1. Shave your head.
And that's pretty much the whole list. I let Andrea shear my golden locks last night, and I have a feeling that my head doesn't look all that good right now. Or maybe I'm just misinterpreting everyone's initial reaction of, "It'll grow back!" the wrong way.
So I performed some poetry at the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party on Saturday night. I had a great time, ate some great food, and I got to do what I love the most - read some crazy poems. I didn't think the new Christmas poems I posted earlier last week went over all that well, but the poems about dying pigs, escaping cows, and puking children went over very well as usual.
I, and my newly shaved head, will be presenting the Christmas morning message here at the 2nd Reformed Church this coming Sunday morning. I'm kind of looking forward to it, and kind of not. I always think that speaking in front of family jinxes me into a bad message, but on the other hand, speaking in front of brother-in-law Kyle usually goes really well. So we'll see which of the two superstitions holds true on Sunday morning. 2nd is typically a traditional worship style church, and for my message, I'm going to be speaking in a more non-traditional way as I do when I travel to camps and conventions, so I'm a little nervous about that. But it's Christmas! So no matter how it goes, it'll still more than likely be a great day.
And hey, I just had a thought! I got a Donald Trump wig on the internet a few months back for our Apprentice Over-nighter for our middle school youth. Perhaps I can wear that till the hair comes back . . .
till next time,
Jason
Monday, December 19, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
Christmas Poemetry
Hello all,
Unfortunately, my improv show for Omaha this weekend didn't work out, so I have no update on that. But since I'm doing a poetry reading for the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party this weekend, I thought I'd give you a little sampling of some of the new material I'll be trying out. And go easy on me, they may not be completely edited yet. Enjoy!
Sledding
In the winter when it would snow,
We knew the best spot we could go,
To have a blast and get our fill
of winter sledding was our hill.
It had to be a mile long,
As we’d climb up we’d sing a song,
Promoting lots of Christmas cheer,
And hiding any trace of fear.
Behind we’d drag the toboggan,
Proclaiming we’d have lots of fun,
And boasting who would go down first,
And which of us would wreck the worst.
You see our hill was quite well known,
Of making other children groan,
When they took one look at our slope,
Their little hearts just couldn’t cope.
It angled forty-five degrees,
Complet’ly covered with large trees,
Which if by chance you made it through,
An icy pond awaited you.
And then of course we’d pack and stamp,
Large mounds of snow to use as ramps,
So we could brag that we would fly,
That ol’ toboggan ten feet high.
But when we’d get up to the top,
We’d always take a breath and stop,
As we felt our stomach’s sinking,
Wond’ring what we had been thinking.
Then my brother’d say, “Go, ahead!”
And I’d say, “No, you go instead!”
And then our little brother’d cry,
“Oh please Lord! I don’t wanna die!”
So once we thought that we’d all go,
And we’d all sit right in a row,
And if bad fate was to befall,
It’d happen to us one and all.
And so we sat from old to young,
And onto both the sides we hung,
Now I was fearless for this stunt,
Since I had padding back and front.
Then down that hill we really flew,
Not knowing for sure what to do,
As that first ramp was coming near,
And we did not know how to steer.
And so we all just held on tight,
As the toboggan took to flight,
Then we watched squirrels run and hide,
As past there branches we did glide.
And when we finally came down,
We bounced a few times on the ground,
My younger brother lost his grip,
And he fell off ending his trip.
We pinballed off a tree or two,
And so that’s when I really knew,
I should have known without the pain,
Our sledding trips were all insane.
But soon we left the trees behind,
And we were sure that we would find,
That the pond ice was really thick,
And we’d slide over really quick.
But when we hit, we heard a crack,
And thinking now, as I look back,
We should have know the ice was thin,
We sure knew it when we fell in.
As we climbed out all sopping wet,
I don’t think that I will forget,
My younger brother’s little face,
As he giggled at our disgrace.
And as we stood there he did tease,
“I bet your shorts are gonna freeze!”
Our mouths too frozen to respond,
So we just tossed him in the pond.
Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.
Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.
“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.
Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.
Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.
He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.
As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.
We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.
“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”
“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.
Our Fort
When winter came we’d build a fort,
Then standing on it we’d exhort,
About how tight we’d packed our snow,
And how well we’d repel our foes.
And then the kids across the way,
Would chant back how they’d ruin our day,
They said their fort was ten feet high,
They said their’s reached up to the sky.
We said their fort was pitiful,
We said we’d crush it like a bull,
With our snowballs ready to go,
We would yell out to let them know,
“We packed them with some rocks and dirt,
And when they hit they’ll really hurt.”
So they yelled back that they weren’t scared,
And they yelled back they hardly cared.
They said their snowballs were packed tight,
They said they froze theirs overnight.
“For our attack,” they said, “Prepare!
You challenge us?” they said, ‘How dare!’”
And so right quick we’d answer back,
“How dare you threaten with attack!”
We’d say, “Your scared to face our wrath!”
We’d yell, “It will be a bloodbath!”
They’d say, “Our snowballs pack a sting!
They’re packed tighter than anything!”
We’ve packed each with a rabid mouse,
That we’ll bombard onto your house
And though it was a great big lie,
It almost made my brother cry,
And so then we’d begin our fight,
To prove our worth and prove our might.
Then the snowballs would start to fly,
And with war calls we’d start to cry,
My brother took one in the face,
My other brother took his place.
Then I nailed two with my barrage,
And they go hide in their garage.
And then we had them two on one,
And it was really getting fun!
Our last foe crouched down in shear fear,
And he flashed us a little sneer.
And just when we’re about to win,
My mom calls out, “Time to come in!”
And that’s when I made my mistake,
And a lucky shot my foe did take.
“Oh come on mom, more time,” I said,
As I looked back and raised my head,
And then I heard a whis’ling near,
And felt an ice ball strike my ear.
And as I laid there in the snow,
My brother took a mighty blow,
So that was that, we had been beat,
And they had used my mom to cheat.
And so we trudged our way back in,
So someday we could fight again.
till next time,
Jason
Unfortunately, my improv show for Omaha this weekend didn't work out, so I have no update on that. But since I'm doing a poetry reading for the Jaarsma Bakery Christmas party this weekend, I thought I'd give you a little sampling of some of the new material I'll be trying out. And go easy on me, they may not be completely edited yet. Enjoy!
Sledding
In the winter when it would snow,
We knew the best spot we could go,
To have a blast and get our fill
of winter sledding was our hill.
It had to be a mile long,
As we’d climb up we’d sing a song,
Promoting lots of Christmas cheer,
And hiding any trace of fear.
Behind we’d drag the toboggan,
Proclaiming we’d have lots of fun,
And boasting who would go down first,
And which of us would wreck the worst.
You see our hill was quite well known,
Of making other children groan,
When they took one look at our slope,
Their little hearts just couldn’t cope.
It angled forty-five degrees,
Complet’ly covered with large trees,
Which if by chance you made it through,
An icy pond awaited you.
And then of course we’d pack and stamp,
Large mounds of snow to use as ramps,
So we could brag that we would fly,
That ol’ toboggan ten feet high.
But when we’d get up to the top,
We’d always take a breath and stop,
As we felt our stomach’s sinking,
Wond’ring what we had been thinking.
Then my brother’d say, “Go, ahead!”
And I’d say, “No, you go instead!”
And then our little brother’d cry,
“Oh please Lord! I don’t wanna die!”
So once we thought that we’d all go,
And we’d all sit right in a row,
And if bad fate was to befall,
It’d happen to us one and all.
And so we sat from old to young,
And onto both the sides we hung,
Now I was fearless for this stunt,
Since I had padding back and front.
Then down that hill we really flew,
Not knowing for sure what to do,
As that first ramp was coming near,
And we did not know how to steer.
And so we all just held on tight,
As the toboggan took to flight,
Then we watched squirrels run and hide,
As past there branches we did glide.
And when we finally came down,
We bounced a few times on the ground,
My younger brother lost his grip,
And he fell off ending his trip.
We pinballed off a tree or two,
And so that’s when I really knew,
I should have known without the pain,
Our sledding trips were all insane.
But soon we left the trees behind,
And we were sure that we would find,
That the pond ice was really thick,
And we’d slide over really quick.
But when we hit, we heard a crack,
And thinking now, as I look back,
We should have know the ice was thin,
We sure knew it when we fell in.
As we climbed out all sopping wet,
I don’t think that I will forget,
My younger brother’s little face,
As he giggled at our disgrace.
And as we stood there he did tease,
“I bet your shorts are gonna freeze!”
Our mouths too frozen to respond,
So we just tossed him in the pond.
Last Minute Shopper
Cousin Doug looked so forlorned,
As he came that Christmas day,
All his presents unadorned,
In the normal Christmas way.
Pretty paper was not used,
Nor were bows or Christmas tags,
We were all a bit confused,
As he gave out plastic bags.
“Merry Christmas!” he cried out,
“May these holidays bring cheer!”
But I think we all had doubt,
That he really seemed sincere.
Opening my gift from Doug,
As I wondered what it held,
I pulled out a coffee mug,
And some peanuts that’d been shelled.
Dad was next to open his,
He got some motor oil,
And a new can of cheese wiz,
Both wrapped up in tin foil.
He said, “Thanks, that’s really neat,”
And my mom was next to go,
She got air soles for her feet,
And two tickets from lotto.
As my brother opened next,
He pulled out some loaves of bread,
And he seemed a bit perplexed,
Cause, “Ah, hah!” was all he said.
We thought Grandma’s was the best,
Or at least the most bizarre,
Doug gave her a leather vest,
With the logo of NASCAR.
“I have something I should say,”
Doug spoke with hesitation,
“I bought all your gifts today,
“They came from the gas station.”
“What? I’m shocked, how can that be?”
Grandma said as if aghast,
“My new vest fits perfectly!”
And the awkward moment passed.
Our Fort
When winter came we’d build a fort,
Then standing on it we’d exhort,
About how tight we’d packed our snow,
And how well we’d repel our foes.
And then the kids across the way,
Would chant back how they’d ruin our day,
They said their fort was ten feet high,
They said their’s reached up to the sky.
We said their fort was pitiful,
We said we’d crush it like a bull,
With our snowballs ready to go,
We would yell out to let them know,
“We packed them with some rocks and dirt,
And when they hit they’ll really hurt.”
So they yelled back that they weren’t scared,
And they yelled back they hardly cared.
They said their snowballs were packed tight,
They said they froze theirs overnight.
“For our attack,” they said, “Prepare!
You challenge us?” they said, ‘How dare!’”
And so right quick we’d answer back,
“How dare you threaten with attack!”
We’d say, “Your scared to face our wrath!”
We’d yell, “It will be a bloodbath!”
They’d say, “Our snowballs pack a sting!
They’re packed tighter than anything!”
We’ve packed each with a rabid mouse,
That we’ll bombard onto your house
And though it was a great big lie,
It almost made my brother cry,
And so then we’d begin our fight,
To prove our worth and prove our might.
Then the snowballs would start to fly,
And with war calls we’d start to cry,
My brother took one in the face,
My other brother took his place.
Then I nailed two with my barrage,
And they go hide in their garage.
And then we had them two on one,
And it was really getting fun!
Our last foe crouched down in shear fear,
And he flashed us a little sneer.
And just when we’re about to win,
My mom calls out, “Time to come in!”
And that’s when I made my mistake,
And a lucky shot my foe did take.
