to do what I have the most fun doing - I'd read my poems.

When I walked in the door, I was greeted by the same person who'd lined the show up last week. She said that the "organization" had a suggestion for me after last week. In my mind I thought, What? Be more funny? But to my surprise, she said I had apparently offended some folks at the previous performance with some of my jokes. I was shocked. I pride myself on being a clean comedian. But apparently - and I'm not making this up - but apparently, some folks at the last show took offense to the fact that in a few of my jokes, I refer to pig farms having a bad smell. The "organization" I was performing for is a farm related one, so I guess I was just assuming that they knew that pig farms had a bad smell. But apparently the whole "hog odor" issue is a pretty big one in their area with a lot of play in the media about it, so they took offense to the fact that I was making fun of the situation.

I tried to explain that I felt really bad that anyone would be offended by something I said, especially farmers. I generally consider my entire act to be pro-farmer, considering I grew up on an Iowa farm, and my parents still live on one. They were in possesion of my CD, so I can only assume they knew some of my jokes might head that direction. And I told them that I had done that exact same show for The Iowa Pork Producers and had them rolling on the floor. Now, if the Pork Producers of Iowa don't have a problem with it, I couldn't see how this group could. But, I was told to stay away from "odor jokes", and being the consumate performer that I am, I swore that I would, and I did.

Much to my surprise, the poems went over like gangbusters. They got what was probably their biggest reaction to date. I wrote an extra three in the last couple days to make sure I could filled my alloted time.

It felt really good to perform them, and since it was my forth of fifth reading of them by now, I had many of them nearly memorized and I could spend a lot more time putting energy into the performance rather than worry about reading everything without stumbling.

I'd wanted to use the new song again this week, but unfortunately I realized that it contained the line, "What's that smell?", so I immediately scrapped it. I also had to scrap a brand new poem due to its offensive subject matter. But for you, the loyal blog reader, I will now present a special treat! The world premiere of the previously unreleased poem, That Old Familiar Smell!

That Old Familiar Smell

I moved off the farm at age eighteen,
Back in nineteen ninety-four,
And the smell of all those pigs back home,
Still lingers on me I’m sure.

There’s something about that hog odor,
Some swear it’s the worst smell known,
It sticks in your hair and all your clothes,
And seeps through down to the bone.

If you walk down the street, you might see,
Some folk’s whose heads whip around,
Then they’ll start moving a lot quicker,
And make some disgusted sound.

My brothers and I hated this smell,
And thought it might do us harm,
So we’d go and complain to my dad,
About living on the farm.

We’d say, “Dad it stinks! We can’t stand it!
This place just reeks don’t you see?”
My dad would look at us and he’d smile,
“It smells like money to me.”

I know, I know! It's actually pretty tame considering its supposed offensive nature. So I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize to any of my readers who feel like I've slighted them in any way shape or form due to my own personal opinion that manure smells icky sometimes. The opinions expressed on this web page are solely mine, and may in no way shape or form relfect the opinions of anyone else on the planet who farms, used to farm, lived on a farm, lives near a farm, or has used the word farm.

till next time,

Jason