Thought I'd take a moment to update since I have a few weeks off from speaking due to our impending baby. . .
Brouther-in-law Kyle and I have teamed up after our recent success with the Valentine's Day shows. We're now calling ourselves The Morgan Valley Social Club and offering ourselves up for entertainment to all sorts of groups. (Morgan Valley is the old coal mining town where a lot of my mother's family is from. Although the town is now defunct I guess, and the coal mines are gone, the area down around Runnells is still often referred to as Morgan Valley.)
We've had a very promising first few weeks as several offers have rolled in. Several churchs and banquets have called already. I kind of wish speaking events would come in this quickly.
What's the show? It's basically me reading poems, stories and cracking jokes while Kyle fills in with all kinds of classic country music or whatever tickles his fancy for the night. It's very midwestern, and definitely geared for the 35+ crowd. But the shows are fantastic fun. In fact, I really hope more of them pour in because they're such a blast to do. Aw, well, if wishes were fishes, right?
I also heard that Van and Bonnie on WHO radio read one of my poems a few weeks back, although I wasn't aware of it until after the fact. I was in Omaha performing with the improv guys and gals when one of my cousins called to tell me they'd heard it. I took it as a great compliment that they deemed it worthy of air time, although I was told they changed the name of the person in the poem and messed with with ryhme scheme a bit. Oh well, any publicity is good publicity, right?
Till next time,
Jason
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Jason Taylor - Wedding Singer
Kyle and I did two more Valentine's Supper shows last night for the 1st Reformed Church in Pella, IA. There was a supper at 5pm and another one at 6:30pm and we performed for both.
It was a bit different from the Runnells shows as we didn't perform after the crowd ate, but rather while they ate. This can be interesting as most of the time during the first show they would have their mouths full of food while we were trying to make them laugh.
So for the second show, we did about three minutes up front, and then waited till dessert was served to finish off with about twenty minutes that went very, very well.
Kyle worked in Johnny Paycheck, Sam Cooke, Willie Nelson, and Johnny Cash all in one show. You can't tell me that's not a show you'd pay two bits to see. C'mon, that's a good show.
And on top of that, I once again accompanied Kyle on Johnny Cash's version of Rose of My Heart with my Grandpa Kain's old accordian. Afterwards, Andrea's sister Aleisha asked if we'd play it at her wedding to future brother-in-law Troy Elscott.
Now let me tell you how big of a deal this is for me. I'm no musician - not even close. I've tried many times - piano, guitar, banjo and now accordian. I'm occasionally good enough to use an instrument in a comedy bit. Some easy, short song that I can come up with. But I would never consider doing anything even semi-serious in front of people.
I've performed some comedy with music at several weddings now, but it was always for the reception. But Aleisha - Aleisha has asked me, if I understand her right, to actually perform at her wedding ceremony - and on the accordian no less!
So I'm pretty excited about that. We'll have to see how that turns out.
What else is new? Hmm. Baby's due in a week. Andrea shows no signs of labor yet which leads me to believe it may be awhile. Everyone keeps coming up and assuming she's just miserable, but she says she's not really - other than a bad cold. So if this miserable feeling precedes childbirth, we could be in for the long haul.
Heading to Minny Soda for a day next month, and then Florida - both trips with Troy and Dawn. I think I mentioned that in the last post, so I'll just wrap up now.
Till next time,
Jason
It was a bit different from the Runnells shows as we didn't perform after the crowd ate, but rather while they ate. This can be interesting as most of the time during the first show they would have their mouths full of food while we were trying to make them laugh.
So for the second show, we did about three minutes up front, and then waited till dessert was served to finish off with about twenty minutes that went very, very well.
Kyle worked in Johnny Paycheck, Sam Cooke, Willie Nelson, and Johnny Cash all in one show. You can't tell me that's not a show you'd pay two bits to see. C'mon, that's a good show.
And on top of that, I once again accompanied Kyle on Johnny Cash's version of Rose of My Heart with my Grandpa Kain's old accordian. Afterwards, Andrea's sister Aleisha asked if we'd play it at her wedding to future brother-in-law Troy Elscott.
Now let me tell you how big of a deal this is for me. I'm no musician - not even close. I've tried many times - piano, guitar, banjo and now accordian. I'm occasionally good enough to use an instrument in a comedy bit. Some easy, short song that I can come up with. But I would never consider doing anything even semi-serious in front of people.
I've performed some comedy with music at several weddings now, but it was always for the reception. But Aleisha - Aleisha has asked me, if I understand her right, to actually perform at her wedding ceremony - and on the accordian no less!
So I'm pretty excited about that. We'll have to see how that turns out.
What else is new? Hmm. Baby's due in a week. Andrea shows no signs of labor yet which leads me to believe it may be awhile. Everyone keeps coming up and assuming she's just miserable, but she says she's not really - other than a bad cold. So if this miserable feeling precedes childbirth, we could be in for the long haul.
Heading to Minny Soda for a day next month, and then Florida - both trips with Troy and Dawn. I think I mentioned that in the last post, so I'll just wrap up now.
Till next time,
Jason
Monday, February 12, 2007
The Runnells, IA Crowd
Did a poetry show over the weekend. It was the Valentine's Supper for the Runnells Christian Church in Runnell's, IA. For those astute readers of the blog, you might remember I did this show two years ago and it went fantastic.
Well, this year, I brought along my brother-in-law Kyle for the show to play some music, and it went even better. Kyle is a great guitar player and singer and we did an hour show of poetry and music. I even joined in on the last song with my Grandpa's old accordian.
The food was great, the crowd was great (probably 50% of them were relatives in one way or another), and the show couldn't have gone better. Many laughs were had, we got to listen to Kyle dissect a Johnny Paycheck love song while he was playing it (Andrea said my dad was rolling with laughter during this part), Andrea came up to sing back up on Sam Cooke's You Send Me, and we got rid of lots of my new poetry book, Farm Dog, and Other Poems.
It was, quite honestly, the most fun I've had with a show in a long time. One of those times where the material and the audience just really seemed to click. It makes me really want to set up lots more shows just like that one. I think with a little polishing, we may be onto something here.
Kyle and I are doing two more shows this week for the First Reformed Church in Pella, IA. They'll be back to back shows for their Valentine's Night Supper, and I'm really excited to make a few touch ups on the show and see what happens.
Other than those shows, I've kind of taken about a month off from speaking until the baby comes. The due date is February 23rd, but Andrea has been feeling so well that I'm afraid the baby may come a little late. But that's okay, because we'll both be around for the next few weeks.
Next month I'll be heading up to Minny Soda to speak for a spiritual renewal day for a high school, and then the last week of the month Troy, Dawn, and I head down to Florida for a Happy the Dog Ministry trip on a SERVE project in Bradenton.
I'll try to update after the Wednesday shows with Kyle.
Till next time,
Jason
Well, this year, I brought along my brother-in-law Kyle for the show to play some music, and it went even better. Kyle is a great guitar player and singer and we did an hour show of poetry and music. I even joined in on the last song with my Grandpa's old accordian.
The food was great, the crowd was great (probably 50% of them were relatives in one way or another), and the show couldn't have gone better. Many laughs were had, we got to listen to Kyle dissect a Johnny Paycheck love song while he was playing it (Andrea said my dad was rolling with laughter during this part), Andrea came up to sing back up on Sam Cooke's You Send Me, and we got rid of lots of my new poetry book, Farm Dog, and Other Poems.
It was, quite honestly, the most fun I've had with a show in a long time. One of those times where the material and the audience just really seemed to click. It makes me really want to set up lots more shows just like that one. I think with a little polishing, we may be onto something here.
Kyle and I are doing two more shows this week for the First Reformed Church in Pella, IA. They'll be back to back shows for their Valentine's Night Supper, and I'm really excited to make a few touch ups on the show and see what happens.
Other than those shows, I've kind of taken about a month off from speaking until the baby comes. The due date is February 23rd, but Andrea has been feeling so well that I'm afraid the baby may come a little late. But that's okay, because we'll both be around for the next few weeks.
Next month I'll be heading up to Minny Soda to speak for a spiritual renewal day for a high school, and then the last week of the month Troy, Dawn, and I head down to Florida for a Happy the Dog Ministry trip on a SERVE project in Bradenton.
I'll try to update after the Wednesday shows with Kyle.
Till next time,
Jason
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Go Oilers!
88 again
I've been doing a lot of traveling over the last couple weeks. Two weekends ago, I went over to Omaha again to perform with 88improv. I worked with Nate and Sarah Schoenfeld at a really swank country club for a dinner. It was a great show. Some of the best improv I've been involved in for a long time.
We played this game called Genres which is kind of hard to explain if you don't know it, but it essentially breaks down into everyone having to make up showtunes on the spot. Well, I'm horrible at this part of the game. I can't make up songs on the spot (let alone sing on tune). Over the last couple weeks I've performed with the 88 crew, it's gone something like this:
Tim: I don't care
If you don't share
About the fair
With that pair!
Jason: That Pair!
Just basically me repeating the last line of what the other improver says as best I can. Well not this time! This time I made up my own song about ear piercing with Nate and it worked really well. It ended with me singing about Nate giving me a kiss on the ear, which, in improv, he naturally had to do since you're always supposed to agree with everyone.
Oh, Canada!
So Troy and I headed up to Alberta, Canada this past weekend to lead a retreat. He played some rock your face off music like normal, and I spoke. We had a blast.
First of all, it was about 30 to 40 degrees warmed in Canada than it was in Iowa the entire time we were there. It was great!
We were speaking in this little town called Neerlandia. When we were renting our car at the Edmonton airport, we asked the ladies behind the counter, "Do you know where Neerlandia is?" And one of them asked, "Did you say Narnia?" While that would have been pretty cool, it was not what we'd asked. So after several phone calls and lots of map searching, we finally found the town which was located two hours north of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
It was strange. It was just like Iowa in most ways. At 6:30 am, I left my house in my little dutch pig farming community on Friday morning, drove for an hour, got on a plan for four hours, drove for two more hours, and got out of the car in a little dutch pig farming community. It was all a bit surreal.