“Oh come on mom, more time,” I said,
As I looked back and raised my head,
And then I heard a whis’ling near,
And felt an ice ball strike my ear.
And as I laid there in the snow,
My brother took a mighty blow,
So that was that, we had been beat,
And they had used my mom to cheat.
And so we trudged our way back in,
So someday we could fight again.
till next time,
Jason
Monday, December 05, 2005
Buddy Hackett and the Snowstorm
Well, I don't know about you, but I think the title to this post would have been a great title to a Christmas movie. I can imagine Buddy dressing up as Santa Claus to swoop in and save the day for some poor kids who live in an orphanage and have no toys.
I went up to Orange City, IA last Wednesday to spend the night and speak for the middle school group My Choice on Thursday morning. As most of you who live in Iowa know, we had one heck of a snowstorm on Wednesday night, especially up in Northwest Iowa. Due to the impending storm, I left early on Wednesday morning in hopes of beating the snow. I got to Orange City around 3 o'clock, just when the snow really started to come down. It then proceeded to keep coming down for around the next six or seven hours - snowing about an inch an hour.
So, not knowing whether or not my speaking engagement the next morning was canceled, (It was at the middle school at 7 AM) I headed over to Sioux Center, IA to pick up good friend, Dordt College student, and blog regular, Dustin, so that we could go out to eat and hang out. We went to the Pizza Ranch, played some pool (Dustin destroyed me), and then ate some dark chocolate over coffee while playing chess (I destroyed Dustin) in the Dordt College coffee house.
We had a great time. I always have a great time with Dustin, but just the fact that we had about four hours of time to just hang out with no other worries was fantastic. We just goofed off and watched the snow fall. Dustin told me about how anxious he is to get out of Dordt and head to the Netherlands to study overseas, and the whole time I kept thinking I wished I was back in college and hanging out with Dustin on a regular basis.
After "Dustin Time" was over, I made the slow crawl of a drive back to my hotel in Orange City. Usually, the drive between Orange City and Sioux Center is about 15 minutes. But due to the severity of the snowstorm, it took me about 45 minutes. But I made it safely, found a note that said my speaking engagement had been postponed by three hours in the morning, watched some cable TV, and hit the hay.
I slept in a little, packed up, and got a call from My Choice director Scott Starkweather telling me that I was now going to be speaking in school at 10:15 AM. It wasn't going to be for the My Choice group, but another group of middle schoolers, so it would be just about the same.
I talked about Abram and Lot from Genesis 13 and 14, and related it to the importance of family. The students were fantastic, and I even used one to play Lot to my Abram. Scott asked me to stick around and give the talk one more time for another group of students, so I did, and I had another great time. And then Scott asked me to stick around one more time, so I did, and, that's right, I had yet another great time.
I love speaking to Scott's group at the Middle School. It's a great group, and an amazing thing that he's got going on at the school. The students listen so well, and laugh at all the right places.
After I was done at the school, coincidentally enough, my good friend Rob Roozeboom of RISE Ministries happened to be having his RISE benefit dinner and auction that night. It had originally be scheduled for November 15th, but it'd been canceled due to poor weather, and had been rescheduled for the Thursday I was there. I was supposed to emcee the original event, but had another engagement, so when Rob heard I was in town last week, he asked me to stay the day and introduce him at the benefit that night and I agreed.
It was a great event. I spent the afternoon helping Rob and his crew set up the dinner hall. They had all kinds of great autographed sports memorabilia and fun gifts to bid on. While perusing the merchandise, I found something that I knew I just couldn't leave without - an autographed caricature of Buddy Hackett along with a FILA sweatshirt he used to wear around the house and a letter of authenticity for both from his wife.
For those of you who don't know, Buddy was the star of such hits as It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, World, The Music Man, and one or more (I don't remember) of the Herbie movies. As soon as I saw the items, I raced to put my bid in. Oddly enough, no one else bid. I did see a few couples pick the items up and look at them fondly, though. I was very tempted to run over and tell them that it was the sweatshirt that Buddy had actually died in to scare them off, but it ended up that my fears weren't warranted because they didn't even bid. So at the end of the night, I got the picture and sweatshirt! What will I do with them now? I have no idea. But they're mine!
After the benefit was over (around 10:00 PM) I hopped back in the car and started the 5 1/2 hour long drive home. Driving long distances over the late night hours has become something I've gotten used to since I started speaking. Some time, I may have to blog on just exactly what that can be like at times. You tend to meet the most interesting gas station attendants at three in the morning, and I've seen my share of strange drivers and unidentifiable flying objects in the night sky on those lonely Iowa roads. But alas, that's for another time. This blog has gotten very long as it is!
I think I'm doing some improv this weekend in Omaha, and then doing a poetry reading next weekend for a bakery Christmas party. So expect more updates soon!
Till next time,
Jason
I went up to Orange City, IA last Wednesday to spend the night and speak for the middle school group My Choice on Thursday morning. As most of you who live in Iowa know, we had one heck of a snowstorm on Wednesday night, especially up in Northwest Iowa. Due to the impending storm, I left early on Wednesday morning in hopes of beating the snow. I got to Orange City around 3 o'clock, just when the snow really started to come down. It then proceeded to keep coming down for around the next six or seven hours - snowing about an inch an hour.
So, not knowing whether or not my speaking engagement the next morning was canceled, (It was at the middle school at 7 AM) I headed over to Sioux Center, IA to pick up good friend, Dordt College student, and blog regular, Dustin, so that we could go out to eat and hang out. We went to the Pizza Ranch, played some pool (Dustin destroyed me), and then ate some dark chocolate over coffee while playing chess (I destroyed Dustin) in the Dordt College coffee house.
We had a great time. I always have a great time with Dustin, but just the fact that we had about four hours of time to just hang out with no other worries was fantastic. We just goofed off and watched the snow fall. Dustin told me about how anxious he is to get out of Dordt and head to the Netherlands to study overseas, and the whole time I kept thinking I wished I was back in college and hanging out with Dustin on a regular basis.
After "Dustin Time" was over, I made the slow crawl of a drive back to my hotel in Orange City. Usually, the drive between Orange City and Sioux Center is about 15 minutes. But due to the severity of the snowstorm, it took me about 45 minutes. But I made it safely, found a note that said my speaking engagement had been postponed by three hours in the morning, watched some cable TV, and hit the hay.
I slept in a little, packed up, and got a call from My Choice director Scott Starkweather telling me that I was now going to be speaking in school at 10:15 AM. It wasn't going to be for the My Choice group, but another group of middle schoolers, so it would be just about the same.
I talked about Abram and Lot from Genesis 13 and 14, and related it to the importance of family. The students were fantastic, and I even used one to play Lot to my Abram. Scott asked me to stick around and give the talk one more time for another group of students, so I did, and I had another great time. And then Scott asked me to stick around one more time, so I did, and, that's right, I had yet another great time.
I love speaking to Scott's group at the Middle School. It's a great group, and an amazing thing that he's got going on at the school. The students listen so well, and laugh at all the right places.
After I was done at the school, coincidentally enough, my good friend Rob Roozeboom of RISE Ministries happened to be having his RISE benefit dinner and auction that night. It had originally be scheduled for November 15th, but it'd been canceled due to poor weather, and had been rescheduled for the Thursday I was there. I was supposed to emcee the original event, but had another engagement, so when Rob heard I was in town last week, he asked me to stay the day and introduce him at the benefit that night and I agreed.
It was a great event. I spent the afternoon helping Rob and his crew set up the dinner hall. They had all kinds of great autographed sports memorabilia and fun gifts to bid on. While perusing the merchandise, I found something that I knew I just couldn't leave without - an autographed caricature of Buddy Hackett along with a FILA sweatshirt he used to wear around the house and a letter of authenticity for both from his wife.
For those of you who don't know, Buddy was the star of such hits as It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, World, The Music Man, and one or more (I don't remember) of the Herbie movies. As soon as I saw the items, I raced to put my bid in. Oddly enough, no one else bid. I did see a few couples pick the items up and look at them fondly, though. I was very tempted to run over and tell them that it was the sweatshirt that Buddy had actually died in to scare them off, but it ended up that my fears weren't warranted because they didn't even bid. So at the end of the night, I got the picture and sweatshirt! What will I do with them now? I have no idea. But they're mine!
After the benefit was over (around 10:00 PM) I hopped back in the car and started the 5 1/2 hour long drive home. Driving long distances over the late night hours has become something I've gotten used to since I started speaking. Some time, I may have to blog on just exactly what that can be like at times. You tend to meet the most interesting gas station attendants at three in the morning, and I've seen my share of strange drivers and unidentifiable flying objects in the night sky on those lonely Iowa roads. But alas, that's for another time. This blog has gotten very long as it is!
I think I'm doing some improv this weekend in Omaha, and then doing a poetry reading next weekend for a bakery Christmas party. So expect more updates soon!
Till next time,
Jason
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
In the Grip Addiction
I've been addicted to very few things in my life. The biggest one is food. For most of my life, it's been about all I can think about. No matter where I am, or what I'm doing, more than likely I'm thinking about what the next meal's going to be. In fact, the only time I'm really not thinking about food is when I've just stuffed my face with it, and I have that sick feeling of fullness for about 30 minutes. Once it passes, though, I'm right back to food. The good news is, I've really gotten that personal demon under control in the last year through exercise and diet. I've conditioned myself to crave healthier, more filling foods, and I've started running regularly which helps fight the cravings as well.
So with that addiction mostly removed, I'm left with the big one - Soda. More specifically, any cola of your diet cherry variety. Let me be totally honest about this - if Diet Cherry Coke or Pepsi were around me 24 hours a day, I would drink it. I crave it. I want it. I drink it all the time.
I've always struggled with a soda addiction. In college, when I roomed with my older brother and my good friend Nathan, the three of us (along with another ISU friend Chris Gummert) drank 735 cans of Mountain Dew in only the first semester. Do you know how much Mountain Dew that is apiece? If you really want to do the math, go ahead, but I'm glad I've forgotten how many that was per day, per person.
After college though, I've made the switch to diet after talking to a guy who lost a ton of weight by making simple dietary changes. One of which was switching from regular to diet soda. He said (and I have no idea if this is really true) that two regular pops a day for one year can contribute to gaining 15 additional pounds. So, me being a much meatier 40 pounds heavier after college than I was going in, I switched.
And I've settled in quite nicely with Diet Cherry Coke. Oh, if I'm at a gas station, and I'm thirsty, I'll grab a Diet Cherry Pepsi in a bottle because it tastes better than the Coke in a can. But if you're strictly talking cans, then Coke wins the taste test. And I range from 2 to 5 Diet Cherry Cokes a day, depending on my schedule.
I've attempted to quit several times. Most notably the night I found myself in a dentist's chair in Lennox, South Dakota at 10:30PM for an emergency root canal after finishing a late night retreat talk through severe pain. Luckily one of the high school girls attending had a father who could help me so late at night. As I laid in the chair and the dentist drilled me open I looked at a poster on the wall that showed the ill effects of soda consumption. I quit for a week.
It was the longest I've gone, and I only started again because I went to a friend's house and that's all they had to drink. That, and a funny colored tap water I didn't want to touch with a ten foot pole (let alone drink it). Other than that, I've quit here and there for a few days at a time.
But there really are no substitutes for the taste and feeling of that cool, refreshing coke. I've tried tea, water, juice and even coffee. Nothing tastes that good!
