1. Shave your head.
And that's pretty much the whole list. I let Andrea shear my golden locks last night, and I have a feeling that my head doesn't look all that good right now. Or maybe I'm just misinterpreting everyone's initial reaction of, "It'll grow back!" the wrong way.
So I performed some poetry at the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party on Saturday night. I had a great time, ate some great food, and I got to do what I love the most - read some crazy poems. I didn't think the new Christmas poems I posted earlier last week went over all that well, but the poems about dying pigs, escaping cows, and puking children went over very well as usual.
I, and my newly shaved head, will be presenting the Christmas morning message here at the 2nd Reformed Church this coming Sunday morning. I'm kind of looking forward to it, and kind of not. I always think that speaking in front of family jinxes me into a bad message, but on the other hand, speaking in front of brother-in-law Kyle usually goes really well. So we'll see which of the two superstitions holds true on Sunday morning. 2nd is typically a traditional worship style church, and for my message, I'm going to be speaking in a more non-traditional way as I do when I travel to camps and conventions, so I'm a little nervous about that. But it's Christmas! So no matter how it goes, it'll still more than likely be a great day.
And hey, I just had a thought! I got a Donald Trump wig on the internet a few months back for our Apprentice Over-nighter for our middle school youth. Perhaps I can wear that till the hair comes back . . .
till next time,
Jason
Monday, December 19, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
Christmas Poemetry
Hello all,
Unfortunately, my improv show for Omaha this weekend didn't work out, so I have no update on that. But since I'm doing a poetry reading for the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party this weekend, I thought I'd give you a little sampling of some of the new material I'll be trying out. And go easy on me, they may not be completely edited yet. Enjoy!
Sledding
In the winter when it would snow,
We knew the best spot we could go,
To have a blast and get our fill
of winter sledding was our hill.
It had to be a mile long,
As we’d climb up we’d sing a song,
Promoting lots of Christmas cheer,
And hiding any trace of fear.
Behind we’d drag the toboggan,
Proclaiming we’d have lots of fun,
And boasting who would go down first,
And which of us would wreck the worst.
You see our hill was quite well known,
Of making other children groan,
When they took one look at our slope,
Their little hearts just couldn’t cope.
It angled forty-five degrees,
Complet’ly covered with large trees,
Which if by chance you made it through,
An icy pond awaited you.
And then of course we’d pack and stamp,
Large mounds of snow to use as ramps,
So we could brag that we would fly,
That ol’ toboggan ten feet high.
But when we’d get up to the top,
We’d always take a breath and stop,
As we felt our stomach’s sinking,
Wond’ring what we had been thinking.
Then my brother’d say, “Go, ahead!”
And I’d say, “No, you go instead!”
And then our little brother’d cry,
“Oh please Lord! I don’t wanna die!”
So once we thought that we’d all go,
And we’d all sit right in a row,
And if bad fate was to befall,
It’d happen to us one and all.
And so we sat from old to young,
And onto both the sides we hung,
Now I was fearless for this stunt,
Since I had padding back and front.
Then down that hill we really flew,
Not knowing for sure what to do,
As that first ramp was coming near,
And we did not know how to steer.
And so we all just held on tight,
As the toboggan took to flight,
Then we watched squirrels run and hide,
As past there branches we did glide.
And when we finally came down,
We bounced a few times on the ground,
My younger brother lost his grip,
And he fell off ending his trip.
We pinballed off a tree or two,
And so that’s when I really knew,
I should have known without the pain,
Our sledding trips were all insane.
But soon we left the trees behind,
And we were sure that we would find,
That the pond ice was really thick,
And we’d slide over really quick.
But when we hit, we heard a crack,
And thinking now, as I look back,
We should have know the ice was thin,
We sure knew it when we fell in.
As we climbed out all sopping wet,
I don’t think that I will forget,
My younger brother’s little face,
As he giggled at our disgrace.