We had a great time with the 100 or so students and adults at the retreat. Troy and I discovered that all Canadian punctuation is spoken out loud.
Eh = .
Right = ?
For instance:
Jason: Hi, I'm Jason!
Canadian: Good to meet you, eh You had a good trip, right
They also put gravy on their french fries, and they love hockey. Both of those quirks were very agreeable with me, so we got along great.
We also started marketing our new Happy the Dog Ministry t-shirts, which I'll have to post on here soon. The kids seemed to take to them very well, and we sold a lot of them.
Sunday morning, we led worship for about 500 people in the Neerlandia Christian Reformed Church, and we had great time. Troy even got everyone, and I mean everyone, up and dancing to Undignified.
So, in short, Canadians were great. It was my first time out of the country, and I had a blast spending time with Troy all weekend. We met some great new friends like Becky, Joelle, Sandy, Cindy, Janice, Rob, Rick Rick, Randy, Randy, and many others who I'll think of immediately after I post this blog.
Till next time,
Jason
I've been doing a lot of traveling over the last couple weeks. Two weekends ago, I went over to Omaha again to perform with 88improv. I worked with Nate and Sarah Schoenfeld at a really swank country club for a dinner. It was a great show. Some of the best improv I've been involved in for a long time.
We played this game called Genres which is kind of hard to explain if you don't know it, but it essentially breaks down into everyone having to make up showtunes on the spot. Well, I'm horrible at this part of the game. I can't make up songs on the spot (let alone sing on tune). Over the last couple weeks I've performed with the 88 crew, it's gone something like this:
Tim: I don't care
If you don't share
About the fair
With that pair!
Jason: That Pair!
Just basically me repeating the last line of what the other improver says as best I can. Well not this time! This time I made up my own song about ear piercing with Nate and it worked really well. It ended with me singing about Nate giving me a kiss on the ear, which, in improv, he naturally had to do since you're always supposed to agree with everyone.
Oh, Canada!
So Troy and I headed up to Alberta, Canada this past weekend to lead a retreat. He played some rock your face off music like normal, and I spoke. We had a blast.
First of all, it was about 30 to 40 degrees warmed in Canada than it was in Iowa the entire time we were there. It was great!
We were speaking in this little town called Neerlandia. When we were renting our car at the Edmonton airport, we asked the ladies behind the counter, "Do you know where Neerlandia is?" And one of them asked, "Did you say Narnia?" While that would have been pretty cool, it was not what we'd asked. So after several phone calls and lots of map searching, we finally found the town which was located two hours north of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
It was strange. It was just like Iowa in most ways. At 6:30 am, I left my house in my little dutch pig farming community on Friday morning, drove for an hour, got on a plan for four hours, drove for two more hours, and got out of the car in a little dutch pig farming community. It was all a bit surreal.
We had a great time with the 100 or so students and adults at the retreat. Troy and I discovered that all Canadian punctuation is spoken out loud.
Eh = .
Right = ?
For instance:
Jason: Hi, I'm Jason!
Canadian: Good to meet you, eh You had a good trip, right
They also put gravy on their french fries, and they love hockey. Both of those quirks were very agreeable with me, so we got along great.
We also started marketing our new Happy the Dog Ministry t-shirts, which I'll have to post on here soon. The kids seemed to take to them very well, and we sold a lot of them.
Sunday morning, we led worship for about 500 people in the Neerlandia Christian Reformed Church, and we had great time. Troy even got everyone, and I mean everyone, up and dancing to Undignified.
So, in short, Canadians were great. It was my first time out of the country, and I had a blast spending time with Troy all weekend. We met some great new friends like Becky, Joelle, Sandy, Cindy, Janice, Rob, Rick Rick, Randy, Randy, and many others who I'll think of immediately after I post this blog.
Till next time,
Jason
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
88, 89 . . .
I went and did another 88improv show in Omaha this past weekend with good friends Tim and Sarah Schoenfeld. It was for the Cargill Christmas Party, and I had a pretty stinking good time.
The food was great, the people laughed, and I had a lot of fun playing improv games. The team of 88improv is just about the best team you could hope to watch, and it's hard for me not to laugh the entire time I'm up there with them.
In an effort to try and liven up the old blog again, I'll relay an old story from my days at Northwestern College in Orange City, IA. I didn't attend Northwestern, but my wife Andrea did, so I was there for several years.
I first met the guys from 88improv while at Northwestern, and we liked to get together once in a while and have fun. Well, one Friday night we're all sitting around looking for something to do, and I ask the guys if they want some golf balls. I'd been biking every morning around the Orange City golf course, and I noticed that there were often thousands of golf balls just laying around on the practice range. They apparently didn't believe in picking them up very often.
So we all jump on some "borrowed" bicycles (which we returned!) and headed off to the golf course. It was late enough, and dark enough, that no one was there, so we went to work. I took off my hockey jersey and tied off the sleeves and the neck to form a make-shift sack of sorts. Then we stuffed the thing with hundreds of golf balls.
When we got home, we really didn't know what to do with all the golf balls. First we spread them out on the floor and took turns rolling around on them. It was a pretty amazing feeling to shoot across the floor as they rolled underneath. I think we let them all fall down some stairs a few times. Then we got an idea.
Andrea and I were living in a house owned by theater professors Jeff and Karen Barker. We were in an apartment attached to the house, and the rest of the home was occupied by several other theater students.
We grabbed the big bag of golf balls and headed down to the basement room of Amy Christiansen. She had one of those little dorm fridges, so we tipped it backwards and proceeded to fill it all the way to the door with the golf balls. Then we put it back into place and made ourselves scarce.
I don't remember if I was around or not when Amy finally opened her fridge, but I'm sure it was hysterical.
DISCLAIMER
Now, I don't condone the theft of golf balls from golf course practice ranges. I know what we did was wrong, and I'm very sorry about it now. I'm not sure what happened to the big bag of golf balls, but I'm sure we returned them all to where we found them . . . I'm pretty sure anyway.
Till next time,
Jason
The food was great, the people laughed, and I had a lot of fun playing improv games. The team of 88improv is just about the best team you could hope to watch, and it's hard for me not to laugh the entire time I'm up there with them.
In an effort to try and liven up the old blog again, I'll relay an old story from my days at Northwestern College in Orange City, IA. I didn't attend Northwestern, but my wife Andrea did, so I was there for several years.
I first met the guys from 88improv while at Northwestern, and we liked to get together once in a while and have fun. Well, one Friday night we're all sitting around looking for something to do, and I ask the guys if they want some golf balls. I'd been biking every morning around the Orange City golf course, and I noticed that there were often thousands of golf balls just laying around on the practice range. They apparently didn't believe in picking them up very often.
So we all jump on some "borrowed" bicycles (which we returned!) and headed off to the golf course. It was late enough, and dark enough, that no one was there, so we went to work. I took off my hockey jersey and tied off the sleeves and the neck to form a make-shift sack of sorts. Then we stuffed the thing with hundreds of golf balls.
When we got home, we really didn't know what to do with all the golf balls. First we spread them out on the floor and took turns rolling around on them. It was a pretty amazing feeling to shoot across the floor as they rolled underneath. I think we let them all fall down some stairs a few times. Then we got an idea.
Andrea and I were living in a house owned by theater professors Jeff and Karen Barker. We were in an apartment attached to the house, and the rest of the home was occupied by several other theater students.
We grabbed the big bag of golf balls and headed down to the basement room of Amy Christiansen. She had one of those little dorm fridges, so we tipped it backwards and proceeded to fill it all the way to the door with the golf balls. Then we put it back into place and made ourselves scarce.
I don't remember if I was around or not when Amy finally opened her fridge, but I'm sure it was hysterical.
DISCLAIMER
Now, I don't condone the theft of golf balls from golf course practice ranges. I know what we did was wrong, and I'm very sorry about it now. I'm not sure what happened to the big bag of golf balls, but I'm sure we returned them all to where we found them . . . I'm pretty sure anyway.
Till next time,
Jason
Thursday, December 07, 2006
88 Improv
Sorry for the late blog. Just catching up to this past weekend.
I attempted to go to Grand Rapids, MI this past weekend to perform some poetry for a church Christmas party, but due to the extreme weather hitting Illinois, I didn't make it. I was travelling with ministry partner Mark Elgersma, and about twenty minutes into Illinois, we notices that NO ONE was coming towards us in the other lane.
"That can't be good," Mark said.
"No, it can't," I responded.
And it wasn't. When we came around a big bend in the road, we found that both lanes of traffic were backed up for miles because of a jacknifed semi or two. We finally found an exit and then just turned around to come home. Apparently, O'Hare airport was shut down for the day due to the blizzard, so we should probably have never left in the first place. Dumb me.
I did make it to Omaha on Saturday to perform some improv with good friends Tim and Sarah Schoenfeld with 88improv. They'd double booked some shows over the weekend, and asked if I'd come down and be an extra body for them. I had a ton of fun. The show was downtown in some hotel for a Christmas party being held by a bunch of computer techies. It ended up being a really good show and Tim and Sarah are always hilarious.
This weekend I head down to Omaha again for another show on Saturday night. And, as far as I can think, that's my last show of any type for the rest of the year. The next thing on my docket is going to Canada in January . . . great timing, eh?
A few changes coming up - the first of which is a name change for the ministry I'm in with Mark and Troy. It's changing from "39-27 Ministries" to "Happy the Dog Ministries". The website on the side of the page hasn't been updated yet, but that's because the new web page isn't ready.
. . .
A few people have complained that I need some more "jokes" on my website so it's not so boring, and I'm afraid I didn't come through this time. Let's see . . . our bedroom ceiling is leaking and our septic tank needs an expensive repair. Wait, that's not funny to me. But maybe you can laugh at me.
What else? Oh, yeah. The dripping ceiling hit my video ipod and ruined it. Also funny if you like laughing at me instead of with me. The car may also need new tires as well.
Enough of all that tomfoolery though. Here's a Christmas poem:
Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.
Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.
“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.
Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.
Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.
He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.
As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.
We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.
“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”
“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.
And a marriage poem. . .
Married Life
My brother asked awhile back,
“Is your married life still on track?
You’ve been together for five years,
Do you have any regrets or fears?”
I said, “Oh, yeah, it’s really great!
There’s always good food on my plate,
There’s always shampoo in the show’r,
And outside there are pretty flow’rs.”
“The bed is almost always made,
The bills are almost always paid,
Cobwebs are very rarely seen,
And my laundry is always clean.”
He said, “It sounds like paradise,
And what you’ve said makes me think twice,
About the single life I’ve got,
And whether I should tie the knot.
So maybe I should buy a ring,
And find a girl to wear that thing,
The married life just might suit me,
Since your life is so problem free.
I must have paused a little bit,
Because he asked me, “What is it?”
You seem like something’s on your mind,
Like maybe things aren’t always fine.”
I laughed and said, “Forget it, man!
My life is great from where I stand,
There was just this one minor time,
When everything wasn’t sublime.
It’s nothing, don’t pay it a thought,
Cause a complainer I am not,”
But he said he just had to know,
And so I said, “Well here we go . . .”
We’re in the living room one day,
And Andrea looks up to say,
You know I think I’d like this space,
If the couch and book shelf traded place.
So I huffed and puffed for an hour,
When I was done her face looked sour,
And then she had the nerve to say,
“It looked better the other way.”
And then there was the other night,
When we played poker till daylight,
And even though I’d left a note,
I guess my absence got her goat.
“I was all alone!” she hollered.
I said, “I won fifty dollars!”
She said, “Well I’m still mad at you!”
And spent the fifty on new shoes.
And then the times I hate the most,
Are times when she can be quite gross,
She trims her nails in bed at night,
And leaves used Q-Tips in plain sight.
She eats with this loud slurping sound,
She’ll eat food she dropped on the ground,
And though I swore I’d never tell,
Man, she can make that bathroom smell!
He nodded as he took it in,
“So you would say you’re happy then?
With everything about your wife,
And all the changes to your life?”
And I assured him that I was,
But I don’t think he bought it cause,
Even though he heard my story,
He’s still single and near forty.
Till next time,
Jason
I attempted to go to Grand Rapids, MI this past weekend to perform some poetry for a church Christmas party, but due to the extreme weather hitting Illinois, I didn't make it. I was travelling with ministry partner Mark Elgersma, and about twenty minutes into Illinois, we notices that NO ONE was coming towards us in the other lane.
"That can't be good," Mark said.
"No, it can't," I responded.
And it wasn't. When we came around a big bend in the road, we found that both lanes of traffic were backed up for miles because of a jacknifed semi or two. We finally found an exit and then just turned around to come home. Apparently, O'Hare airport was shut down for the day due to the blizzard, so we should probably have never left in the first place. Dumb me.
I did make it to Omaha on Saturday to perform some improv with good friends Tim and Sarah Schoenfeld with 88improv. They'd double booked some shows over the weekend, and asked if I'd come down and be an extra body for them. I had a ton of fun. The show was downtown in some hotel for a Christmas party being held by a bunch of computer techies. It ended up being a really good show and Tim and Sarah are always hilarious.
This weekend I head down to Omaha again for another show on Saturday night. And, as far as I can think, that's my last show of any type for the rest of the year. The next thing on my docket is going to Canada in January . . . great timing, eh?
A few changes coming up - the first of which is a name change for the ministry I'm in with Mark and Troy. It's changing from "39-27 Ministries" to "Happy the Dog Ministries". The website on the side of the page hasn't been updated yet, but that's because the new web page isn't ready.
. . .
A few people have complained that I need some more "jokes" on my website so it's not so boring, and I'm afraid I didn't come through this time. Let's see . . . our bedroom ceiling is leaking and our septic tank needs an expensive repair. Wait, that's not funny to me. But maybe you can laugh at me.
What else? Oh, yeah. The dripping ceiling hit my video ipod and ruined it. Also funny if you like laughing at me instead of with me. The car may also need new tires as well.
Enough of all that tomfoolery though. Here's a Christmas poem:
Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.
Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.
“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.
Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.
Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.
He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.
As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.
We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.
“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”
“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.
And a marriage poem. . .
Married Life
My brother asked awhile back,
“Is your married life still on track?
You’ve been together for five years,
Do you have any regrets or fears?”
I said, “Oh, yeah, it’s really great!
There’s always good food on my plate,
There’s always shampoo in the show’r,
And outside there are pretty flow’rs.”
“The bed is almost always made,
The bills are almost always paid,
Cobwebs are very rarely seen,
And my laundry is always clean.”
He said, “It sounds like paradise,
And what you’ve said makes me think twice,
About the single life I’ve got,
And whether I should tie the knot.
So maybe I should buy a ring,
And find a girl to wear that thing,
The married life just might suit me,
Since your life is so problem free.
I must have paused a little bit,
Because he asked me, “What is it?”
You seem like something’s on your mind,
Like maybe things aren’t always fine.”
I laughed and said, “Forget it, man!
My life is great from where I stand,
There was just this one minor time,
When everything wasn’t sublime.
It’s nothing, don’t pay it a thought,
Cause a complainer I am not,”
But he said he just had to know,
And so I said, “Well here we go . . .”
We’re in the living room one day,
And Andrea looks up to say,
You know I think I’d like this space,
If the couch and book shelf traded place.
So I huffed and puffed for an hour,
When I was done her face looked sour,
And then she had the nerve to say,
“It looked better the other way.”
And then there was the other night,
When we played poker till daylight,
And even though I’d left a note,
I guess my absence got her goat.
“I was all alone!” she hollered.
I said, “I won fifty dollars!”
She said, “Well I’m still mad at you!”
And spent the fifty on new shoes.
And then the times I hate the most,
Are times when she can be quite gross,
She trims her nails in bed at night,
And leaves used Q-Tips in plain sight.
She eats with this loud slurping sound,
She’ll eat food she dropped on the ground,
And though I swore I’d never tell,
Man, she can make that bathroom smell!
He nodded as he took it in,
“So you would say you’re happy then?
With everything about your wife,
And all the changes to your life?”
And I assured him that I was,
But I don’t think he bought it cause,
Even though he heard my story,
He’s still single and near forty.
Till next time,
Jason
Monday, November 20, 2006
Look at me, blogging once a week and all...
So I went to Des Moines this past weekend to speak at a Presbyterian retreat along with the band Jonah's Wale (Troy, Dawn, and Mark). It was held in the Westminster Presbyterian church near the Drake neighborhood.
It was what I'd consider the first real 39/27 Ministry gig since, to my knowledge, it's the first job we've had together that was pitched as a package deal. For those of you who don't know, 39/27 is the name that we (Jonah's Wale, Son's of Thunder, and I) have picked to represent ourselves in the Christian world as we promote ourselves together for events. If I'm not too lazy here when I'm done with this post, I'll put a link up for our site on the side of the page next to all the other links I've got.
The event was great. Man, do I love Presbyterians. It was pretty clear in the opening worship that Troy's worship leading, cow milking, movie butterfly, river dancing, ways of music were new to this crowd. At one point during worship, Troy said, "You know, this is my first experience with Presbyterians." And a pastor from the crowd answered back, "And this is the first time Presbyterians have experienced someone like you!" Which got a large laugh from the crowd. Troy asked if that was good, to which they all responded that it was.
We ate pizza, camped out in the church lounge, ate at Fazzoli's, watched Mark dissapoint us all by not finishing a hamburger that was as big as his head, and had some fantastic worship. It was seriously the most fun I've had speaking in quite a while, and I really hope that the 39/27 possibilities keep flowing in.
Last night I headed over to Lynnville, IA to speak for the youth group at the Lynnville Friends Church. We had Lasagna (which I choose to prounounce as LUH-ZAG-NAH), and it was fantatstic. I had a chicken/broccoli lasagna that rocked my face off. And the group I spoke to was a lot of fun. Wow, two great crowds in a row! I'm kind of scared to go to the next job . . . but that's back to Gunn Lake, Michigan on December 1st for a Christmas party. And those folks are always great to me!
On a sad note, I've once again given up soda of all forms. I quit about a week ago after a lengthy conversation with good friend Luke Vander Leest about the dangers of addictions. For those long time blog readers (yes, both of you), I gave up once a long while back for about two weeks and then started up again. I was sadly up to about ten cans a day for a while, but I've been clean for a week now.
Well, that was until last night. At last night's Lynnville dinner, all I found to drink was soda, so I had a Diet Pepsi. It was just one! And I'm officially back on the wagon again this morning. Or off the wagon, maybe, because I don't remember which part of the wagon it is you need to worry about when it comes to addictions.
I'm in Michigan for poetry on Dec. 1, Omaha for improv on Dec. 2, and Omaha again for improv on Dec. 9. I'm getting to team up with my good friends in 88 Improv again for a couple weeks of Christmas parties, and I'm really looking forward to it!
Till next time,
Jason
It was what I'd consider the first real 39/27 Ministry gig since, to my knowledge, it's the first job we've had together that was pitched as a package deal. For those of you who don't know, 39/27 is the name that we (Jonah's Wale, Son's of Thunder, and I) have picked to represent ourselves in the Christian world as we promote ourselves together for events. If I'm not too lazy here when I'm done with this post, I'll put a link up for our site on the side of the page next to all the other links I've got.
The event was great. Man, do I love Presbyterians. It was pretty clear in the opening worship that Troy's worship leading, cow milking, movie butterfly, river dancing, ways of music were new to this crowd. At one point during worship, Troy said, "You know, this is my first experience with Presbyterians." And a pastor from the crowd answered back, "And this is the first time Presbyterians have experienced someone like you!" Which got a large laugh from the crowd. Troy asked if that was good, to which they all responded that it was.
We ate pizza, camped out in the church lounge, ate at Fazzoli's, watched Mark dissapoint us all by not finishing a hamburger that was as big as his head, and had some fantastic worship. It was seriously the most fun I've had speaking in quite a while, and I really hope that the 39/27 possibilities keep flowing in.