But today again, I face off with this nagging addiction. I finished my last Coke of the 12 pack in the fridge last night. My wife got groceries yesterday afternoon, so I can't use that as an excuse to grab another. To drink again today, I'll have to make a specific trip to the store to buy some more. I'd like to think I don't have to do that. I know my poor teeth would be thankful if I just laid off. We'll see how far I make it.
I speak again on Thursday morning for a group called My Choice in Orange City, IA. I get to see good friend Dustin again, so I'm pretty pumped about going up. I'm sure I'll update at the end of the week.
Till then,
Jason
So with that addiction mostly removed, I'm left with the big one - Soda. More specifically, any cola of your diet cherry variety. Let me be totally honest about this - if Diet Cherry Coke or Pepsi were around me 24 hours a day, I would drink it. I crave it. I want it. I drink it all the time.
I've always struggled with a soda addiction. In college, when I roomed with my older brother and my good friend Nathan, the three of us (along with another ISU friend Chris Gummert) drank 735 cans of Mountain Dew in only the first semester. Do you know how much Mountain Dew that is apiece? If you really want to do the math, go ahead, but I'm glad I've forgotten how many that was per day, per person.
After college though, I've made the switch to diet after talking to a guy who lost a ton of weight by making simple dietary changes. One of which was switching from regular to diet soda. He said (and I have no idea if this is really true) that two regular pops a day for one year can contribute to gaining 15 additional pounds. So, me being a much meatier 40 pounds heavier after college than I was going in, I switched.
And I've settled in quite nicely with Diet Cherry Coke. Oh, if I'm at a gas station, and I'm thirsty, I'll grab a Diet Cherry Pepsi in a bottle because it tastes better than the Coke in a can. But if you're strictly talking cans, then Coke wins the taste test. And I range from 2 to 5 Diet Cherry Cokes a day, depending on my schedule.
I've attempted to quit several times. Most notably the night I found myself in a dentist's chair in Lennox, South Dakota at 10:30PM for an emergency root canal after finishing a late night retreat talk through severe pain. Luckily one of the high school girls attending had a father who could help me so late at night. As I laid in the chair and the dentist drilled me open I looked at a poster on the wall that showed the ill effects of soda consumption. I quit for a week.
It was the longest I've gone, and I only started again because I went to a friend's house and that's all they had to drink. That, and a funny colored tap water I didn't want to touch with a ten foot pole (let alone drink it). Other than that, I've quit here and there for a few days at a time.
But there really are no substitutes for the taste and feeling of that cool, refreshing coke. I've tried tea, water, juice and even coffee. Nothing tastes that good!
But today again, I face off with this nagging addiction. I finished my last Coke of the 12 pack in the fridge last night. My wife got groceries yesterday afternoon, so I can't use that as an excuse to grab another. To drink again today, I'll have to make a specific trip to the store to buy some more. I'd like to think I don't have to do that. I know my poor teeth would be thankful if I just laid off. We'll see how far I make it.
I speak again on Thursday morning for a group called My Choice in Orange City, IA. I get to see good friend Dustin again, so I'm pretty pumped about going up. I'm sure I'll update at the end of the week.
Till then,
Jason
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Butterflies and Basements
This is my second attempt at a blog entry today, as I lost the first one after trying to use the blog spell check and being told I had to turn off my pop up protector. So I turned it off, and it immediately rebooted my page and deleted everything. So much for spell checking this blog ever again.
Once again, I've failed in my promise to post more regularly. I guess I just don't ever think I have anything that interesting to say. I'm not one of those bloggers that thinks, "Hey! I just got a clever idea about a drain cleaner commercial I saw today! I should share it with the world." So bear with me as I try to dream up ways to post more frequently.
I spoke this morning at the Pella Christian High School Chapel. Fellow youth director, and great speaker in his own right, Todd Zylstra was there as well. During the opening music, right before I went up to speak, Todd leaned over and asked, "Do you get nervous before you speak too?" I answered that I did - often feeling nauseous. To which Todd responded, "Right before I speak I always wonder 'Why do I even do this?'" And I had to admit I often feel the same way.
Before nearly every speaking or comedy show I have, I always get the same attack of the butterflies and think to myself, "There's got to be something less stressful I could choose to do with my life!" I think it's a pretty typical reaction for most speakers to have, and the key is to learn how to go on without letting it affect you. But I don't know if it ever really gets better. I've talked to guys who've been speaking professionally for years and make their living at it, and they all tend to think the same way. One even told me that right before he goes on stage, he always hopes the show gets cancelled for some reason so he doesn't have to go on. And this guy makes his living at it!
The talk went all right this morning. Everyone seemed to be paying attention and responded well. But those Pella Christian kids are so well behaved you never really know. I had to speak on prayer, and used 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18.
My next show is in December, and I'm pretty psyched because it's a poetry gig. I wish they all were, but I'll take them where I can get them.
My next year is shaping up really well as far as speaking goes. I'm booked great for the first six months. Several of the engagements are week long, and I get to spend a lot of time with the Sioux Falls crew.
So we had some tornado action here in Iowa over the weekend. I guess one touched down and destroyed a Casey's General Store only a scant few blocks from my sister and brother-in-law Amber and Kyle's place. My brother Chris and I were driving right through the storm as we headed up to Iowa Falls to see my friend Mike in a production of Death of a Salesman.
The weather wasn't honestly all that bad on the way up - a lot of lightning, a little wind, and a little rain. We stopped in to eat at an Italian restaurant called Clark & Addison when we got into town. After ordering our drinks and food, we were ushered down to the basement because the tornado siren started going off.
Normally, a basement would feel like the safest place to be during a tornado, but we weren't so comforted. As the waitress opened the door to go downstairs, we suddenly heard the loud rush of water. There was a large pipe along one wall that was apparently bringing water off the roof and taking it to the sewer, and it had sprung a major leak. Water was shooting out of the hole at about the power of a garden hose turned on full blast with someone's finger partially covering the nozzle.
So we walked through inch deep water to stand in a ten by ten foot space that looked a little less stable than a lean-to made of sticks and mud. After forty minutes, and all the free drinks and Gardetto's we could stomach, we headed back upstairs to eat our meal. The food turned out to be cheap and fantastic. I had a meatball sandwich, and it's the best I've had in a while. So as far as Clark and Addison's is concerned, I'd give the food and service a 9.5, and the basement bunker a -2.
On the way out of the place, I kid you not, every single waitress, hostess, and cook (six or so people in all) told us to have a good night. So I tried extra hard to make sure I did.
Death of a Salesman was a fine play put on by the community of Iowa Falls at Ellsworth Community College. Mike had prepared me to think that it was going to be a travesty of a production, and we'd regret coming, but we thought it went just great. Mike did a great job as Biff Loman, and we had fun. Although the 6 free Diet Coke's I'd gotten at the restaurant made the two hour plus play a little too long for my taste.
Till next time, and I'll try to make sure it's soon,
Jason
Once again, I've failed in my promise to post more regularly. I guess I just don't ever think I have anything that interesting to say. I'm not one of those bloggers that thinks, "Hey! I just got a clever idea about a drain cleaner commercial I saw today! I should share it with the world." So bear with me as I try to dream up ways to post more frequently.
I spoke this morning at the Pella Christian High School Chapel. Fellow youth director, and great speaker in his own right, Todd Zylstra was there as well. During the opening music, right before I went up to speak, Todd leaned over and asked, "Do you get nervous before you speak too?" I answered that I did - often feeling nauseous. To which Todd responded, "Right before I speak I always wonder 'Why do I even do this?'" And I had to admit I often feel the same way.
Before nearly every speaking or comedy show I have, I always get the same attack of the butterflies and think to myself, "There's got to be something less stressful I could choose to do with my life!" I think it's a pretty typical reaction for most speakers to have, and the key is to learn how to go on without letting it affect you. But I don't know if it ever really gets better. I've talked to guys who've been speaking professionally for years and make their living at it, and they all tend to think the same way. One even told me that right before he goes on stage, he always hopes the show gets cancelled for some reason so he doesn't have to go on. And this guy makes his living at it!
The talk went all right this morning. Everyone seemed to be paying attention and responded well. But those Pella Christian kids are so well behaved you never really know. I had to speak on prayer, and used 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18.
My next show is in December, and I'm pretty psyched because it's a poetry gig. I wish they all were, but I'll take them where I can get them.
My next year is shaping up really well as far as speaking goes. I'm booked great for the first six months. Several of the engagements are week long, and I get to spend a lot of time with the Sioux Falls crew.
So we had some tornado action here in Iowa over the weekend. I guess one touched down and destroyed a Casey's General Store only a scant few blocks from my sister and brother-in-law Amber and Kyle's place. My brother Chris and I were driving right through the storm as we headed up to Iowa Falls to see my friend Mike in a production of Death of a Salesman.
The weather wasn't honestly all that bad on the way up - a lot of lightning, a little wind, and a little rain. We stopped in to eat at an Italian restaurant called Clark & Addison when we got into town. After ordering our drinks and food, we were ushered down to the basement because the tornado siren started going off.
Normally, a basement would feel like the safest place to be during a tornado, but we weren't so comforted. As the waitress opened the door to go downstairs, we suddenly heard the loud rush of water. There was a large pipe along one wall that was apparently bringing water off the roof and taking it to the sewer, and it had sprung a major leak. Water was shooting out of the hole at about the power of a garden hose turned on full blast with someone's finger partially covering the nozzle.
So we walked through inch deep water to stand in a ten by ten foot space that looked a little less stable than a lean-to made of sticks and mud. After forty minutes, and all the free drinks and Gardetto's we could stomach, we headed back upstairs to eat our meal. The food turned out to be cheap and fantastic. I had a meatball sandwich, and it's the best I've had in a while. So as far as Clark and Addison's is concerned, I'd give the food and service a 9.5, and the basement bunker a -2.
On the way out of the place, I kid you not, every single waitress, hostess, and cook (six or so people in all) told us to have a good night. So I tried extra hard to make sure I did.
Death of a Salesman was a fine play put on by the community of Iowa Falls at Ellsworth Community College. Mike had prepared me to think that it was going to be a travesty of a production, and we'd regret coming, but we thought it went just great. Mike did a great job as Biff Loman, and we had fun. Although the 6 free Diet Coke's I'd gotten at the restaurant made the two hour plus play a little too long for my taste.
Till next time, and I'll try to make sure it's soon,
Jason
Monday, October 31, 2005
Dakota . . . South Dakota
Headed up to Sioux Falls this past weekend for a "business meeting" with good pals Mark Elgersma and Danny Fergen, and I've come to realize that I have some of the best friends in the entire world.
We were meeting to discuss the possibility of putting Danny (a wonderful worship leader and musician) and me (someone who can speak words out loud and occasionally gets paid for it) together as a package deal and see if we could get some more SERVE projects to work at this next summer.
The meeting went just swell. We put together a promo letter, got some great quotes from lots of other great friends, and the letters are probably being mailed out as I type this. If all goes as planned, we may pick up a few extra gigs where Mark, Danny, and I get some quality road trip time.
While in Sioux Falls, we also met up with Troy Kooima and Word of Mouth blog regular Dustin to play a little texas hold'em at Troy's house. I didn't have the best of games. We played four times and I lost all four. Dustin, Mark, and Troy all got a win, and I got several second places. But we still had a great time, ate a great meal of Italian spicy brats, played with Troy's wonderful family, and had a lot of great conversation.
I also got to see good friend Dawn Ryswyk's new grandson Logan. A real cute little guy who I got to meet over lunch at Applebee's. Now we can crack "Grandma" jokes about Dawn and she can't get too upset.
