Refusing to Take Their Money. . .

Let's say you're a pilot. Maybe small, single engine planes. You do a lot of independant work, here and there, for whoever calls. One day a major airline phones you up and says, "We need you to fly our 747's for us."

You politely decline. You don't fly 747's.

They say, "Come on. You can do it! We'll give you this big wad of cash!"

You again politely decline. You even point out that the last time you tried to fly a plane that big, you had to make a crash landing and the plane was ruined.

They say, "Come on! We've heard good things about you! What if we add another big wad of cash to the first big wad of cash?"

This is tempting. Isn't a risky plane ride worth that much cash? But in the end, you must decline because you really shouldn't be flying that type of plane. The airline folk hang up in a huff, and you can tell you've made them mad.

Can you even imagine that scenario happening? Of course not! There isn't an employer in the world that would hire a prospective employee if that employee specifically said, "You shouldn't hire me for this. Not only am I not qualified, but the last time I tried to do this specific kind of job I messed it up royally!"

Yet, that doesn't seem to be the way it works in stand up comedy. I can't tell you the amount of times I've had to tell someone that it would probably be better if I didn't do their show.

250 elementary aged girl scouts in the wilderness for an hour? Hmm. While it sounds interesting, and your GIANT check looks nice, trust me when I say it's probably not my crowd. Five minutes of polite arguing later, and double the money turned down, and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.

Would you hire a firefighter in inner city New York if they said, "I don't perform well any higher than a first floor house." But what if we double your salary?

I'm sorry, I can only work in your veternary clinic if I spade and neuter cats. I've never been trained to do dogs. But if we offered you enough money, wouldn't you be willing to give it a shot?

I'm a pediatrist. I'm not qualified to do open heart surgery. But we've heard such good things about you! I bet you'll do just fine.

I don't know, maybe it happens in more professions than I know.

I do my best to have something ready for every age group, gender, club, church, youth group, and gathering. But there are few key demographics that I just don't do well for. As time goes on, I try to be a little more honest with my employers about what I can and can't do, but they just don't want to hear it most of the time.

Are we that desperately short on clean, low income, midwestern, Christian speaker, poet, storytelling, comedian, youth directors in America?

For all of our sakes, I hope not.

Jason