Last night I headed over to Lynnville, IA to speak for the youth group at the Lynnville Friends Church. We had Lasagna (which I choose to prounounce as LUH-ZAG-NAH), and it was fantatstic. I had a chicken/broccoli lasagna that rocked my face off. And the group I spoke to was a lot of fun. Wow, two great crowds in a row! I'm kind of scared to go to the next job . . . but that's back to Gunn Lake, Michigan on December 1st for a Christmas party. And those folks are always great to me!
On a sad note, I've once again given up soda of all forms. I quit about a week ago after a lengthy conversation with good friend Luke Vander Leest about the dangers of addictions. For those long time blog readers (yes, both of you), I gave up once a long while back for about two weeks and then started up again. I was sadly up to about ten cans a day for a while, but I've been clean for a week now.
Well, that was until last night. At last night's Lynnville dinner, all I found to drink was soda, so I had a Diet Pepsi. It was just one! And I'm officially back on the wagon again this morning. Or off the wagon, maybe, because I don't remember which part of the wagon it is you need to worry about when it comes to addictions.
I'm in Michigan for poetry on Dec. 1, Omaha for improv on Dec. 2, and Omaha again for improv on Dec. 9. I'm getting to team up with my good friends in 88 Improv again for a couple weeks of Christmas parties, and I'm really looking forward to it!
Till next time,
Jason
Monday, November 13, 2006
Still a Lazy Blogger. . .
Yeah, I've been lots of places and done lots of things since the last blog. And yes, I still get the occasional emails and folks I bump into that say, "Hey, why no blog? Have you given up on the blog?"
No.
In October I went up to Milwaukee to speak for a large group of ninjas (people with panty hose on their heads that each held a tennis ball.) I found them quite entertaining, and while in Milwaukee, I accomplished my ultimate purpose - to pick up jars and jars of Milwaukee's own pickles for my wife who is 6 months pregnant.
And, as always, after stating that I had to pick up pickles for my pregnant wife, I am to offer the disclaimer that my wife has ALWAYS liked pickles and eaten them in large quantities - even before she was pregnant. (If you ask me, that actually sounds worse than just telling people they're a pregnancy craving.)
Also in October, I went and spoke for the Pella High School football team at their weekly team supper. It was one of those odd little God things where I spoke about some soldiers from the old testament sticking together, and afterwards the coach showed me the dog tags that every player and coach were given for many of the same reasons I spoke about. And I also found out that speaking to a large group of football players can be intimidating.
This past week I was up in Sioux Falls, SD, Edgerton, MN, and a little town I can't remember just north of Sioux Falls where the Tri-Valley High School is located. It was a little three day midwest tour, as I like to imagine it.
I spoke for the chapel at the Southwest Christian High School in Edgerton on Wednesday afternoon. It was a great session not because of anything I said, but because it gave me a chance to worship with good friend / worship leader / piano player Dawn Ryswyk. Dawn helped make us all feel a little older by playing the worship song Carrier only to have most of the crowd admit they'd never heard it before.
Oh yeah, Mark was there too.
On Wednesday night we headed to Tri-Valley high school and I walked into the gymnasium and realized the event was much larger than I thought it was going to be. They had a large stage set up and seating for around 900 people. The place packed out, my good friends from Sons of Thunder played the worship leaders, and it was a great time. There were LOTS of people there.
Oh yeah, Mark and Troy were there too.
On Thursday I headed to the Sioux Falls Christian High School in the afternoon to speak to good friend Luke Vander Leest's old testament bible class on biblical archaeology. I've been reading up and taking notes on the subject for the last several months, and thought it would be fun to share it with some others.
To put it simply, I bored the buhjeebers out of the class. It reminded me a lot of my first speaking engagement. I talked way too long, and way too fast and no one seemed to like me. But when I was done, I thought, I think I could do that better next time! So only time will tell whether or not I get another chance to share my studies on archaeology.
This coming weekend I'm speaking for a Presbyterian retreat in Des Moines. Troy and Dawn will be leading worship. And, oh yeah, Mark will be there.
Till next time,
Jason
No.
In October I went up to Milwaukee to speak for a large group of ninjas (people with panty hose on their heads that each held a tennis ball.) I found them quite entertaining, and while in Milwaukee, I accomplished my ultimate purpose - to pick up jars and jars of Milwaukee's own pickles for my wife who is 6 months pregnant.
And, as always, after stating that I had to pick up pickles for my pregnant wife, I am to offer the disclaimer that my wife has ALWAYS liked pickles and eaten them in large quantities - even before she was pregnant. (If you ask me, that actually sounds worse than just telling people they're a pregnancy craving.)
Also in October, I went and spoke for the Pella High School football team at their weekly team supper. It was one of those odd little God things where I spoke about some soldiers from the old testament sticking together, and afterwards the coach showed me the dog tags that every player and coach were given for many of the same reasons I spoke about. And I also found out that speaking to a large group of football players can be intimidating.
This past week I was up in Sioux Falls, SD, Edgerton, MN, and a little town I can't remember just north of Sioux Falls where the Tri-Valley High School is located. It was a little three day midwest tour, as I like to imagine it.
I spoke for the chapel at the Southwest Christian High School in Edgerton on Wednesday afternoon. It was a great session not because of anything I said, but because it gave me a chance to worship with good friend / worship leader / piano player Dawn Ryswyk. Dawn helped make us all feel a little older by playing the worship song Carrier only to have most of the crowd admit they'd never heard it before.
Oh yeah, Mark was there too.
On Wednesday night we headed to Tri-Valley high school and I walked into the gymnasium and realized the event was much larger than I thought it was going to be. They had a large stage set up and seating for around 900 people. The place packed out, my good friends from Sons of Thunder played the worship leaders, and it was a great time. There were LOTS of people there.
Oh yeah, Mark and Troy were there too.
On Thursday I headed to the Sioux Falls Christian High School in the afternoon to speak to good friend Luke Vander Leest's old testament bible class on biblical archaeology. I've been reading up and taking notes on the subject for the last several months, and thought it would be fun to share it with some others.
To put it simply, I bored the buhjeebers out of the class. It reminded me a lot of my first speaking engagement. I talked way too long, and way too fast and no one seemed to like me. But when I was done, I thought, I think I could do that better next time! So only time will tell whether or not I get another chance to share my studies on archaeology.
This coming weekend I'm speaking for a Presbyterian retreat in Des Moines. Troy and Dawn will be leading worship. And, oh yeah, Mark will be there.
Till next time,
Jason
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Come on blogger.com!
Just got done typing a post about my recent trip up to Waylan, MI to speak at another Summit event and stay with good friends Andy and Erin Rozendaal, and the blog site temporarily crashed on me.
This is the second or third time this has happened, and I have NO desire to retype all that is lost. Bah. What a lumpy day.
So, in short, I went somewhere this weekend and things happened and I came home. Bah. Today, I hate blogspot. Instead I shall post a poem to fill space:
The Des Moines “International” Airport
You may want to call the police,
Or maybe the CIA,
Or whatever watchdog group may be,
Protecting the US of A.
There’s chance I might be a terrorist,
A chance I might be insane,
At least that’s what I found out last month,
While trying to get on a plane.
When I went through security,
A guard swabbed my laptop case,
Then put the swab into a machine,
A grimace affixed on her face.
I nervously tried to chit-chat,
“How long does it take this thing?”
She said, “Just a few moments and then,
It’ll make a noise that goes ding.”
I made a little joke or two,
She seemed immune to my charm,
Then the machine began to light up,
And out came a piercing alarm.
“That sure doesn’t sound like a ‘ding’”,
“No, it sure doesn’t,” she said,
Then she picked up her walkie-talkie,
And whispered, “I’ve got a code red.”
It’s strange that when this all happened,
I knew that I should stay calm,
But I’ll admit the thought crossed my mind,
“Well, maybe I do have a bomb. . .”
Just maybe Al Qaida changed plans,
To bring about our demise,
And instead of Arab extremists,
They’re targeting white, Irish guys.
Or maybe they got to my wife,
It wouldn’t be hard I guess,
Just catch her on one of my bad days,
When I’d left the bathroom a mess.
This uniformed man stormed over,
Like he was in a bad mood,
“Do you work with explosives?” he asked,
“Just when I eat Mexican food.”
Well, after a thorough pat down,
From a large black guard named Steve,
They told me it’d just been a mistake,
And said I was free to leave.
Yet, as I headed toward my gate,
After gathering my stuff,
That guilty part of me still wondered,
If they didn’t look hard enough.
Yes, that actually happened. It just didn't rhyme at the time like it does now.
Till next time,
Jason
This is the second or third time this has happened, and I have NO desire to retype all that is lost. Bah. What a lumpy day.
So, in short, I went somewhere this weekend and things happened and I came home. Bah. Today, I hate blogspot. Instead I shall post a poem to fill space:
The Des Moines “International” Airport
You may want to call the police,
Or maybe the CIA,
Or whatever watchdog group may be,
Protecting the US of A.
There’s chance I might be a terrorist,
A chance I might be insane,
At least that’s what I found out last month,
While trying to get on a plane.
When I went through security,
A guard swabbed my laptop case,
Then put the swab into a machine,
A grimace affixed on her face.
I nervously tried to chit-chat,
“How long does it take this thing?”
She said, “Just a few moments and then,
It’ll make a noise that goes ding.”
I made a little joke or two,
She seemed immune to my charm,
Then the machine began to light up,
And out came a piercing alarm.
“That sure doesn’t sound like a ‘ding’”,
“No, it sure doesn’t,” she said,
Then she picked up her walkie-talkie,
And whispered, “I’ve got a code red.”
It’s strange that when this all happened,
I knew that I should stay calm,
But I’ll admit the thought crossed my mind,
“Well, maybe I do have a bomb. . .”
Just maybe Al Qaida changed plans,
To bring about our demise,
And instead of Arab extremists,
They’re targeting white, Irish guys.