And Mark and I got to run by Luke Vander Leest's new house as he was putting the roof on. Due to my extreme love of heights, I decided not to help out because I didn't want to steal all the fun away from Luke.
What else is new? Today's one of those days. I'm probably just tired from an overnighter that Andrea and I had for our high schoolers this weekend, but today feels like one of those days (as I've explained to brother-in-law Kyle before) where I feel weighted down by all the dumb mistakes of my life. Does that ever happen to anyone else? Not that I've made any lately, or even for several years - as far as big dumb mistakes though. But sometimes I just get depressed that there are some things in my life that I did and won't get a second chance to fix.
Reminds me of that new show, My Name is Earl, about the guy who writes down all the mistakes he's ever made, and then tries to fix them in hope of changing his bad karma. I should make a list. Hmmm. Not that I believe in karma or anything, there are plenty of bad people who have great stuff happen to them anyway, but maybe for peace of mind . . .
Man, would that be a scary list to start or what?
Till next time,
Jason
We were meeting to discuss the possibility of putting Danny (a wonderful worship leader and musician) and me (someone who can speak words out loud and occasionally gets paid for it) together as a package deal and see if we could get some more SERVE projects to work at this next summer.
The meeting went just swell. We put together a promo letter, got some great quotes from lots of other great friends, and the letters are probably being mailed out as I type this. If all goes as planned, we may pick up a few extra gigs where Mark, Danny, and I get some quality road trip time.
While in Sioux Falls, we also met up with Troy Kooima and Word of Mouth blog regular Dustin to play a little texas hold'em at Troy's house. I didn't have the best of games. We played four times and I lost all four. Dustin, Mark, and Troy all got a win, and I got several second places. But we still had a great time, ate a great meal of Italian spicy brats, played with Troy's wonderful family, and had a lot of great conversation.
I also got to see good friend Dawn Ryswyk's new grandson Logan. A real cute little guy who I got to meet over lunch at Applebee's. Now we can crack "Grandma" jokes about Dawn and she can't get too upset.
And Mark and I got to run by Luke Vander Leest's new house as he was putting the roof on. Due to my extreme love of heights, I decided not to help out because I didn't want to steal all the fun away from Luke.
What else is new? Today's one of those days. I'm probably just tired from an overnighter that Andrea and I had for our high schoolers this weekend, but today feels like one of those days (as I've explained to brother-in-law Kyle before) where I feel weighted down by all the dumb mistakes of my life. Does that ever happen to anyone else? Not that I've made any lately, or even for several years - as far as big dumb mistakes though. But sometimes I just get depressed that there are some things in my life that I did and won't get a second chance to fix.
Reminds me of that new show, My Name is Earl, about the guy who writes down all the mistakes he's ever made, and then tries to fix them in hope of changing his bad karma. I should make a list. Hmmm. Not that I believe in karma or anything, there are plenty of bad people who have great stuff happen to them anyway, but maybe for peace of mind . . .
Man, would that be a scary list to start or what?
Till next time,
Jason
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Sweating Through
For some reason, I sweat heavily at times. I say at times, because I could be giving a talk in front of a packed crowd with the room temperature being 85, and I won't sweat a drop. Other times, like last night, the room temp was around 72, and I was dripping by the end of twenty minutes.
It used to happen a lot in college during comedy shows. It was never that salty, smelly sweat like I was working out or out of shape, it's always been a flop sweat kind of thing. Yet, unlike flop sweat, it doesn't just happen when I'm nervous, but the flop sweat can also happen when I feel completely comfortable and prepared. It tends to drive me nuts.
I've always had the problem though, ever since I was a little kid. I remember that after elementary gym classes, I would just be literally soaked with sweat. Other kids would accuse me of holding my head under the faucet, and I'd have to tell them, no, I just sweat that much.
Anyway, if I haven't disgusted you too much yet, last night's talk went okay. It was a talk I was giving for the first time, and I probably didn't put nearly as much oomph into it as I could have since I was just standing in front of a youth room and delivering it after a Mountain Dew chugging contest, but I guess it went all right.
The leader of the group, Todd Zylstra, gave me a ton of encouraging words after it was over, like he's always so good at. But I know Todd's a really great guy, so I'm never sure if he'd actually tell me, "Boy that was a rough one, huh?"
The group was very respectful though. They laughed at the right times, and listened at the right times. They're one of my favorite groups to be up in front of. I'm starting to think that I can be kind of boring though. Sometimes I may find certain Bible stories more compelling than the people I'm talking to, it's kind of hard to tell. But like always, this group treated me very well, and it was great to see all of them again.
I take off for Sioux Falls, South Dakota today to meet up with ministry friends Mark Elgersma and Danny Fergen. We're going to be hashing out some type of plan to offer ourselves up in a speaker / musician package deal for youth events. I'm really excited about the opportunity, and the fact that if it works, I'll be guaranteed the chance to work with people I really like and respect.
Anyhoo - My next speaking engagement is not for two weeks. (Winter's always a little slow for me.) But I think I've got three between November and December. I'll make an effort to update more regularly between jobs this time, I promise.
Till next time,
Jason
It used to happen a lot in college during comedy shows. It was never that salty, smelly sweat like I was working out or out of shape, it's always been a flop sweat kind of thing. Yet, unlike flop sweat, it doesn't just happen when I'm nervous, but the flop sweat can also happen when I feel completely comfortable and prepared. It tends to drive me nuts.
I've always had the problem though, ever since I was a little kid. I remember that after elementary gym classes, I would just be literally soaked with sweat. Other kids would accuse me of holding my head under the faucet, and I'd have to tell them, no, I just sweat that much.
Anyway, if I haven't disgusted you too much yet, last night's talk went okay. It was a talk I was giving for the first time, and I probably didn't put nearly as much oomph into it as I could have since I was just standing in front of a youth room and delivering it after a Mountain Dew chugging contest, but I guess it went all right.
The leader of the group, Todd Zylstra, gave me a ton of encouraging words after it was over, like he's always so good at. But I know Todd's a really great guy, so I'm never sure if he'd actually tell me, "Boy that was a rough one, huh?"
The group was very respectful though. They laughed at the right times, and listened at the right times. They're one of my favorite groups to be up in front of. I'm starting to think that I can be kind of boring though. Sometimes I may find certain Bible stories more compelling than the people I'm talking to, it's kind of hard to tell. But like always, this group treated me very well, and it was great to see all of them again.
I take off for Sioux Falls, South Dakota today to meet up with ministry friends Mark Elgersma and Danny Fergen. We're going to be hashing out some type of plan to offer ourselves up in a speaker / musician package deal for youth events. I'm really excited about the opportunity, and the fact that if it works, I'll be guaranteed the chance to work with people I really like and respect.
Anyhoo - My next speaking engagement is not for two weeks. (Winter's always a little slow for me.) But I think I've got three between November and December. I'll make an effort to update more regularly between jobs this time, I promise.
Till next time,
Jason
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Logo
My good friend and genius graphic designer Mark Leiknes designed me a quick logo as a favor. I'm still putting together some promotional material, and I asked Mark for something quick, slick and effective in telling the audience who I am. Here's what he sent me, and I really like it.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Afraid of Commitment
So here I am, attempting to make good on my promise to write entries more often when there's a lull between speaking engagements. I've had two people call me on my promise to write more regularly, and so here's my attempt.
What do I have to say today? Nothing. Not much anyway. I speak tomorrow night for a large youth group here in Pella. I spoke for them at a camp last summer, and I've spoken to them in their youth room. So they've heard me before, and they're a pretty good group of high schoolers and adults.
The question is - what do I have to tell them? I'm straddling the line right now between two separate subjects - peer pressure or committing sins even when we know we're doing something wrong while we're doing them.
I, for the first time in my life, actually read the entire story of Balaam in the Bible book of Numbers. Long story short, Balaam's an occultist / magician / soothsayer kind of guy who's asked by the king to curse God's people. If Balaam does so, the king will reward him handsomely. God meets Balaam on the road as an angel, get's his donkey to talk to him, and convinces Balaam to not say anything that's not God approved.
Well, three different times, the king points out the Israelites to Balaam and says, "There they are! Let's have a good curse now!" And three times, Balaam instead blesses them because that's what God wants instead. The king refuses to pay Balaam, and they go their separate ways.
Now, right there I figure I have a pretty good story for a talk. Here's a guy that's told he'll be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams, and all he has to do is say a few cross words even though he knows he's not supposed to. This guy, even though he's already a pretty messed up, sinful guy, refuses to accept the influence of important people around him, and does the right thing. Great peer pressure illustration.
On the other hand, just a few chapters later, we're told his body is found dead with several enemy leaders after a battle with the Israelites. Not only that, but it's then explained that after the whole cursing / blessing incident, Balaam was responsible for leading God's people down the road of temptation through lust and adultery. So now the illustration kind of changes to a guy who was living his life the wrong way, got to actually get a glimpse and have a conversation with the one true God, and yet he still decided to go down the wrong path later on even though he must have know what he was doing was wrong.
Either angle on the story, I'm happy with. I'm just having trouble finding a clincher for the talk. A good and simple illustration that I can use to really bring the point home.
I know a lot of speakers who tend to use the internet for good illustrations, but I've always found that a dangerous path. Not because the illustrations are bad, but because sometimes they're so good that everybody's heard them. And the one thing that I'm really happy with about the responses that I get from speaking is that people often mention I'm original and I use new ideas.
So there's my quandry for the day. Feel free to chime in on the comments if you have any suggestions. I'll let you know how it went on Thursday morning.
till next time,
Jason
What do I have to say today? Nothing. Not much anyway. I speak tomorrow night for a large youth group here in Pella. I spoke for them at a camp last summer, and I've spoken to them in their youth room. So they've heard me before, and they're a pretty good group of high schoolers and adults.
The question is - what do I have to tell them? I'm straddling the line right now between two separate subjects - peer pressure or committing sins even when we know we're doing something wrong while we're doing them.
I, for the first time in my life, actually read the entire story of Balaam in the Bible book of Numbers. Long story short, Balaam's an occultist / magician / soothsayer kind of guy who's asked by the king to curse God's people. If Balaam does so, the king will reward him handsomely. God meets Balaam on the road as an angel, get's his donkey to talk to him, and convinces Balaam to not say anything that's not God approved.
Well, three different times, the king points out the Israelites to Balaam and says, "There they are! Let's have a good curse now!" And three times, Balaam instead blesses them because that's what God wants instead. The king refuses to pay Balaam, and they go their separate ways.
Now, right there I figure I have a pretty good story for a talk. Here's a guy that's told he'll be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams, and all he has to do is say a few cross words even though he knows he's not supposed to. This guy, even though he's already a pretty messed up, sinful guy, refuses to accept the influence of important people around him, and does the right thing. Great peer pressure illustration.
On the other hand, just a few chapters later, we're told his body is found dead with several enemy leaders after a battle with the Israelites. Not only that, but it's then explained that after the whole cursing / blessing incident, Balaam was responsible for leading God's people down the road of temptation through lust and adultery. So now the illustration kind of changes to a guy who was living his life the wrong way, got to actually get a glimpse and have a conversation with the one true God, and yet he still decided to go down the wrong path later on even though he must have know what he was doing was wrong.
Either angle on the story, I'm happy with. I'm just having trouble finding a clincher for the talk. A good and simple illustration that I can use to really bring the point home.