And as we stood there he did tease,
“I bet your shorts are gonna freeze!”
Our mouths too frozen to respond,
So we just tossed him in the pond.
Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.
Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.
“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.
Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.
Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.
He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.
As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.
We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.
“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”
“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.
Our Fort
When winter came we’d build a fort,
Then standing on it we’d exhort,
About how tight we’d packed our snow,
And how well we’d repel our foes.
And then the kids across the way,
Would chant back how they’d ruin our day,
They said their fort was ten feet high,
They said their’s reached up to the sky.
We said their fort was pitiful,
We said we’d crush it like a bull,
With our snowballs ready to go,
We would yell out to let them know,
“We packed them with some rocks and dirt,
And when they hit they’ll really hurt.”
So they yelled back that they weren’t scared,
And they yelled back they hardly cared.
They said their snowballs were packed tight,
They said they froze theirs overnight.
“For our attack,” they said, “Prepare!
You challenge us?” they said, ‘How dare!’”
And so right quick we’d answer back,
“How dare you threaten with attack!”
We’d say, “Your scared to face our wrath!”
We’d yell, “It will be a bloodbath!”
They’d say, “Our snowballs pack a sting!
They’re packed tighter than anything!”
We’ve packed each with a rabid mouse,
That we’ll bombard onto your house
And though it was a great big lie,
It almost made my brother cry,
And so then we’d begin our fight,
To prove our worth and prove our might.
Then the snowballs would start to fly,
And with war calls we’d start to cry,
My brother took one in the face,
My other brother took his place.
Then I nailed two with my barrage,
And they go hide in their garage.
And then we had them two on one,
And it was really getting fun!
Our last foe crouched down in shear fear,
And he flashed us a little sneer.
And just when we’re about to win,
My mom calls out, “Time to come in!”
And that’s when I made my mistake,
And a lucky shot my foe did take.
“Oh come on mom, more time,” I said,
As I looked back and raised my head,
And then I heard a whis’ling near,
And felt an ice ball strike my ear.
And as I laid there in the snow,
My brother took a mighty blow,
So that was that, we had been beat,
And they had used my mom to cheat.
And so we trudged our way back in,
So someday we could fight again.
till next time,
Jason
Unfortunately, my improv show for Omaha this weekend didn't work out, so I have no update on that. But since I'm doing a poetry reading for the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party this weekend, I thought I'd give you a little sampling of some of the new material I'll be trying out. And go easy on me, they may not be completely edited yet. Enjoy!
Sledding
In the winter when it would snow,
We knew the best spot we could go,
To have a blast and get our fill
of winter sledding was our hill.
It had to be a mile long,
As we’d climb up we’d sing a song,
Promoting lots of Christmas cheer,
And hiding any trace of fear.
Behind we’d drag the toboggan,
Proclaiming we’d have lots of fun,
And boasting who would go down first,
And which of us would wreck the worst.
You see our hill was quite well known,
Of making other children groan,
When they took one look at our slope,
Their little hearts just couldn’t cope.
It angled forty-five degrees,
Complet’ly covered with large trees,
Which if by chance you made it through,
An icy pond awaited you.
And then of course we’d pack and stamp,
Large mounds of snow to use as ramps,
So we could brag that we would fly,
That ol’ toboggan ten feet high.
But when we’d get up to the top,
We’d always take a breath and stop,
As we felt our stomach’s sinking,
Wond’ring what we had been thinking.
Then my brother’d say, “Go, ahead!”
And I’d say, “No, you go instead!”
And then our little brother’d cry,
“Oh please Lord! I don’t wanna die!”
So once we thought that we’d all go,
And we’d all sit right in a row,
And if bad fate was to befall,
It’d happen to us one and all.
And so we sat from old to young,
And onto both the sides we hung,
Now I was fearless for this stunt,
Since I had padding back and front.
Then down that hill we really flew,
Not knowing for sure what to do,
As that first ramp was coming near,
And we did not know how to steer.