Or maybe they got to my wife,
It wouldn’t be hard I guess,
Just catch her on one of my bad days,
When I’d left the bathroom a mess.
This uniformed man stormed over,
Like he was in a bad mood,
“Do you work with explosives?” he asked,
“Just when I eat Mexican food.”
Well, after a thorough pat down,
From a large black guard named Steve,
They told me it’d just been a mistake,
And said I was free to leave.
Yet, as I headed toward my gate,
After gathering my stuff,
That guilty part of me still wondered,
If they didn’t look hard enough.
Yes, that actually happened. It just didn't rhyme at the time like it does now.
Till next time,
Jason
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Can't think of a good title . . .
Went up to emcee a couple of youth rally's in Northwest Iowa and Minny Soda this past weekend.
I met up with ministry partner Mark Elgersma, and his wife Cassi in Albert Lea, MN to car pool the rest of the way to Sioux Falls, SD where we were staying with Mark's wonderful parents Barry and Brenda. Had a great time chatting on the two hour drive with Cassi . . . and I guess Mark was okay to be around too.
The two events I was at were fall youth rally's for the area, and a kind of reunion of sorts for the event I spoke at this summer in Arizona. They brought Tom Tufts (former golf pro, and Christian speaker from Florida) to be the main speaker, and he's a pretty fun guy to hang around with. And when I say "pretty fun guy" I mean "he also likes to give Mark a really hard time" which I always enjoy.
I didn't have a terrible amount of responsibilities this weekend, so I got to do a little more hanging out than usual. I watched the entire Iowa/ISU game. I'm not a huge football fan. In fact, I rarely ever watch sports. But since I went to ISU, this is the one game of the year I always try to catch. Not because I necessarily find it interesting, mind you, I just like to know ahead of time how much razzing I'm going to have to take from Iowa fans if ISU loses. Well . . . it's going to be a long year.
I got to eat lunch with good friend Luke Vander Leest, his wife Carla, and their beautiful kids Derek and Caity (Sp?). I played an extensive game of hide and seek with Derek and I got to see Luke teach two year olds how to sing and dance, so that definately made my weekend.
Also got to chat a bit with Jacklyn Punt who was recovering from the same cold I'd had only days before. Troy and Dawn were there, of course. Dawn was great as always, and I got to punch Troy on stage and get away with it, so that was fantastic.
What else? Bored yet? I am and I lived it. It was more fun than it reads, trust me. Got home about two a.m. on Monday morning, then had to jump out of bed at seven a.m. to paint a day with Andrea's uncle Jere Brummel. How good of a painter am I? Well, Jere didn't curse or fire me on the first day, so that must have meant I wasn't completely awful. Although I did mess up quite a bit.
Okay, next time, I'll just post pictures - they'd probably be more interesting than anything I wrote today.
Till next time,
Jason
I met up with ministry partner Mark Elgersma, and his wife Cassi in Albert Lea, MN to car pool the rest of the way to Sioux Falls, SD where we were staying with Mark's wonderful parents Barry and Brenda. Had a great time chatting on the two hour drive with Cassi . . . and I guess Mark was okay to be around too.
The two events I was at were fall youth rally's for the area, and a kind of reunion of sorts for the event I spoke at this summer in Arizona. They brought Tom Tufts (former golf pro, and Christian speaker from Florida) to be the main speaker, and he's a pretty fun guy to hang around with. And when I say "pretty fun guy" I mean "he also likes to give Mark a really hard time" which I always enjoy.
I didn't have a terrible amount of responsibilities this weekend, so I got to do a little more hanging out than usual. I watched the entire Iowa/ISU game. I'm not a huge football fan. In fact, I rarely ever watch sports. But since I went to ISU, this is the one game of the year I always try to catch. Not because I necessarily find it interesting, mind you, I just like to know ahead of time how much razzing I'm going to have to take from Iowa fans if ISU loses. Well . . . it's going to be a long year.
I got to eat lunch with good friend Luke Vander Leest, his wife Carla, and their beautiful kids Derek and Caity (Sp?). I played an extensive game of hide and seek with Derek and I got to see Luke teach two year olds how to sing and dance, so that definately made my weekend.
Also got to chat a bit with Jacklyn Punt who was recovering from the same cold I'd had only days before. Troy and Dawn were there, of course. Dawn was great as always, and I got to punch Troy on stage and get away with it, so that was fantastic.
What else? Bored yet? I am and I lived it. It was more fun than it reads, trust me. Got home about two a.m. on Monday morning, then had to jump out of bed at seven a.m. to paint a day with Andrea's uncle Jere Brummel. How good of a painter am I? Well, Jere didn't curse or fire me on the first day, so that must have meant I wasn't completely awful. Although I did mess up quite a bit.
Okay, next time, I'll just post pictures - they'd probably be more interesting than anything I wrote today.
Till next time,
Jason
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Long Time No See . . .
Yeah, it's been awhile since I updated. I'm a bad blogger with no other excuse than extreme business, followed by extreme laziness. But here's a list of where I've been as of late:
July - I spoke at Convention in Flagstaff, AZ for about 1,500 high schoolers and adults. Highlights of the trip include getting business manager Mark to do improv, and being flagged for a bomb at the airport (I'll cover that in a bit).
I also emceed and did some improv at Power Connection, the Reformed Church middle schooler event in Maryville, MO. The big highlight of that trip was getting to work with good friend Steve Hydeen from 88 Improv in Omaha, NE.
August - I got to do another Old Time Gospel Show in What Cheer, IA in the What Cheer Opera house. Seriously - this was the most fun I've had all summer. I read poems, and the audience was huge, and they rocked. We laughed, I got to hang out with Chris "Crackers" Bennett again, and I got to hear some great music. What's not to enjoy?
I also spoke for a youth event in Sully, IA. About 100 kids. Mark and Dustin were with me. Highlight? Mark and Dustin were with me.
Coming up, I get to head up to Minny Soda for a little Convention reunion type thing this month, as well as giving the message at 2nd Reformed Pella, and then I head out to Michigan to speak for my good friends in Dorr again.
In October I head to Milwaukee, in November I'm in South Dakota and Des Moines, and then in January I'm pretty pumped to head on up past the border to Canada! That's right, Canada! For the first time in my 30 long years here on earth, I'll be in another country. I'm pretty excited as I've heard a lot of good things about Canada - hockey, Tim Horton's coffee, and uh . . . snow.
So, back to the only part of this post that might be halfway interesting - I set the bomb detector off at the Des Moines "International" Airport. It was a pretty thrilling experience. I was on my way to Flagstaff, when I was pulled aside for a random extra security screening. This essentially means they give you a good frisking and give all your stuff an extra search.
After a security guard swabbed my laptop case, she put the little cotton cloth into a machine (the bomb detector), and we made a little chit chat while she said we had to wait for the little 'ding'. I told her I was a youth director going to speak at a teenage convention. Then the alarm sounded.
I said, "That doesn't sound like a 'ding'."
She said, "No, no it doesn't." She then grabbed her walkie talkie and radioed in a "hit on station six". A large guard came over, asked me if I worked with explosives, gave me my second frisking of the day, and then they sent me on my way.
I have to admit, even though I knew that I didn't have a bomb on me - my mind did go there for a second. Well, maybe I do have a bomb. Maybe someone did slip it into my things while I wasn't looking. I then realized the only person I'd been with all morning had been my wife, so you can bet I'm keeping a pretty close eye on her as of late.
You heard it here first - Al Qaida is now targeting tall, lanky, Irish guys through their wives. Be aware.
Till next time,
Jason
July - I spoke at Convention in Flagstaff, AZ for about 1,500 high schoolers and adults. Highlights of the trip include getting business manager Mark to do improv, and being flagged for a bomb at the airport (I'll cover that in a bit).
I also emceed and did some improv at Power Connection, the Reformed Church middle schooler event in Maryville, MO. The big highlight of that trip was getting to work with good friend Steve Hydeen from 88 Improv in Omaha, NE.
August - I got to do another Old Time Gospel Show in What Cheer, IA in the What Cheer Opera house. Seriously - this was the most fun I've had all summer. I read poems, and the audience was huge, and they rocked. We laughed, I got to hang out with Chris "Crackers" Bennett again, and I got to hear some great music. What's not to enjoy?
I also spoke for a youth event in Sully, IA. About 100 kids. Mark and Dustin were with me. Highlight? Mark and Dustin were with me.
Coming up, I get to head up to Minny Soda for a little Convention reunion type thing this month, as well as giving the message at 2nd Reformed Pella, and then I head out to Michigan to speak for my good friends in Dorr again.
In October I head to Milwaukee, in November I'm in South Dakota and Des Moines, and then in January I'm pretty pumped to head on up past the border to Canada! That's right, Canada! For the first time in my 30 long years here on earth, I'll be in another country. I'm pretty excited as I've heard a lot of good things about Canada - hockey, Tim Horton's coffee, and uh . . . snow.
So, back to the only part of this post that might be halfway interesting - I set the bomb detector off at the Des Moines "International" Airport. It was a pretty thrilling experience. I was on my way to Flagstaff, when I was pulled aside for a random extra security screening. This essentially means they give you a good frisking and give all your stuff an extra search.
After a security guard swabbed my laptop case, she put the little cotton cloth into a machine (the bomb detector), and we made a little chit chat while she said we had to wait for the little 'ding'. I told her I was a youth director going to speak at a teenage convention. Then the alarm sounded.
I said, "That doesn't sound like a 'ding'."
She said, "No, no it doesn't." She then grabbed her walkie talkie and radioed in a "hit on station six". A large guard came over, asked me if I worked with explosives, gave me my second frisking of the day, and then they sent me on my way.
I have to admit, even though I knew that I didn't have a bomb on me - my mind did go there for a second. Well, maybe I do have a bomb. Maybe someone did slip it into my things while I wasn't looking. I then realized the only person I'd been with all morning had been my wife, so you can bet I'm keeping a pretty close eye on her as of late.
You heard it here first - Al Qaida is now targeting tall, lanky, Irish guys through their wives. Be aware.