I know a lot of speakers who tend to use the internet for good illustrations, but I've always found that a dangerous path. Not because the illustrations are bad, but because sometimes they're so good that everybody's heard them. And the one thing that I'm really happy with about the responses that I get from speaking is that people often mention I'm original and I use new ideas.
So there's my quandry for the day. Feel free to chime in on the comments if you have any suggestions. I'll let you know how it went on Thursday morning.
till next time,
Jason
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Chili Fries
Made another trip up to Sioux Falls on Sunday Night to speak at Troy Kooima's church for an "Online" service. Many students from a couple different youth groups, and lots of adults participated and we had a great time.
Dustin came again to help me out by letting me carry him down the aisle while ruining my back and begging for money. I lamented over the fact that I have yet to have Dr. Phil show up at my door and offer me an extreme makeover of any kind, and I challenged everyone to show the spiritual makeover they recieve through Christ in their daily lives. Yep, just your typical speaking gig.
Troy took Dustin, Danny Fergen, and I out to the Cherry Creek Grill for some appetizers and we had a great time talking about the night and how the service seemed to go. Both Troy and Danny had been at church since very early that morning, so by the time the youth service came around, they were both spent. Yet they both said they were excited at how well it went, and surprised by how well the youth and adults participated. These were great things to hear on my end - leading me to believe I'd hopefully done something right.
After appetizers, I headed off to the Kooima Ranch and bunked down for the night which is always an adventure. Troy has a great wife (Jana) and three great kids (Alek, Reis, and Sage) who always inspire me to be a better family man myself.
On the ride up and back I listened to Coldplay's new CD "X & Y". I liked it very much. On the way home I stopped to pick up something new to listen to and considered Kanye West's "Late Registration", but instead chose Christian Hip Hopper John Reuben's new one, "The Boy vs. the Cynic", and I was pretty happy with it.
I was particularly struck by the line in track 10 which says, "All I have is what God gives, and that's all the life that I was meant to live." I found it a very comforting thought as I made the five hour drive home and wondered if this whole speaking thing will ever jump to the next level. I think I finally made my peace with the fact that if all I get to do is speak to small groups and share chili fries with the likes of the Sioux Fall's crew afterwards, I'll still be a very happy man.
Till next time,
Jason
Dustin came again to help me out by letting me carry him down the aisle while ruining my back and begging for money. I lamented over the fact that I have yet to have Dr. Phil show up at my door and offer me an extreme makeover of any kind, and I challenged everyone to show the spiritual makeover they recieve through Christ in their daily lives. Yep, just your typical speaking gig.
Troy took Dustin, Danny Fergen, and I out to the Cherry Creek Grill for some appetizers and we had a great time talking about the night and how the service seemed to go. Both Troy and Danny had been at church since very early that morning, so by the time the youth service came around, they were both spent. Yet they both said they were excited at how well it went, and surprised by how well the youth and adults participated. These were great things to hear on my end - leading me to believe I'd hopefully done something right.
After appetizers, I headed off to the Kooima Ranch and bunked down for the night which is always an adventure. Troy has a great wife (Jana) and three great kids (Alek, Reis, and Sage) who always inspire me to be a better family man myself.
On the ride up and back I listened to Coldplay's new CD "X & Y". I liked it very much. On the way home I stopped to pick up something new to listen to and considered Kanye West's "Late Registration", but instead chose Christian Hip Hopper John Reuben's new one, "The Boy vs. the Cynic", and I was pretty happy with it.
I was particularly struck by the line in track 10 which says, "All I have is what God gives, and that's all the life that I was meant to live." I found it a very comforting thought as I made the five hour drive home and wondered if this whole speaking thing will ever jump to the next level. I think I finally made my peace with the fact that if all I get to do is speak to small groups and share chili fries with the likes of the Sioux Fall's crew afterwards, I'll still be a very happy man.
Till next time,
Jason
Monday, September 19, 2005
Driving Through the Lightning Storm
Hit Inwood, IA last night to work with the Sioux Falls crew again for a big youth rally thingy that they were putting on.
I picked up good SERVE buddy, and frequent blog comment poster, Dustin on the way. He attends college in Sioux Center, IA at Dordt, and was more than happy to ride along and help out with the talk I had to give. I had him dress up in his nerdy, hiked-up-all-the-way plaid shorts, sandals with black dress socks, and pink polo shirt to impersonate an older guy dancing. Don't ask why, it was just a very funny visual, and it got a lot of laughs. Then I talked about Jonathon, son of Shammah, brother of David from II Samuel, and talked about killing giants. The evening went pretty well. The band was made up of Troy, Dawn, and a bunch of high school folk, and actually rocked pretty hard considering they threw their set together that night.
On the way home though, I had to drive through the freakiest thunder storm I've ever seen. For about the last three hours of the journey, it was pouring rain, and lightning was striking all around in non-stop bursts. For anyone in western Iowa who saw it, it was completely crazy. There didn't seem to be a single moment were I couldn't see lightning striking somewhere. It was so bad, that each strike sent static interference through my radio and made it almost impossible to listen to.
Tons of people were pulling over to rest areas on the side of the road. I thought about doing the same thing. There were so many lightning strikes that seemed so close that I was actually a little scared of getting hit. But then I figured that if I kept moving, there was less of a chance of the lightning hitting me than if I just sat in one place, surrounded by a hundred other cars. I don't know how scientifically accurate that may be, but I didn't get struck, so I guess it worked.
It was fantastic to see Troy, Dawn, Luke, and Dustin again. We sat for a bit and laughed about how great Mark's wedding was a few weeks ago. We caught up on ministry stories, laughed till it hurt, and planned on seeing each other again in January when we head up to Michigan for a retreat.
Was this a really boring post? Seems like it. Let's see, what can liven it up? Hmmm. Dustin and I were amused greatly when I stopped at a gas station to get a fountain drink. On the side of the cup there was a cartoon picture of a dinosaur taking a shower. Think about that picture for a second. I really have no idea what it meant, or why it was on there, or who in this world thought, "You know what our fountain drink glasses need? Showering Dinosaurs!" But it was pretty hysterical. At least to Dustin and I.
I'm rambling. I'm tired. I think I'll just sign off now and try to get something more coherent down later in the week.
Till next time,
Jason
I picked up good SERVE buddy, and frequent blog comment poster, Dustin on the way. He attends college in Sioux Center, IA at Dordt, and was more than happy to ride along and help out with the talk I had to give. I had him dress up in his nerdy, hiked-up-all-the-way plaid shorts, sandals with black dress socks, and pink polo shirt to impersonate an older guy dancing. Don't ask why, it was just a very funny visual, and it got a lot of laughs. Then I talked about Jonathon, son of Shammah, brother of David from II Samuel, and talked about killing giants. The evening went pretty well. The band was made up of Troy, Dawn, and a bunch of high school folk, and actually rocked pretty hard considering they threw their set together that night.
On the way home though, I had to drive through the freakiest thunder storm I've ever seen. For about the last three hours of the journey, it was pouring rain, and lightning was striking all around in non-stop bursts. For anyone in western Iowa who saw it, it was completely crazy. There didn't seem to be a single moment were I couldn't see lightning striking somewhere. It was so bad, that each strike sent static interference through my radio and made it almost impossible to listen to.
Tons of people were pulling over to rest areas on the side of the road. I thought about doing the same thing. There were so many lightning strikes that seemed so close that I was actually a little scared of getting hit. But then I figured that if I kept moving, there was less of a chance of the lightning hitting me than if I just sat in one place, surrounded by a hundred other cars. I don't know how scientifically accurate that may be, but I didn't get struck, so I guess it worked.
It was fantastic to see Troy, Dawn, Luke, and Dustin again. We sat for a bit and laughed about how great Mark's wedding was a few weeks ago. We caught up on ministry stories, laughed till it hurt, and planned on seeing each other again in January when we head up to Michigan for a retreat.
Was this a really boring post? Seems like it. Let's see, what can liven it up? Hmmm. Dustin and I were amused greatly when I stopped at a gas station to get a fountain drink. On the side of the cup there was a cartoon picture of a dinosaur taking a shower. Think about that picture for a second. I really have no idea what it meant, or why it was on there, or who in this world thought, "You know what our fountain drink glasses need? Showering Dinosaurs!" But it was pretty hysterical. At least to Dustin and I.
I'm rambling. I'm tired. I think I'll just sign off now and try to get something more coherent down later in the week.
Till next time,
Jason
Monday, September 12, 2005
December in September
Drove up to Holland, MI for a quick stand-up show on Saturday/Sunday. It was at the Beechwood Church in Holland, and I was the opening act for southern-fried Christian rockers DecmeberRadio.
First off, DecemberRadio was fantastic. I had to take off early for the seven hour drive back to Pella, but I heard them warm up, and I heard the first few songs of the concert, and needless to say I was very intrigued. The only way I can really describe them is say they sound like a Christian version of someone like Lynard Skynard. They've got a sound that's greatly lacking in Christian music, and they're extremely talented. I got to snag one of their CD's on the way out - a collection of praise songs - and I'm giving it a listen as I type this. Very enjoyable. Check them out.
The show was outside on the lawn of the Beechwood Church. And, although I was breaking one of the cardinal rules of stand-up (never perform outside), the show went pretty well. The crowd was smaller than expected. It was a BEAUTIFUL night in Michigan, the Lions were playing, and there was another Christian concert not to far down the road, so not as many folks showed up they might have hoped, but it was still pretty good. And those that did show up still got a great rock concert, so it was definately worth it.
The stand-up went as well as could be expected for an outdoor event. The breeze was a little strong, the crowd was pretty far back from the stage, and they were pretty spread out. All of which is pretty on par for stand-up at an outdoor event. All that being said, there were some laughs to be had, and the staff of Beechwood smiled big, shook my hand, and had very kind words for my departure (which is always a good thing for a comedian).
All of which brings up an interesting topic I've been meaning to write on: The Top Five Unspoken Rules of Performing Stand-Up. "The rules", as I'll call them, were not developed by me, but by comedians that came before me long ago and far away, and have been passed down through the generations of willing saps who think they can tell a joke on stage. The concept is very simple. If you want to have a good stand-up show, try to stick to the following five things. (Listed in no particular order.)
1. Don't perform outside. Supposedly, small, dark, cool places are more conducive to comedy, and, for the most part, I'd have to agree. The closer the quarters, the more laughter seems to be contagious. Plus, being indoors, there are far less distractions for the audience. They're forced to focus forward onto the performer. While outdoor venues, on the other hand, are supposedly more ideal for music. You can spread out, get comfortable, and have a lot more choice about how loud you want the volume to be since you can choose how close you sit to the stage.
Is it true? Actually, for the most part, I find that it tends to be. I've only performed stand-up outdoors a few times, and the best I could ever say it went was "pretty good". There's just someting about being outdoors that seems odd for comedy. I got to see a couple of my favorite Christian comedians, Jay Laffoon and Taylor Mason, perform at the RISE Above music festival in Orange City, IA earlier this summer. They both were hilarious, of course, but even they weren't quite as effective outdoors.
2. No proms. I've blogged about this one before. The only entertainment that seems to work at proms is something that's interactive - hypnotists, magicians, karoake type stuff. The general rule of thumb is that the students are too tired, and more than likely have something other than comedy on their minds. It can often be a heckling nightmare.