And so we all just held on tight,
As the toboggan took to flight,
Then we watched squirrels run and hide,
As past there branches we did glide.
And when we finally came down,
We bounced a few times on the ground,
My younger brother lost his grip,
And he fell off ending his trip.
We pinballed off a tree or two,
And so that’s when I really knew,
I should have known without the pain,
Our sledding trips were all insane.
But soon we left the trees behind,
And we were sure that we would find,
That the pond ice was really thick,
And we’d slide over really quick.
But when we hit, we heard a crack,
And thinking now, as I look back,
We should have know the ice was thin,
We sure knew it when we fell in.
As we climbed out all sopping wet,
I don’t think that I will forget,
My younger brother’s little face,
As he giggled at our disgrace.
And as we stood there he did tease,
“I bet your shorts are gonna freeze!”
Our mouths too frozen to respond,
So we just tossed him in the pond.
Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.
Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.
“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.
Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.
Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.
He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.
As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.
We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.
“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”
“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.
Our Fort
When winter came we’d build a fort,
Then standing on it we’d exhort,
About how tight we’d packed our snow,
And how well we’d repel our foes.
And then the kids across the way,
Would chant back how they’d ruin our day,
They said their fort was ten feet high,
They said their’s reached up to the sky.
We said their fort was pitiful,
We said we’d crush it like a bull,
With our snowballs ready to go,
We would yell out to let them know,
“We packed them with some rocks and dirt,
And when they hit they’ll really hurt.”
So they yelled back that they weren’t scared,
And they yelled back they hardly cared.
They said their snowballs were packed tight,
They said they froze theirs overnight.
“For our attack,” they said, “Prepare!
You challenge us?” they said, ‘How dare!’”
And so right quick we’d answer back,
“How dare you threaten with attack!”
We’d say, “Your scared to face our wrath!”
We’d yell, “It will be a bloodbath!”
They’d say, “Our snowballs pack a sting!
They’re packed tighter than anything!”
We’ve packed each with a rabid mouse,
That we’ll bombard onto your house
And though it was a great big lie,
It almost made my brother cry,
And so then we’d begin our fight,
To prove our worth and prove our might.
Then the snowballs would start to fly,
And with war calls we’d start to cry,
My brother took one in the face,
My other brother took his place.
Then I nailed two with my barrage,
And they go hide in their garage.
And then we had them two on one,
And it was really getting fun!
Our last foe crouched down in shear fear,
And he flashed us a little sneer.
And just when we’re about to win,
My mom calls out, “Time to come in!”
And that’s when I made my mistake,
And a lucky shot my foe did take.
“Oh come on mom, more time,” I said,
As I looked back and raised my head,
And then I heard a whis’ling near,
And felt an ice ball strike my ear.
And as I laid there in the snow,
My brother took a mighty blow,
So that was that, we had been beat,
And they had used my mom to cheat.
And so we trudged our way back in,
So someday we could fight again.
till next time,
Jason
Monday, December 05, 2005
Buddy Hackett and the Snowstorm
Well, I don't know about you, but I think the title to this post would have been a great title to a Christmas movie. I can imagine Buddy dressing up as Santa Claus to swoop in and save the day for some poor kids who live in an orphanage and have no toys.
I went up to Orange City, IA last Wednesday to spend the night and speak for the middle school group My Choice on Thursday morning. As most of you who live in Iowa know, we had one heck of a snowstorm on Wednesday night, especially up in Northwest Iowa. Due to the impending storm, I left early on Wednesday morning in hopes of beating the snow. I got to Orange City around 3 o'clock, just when the snow really started to come down. It then proceeded to keep coming down for around the next six or seven hours - snowing about an inch an hour.