Till next time,
Jason
Monday, June 05, 2006
The Old Time Gospel Show
I traveled up to Toledo, IA this past weekend to do some comedy/poetry at the historic Wieting Opera House (now movie theater). Unfortunately, I'm still forgetting to take my camera along, so this is the best picture I could find on the internet. But trust me when I say it's a really cool theater on the inside with a real oldfashioned feel.
This is apparently what it looked like in it's heyday though.
A guy by the name of John Finical called me up a couple weeks ago and asked me to do a few shows with his Old Time Gospel Tour. The first of which was this past weekend, the next two are over the first couple weekends in August in North English and What Cheer, IA.
John lined up lots of great acts for the show like Homeword Bound, Bob Mehrer, The MaClain Family (sp?), and a 12 year old madonlin and violin player named Chris "Crackers" Bennett.
In fact, I was the only non-gospel music portion of the evening - which made me a tad nervous. But it ended up being all for naught as the crowd really seemed to enjoy the poems I performed and gave me a great round of applause after it was over.
I've always thought that I'd love to go back to the day when Vaudeville was the main vein of entertainment in the country, and this show on Saturday was probably as close as I'm ever going to get.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Church / Kiwanis / Old Timey Gospel!
Sorry for the late update. I delivered the message a week ago last Sunday for the Bethel Reformed Church youth service in Des Moines, IA. I got hooked up with them through ministry partner Mark Elgersma who's aunt and uncle attend the church.
I had a great time, and they were really receptive, appreciative, and welcoming to me. I used some old photos of my dad's dog Happy from when he was a kid in the message, and talked about Peter and John in Acts 4.
I also did a 6 A.M. breakfast poetry reading for the Knoxville Kiwanis. Yes, that's right. 6 A.M.! It was EARLY. We just bought a new house and we've spent several days moving into it, and we've had a lot of early mornings and late nights, so I was dead tired when I rolled out of the house at 5:30. But the show went all right. I had a great time.
The biggest news, at least to me anyways, is that I was contacted by a fella about doing a series of storytelling/poetry shows as part of something called The Old Time Gospel Show. I guess it's a kind of tour thing where lots of different gospel singers and bands get together and put on a shows around Iowa, and I'll be providing the comedy portion of the evening.
I've been booked for three shows, the first one being this Saturday night, and it would be an understatement to say I'm a little excited. I'll be doing some poetry, storytelling, and a little banjo, so it's going to be about my favorite show of the year.
And in two short weeks I'll be in Sioux Falls, SD for the 2006 SERVE! And I'm super pumped cause Troy asked me back for the 2007 SERVE as well. Now I guess I'm really free to do some crazy stuff this year - like throwing rotten eggs at the crowd, or wearing my spiderman underoos to preach in. I can't wait!
Till next time,
Jason
I had a great time, and they were really receptive, appreciative, and welcoming to me. I used some old photos of my dad's dog Happy from when he was a kid in the message, and talked about Peter and John in Acts 4.
I also did a 6 A.M. breakfast poetry reading for the Knoxville Kiwanis. Yes, that's right. 6 A.M.! It was EARLY. We just bought a new house and we've spent several days moving into it, and we've had a lot of early mornings and late nights, so I was dead tired when I rolled out of the house at 5:30. But the show went all right. I had a great time.
The biggest news, at least to me anyways, is that I was contacted by a fella about doing a series of storytelling/poetry shows as part of something called The Old Time Gospel Show. I guess it's a kind of tour thing where lots of different gospel singers and bands get together and put on a shows around Iowa, and I'll be providing the comedy portion of the evening.
I've been booked for three shows, the first one being this Saturday night, and it would be an understatement to say I'm a little excited. I'll be doing some poetry, storytelling, and a little banjo, so it's going to be about my favorite show of the year.
And in two short weeks I'll be in Sioux Falls, SD for the 2006 SERVE! And I'm super pumped cause Troy asked me back for the 2007 SERVE as well. Now I guess I'm really free to do some crazy stuff this year - like throwing rotten eggs at the crowd, or wearing my spiderman underoos to preach in. I can't wait!
Till next time,
Jason
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
For Dustin!
Here it is! A project I hope to enjoy for a long time with my good friend Dustin!
http://ifihadbeenmacgyver.blogspot.com
http://ifihadbeenmacgyver.blogspot.com
Pella - Chicago - Michigan - Chicago - Pella
Went to Michigan over the weekend, by way of Chicago. I was going to speak at a youth rally in Wayland, MI at Gunn Lake Community Church. For those of you regular readers, it was the one I mentioned a while back that was going to have the praise band ride in on Harley's. You may also remember that I promised to start taking a camera along to take pictures. Well, there were Harley's, and I did bring the camera, but I completely forgot to take any pictures. So in lieu of the pictures I promised to take, I'll be inserting some pics I got from Google image search.
For instance:
The praise band rode in on Harley motorcycles!
Something unique that happened on this trip that was a real treat for me, was that good friend, and ministry partner, Mark Elgersma came along for the ride.
Once again, this is NOT a picture of Mark Elgersma, but it is the first picture that comes up when you type the name "Mark" into the Google image searcher.
We stayed the night in Chicago on Saturday to break up the driving a bit so we wouldn't have to drive the whole way in one day and then get out of the car and speak right away. The most amazing thing about the car ride was that it rained the WHOLE STINKING WAY from the moment I got in the car in Pella, all the way to Chicago, and all the way to Michigan, and it didn't stop until I hit the Iowa border on the way home on Monday.
Once again, this is not the rain we faced, but it is rain none-the-less.
In Chicago, we stayed with Mark's old college roommate Phil, who was a great guy that took us out for some great deep dish pizza, and then on to a real live Chicago Jazz Club. We had a great time.
Then it was on to Michigan on Sunday, and the worship service. Gunn Lake Community Church was just great, and I got a chance to see a few folks I'd worked with before at various times like Cindy, Bill and Pastor Todd.
Once again, this is NOT Cindy, Bill and Todd, but it is the first - yeah, well you get the picture by now.
After the show, which went pretty well, we headed over to visit old SERVE friends Randy and Becky Bennett in Dorr, MI. We had great time talking to them, catching up, and eating some fantastic monkey bread!
Okay, that's just a great picture! And yes, that's actually Randy!
What else? Hmmm, I'm guessing with all the pics this blog has been getting a little long. So I may call it quits here. I'm speaking for Bethany Reformed Church in Des Moines coming up here in May, and I'll be reading some poetry for another Kiwanis group on the 20th. It may be a bit before I update again, but in honor of good friend Dustin coming back from Holland, I will soon be linking to a special treat I'm arranging for Dustin as a welcome home present. Stay tuned!
Till next time,
Jason
For instance:
The praise band rode in on Harley motorcycles!
Something unique that happened on this trip that was a real treat for me, was that good friend, and ministry partner, Mark Elgersma came along for the ride.
Once again, this is NOT a picture of Mark Elgersma, but it is the first picture that comes up when you type the name "Mark" into the Google image searcher.
We stayed the night in Chicago on Saturday to break up the driving a bit so we wouldn't have to drive the whole way in one day and then get out of the car and speak right away. The most amazing thing about the car ride was that it rained the WHOLE STINKING WAY from the moment I got in the car in Pella, all the way to Chicago, and all the way to Michigan, and it didn't stop until I hit the Iowa border on the way home on Monday.
Once again, this is not the rain we faced, but it is rain none-the-less.
In Chicago, we stayed with Mark's old college roommate Phil, who was a great guy that took us out for some great deep dish pizza, and then on to a real live Chicago Jazz Club. We had a great time.
Then it was on to Michigan on Sunday, and the worship service. Gunn Lake Community Church was just great, and I got a chance to see a few folks I'd worked with before at various times like Cindy, Bill and Pastor Todd.
Once again, this is NOT Cindy, Bill and Todd, but it is the first - yeah, well you get the picture by now.
After the show, which went pretty well, we headed over to visit old SERVE friends Randy and Becky Bennett in Dorr, MI. We had great time talking to them, catching up, and eating some fantastic monkey bread!
Okay, that's just a great picture! And yes, that's actually Randy!
What else? Hmmm, I'm guessing with all the pics this blog has been getting a little long. So I may call it quits here. I'm speaking for Bethany Reformed Church in Des Moines coming up here in May, and I'll be reading some poetry for another Kiwanis group on the 20th. It may be a bit before I update again, but in honor of good friend Dustin coming back from Holland, I will soon be linking to a special treat I'm arranging for Dustin as a welcome home present. Stay tuned!
Till next time,
Jason
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Dolph
Did a little stand-up for a Serve Our Youth fundraiser last Friday night. I was the opening act for a guy from Des Moines by the name of Dolph Pulliam who was on the Drake basketball team when they went to the final four in the sixties, and then spent about twenty years as a newscaster in Des Moines for KCCI channel 8. Before he took the stage, I made sure to relate my story about watching him interview my great uncle Johnny at the Iowa State Fair and told him it was the biggest thing that'd ever happened to our family up to that point. He seemed pretty amused at that.
The guy is an amazing speaker. Born in Mississippi with eight (I think) other siblings, his parents died in a car wreck when he was young. He moved to Indiana with an aunt, got into basketball, and the rest is history. It was one of the best talks I've heard in a long time. He was down to earth, funny, and inspiring. The kind of guy who makes me wish I was a far better speaker.
Brother-in-law Kyle went with me to the dinner/fundraiser since Andrea was busy with some youth stuff. The meal was fantastic, and we had a pretty good time entertaining one another. I learned that Kyle is a praise band drummer that secretly loathes most of the music he has to play. I'd have to agree on a lot of points, but he's also a pretty stinking good musician and songwriter when he puts his mind to it, and hopefully it will inspire him to write some of his own music.
I travel to Michigan this weekend to speak at a Youth Rally at Gunn Lake Community Church. Mark Elgersma's riding along with me, and I'm expecting it to be a pretty good time. Hopefully Dolph will have inspired me a bit to bring my own game up a notch.
