Christmas Poemetry

Hello all,

Unfortunately, my improv show for Omaha this weekend didn't work out, so I have no update on that. But since I'm doing a poetry reading for the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party this weekend, I thought I'd give you a little sampling of some of the new material I'll be trying out. And go easy on me, they may not be completely edited yet. Enjoy!

Sledding
In the winter when it would snow,
We knew the best spot we could go,
To have a blast and get our fill
of winter sledding was our hill.

It had to be a mile long,
As we’d climb up we’d sing a song,
Promoting lots of Christmas cheer,
And hiding any trace of fear.

Behind we’d drag the toboggan,
Proclaiming we’d have lots of fun,
And boasting who would go down first,
And which of us would wreck the worst.

You see our hill was quite well known,
Of making other children groan,
When they took one look at our slope,
Their little hearts just couldn’t cope.

It angled forty-five degrees,
Complet’ly covered with large trees,
Which if by chance you made it through,
An icy pond awaited you.

And then of course we’d pack and stamp,
Large mounds of snow to use as ramps,
So we could brag that we would fly,
That ol’ toboggan ten feet high.

But when we’d get up to the top,
We’d always take a breath and stop,
As we felt our stomach’s sinking,
Wond’ring what we had been thinking.

Then my brother’d say, “Go, ahead!”
And I’d say, “No, you go instead!”
And then our little brother’d cry,
“Oh please Lord! I don’t wanna die!”

So once we thought that we’d all go,
And we’d all sit right in a row,
And if bad fate was to befall,
It’d happen to us one and all.

And so we sat from old to young,
And onto both the sides we hung,
Now I was fearless for this stunt,
Since I had padding back and front.

Then down that hill we really flew,
Not knowing for sure what to do,
As that first ramp was coming near,
And we did not know how to steer.

And so we all just held on tight,
As the toboggan took to flight,
Then we watched squirrels run and hide,
As past there branches we did glide.

And when we finally came down,
We bounced a few times on the ground,
My younger brother lost his grip,
And he fell off ending his trip.

We pinballed off a tree or two,
And so that’s when I really knew,
I should have known without the pain,
Our sledding trips were all insane.

But soon we left the trees behind,
And we were sure that we would find,
That the pond ice was really thick,
And we’d slide over really quick.

But when we hit, we heard a crack,
And thinking now, as I look back,
We should have know the ice was thin,
We sure knew it when we fell in.

As we climbed out all sopping wet,
I don’t think that I will forget,
My younger brother’s little face,
As he giggled at our disgrace.

And as we stood there he did tease,
“I bet your shorts are gonna freeze!”
Our mouths too frozen to respond,
So we just tossed him in the pond.

Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.

Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.

“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.

Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.

Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.

He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.

As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.

We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.

“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”

“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.

Our Fort
When winter came we’d build a fort,
Then standing on it we’d exhort,
About how tight we’d packed our snow,
And how well we’d repel our foes.

And then the kids across the way,
Would chant back how they’d ruin our day,
They said their fort was ten feet high,
They said their’s reached up to the sky.

We said their fort was pitiful,
We said we’d crush it like a bull,
With our snowballs ready to go,
We would yell out to let them know,

“We packed them with some rocks and dirt,
And when they hit they’ll really hurt.”
So they yelled back that they weren’t scared,
And they yelled back they hardly cared.

They said their snowballs were packed tight,
They said they froze theirs overnight.
“For our attack,” they said, “Prepare!
You challenge us?” they said, ‘How dare!’”

And so right quick we’d answer back,
“How dare you threaten with attack!”
We’d say, “Your scared to face our wrath!”
We’d yell, “It will be a bloodbath!”

They’d say, “Our snowballs pack a sting!
They’re packed tighter than anything!”
We’ve packed each with a rabid mouse,
That we’ll bombard onto your house

And though it was a great big lie,
It almost made my brother cry,
And so then we’d begin our fight,
To prove our worth and prove our might.

Then the snowballs would start to fly,
And with war calls we’d start to cry,
My brother took one in the face,
My other brother took his place.

Then I nailed two with my barrage,
And they go hide in their garage.
And then we had them two on one,
And it was really getting fun!

Our last foe crouched down in shear fear,
And he flashed us a little sneer.
And just when we’re about to win,
My mom calls out, “Time to come in!”

And that’s when I made my mistake,
And a lucky shot my foe did take.
“Oh come on mom, more time,” I said,
As I looked back and raised my head,

And then I heard a whis’ling near,
And felt an ice ball strike my ear.
And as I laid there in the snow,
My brother took a mighty blow,

So that was that, we had been beat,
And they had used my mom to cheat.
And so we trudged our way back in,
So someday we could fight again.

till next time,
Jason