So, not knowing whether or not my speaking engagement the next morning was canceled, (It was at the middle school at 7 AM) I headed over to Sioux Center, IA to pick up good friend, Dordt College student, and blog regular, Dustin, so that we could go out to eat and hang out. We went to the Pizza Ranch, played some pool (Dustin destroyed me), and then ate some dark chocolate over coffee while playing chess (I destroyed Dustin) in the Dordt College coffee house.
We had a great time. I always have a great time with Dustin, but just the fact that we had about four hours of time to just hang out with no other worries was fantastic. We just goofed off and watched the snow fall. Dustin told me about how anxious he is to get out of Dordt and head to the Netherlands to study overseas, and the whole time I kept thinking I wished I was back in college and hanging out with Dustin on a regular basis.
After "Dustin Time" was over, I made the slow crawl of a drive back to my hotel in Orange City. Usually, the drive between Orange City and Sioux Center is about 15 minutes. But due to the severity of the snowstorm, it took me about 45 minutes. But I made it safely, found a note that said my speaking engagement had been postponed by three hours in the morning, watched some cable TV, and hit the hay.
I slept in a little, packed up, and got a call from My Choice director Scott Starkweather telling me that I was now going to be speaking in school at 10:15 AM. It wasn't going to be for the My Choice group, but another group of middle schoolers, so it would be just about the same.
I talked about Abram and Lot from Genesis 13 and 14, and related it to the importance of family. The students were fantastic, and I even used one to play Lot to my Abram. Scott asked me to stick around and give the talk one more time for another group of students, so I did, and I had another great time. And then Scott asked me to stick around one more time, so I did, and, that's right, I had yet another great time.
I love speaking to Scott's group at the Middle School. It's a great group, and an amazing thing that he's got going on at the school. The students listen so well, and laugh at all the right places.
After I was done at the school, coincidentally enough, my good friend Rob Roozeboom of RISE Ministries happened to be having his RISE benefit dinner and auction that night. It had originally be scheduled for November 15th, but it'd been canceled due to poor weather, and had been rescheduled for the Thursday I was there. I was supposed to emcee the original event, but had another engagement, so when Rob heard I was in town last week, he asked me to stay the day and introduce him at the benefit that night and I agreed.
It was a great event. I spent the afternoon helping Rob and his crew set up the dinner hall. They had all kinds of great autographed sports memorabilia and fun gifts to bid on. While perusing the merchandise, I found something that I knew I just couldn't leave without - an autographed caricature of Buddy Hackett along with a FILA sweatshirt he used to wear around the house and a letter of authenticity for both from his wife.
For those of you who don't know, Buddy was the star of such hits as It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, World, The Music Man, and one or more (I don't remember) of the Herbie movies. As soon as I saw the items, I raced to put my bid in. Oddly enough, no one else bid. I did see a few couples pick the items up and look at them fondly, though. I was very tempted to run over and tell them that it was the sweatshirt that Buddy had actually died in to scare them off, but it ended up that my fears weren't warranted because they didn't even bid. So at the end of the night, I got the picture and sweatshirt! What will I do with them now? I have no idea. But they're mine!
After the benefit was over (around 10:00 PM) I hopped back in the car and started the 5 1/2 hour long drive home. Driving long distances over the late night hours has become something I've gotten used to since I started speaking. Some time, I may have to blog on just exactly what that can be like at times. You tend to meet the most interesting gas station attendants at three in the morning, and I've seen my share of strange drivers and unidentifiable flying objects in the night sky on those lonely Iowa roads. But alas, that's for another time. This blog has gotten very long as it is!
I think I'm doing some improv this weekend in Omaha, and then doing a poetry reading next weekend for a bakery Christmas party. So expect more updates soon!
Till next time,
Jason
I went up to Orange City, IA last Wednesday to spend the night and speak for the middle school group My Choice on Thursday morning. As most of you who live in Iowa know, we had one heck of a snowstorm on Wednesday night, especially up in Northwest Iowa. Due to the impending storm, I left early on Wednesday morning in hopes of beating the snow. I got to Orange City around 3 o'clock, just when the snow really started to come down. It then proceeded to keep coming down for around the next six or seven hours - snowing about an inch an hour.