Till next time,
Jason
And yeah, I should try to take a camera along to finally get some pictures up on this blog.
The guy is an amazing speaker. Born in Mississippi with eight (I think) other siblings, his parents died in a car wreck when he was young. He moved to Indiana with an aunt, got into basketball, and the rest is history. It was one of the best talks I've heard in a long time. He was down to earth, funny, and inspiring. The kind of guy who makes me wish I was a far better speaker.
Brother-in-law Kyle went with me to the dinner/fundraiser since Andrea was busy with some youth stuff. The meal was fantastic, and we had a pretty good time entertaining one another. I learned that Kyle is a praise band drummer that secretly loathes most of the music he has to play. I'd have to agree on a lot of points, but he's also a pretty stinking good musician and songwriter when he puts his mind to it, and hopefully it will inspire him to write some of his own music.
I travel to Michigan this weekend to speak at a Youth Rally at Gunn Lake Community Church. Mark Elgersma's riding along with me, and I'm expecting it to be a pretty good time. Hopefully Dolph will have inspired me a bit to bring my own game up a notch.
Till next time,
Jason
And yeah, I should try to take a camera along to finally get some pictures up on this blog.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I'm a big chump . . .
I missed a show yesterday. No real excuse really - Andrea and I are trying to put a bid down on a house, and yesterday we had about six hours of unexpected meetings come up. They all had to do with money, lawyers, septics tanks, loans, and other pleasant things. So we both pretty much skipped work for the day and sat through meetings.
Well, about 9 PM last night, a sudden, sickening feeling stabbed into my stomach as I realized that I'd forgotten all about doing a poetry reading in Knoxville, IA over the lunch hour. I'd set it up about two or three weeks ago, and even though it was only a fifteen minute show, as far as I can remember, it's the first show I've ever missed in more than ten years of performing.
Now, granted, there was a show five or six years ago that I missed as well. A young lady called me up and asked me to do some comedy for a class reunion in a certain Iowa town that I won't mention. I agreed, and she said she'd be in touch with me as the date got closer. All the info I had on her was her first name, the date, and the name of the town she was in.
Long story short, she never called me back - until the day after the reunion, when she asked me why I'd missed. I told her she'd given me no real info on the show, her full name, or her phone number, and she'd never called me back. I told her that I had no real desire to drive around the town looking for a reunion on the day of the show, and she quickly apologized for forgetting to call me back. Other than that incident, I don't think I've ever missed a show.
It was something I'd taken quite a bit of pride in, especially after hearing others tell me about how speakers/entertainers had burned them in the past by being late, canceling at the very last minute, or not showing up at all. In fact, I've gone to great lengths to make it to everything I've been booked for.
Once I agreed to speak for a youth retreat on a saturday morning, do a stand-up show five hours away on Saturday night, and then be back at the retreat to speak on Sunday morning. So esstenially, I spoke, jumped in the car and drove five hours, spoke again, did an hour of improv with friends, jumped back in the car around midnight and drove another five hours, got to the retreat, slept for two hours, then got up and spoke.
I agreed once to speak for a huge outdoor worship service in Sioux Falls, SD on a sunday morning. About a month after I'd made the arrangements, my brother announced he was getting married the night before, about six hours away, and wanted me to stand up with him. I agreed, went to the wedding, stayed for the reception, got in the car about 10:30 PM, and got to Sioux Falls at about 5:30 in the morning. I slept for about an hour and a half, and then headed to the service and spoke.
I once got severely sick, had a bad fever, lost my voice and had to spend two days straight out in the sun running a fundraiser for the youth group. And when I say I lost my voice, it was gone. All I had was a thin rasp. I'd agreed to do some stand-up for a seeker service in Des Moines on what was the worst day of my illness, and so for about ten hours before the show I just chugged and chugged cups of hot tea with honey. I made it to the show and performed, although it was what I would consider one of my worst shows ever, but I made the obligation.
So the fact that I missed a show yesterday - a show that was about twenty-five minutes from my apartment - for no other reason than I just forgot, I feel absolutely horrible. I called and apologized profusely, and the lady I talked to was very nice about the whole thing. I promised to make it up to them at any time, and she said that was nice. But I still can't get over the sick feeling. My perfect streak is broken . . .
This Friday night I'm the opening act at a Serve Our Youth fundraiser banquet for Des Moines' own Dolph Pulliam. I'm going to be very early for the show . . .
Till next time,
Jason
Well, about 9 PM last night, a sudden, sickening feeling stabbed into my stomach as I realized that I'd forgotten all about doing a poetry reading in Knoxville, IA over the lunch hour. I'd set it up about two or three weeks ago, and even though it was only a fifteen minute show, as far as I can remember, it's the first show I've ever missed in more than ten years of performing.
Now, granted, there was a show five or six years ago that I missed as well. A young lady called me up and asked me to do some comedy for a class reunion in a certain Iowa town that I won't mention. I agreed, and she said she'd be in touch with me as the date got closer. All the info I had on her was her first name, the date, and the name of the town she was in.
Long story short, she never called me back - until the day after the reunion, when she asked me why I'd missed. I told her she'd given me no real info on the show, her full name, or her phone number, and she'd never called me back. I told her that I had no real desire to drive around the town looking for a reunion on the day of the show, and she quickly apologized for forgetting to call me back. Other than that incident, I don't think I've ever missed a show.
It was something I'd taken quite a bit of pride in, especially after hearing others tell me about how speakers/entertainers had burned them in the past by being late, canceling at the very last minute, or not showing up at all. In fact, I've gone to great lengths to make it to everything I've been booked for.
Once I agreed to speak for a youth retreat on a saturday morning, do a stand-up show five hours away on Saturday night, and then be back at the retreat to speak on Sunday morning. So esstenially, I spoke, jumped in the car and drove five hours, spoke again, did an hour of improv with friends, jumped back in the car around midnight and drove another five hours, got to the retreat, slept for two hours, then got up and spoke.
I agreed once to speak for a huge outdoor worship service in Sioux Falls, SD on a sunday morning. About a month after I'd made the arrangements, my brother announced he was getting married the night before, about six hours away, and wanted me to stand up with him. I agreed, went to the wedding, stayed for the reception, got in the car about 10:30 PM, and got to Sioux Falls at about 5:30 in the morning. I slept for about an hour and a half, and then headed to the service and spoke.
I once got severely sick, had a bad fever, lost my voice and had to spend two days straight out in the sun running a fundraiser for the youth group. And when I say I lost my voice, it was gone. All I had was a thin rasp. I'd agreed to do some stand-up for a seeker service in Des Moines on what was the worst day of my illness, and so for about ten hours before the show I just chugged and chugged cups of hot tea with honey. I made it to the show and performed, although it was what I would consider one of my worst shows ever, but I made the obligation.
So the fact that I missed a show yesterday - a show that was about twenty-five minutes from my apartment - for no other reason than I just forgot, I feel absolutely horrible. I called and apologized profusely, and the lady I talked to was very nice about the whole thing. I promised to make it up to them at any time, and she said that was nice. But I still can't get over the sick feeling. My perfect streak is broken . . .
This Friday night I'm the opening act at a Serve Our Youth fundraiser banquet for Des Moines' own Dolph Pulliam. I'm going to be very early for the show . . .
Till next time,
Jason
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Lazy Blogger!
I admit it. I'm not holding up my end of this blog thing. I've been extremely unmotivated as of late and I can't really tell you why. But after some prodding from good friend Dustin, here's an update on the last few engagements I've been on . . .
1. Kiwanis! I went and read some poetry to a group of Kiwanis here in Pella a couple weeks back over their lunch time meeting. I'm not sure if they were expecting what they got. I think they were used to reports from park and rec commissioners, local ministries, and Pella politicians. What they got was half an hour of pig, dog, and farm poems. I had a great time and it lead to me getting two other shows. One for the Kiwanis in Knoxville (they meet over breakfast . . . oogh) and one for a hospital in Knoxville.
"Fantastic!" is all I'm thinking. I've made no secret that these kinds of shows are my guilty pleasure, and if I could figure out a way to make a living doing them, I would. I've just got to figure out how to get them to pay first . . .
2. Vriendship Villagebochendootch . . . Okay, I don't know how it's spelled, but it's a retirement community here in Pella that's actually called "Frienship Village" but they spell it the Dutch way to confuse Irish poets. I read some poems there too, this time to my ideal audience of 70 to 90 year-old retired folks. I love these shows because they always go the same way. I read poems. They laugh more than they should. We have coffee time afterwards. They ask me two questions in this order - "You're from Prairie City? Who was your grandpa?" I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. Church stuff - I took part in a five part monologue last week in church, and then we did it again this morning at Central college for a Lenten breakfast for the students. It was basically five biblical characters with five different monologues on why they think Christ deserved what he got. I was Judas. Gotta love the bad guy roles.
This Sunday morning I'm in charge of the Sunrise Service sermon. Why do they call it the sunrise service? Yeah, oogh, six a.m. I'm doing it with father-in-law Joe B. again like we did last year. I'm expecting it to be just as much fun.
Coming up,
I do some stand-up next week in Des Moines for a Serve Our Youth banquet. I know, I know, I've said it before, I'm trying to shy away from straight stand-up. But listen! The main speaker for the night is Iowa newscasting legend - Dolph Pulliam! As soon as I heard that, I was on board. Dolph interviewed my great uncle Johnny Taylor way back when about milking cows at the Iowa State Fair. I figure if I can get Dolph to laugh just once, my life will be complete.
I'm also heading to Michigan in a few weeks for a Sunday night youth rally. I don't know much except that Mark Elgersma is going along for the ride, and they emailed and told me that the praise band is riding in on Harley's. It sounded too good to pass up.
Till next time,
Jason
1. Kiwanis! I went and read some poetry to a group of Kiwanis here in Pella a couple weeks back over their lunch time meeting. I'm not sure if they were expecting what they got. I think they were used to reports from park and rec commissioners, local ministries, and Pella politicians. What they got was half an hour of pig, dog, and farm poems. I had a great time and it lead to me getting two other shows. One for the Kiwanis in Knoxville (they meet over breakfast . . . oogh) and one for a hospital in Knoxville.