For the most part, I turn all proms down now. Out of the handfull I've done, I've only ever had one successful one. They're brutal. I had one once where I was supposed to perform for an hour between the dinner and the dance. Well, twenty minutes in, no one was laughing, and I mean no one! I wrapped up and walked off. Turns out, as I was later told, the kids didn't want a comedian. So they decided that if they just refused to laugh, I'd quit earlier. They were right. One of the worst performance nights of my life.
3. Don't perform for crowds less than 50. The smaller the crowd, the less contagious the laughter. I'll give a message, read poetry, or peform improv for a crowd of 10 on any night, but stand-up needs more people. The smaller the crowd, the more self concious they get. Are the other 20 people laughing? I don't want to laugh real hard if they're not laughing! The larger the crowd, the easier it is for them to let go. I've found this rule of thumb to be right most of the time, and I always feel way more confident when the crowd is 100+.
4. Don't peform Before 1 PM. I think the actual rule is like 6 PM, but I don't mind lowering it a bit since I do a lot of camps, retreats, and the like. I think the thought here is that most people's brains aren't firing as quickly before noon, and I'd generally have to agree. There's nothing scarier than having to do a 9 AM show for a droopy-eyed group that looks like they'd rather be in bed. People are just way more serious before noon.
5. Don't peform just because it pays. This can be a hard rule to follow, especially when the rent's due. But some people just don't know when it's appropriate to hire a comedian. I don't turn down a lot of shows, in fact, I take a few every year that I probably shouldn't, but sometimes you just have to say "No, thank you."
I was once asked to do an hour of comedy in what I was told was going to be a retirement home. Well, I got there, and it wasn't a retirement home as much as it was a long term care facility for people who were dying. I'm pretty sure very few of the people were really coherent enough to know what was going on. There was some crying and yelling during a lot of it. Nurses were constantly coming in to help patients. And they wanted me for an hour???? At the twenty minute mark, I thanked them and walked off. While I understand that these folks need entertainment, I don't think that a 20-something youth director telling puke stories is quite appropriate.
I've had to say no to a lot of things - girl scout conventions, elementary school classes, library Christmas parties - but sometimes you have to tell the prospective employers that a comedian may not be in their best interest. It's hard, especially when the they're offering a nice check, but some shows just aren't worth the mental punishment on you or the audience.
Do I follow "the rules"? Eh, sometimes. I break them more often than most people I know. I tend to be an optimist when accepting shows, and take most everything. I've tried to diversify what I do enough that I can satisfy most crowds with enough preperation so that I can tell people, "Well, I don't know about stand-up, but I've got some pretty funny poems and stories I could read." For the most part, I've found them all to be fairly grounded in some pretty good truths, though.
This weekend I travel up Inwood, IA for a big youth rally with the Sioux Falls Crew I love so much. I'm giving a spiritual message, which I'm excited about after a rocky month or two of stand-up shows.
Andrea says she's got some great pics from Mark Elgersma's wedding from last week that I'm gonna try to blog soon.
Till next time,
Jason
First off, DecemberRadio was fantastic. I had to take off early for the seven hour drive back to Pella, but I heard them warm up, and I heard the first few songs of the concert, and needless to say I was very intrigued. The only way I can really describe them is say they sound like a Christian version of someone like Lynard Skynard. They've got a sound that's greatly lacking in Christian music, and they're extremely talented. I got to snag one of their CD's on the way out - a collection of praise songs - and I'm giving it a listen as I type this. Very enjoyable. Check them out.
The show was outside on the lawn of the Beechwood Church. And, although I was breaking one of the cardinal rules of stand-up (never perform outside), the show went pretty well. The crowd was smaller than expected. It was a BEAUTIFUL night in Michigan, the Lions were playing, and there was another Christian concert not to far down the road, so not as many folks showed up they might have hoped, but it was still pretty good. And those that did show up still got a great rock concert, so it was definately worth it.
The stand-up went as well as could be expected for an outdoor event. The breeze was a little strong, the crowd was pretty far back from the stage, and they were pretty spread out. All of which is pretty on par for stand-up at an outdoor event. All that being said, there were some laughs to be had, and the staff of Beechwood smiled big, shook my hand, and had very kind words for my departure (which is always a good thing for a comedian).
All of which brings up an interesting topic I've been meaning to write on: The Top Five Unspoken Rules of Performing Stand-Up. "The rules", as I'll call them, were not developed by me, but by comedians that came before me long ago and far away, and have been passed down through the generations of willing saps who think they can tell a joke on stage. The concept is very simple. If you want to have a good stand-up show, try to stick to the following five things. (Listed in no particular order.)
1. Don't perform outside. Supposedly, small, dark, cool places are more conducive to comedy, and, for the most part, I'd have to agree. The closer the quarters, the more laughter seems to be contagious. Plus, being indoors, there are far less distractions for the audience. They're forced to focus forward onto the performer. While outdoor venues, on the other hand, are supposedly more ideal for music. You can spread out, get comfortable, and have a lot more choice about how loud you want the volume to be since you can choose how close you sit to the stage.
Is it true? Actually, for the most part, I find that it tends to be. I've only performed stand-up outdoors a few times, and the best I could ever say it went was "pretty good". There's just someting about being outdoors that seems odd for comedy. I got to see a couple of my favorite Christian comedians, Jay Laffoon and Taylor Mason, perform at the RISE Above music festival in Orange City, IA earlier this summer. They both were hilarious, of course, but even they weren't quite as effective outdoors.
2. No proms. I've blogged about this one before. The only entertainment that seems to work at proms is something that's interactive - hypnotists, magicians, karoake type stuff. The general rule of thumb is that the students are too tired, and more than likely have something other than comedy on their minds. It can often be a heckling nightmare.
For the most part, I turn all proms down now. Out of the handfull I've done, I've only ever had one successful one. They're brutal. I had one once where I was supposed to perform for an hour between the dinner and the dance. Well, twenty minutes in, no one was laughing, and I mean no one! I wrapped up and walked off. Turns out, as I was later told, the kids didn't want a comedian. So they decided that if they just refused to laugh, I'd quit earlier. They were right. One of the worst performance nights of my life.
3. Don't perform for crowds less than 50. The smaller the crowd, the less contagious the laughter. I'll give a message, read poetry, or peform improv for a crowd of 10 on any night, but stand-up needs more people. The smaller the crowd, the more self concious they get. Are the other 20 people laughing? I don't want to laugh real hard if they're not laughing! The larger the crowd, the easier it is for them to let go. I've found this rule of thumb to be right most of the time, and I always feel way more confident when the crowd is 100+.
4. Don't peform Before 1 PM. I think the actual rule is like 6 PM, but I don't mind lowering it a bit since I do a lot of camps, retreats, and the like. I think the thought here is that most people's brains aren't firing as quickly before noon, and I'd generally have to agree. There's nothing scarier than having to do a 9 AM show for a droopy-eyed group that looks like they'd rather be in bed. People are just way more serious before noon.
5. Don't peform just because it pays. This can be a hard rule to follow, especially when the rent's due. But some people just don't know when it's appropriate to hire a comedian. I don't turn down a lot of shows, in fact, I take a few every year that I probably shouldn't, but sometimes you just have to say "No, thank you."
I was once asked to do an hour of comedy in what I was told was going to be a retirement home. Well, I got there, and it wasn't a retirement home as much as it was a long term care facility for people who were dying. I'm pretty sure very few of the people were really coherent enough to know what was going on. There was some crying and yelling during a lot of it. Nurses were constantly coming in to help patients. And they wanted me for an hour???? At the twenty minute mark, I thanked them and walked off. While I understand that these folks need entertainment, I don't think that a 20-something youth director telling puke stories is quite appropriate.
I've had to say no to a lot of things - girl scout conventions, elementary school classes, library Christmas parties - but sometimes you have to tell the prospective employers that a comedian may not be in their best interest. It's hard, especially when the they're offering a nice check, but some shows just aren't worth the mental punishment on you or the audience.
Do I follow "the rules"? Eh, sometimes. I break them more often than most people I know. I tend to be an optimist when accepting shows, and take most everything. I've tried to diversify what I do enough that I can satisfy most crowds with enough preperation so that I can tell people, "Well, I don't know about stand-up, but I've got some pretty funny poems and stories I could read." For the most part, I've found them all to be fairly grounded in some pretty good truths, though.
This weekend I travel up Inwood, IA for a big youth rally with the Sioux Falls Crew I love so much. I'm giving a spiritual message, which I'm excited about after a rocky month or two of stand-up shows.
Andrea says she's got some great pics from Mark Elgersma's wedding from last week that I'm gonna try to blog soon.
Till next time,
Jason
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
The Wedding Singer Part Deux
So Andrea and I headed up to Minneapolis, MN to visit good friends, and new midwesterners, Mark and Lisa Leiknes and their baby Lucy. We had a fantastic time. They just moved back from California. Mark is one of my old friends from when I used to do sketch comedy in Grandma Mojo's Moonshine Revival at Iowa State University. He's probably the funniest guy I've ever met, and he currently works as a freelance graphic artist (which I think is a paltry use of his amazing comedy talents, but alas, he's a pretty awesome graphic designer, so what are you going to do?). Lisa is a school teacher and quite a bit of good fun herself. I don't think I've ever seen her without a smile on her face - except for when she told us about the accidental toxic poisoning of their cat (who they've named "Ourselves" so that they could say, "We named our cat after ourselves!") which resulted in the loss of part of its liver. Who knew the dangerous lives of cats? Good thing they have nine, huh?
We went out for supper, watched Mark berate a Mexican restaurant employee for their lack of air conditioning, ate some good food, bought a pizza, watched Shaolin Soccer, and basically laughed non stop for about a day straight.
The baby is gorgeous and extremely well tempered. I got to give her the nightly feeding on Friday and she promplty fell asleep in my arms. I may have to get me one of those some day.
Overall, it was a great night, and it makes me really glad that the Leiknes' have moved back closer to Iowa from California. Mark also got some great career news that I'm really excited about, but alas, it is top secret, so I will have to wait to post about it. But it's really cool, and as soon as I get the go ahead, I will write away.
Then it was on to Sheboygan, Wisconsin for the main event of our Labor Day Weekend - The wedding of good friend and ministry partner Mark Elgersma to his lovely bride Cassie Smies. For those of you who may not know, I've gotten to become friends with Mark E. during the last three years over the course of all the Sioux Falls SERVE projects I've spoken at. Mark is the sound man, running all the sound for the band and my microphones. He's also just an amazingly great guy, hilarious prankster, and a real man of God. He's helped me so much in my own ministry ways over the last three years.
Well, the wedding was on Labor Day Monday at 11 AM and I was asked to emcee the reception, but the families of the betrothed couple invited everyone up early to enjoy the wonders of Sheboygan.
The town is beautiful. It's right on lake Michigan, has beaches and water like an ocean, tons of great shops and restaurants, and the weather is beautiful this time of year. We walked, ate at a place called The Mucky Duck, had a picnic, played cards, and had an unbelievable amount of fun with all the Sioux Fall-ites that trekked up for the adventure that was Mark's wedding.
Being the emcee for the reception was a lot of fun. I'll admit that for the first time in a long time I was pretty nervous. I'm usually not one to fall prey to those nasty butterflies, but they were biting pretty hard on Monday afternoon. I suppose it was because there were so many people I really liked and respected in the crowd, but, as Andrea will attest, it made me rather testy to be around for awhile till it was over.