So, not knowing whether or not my speaking engagement the next morning was canceled, (It was at the middle school at 7 AM) I headed over to Sioux Center, IA to pick up good friend, Dordt College student, and blog regular, Dustin, so that we could go out to eat and hang out. We went to the Pizza Ranch, played some pool (Dustin destroyed me), and then ate some dark chocolate over coffee while playing chess (I destroyed Dustin) in the Dordt College coffee house.
We had a great time. I always have a great time with Dustin, but just the fact that we had about four hours of time to just hang out with no other worries was fantastic. We just goofed off and watched the snow fall. Dustin told me about how anxious he is to get out of Dordt and head to the Netherlands to study overseas, and the whole time I kept thinking I wished I was back in college and hanging out with Dustin on a regular basis.
After "Dustin Time" was over, I made the slow crawl of a drive back to my hotel in Orange City. Usually, the drive between Orange City and Sioux Center is about 15 minutes. But due to the severity of the snowstorm, it took me about 45 minutes. But I made it safely, found a note that said my speaking engagement had been postponed by three hours in the morning, watched some cable TV, and hit the hay.
I slept in a little, packed up, and got a call from My Choice director Scott Starkweather telling me that I was now going to be speaking in school at 10:15 AM. It wasn't going to be for the My Choice group, but another group of middle schoolers, so it would be just about the same.
I talked about Abram and Lot from Genesis 13 and 14, and related it to the importance of family. The students were fantastic, and I even used one to play Lot to my Abram. Scott asked me to stick around and give the talk one more time for another group of students, so I did, and I had another great time. And then Scott asked me to stick around one more time, so I did, and, that's right, I had yet another great time.
I love speaking to Scott's group at the Middle School. It's a great group, and an amazing thing that he's got going on at the school. The students listen so well, and laugh at all the right places.
After I was done at the school, coincidentally enough, my good friend Rob Roozeboom of RISE Ministries happened to be having his RISE benefit dinner and auction that night. It had originally be scheduled for November 15th, but it'd been canceled due to poor weather, and had been rescheduled for the Thursday I was there. I was supposed to emcee the original event, but had another engagement, so when Rob heard I was in town last week, he asked me to stay the day and introduce him at the benefit that night and I agreed.
It was a great event. I spent the afternoon helping Rob and his crew set up the dinner hall. They had all kinds of great autographed sports memorabilia and fun gifts to bid on. While perusing the merchandise, I found something that I knew I just couldn't leave without - an autographed caricature of Buddy Hackett along with a FILA sweatshirt he used to wear around the house and a letter of authenticity for both from his wife.
For those of you who don't know, Buddy was the star of such hits as It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, World, The Music Man, and one or more (I don't remember) of the Herbie movies. As soon as I saw the items, I raced to put my bid in. Oddly enough, no one else bid. I did see a few couples pick the items up and look at them fondly, though. I was very tempted to run over and tell them that it was the sweatshirt that Buddy had actually died in to scare them off, but it ended up that my fears weren't warranted because they didn't even bid. So at the end of the night, I got the picture and sweatshirt! What will I do with them now? I have no idea. But they're mine!
After the benefit was over (around 10:00 PM) I hopped back in the car and started the 5 1/2 hour long drive home. Driving long distances over the late night hours has become something I've gotten used to since I started speaking. Some time, I may have to blog on just exactly what that can be like at times. You tend to meet the most interesting gas station attendants at three in the morning, and I've seen my share of strange drivers and unidentifiable flying objects in the night sky on those lonely Iowa roads. But alas, that's for another time. This blog has gotten very long as it is!
I think I'm doing some improv this weekend in Omaha, and then doing a poetry reading next weekend for a bakery Christmas party. So expect more updates soon!
Till next time,
Jason
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