"Fantastic!" is all I'm thinking. I've made no secret that these kinds of shows are my guilty pleasure, and if I could figure out a way to make a living doing them, I would. I've just got to figure out how to get them to pay first . . .
2. Vriendship Villagebochendootch . . . Okay, I don't know how it's spelled, but it's a retirement community here in Pella that's actually called "Frienship Village" but they spell it the Dutch way to confuse Irish poets. I read some poems there too, this time to my ideal audience of 70 to 90 year-old retired folks. I love these shows because they always go the same way. I read poems. They laugh more than they should. We have coffee time afterwards. They ask me two questions in this order - "You're from Prairie City? Who was your grandpa?" I wouldn't have it any other way.
3. Church stuff - I took part in a five part monologue last week in church, and then we did it again this morning at Central college for a Lenten breakfast for the students. It was basically five biblical characters with five different monologues on why they think Christ deserved what he got. I was Judas. Gotta love the bad guy roles.
This Sunday morning I'm in charge of the Sunrise Service sermon. Why do they call it the sunrise service? Yeah, oogh, six a.m. I'm doing it with father-in-law Joe B. again like we did last year. I'm expecting it to be just as much fun.
Coming up,
I do some stand-up next week in Des Moines for a Serve Our Youth banquet. I know, I know, I've said it before, I'm trying to shy away from straight stand-up. But listen! The main speaker for the night is Iowa newscasting legend - Dolph Pulliam! As soon as I heard that, I was on board. Dolph interviewed my great uncle Johnny Taylor way back when about milking cows at the Iowa State Fair. I figure if I can get Dolph to laugh just once, my life will be complete.
I'm also heading to Michigan in a few weeks for a Sunday night youth rally. I don't know much except that Mark Elgersma is going along for the ride, and they emailed and told me that the praise band is riding in on Harley's. It sounded too good to pass up.
Till next time,
Jason
Friday, March 17, 2006
At least Nathan's funny.
Happy St. Patrick's day everyone.
I'm filling in for the church secretary this week and since it's Friday morning, it's a little slow around the office, so I thought I'd take a moment to blog.
Nothing much to say today. I am, in fact, Irish. And the picture on the left is an authentic painting of my great, great uncle Charley McKain'O'Taylor.
I was thinking the other day about how good this blog is not, and wishing I did cool things on my blog like post pictures of where I've been, and who I saw.
But I realized that I'm usually far to lazy to find the camera before I leave on trips, and even when I have it with me, I'm far too lazy to take any pictures.
So anyway, wishing this blog was more entertaining for you the reader, I've decided to include a story today sent to me by good friend, and rocket scientist, Nathan Kinkaid.
Nathan and I are friends from back in middle school, we went to college together at ISU and were roommates for a better part of it, and we shared a lot of stage time on ISU's sketch comedy group Grandma Mojo's Moonshine Revival.
Nathan now spends most of his time doing cool things like hiking, biking, raising a family, living in California, and thinking up ways to make rockets go "Whooooosh!" up in the sky. But occasionally he'll send me a great tidbit of comedy he's worked up. Sometimes it's a skit, sometimes it's a story - either way it usually makes me laugh.
So, without any permission from Nathan what-so-ever, I present to you his latest story to me - which at least ties into today's theme because the main character has an Irish name. And oh yes, to maintain full disclosure, I did edit one word out of the story for my family readers. Sorry Nathan.
Chancy McLuckyguy and the Ogre
by Nathan Kinkaid, Rocket Scientist, Good Friend, Super Genius, Funny Man
Chancy McLukyguy awoke from his nap to urgent knocking on his door. It was Rolph and Timmy. Chancy arose from his couch and answered the door.
"Why aren't you at the picnic, Chancy?" asked Timmy.
"I flipped my lucky coin, and a nap won over the picnic," explained Chancy.
"Wow, that was lucky," said Rolph, "Cause an ogre showed up at the picnic, and it ate all the jello. Now it's making Mrs. Artlemore eat all the devilled eggs."
"That coin sure never steers you wrong, Chancy. It sure is lucky that a guy with the name 'Chancy McLuckyguy' found it in some black cat poop under a ladder," said Timmy.
"Yeah," said Rolph, "But, oh yeah, we need your help against the ogre."
"You're the only one who could help Mrs. Artlemore now," chimed in Timmy, "We all know she can only hold 50 devilled eggs before she gets violently ill, and the ogre has alread made her eat 17! You have to help us!"
"Well, I'll have to flip my lucky coin," said Chancy, "Heads I start heading down to the picnic and see if I can help, tails I stay here and go back to sleep." Chancy flipped the coin in the air, caught it in his right hand, and slapped it down on the back of his left hand. "Heads," he said, "Let's start heading down to the picnic."
"Yay!" exclaimed Rolph and Timmy, as they followed him out to the street. "Why are you stopping?" they asked.
"Heads I keep going out to the sidewalk, tails I get my mail out of the mailbox and read it." Chancy flipped the coin again. "Heads."
"Yay!" They arrived at the sidewalk by Chancy's street. Chancy stopped again. "Heads I'm going to the video arcade, tails I cross the street to go to the picnic," said Chancy. "Heads. See you guys later."
"No!" said Timmy.
"Please, you have to help us", said Rolph.
"You don't need luck to cross the road," said Timmy, "You can do it without your coin. Please, just once."
"Yeah, just once," implored Rolph, "You don't need luck just to cross the stupid street."
Chancy pondered it. He supposed just this once, he could help out these two idiots. He relented. "Okay," said Chancy, "Let's cross the street."
"Yay!" Chancy turned and stepped out into the street. He was hit by a bus. A bus made entirely of nerf - on the only day it would ever run because buses made entirely of nerf are not very reliable. Chancy bounced over onto the grass on the other side of the street.
"Wow!" said Rolph, "Can you believe how lucky that guy is? Even without his coin, the bus he got he by was made of nerf!"
"That's crazy," said Timmy, "I'll go wake him up." Timmy ran across the street to Chancy. "He's dead!"
"Oh no! I can't believe he got killed by a nerf bus! He should have listened to the coin and not us."
"Where's the coin? We'll need that to defeat the ogre."
"Here it is. Wait! It has too heads! He was never lucky, he was just smart!"
"No way! Now I'm glad he's dead."
"Yeah, we hate smart people here in Dumbville."
"Let's go kick the ogre in the butt. That'll teach him to ruin the Dumbville Town Picnic."
And then the ogre killed everyone in the town by making them eat devilled eggs until they blew up. Those idiots in Dumbville always made way too many devilled eggs.
THE END
till next time,
Jason
Monday, March 13, 2006
Late Night Musings
I found myself driving over night again on Friday, as I often do when I travel to speak, and decided that there are just some things I've grown to expect while driving late at night. Some events just seem to reoccur every time I travel between the hours of midnight and six a.m.
For instance:
1. More nighttime truckers than not choose to travel with the confederate flag emblazoned somewhere on their clothes. I'm not certain on why it's more nighttime truckers than daytime truckers, but during most late night gas station visits, I'm fairly sure the south may rise again.
2. I've never stopped at a rest stop between the hours of midnight and six without seeing at least one biker. Now, granted, the exception to this is during severe winter conditions, but I've even seen a few diehard Harley riders during some rough snow storms.
3. To be a gas station attendant during the graveyard shift requires one to be short some type of body part. Now most of the time, it's just a tooth or two. But I've seen missing hands, arms, legs, eyes, and even one young guy I see on occasion who has no nose! I'm completely serious. I know what you're thinking - "If he doesn't have a nose, how does he smell?" Just awful.
4. If the skies are clear, I will see at least one falling star. What do I wish for? More wishes of course.
5. Coast to Coast AM is the best way to stay awake. There's nothing like staying awake because you've become paranoid that there are aliens or black ops government officials that patrol the highways during early morning hours.
6. As good as Krispy Kreme doughnuts are, they're even better when you can get them delivered fresh at 4 AM as you pass through the right gas station.
7. While driving past the casinos where I-80 meets I-29, I've discovered that they apparently don't suffer from "slow hours". Those places are always hopping.
8. Small children are up way too late. I see at least one or two cars every trip when I stop at a gas station or rest area where they have several elementary aged children awake and running around with enough energy to make you think they'd say it was noon.
I'm thinking this list would seem more complete if it ended at 10, but alas, it's time for me to move on in my day.
till next time,
Jason
For instance:
1. More nighttime truckers than not choose to travel with the confederate flag emblazoned somewhere on their clothes. I'm not certain on why it's more nighttime truckers than daytime truckers, but during most late night gas station visits, I'm fairly sure the south may rise again.
2. I've never stopped at a rest stop between the hours of midnight and six without seeing at least one biker. Now, granted, the exception to this is during severe winter conditions, but I've even seen a few diehard Harley riders during some rough snow storms.
3. To be a gas station attendant during the graveyard shift requires one to be short some type of body part. Now most of the time, it's just a tooth or two. But I've seen missing hands, arms, legs, eyes, and even one young guy I see on occasion who has no nose! I'm completely serious. I know what you're thinking - "If he doesn't have a nose, how does he smell?" Just awful.
4. If the skies are clear, I will see at least one falling star. What do I wish for? More wishes of course.
5. Coast to Coast AM is the best way to stay awake. There's nothing like staying awake because you've become paranoid that there are aliens or black ops government officials that patrol the highways during early morning hours.
6. As good as Krispy Kreme doughnuts are, they're even better when you can get them delivered fresh at 4 AM as you pass through the right gas station.
7. While driving past the casinos where I-80 meets I-29, I've discovered that they apparently don't suffer from "slow hours". Those places are always hopping.
8. Small children are up way too late. I see at least one or two cars every trip when I stop at a gas station or rest area where they have several elementary aged children awake and running around with enough energy to make you think they'd say it was noon.
I'm thinking this list would seem more complete if it ended at 10, but alas, it's time for me to move on in my day.
till next time,
Jason
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