Candy

I like trying out new kinds of candy when I travel. I always tell myself that when I'm in Canada and I reach out to try a Big Turk candy bar that I'm broadening my mind, but the truth is that I just like sugar.

The Big Turk, by the way, is a chocolate bar with a gummy, fruity filling that's not unlike a giant grape Dot - maybe not quite that chewy though.

The only other country I've really ever been to is Canada, so that's where most of my foreign candy experience comes from. I've had a few bits and bobbles of Asian stuff from foreign exchange students, but I don't remember much about it other than there was some sort of corn flavored Jolly Rancher-type thing.

No, Canada seems to have a much better assortment.

I notice that in Edmonton, Calgary, Red Deer, and Neerlandia that if you want a Milky Way at a gas station, you have to settle for a dark chocolate one. It's fine by me since I prefer dark chocolate, but it seemed strange not to see a regualar Milky Way anywhere.

Kit Kat's only seemed to come in one large Kit Kat as well, instead of the four smaller connected ones. I've seen the one large Kit Kat here in the states, but I have yet to see anyone sell the smaller versions in Canada.

Don't even ask for Smarties in Alberta if you're an American. You won't get'em. At least, not the tart little treats that we know and love here. No, in Canada, Smarties are like giant M&M's except they have a little bit of a Sixlet's taste to them. Not all that pleasant. If you mention that though, they seem to get very defensive.

Our Smarties are called Rockets to them, and I think everyone can agree that that's just silly. They don't look like Rockets at all. Why can't they just call their Smarties "Rockets", and the whole thing will be settled?

What's even stranger right now is that I've typed the word Smarties so many times that it doesn't even seem like a word anymore. Stare at it. Say it aloud a few times. Smarties. What the heck does that even mean?

Andrea and I bought some Runts a few years back when we lived in Rock Valley. It was right after they discontinued the lime pieces for the larger watermelon ones. Don't get me wrong, watermelon was a great addition, but getting rid of lime? Those were my favorite and they were the easiest to chew! How many times have you grabbed a cherry or an orange and almost broke a tooth because it didn't have that give that the lime always had?

There was a 1-800 number on the back so I dared Andrea to call it and complain. She did without hesitation, and said the woman on the other side seemed quite interested in her tasting opinions. Two weeks later she got an envelope in the mail from the Wonka company filled with coupons for Carnation Instant Milk. I don't see the correlation at all, and I pity the poor child who might have tried the same thing only to recieve powdered milk coupons as a reward. It seems more like they were trying to discourage any further candy unrest.

I bought an Indiana Jones Snickers bar at Dollar General a couple days ago. I'd seen them on display for awhile. They boasted a special spicy flavor boost and coconut flavoring. I hate coconut, so I always passed right by. But then I realized that it wasn't the flavor so much as the little bits that get stuck in your teeth. Maybe I actually liked coconut flavoring?

I bought one, not for the coconut experience, but more for the chance to taste the special spicy flavor boost. Let's just say that the taste of the coconut kind of overwhelmed the entire experience, as it often does. I could barely even taste the chocolate and caramel compared to the coconut. End result: I dislike the flavor just as much as the little bits in my teeth.

The only coconut I eat willingly comes in those little chocolate and caramel Girl Scout Cookies. What are they called? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to look it up. But for some reason (Wait, I just remembered they're called Tagalongs while checking on Carson who was making crying noises during his nap) I don't mind the coconut bits at all. I think it's cause they've soaked up so much caramel, they're not quite as rigid.

And lets get this out on the table right now - orange has got to be one of the least desired flavors on the planet. It's a good flavor when you're chewing gum, or having a cough drop, or, let's say, eating an orange, but as far as candy goes, I tend to eat everything else first. (Except for Runts. With Runts I always eat the bananas last because I borderline loathe artificial banana flavoring.)

Andrea brought home one of those giant packs of super cheap Flavo-Ice freezer treat things with all the different tubes of fruity ice. Typically, our bag will end up with six or seven oranges left after everything else is gone. Sure, along the way you might grab an orange or two in an effort to keep the bag from becoming overrun with them - some sort of sham equality emotion taking over - but they're always the last ones left.

Not last week though. Last week I pop open a bright yellow Flavo-Ice all ready to enjoy my absolute favorite artificial flavor - LEMON - and guess what? B-A-N-A-N-A. I almost threw it away. Almost. It was Flavo-Ice afterall. After it was gone though, I grabbed a slightly less yellowed icee and guess what? Coco-freakin-nut. I kid you not. I go back to the freezer and look and low and behold they're not Flavo-Ice's but some cheap knock off. And no lemons to boot!

Let's get one thing straight: There are exactly six - count'em SIX - artificial flavors to be considered for icy pops - Cherry, Grape, Orange, Lemon, Lime and Blue. Anything else is a gross misjustice to the taste buds.

So for the first time in our freezer, there remain two oranges, four coconuts, and three bananas. I have a good feeling that someday when we move from this house, we'll open that freezer, ice pick past three inches of frost, and find those coconut icy pops right where they are right now.

Till next time,
Jason