I told a few stories about Mark - the first time I met Cassie and wondered how he got someone like her - watching Mark and and Dan Tenapel chase each other in their underpants one night - and the crowd seemed to enjoy them. Troy Kooima shared the legendary story about the "underwear ninjas" which I may have to expound on someday in the blog. And Son's of Thunder band member Danny Fergen basically just stood there looking like a heart throb in his tux and stole everyone's thunder.
Then Dan Tenapel and Troy Kooima joined me for a new rendition of the wedding song from Jill and Rob's wedding, and the crowd seemed to enjoy that as well.
It was a gorgeous wedding, a perfect weekend, and a ton of fun. Plus, I got to go on a long romatic walk with Andrea down a mile long pier and around a lighthouse which was a pretty big plus!
I'm heading off for Michigan, and possibly Chicago, this weekend to lead some worship services and speak at a rally. I'll hopefully have another update in less than a week!
Till next time,
Jason
We went out for supper, watched Mark berate a Mexican restaurant employee for their lack of air conditioning, ate some good food, bought a pizza, watched Shaolin Soccer, and basically laughed non stop for about a day straight.
The baby is gorgeous and extremely well tempered. I got to give her the nightly feeding on Friday and she promplty fell asleep in my arms. I may have to get me one of those some day.
Overall, it was a great night, and it makes me really glad that the Leiknes' have moved back closer to Iowa from California. Mark also got some great career news that I'm really excited about, but alas, it is top secret, so I will have to wait to post about it. But it's really cool, and as soon as I get the go ahead, I will write away.
Then it was on to Sheboygan, Wisconsin for the main event of our Labor Day Weekend - The wedding of good friend and ministry partner Mark Elgersma to his lovely bride Cassie Smies. For those of you who may not know, I've gotten to become friends with Mark E. during the last three years over the course of all the Sioux Falls SERVE projects I've spoken at. Mark is the sound man, running all the sound for the band and my microphones. He's also just an amazingly great guy, hilarious prankster, and a real man of God. He's helped me so much in my own ministry ways over the last three years.
Well, the wedding was on Labor Day Monday at 11 AM and I was asked to emcee the reception, but the families of the betrothed couple invited everyone up early to enjoy the wonders of Sheboygan.
The town is beautiful. It's right on lake Michigan, has beaches and water like an ocean, tons of great shops and restaurants, and the weather is beautiful this time of year. We walked, ate at a place called The Mucky Duck, had a picnic, played cards, and had an unbelievable amount of fun with all the Sioux Fall-ites that trekked up for the adventure that was Mark's wedding.
Being the emcee for the reception was a lot of fun. I'll admit that for the first time in a long time I was pretty nervous. I'm usually not one to fall prey to those nasty butterflies, but they were biting pretty hard on Monday afternoon. I suppose it was because there were so many people I really liked and respected in the crowd, but, as Andrea will attest, it made me rather testy to be around for awhile till it was over.
I told a few stories about Mark - the first time I met Cassie and wondered how he got someone like her - watching Mark and and Dan Tenapel chase each other in their underpants one night - and the crowd seemed to enjoy them. Troy Kooima shared the legendary story about the "underwear ninjas" which I may have to expound on someday in the blog. And Son's of Thunder band member Danny Fergen basically just stood there looking like a heart throb in his tux and stole everyone's thunder.
Then Dan Tenapel and Troy Kooima joined me for a new rendition of the wedding song from Jill and Rob's wedding, and the crowd seemed to enjoy that as well.
It was a gorgeous wedding, a perfect weekend, and a ton of fun. Plus, I got to go on a long romatic walk with Andrea down a mile long pier and around a lighthouse which was a pretty big plus!
I'm heading off for Michigan, and possibly Chicago, this weekend to lead some worship services and speak at a rally. I'll hopefully have another update in less than a week!
Till next time,
Jason
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
50/50 Again
Well, last night's show went considerably better than the show a week ago. It was essentially the same audience - not the same people, but the same organization, so it was the same type of people.
I scrapped the possiblilty of doing anything remotely close to a stand-up performance, and decided that if there was a chance of failing as miserably as I did last week, I was just going to make sure that at least I had fun. So I decided to do what I have the most fun doing - I'd read my poems.
When I walked in the door, I was greeted by the same person who'd lined the show up last week. She said that the "organization" had a suggestion for me after last week. In my mind I thought, What? Be more funny? But to my surprise, she said I had apparently offended some folks at the previous performance with some of my jokes. I was shocked. I pride myself on being a clean comedian. But apparently - and I'm not making this up - but apparently, some folks at the last show took offense to the fact that in a few of my jokes, I refer to pig farms having a bad smell. The "organization" I was performing for is a farm related one, so I guess I was just assuming that they knew that pig farms had a bad smell. But apparently the whole "hog odor" issue is a pretty big one in their area with a lot of play in the media about it, so they took offense to the fact that I was making fun of the situation.
I tried to explain that I felt really bad that anyone would be offended by something I said, especially farmers. I generally consider my entire act to be pro-farmer, considering I grew up on an Iowa farm, and my parents still live on one. They were in possesion of my CD, so I can only assume they knew some of my jokes might head that direction. And I told them that I had done that exact same show for The Iowa Pork Producers and had them rolling on the floor. Now, if the Pork Producers of Iowa don't have a problem with it, I couldn't see how this group could. But, I was told to stay away from "odor jokes", and being the consumate performer that I am, I swore that I would, and I did.
Much to my surprise, the poems went over like gangbusters. They got what was probably their biggest reaction to date. I wrote an extra three in the last couple days to make sure I could filled my alloted time.
It felt really good to perform them, and since it was my forth of fifth reading of them by now, I had many of them nearly memorized and I could spend a lot more time putting energy into the performance rather than worry about reading everything without stumbling.
I'd wanted to use the new song again this week, but unfortunately I realized that it contained the line, "What's that smell?", so I immediately scrapped it. I also had to scrap a brand new poem due to its offensive subject matter. But for you, the loyal blog reader, I will now present a special treat! The world premiere of the previously unreleased poem, That Old Familiar Smell!
That Old Familiar Smell
I moved off the farm at age eighteen,
Back in nineteen ninety-four,
And the smell of all those pigs back home,
Still lingers on me I’m sure.
There’s something about that hog odor,
Some swear it’s the worst smell known,
It sticks in your hair and all your clothes,
And seeps through down to the bone.
If you walk down the street, you might see,
Some folk’s whose heads whip around,
Then they’ll start moving a lot quicker,
And make some disgusted sound.
My brothers and I hated this smell,
And thought it might do us harm,
So we’d go and complain to my dad,
About living on the farm.
We’d say, “Dad it stinks! We can’t stand it!
This place just reeks don’t you see?”
My dad would look at us and he’d smile,
“It smells like money to me.”
I know, I know! It's actually pretty tame considering its supposed offensive nature. So I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize to any of my readers who feel like I've slighted them in any way shape or form due to my own personal opinion that manure smells icky sometimes. The opinions expressed on this web page are solely mine, and may in no way shape or form relfect the opinions of anyone else on the planet who farms, used to farm, lived on a farm, lives near a farm, or has used the word farm.
till next time,
Jason
I scrapped the possiblilty of doing anything remotely close to a stand-up performance, and decided that if there was a chance of failing as miserably as I did last week, I was just going to make sure that at least I had fun. So I decided to do what I have the most fun doing - I'd read my poems.
When I walked in the door, I was greeted by the same person who'd lined the show up last week. She said that the "organization" had a suggestion for me after last week. In my mind I thought, What? Be more funny? But to my surprise, she said I had apparently offended some folks at the previous performance with some of my jokes. I was shocked. I pride myself on being a clean comedian. But apparently - and I'm not making this up - but apparently, some folks at the last show took offense to the fact that in a few of my jokes, I refer to pig farms having a bad smell. The "organization" I was performing for is a farm related one, so I guess I was just assuming that they knew that pig farms had a bad smell. But apparently the whole "hog odor" issue is a pretty big one in their area with a lot of play in the media about it, so they took offense to the fact that I was making fun of the situation.
I tried to explain that I felt really bad that anyone would be offended by something I said, especially farmers. I generally consider my entire act to be pro-farmer, considering I grew up on an Iowa farm, and my parents still live on one. They were in possesion of my CD, so I can only assume they knew some of my jokes might head that direction. And I told them that I had done that exact same show for The Iowa Pork Producers and had them rolling on the floor. Now, if the Pork Producers of Iowa don't have a problem with it, I couldn't see how this group could. But, I was told to stay away from "odor jokes", and being the consumate performer that I am, I swore that I would, and I did.
Much to my surprise, the poems went over like gangbusters. They got what was probably their biggest reaction to date. I wrote an extra three in the last couple days to make sure I could filled my alloted time.
It felt really good to perform them, and since it was my forth of fifth reading of them by now, I had many of them nearly memorized and I could spend a lot more time putting energy into the performance rather than worry about reading everything without stumbling.
I'd wanted to use the new song again this week, but unfortunately I realized that it contained the line, "What's that smell?", so I immediately scrapped it. I also had to scrap a brand new poem due to its offensive subject matter. But for you, the loyal blog reader, I will now present a special treat! The world premiere of the previously unreleased poem, That Old Familiar Smell!
That Old Familiar Smell
I moved off the farm at age eighteen,
Back in nineteen ninety-four,
And the smell of all those pigs back home,
Still lingers on me I’m sure.
There’s something about that hog odor,
Some swear it’s the worst smell known,
It sticks in your hair and all your clothes,
And seeps through down to the bone.
If you walk down the street, you might see,
Some folk’s whose heads whip around,
Then they’ll start moving a lot quicker,
And make some disgusted sound.
My brothers and I hated this smell,
And thought it might do us harm,
So we’d go and complain to my dad,
About living on the farm.
We’d say, “Dad it stinks! We can’t stand it!
This place just reeks don’t you see?”
My dad would look at us and he’d smile,
“It smells like money to me.”
I know, I know! It's actually pretty tame considering its supposed offensive nature. So I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize to any of my readers who feel like I've slighted them in any way shape or form due to my own personal opinion that manure smells icky sometimes. The opinions expressed on this web page are solely mine, and may in no way shape or form relfect the opinions of anyone else on the planet who farms, used to farm, lived on a farm, lives near a farm, or has used the word farm.
till next time,
Jason
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Different Audiences
It always strikes me as strange how you can do the same comedy material for two different audiences and have it be a hit with one, while only getting polite chuckles from another.
I did a half hour show last night for an audience that I've never been in front of before. I was excited going into the evening because the show had the potential to lead to many more shows if it went well. So, I decided that to make sure I put my best foot forward I would tell my three most popular stories - Oogey Boogey, Finger, and Puke. These are the three stories that regardless of where I am, or what I'm doing, they tend to go over very well. These are the stories I pull out when I'm nervous about an audience because they tend to be "gold" material for me.
So last night, for this new audience that I wanted to impress, I called on these tried and true favorites for the first twenty five minutes of the show. The last five minutes, I planned on doing something most comedians will do from time to time - I was going to try out a little new material. I've had my Grandpa Kain's old four string tenor banjo for a couple years now, and I've been slowly trying to work out ways to use it when I perform or speak. Well, I worked out a new comedy song (which I'm pretty happy with) and planned on trying it out at the end of the show last night after hopefully getting some big laughs with my old stories.
Well, about five minutes into the show, I knew it wasn't going to be a great night. Instead of big laughs like usual for these stories, I was getting mild and polite chuckles. Even on the big payoff lines of the stories, lines that have gotten raucous cheers and doubled-over laughing from some audiences, I recieved quite subdued laughter.
Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. Now, I know the old adage that every audience is different and sometimes you can just have a crowd that just doesn't get into anything you give them, but these were the stories that have never - to date - really failed me to garner the overwhelming approval of those I was speaking to. Sure, I have some weaker material that I've learned never to open with, but to save until the audience get's to know me, but I didn't even bring any of that out last night.
And then, I get to the banjo song - material I've never used before - and they really seemed to like it. I did a little sing-a-long, and it seemed to be the most well recieved part of what I offered them.
Frustrated, I hopped back in the car, and began the two hour drive home with nothing to think about other than how some shows can just seem to go so off track.
I consider myself a pretty versatile speaker. I can do stand-up. I can give Christian talks and sermons. I can mix a little stand-up with a little Christian message. I've also been doing quite a bit of poetry and prose reading performances. But I'm beginning to feel like it may be time to prune back a little bit.
Straight stand-up has been very good to me. It's how I got my start, and how I've paid a lot of bills over the last few years, but I'll be the first to admit that it's the hardest of all the things I do. I've always seemed to follow a rythm with stand-up - I'll have one fantastic show, and then one mediocre one. I usually hit around 50/50, which, in stand-up, is considered pretty good. And while the bad shows are always a tough pill to swallow, the great ones always make up for them. But for most of this year, I'm probably closer to 10/90, (the 90 being "mediocre" or less in my opinion) leaving me to wonder how much longer it's really worth offering myself up as a straight comic.
I also have to admit that doing the old material - the "gold" stories and such - is not nearly as much fun as it used to be. Most of the writing and creating I've been doing lately has been more focused on the prose, poetry, and Christian message talks. So maybe it's time to hang up the stand-up hat for awhile.
A couple notes on some unrelated subjects.
I just got an email from good friend and part-time ministry partner Mark Elgersma who says several new CD's and a possible DVD from this summer's SERVE project in Sioux Falls are nearly finished. They're recordings of the night time worship services that we had all week, and I'm pretty excited to hear them. We've been wanting to put together some more promotional material to get my stuff out there, and luckily there was a great guy named Brian at SERVE who had the tools to do it. (Note to self, get in touch with Brian soon and give him a big thank you.)
There's a chance the CD's will be made for more than just trying to get more speaking engagements, and we'll end up offering them to the public - which would be really great if it all fell in place. I've had a couple different versions of a comedy CD for a few years now, and I've been waiting to branch out a bit and record some more serious stuff. We're hoping this is the opportunity we've been waiting for. I haven't heard the CD's yet, but I've heard they'll be in the mail soon, so I'm very excited to get my hands on them!
My next show is on Tuesday, August 30th, and that was the next time I was planning on updating the blog, but I've gotten a few requests to update a little more often. I'm thinking about maybe updating once a week, instead of just a couple times a month. I'm not exactly sure what these writings will be, since I generally just update after speaking engagements, but perhaps I can spend some time writing about what I'm currently working on creatively, and how I'm preparing for the next speaking gig.
Till next time,
Jason
I did a half hour show last night for an audience that I've never been in front of before. I was excited going into the evening because the show had the potential to lead to many more shows if it went well. So, I decided that to make sure I put my best foot forward I would tell my three most popular stories - Oogey Boogey, Finger, and Puke. These are the three stories that regardless of where I am, or what I'm doing, they tend to go over very well. These are the stories I pull out when I'm nervous about an audience because they tend to be "gold" material for me.
So last night, for this new audience that I wanted to impress, I called on these tried and true favorites for the first twenty five minutes of the show. The last five minutes, I planned on doing something most comedians will do from time to time - I was going to try out a little new material. I've had my Grandpa Kain's old four string tenor banjo for a couple years now, and I've been slowly trying to work out ways to use it when I perform or speak. Well, I worked out a new comedy song (which I'm pretty happy with) and planned on trying it out at the end of the show last night after hopefully getting some big laughs with my old stories.
Well, about five minutes into the show, I knew it wasn't going to be a great night. Instead of big laughs like usual for these stories, I was getting mild and polite chuckles. Even on the big payoff lines of the stories, lines that have gotten raucous cheers and doubled-over laughing from some audiences, I recieved quite subdued laughter.
Needless to say, I was a little disappointed. Now, I know the old adage that every audience is different and sometimes you can just have a crowd that just doesn't get into anything you give them, but these were the stories that have never - to date - really failed me to garner the overwhelming approval of those I was speaking to. Sure, I have some weaker material that I've learned never to open with, but to save until the audience get's to know me, but I didn't even bring any of that out last night.
And then, I get to the banjo song - material I've never used before - and they really seemed to like it. I did a little sing-a-long, and it seemed to be the most well recieved part of what I offered them.
Frustrated, I hopped back in the car, and began the two hour drive home with nothing to think about other than how some shows can just seem to go so off track.
I consider myself a pretty versatile speaker. I can do stand-up. I can give Christian talks and sermons. I can mix a little stand-up with a little Christian message. I've also been doing quite a bit of poetry and prose reading performances. But I'm beginning to feel like it may be time to prune back a little bit.
Straight stand-up has been very good to me. It's how I got my start, and how I've paid a lot of bills over the last few years, but I'll be the first to admit that it's the hardest of all the things I do. I've always seemed to follow a rythm with stand-up - I'll have one fantastic show, and then one mediocre one. I usually hit around 50/50, which, in stand-up, is considered pretty good. And while the bad shows are always a tough pill to swallow, the great ones always make up for them. But for most of this year, I'm probably closer to 10/90, (the 90 being "mediocre" or less in my opinion) leaving me to wonder how much longer it's really worth offering myself up as a straight comic.
I also have to admit that doing the old material - the "gold" stories and such - is not nearly as much fun as it used to be. Most of the writing and creating I've been doing lately has been more focused on the prose, poetry, and Christian message talks. So maybe it's time to hang up the stand-up hat for awhile.
A couple notes on some unrelated subjects.
I just got an email from good friend and part-time ministry partner Mark Elgersma who says several new CD's and a possible DVD from this summer's SERVE project in Sioux Falls are nearly finished. They're recordings of the night time worship services that we had all week, and I'm pretty excited to hear them. We've been wanting to put together some more promotional material to get my stuff out there, and luckily there was a great guy named Brian at SERVE who had the tools to do it. (Note to self, get in touch with Brian soon and give him a big thank you.)
There's a chance the CD's will be made for more than just trying to get more speaking engagements, and we'll end up offering them to the public - which would be really great if it all fell in place. I've had a couple different versions of a comedy CD for a few years now, and I've been waiting to branch out a bit and record some more serious stuff. We're hoping this is the opportunity we've been waiting for. I haven't heard the CD's yet, but I've heard they'll be in the mail soon, so I'm very excited to get my hands on them!
My next show is on Tuesday, August 30th, and that was the next time I was planning on updating the blog, but I've gotten a few requests to update a little more often. I'm thinking about maybe updating once a week, instead of just a couple times a month. I'm not exactly sure what these writings will be, since I generally just update after speaking engagements, but perhaps I can spend some time writing about what I'm currently working on creatively, and how I'm preparing for the next speaking gig.
Till next time,
Jason
Thursday, August 11, 2005
On Broadway
So my church (Second Reformed Church) is located on a street called Broadway in Pella, IA, and a while back, someone got the clever idea to host arts and entertainment events through the church and call them "On Broadway". Throughout the year, they've hosted various musicians and speakers to come and entertain, and last night, they were gracious enough to host me in the "On Broadway: Curtain Call".
They actually hosted more than just me. The event really took place in three different locations. A quartet and a duet of singers performed in the Pastors' backyard. A showtune sing-a-long took place on the front lawn of the church. And I performed some of my poetry in the backyard of Arvin and Connie Bandstra (two members of our congregation with an amazing backyard filled with all sorts of beautiful gardens).
It was a progressive evening of entertainment - meaning - that if you bought a ticket, you would start in one of the three locations, watch a twenty minute performance by the entertainers, and then head to the next location for another performance, and then the next. So in all, each performance had to be done three separate times, for three separate audiences, which suited me just fine since I like to inflict my poems on as many people as possible.
I had a fantastic evening. Food was served at each location, and the poems went over quite well. (Although my second audience of the night seemed a little sleepy.) Everything got laughs in the appropriate places, and many wonderful folks gave me great comments after each performance. The backyard I performed in was, in my opinion, the most beautiful. The entire yard has pretty much been turned into a large series of gardens, complete with a small pond of goldfish on the patio.
The only real downfall of the evening was when a very nice lady accidnetally backed into the driver door of my car and put a pretty good dent in it. Oh well, these things happen.
And so, for you reading entertainment, I present to you the poems performed last night (minus the ones that have been previously printed on this site.) Enjoy.
The Best Day in School We Ever Had
I knew a little boy once,
Who’d eat anything you had,
He’d eat it if it tasted good,
Or if it tasted bad.
All my friends thought this was great,
So we’d give him things to chew,
It might be a handful of dirt,
Or’a jar of Elmer’s glue.
But he’d eat them and he’d smile,
He would laugh and say “You see,
You feed me anything you like,
I’m always hungry!”
One day while I was sitting,
Just in front of him one seat,
He said his stomach was grumbling,
And needed food to eat.
I was out of erasers,
And all of my glue was gone,
The only thing that I had left,
Was my box of new crayons.
I turned around with the gift,
To see if he wanted some,
He took the whole box right away,
And gobbled the first one.
Then he gobbled down the next,
Then another was his snack,
He worked his way from the white one,
Through the whole box to black.
He sat back full and content,
With a smile that widened far,
You would have thought they’d been cookies,
Or little candy bars.
And yet, ten minutes later,
During our geography,
I heard him give a little moan,
And lean up next to me.
He said he didn’t feel good,
The crayons didn’t agree,
He said he needed the bathroom,
“It’s an emergency.”
If it was that bad I said,
Then he should just raise his hand,
The teacher would then let him go,
It sounded like a plan.
But our teacher was well known,
To have been a little mean,
As he raised his hand she acted,
As if she hadn’t seen.
He said, “What do I do now?”
As I tried to read my book,
I said, “You have to say her name,
And just get her to look.”
“If she hears her name get called,
Then she’ll have to see your hand,
Then you can ask to be excused,
And she’ll have to say you can.”
He put up his hand again,
And he said her name quite loud,
She looked at him as if he’d cursed,
And gave him her best scowl.
“You don’t speak out in this class!”
Then her face went all askew,
“You don’t speak out, no not at all,
Unless I call on you!”
He whispered, “What do I do?”
And his fear began to show,
I said, “Tell her it’s serious,
She’ll have to let you go.”
He said, “Really? Is that true?”
I said, “Yeah, cause it’s a rule!
Or maybe a state law I think,
It’s binding for all schools.
We all watched him leave his desk
And walk right up next to her,
It was like she didn’t see him,
I wasn’t really sure.
He waited for two minutes,
Then he shuffled in his place,
He finally dared to say her name,
And flames shot out her face.
She screamed because he’d dare move,
And speak without her say so,
She turned and lectured the whole class,
It was almost painful.
She said, “You see, now there are rules,
I post at the first quarter,
If you cannot follow them it’s
Chaos and not order!”
“What would happen to this class,
If everyone talked at will,
Everything would just go haywire,
That’s why rules are instilled!”
Then she turned back to my friend,
Who now had started to sob,
She said, “Okay now what’d you need,
Our class time you have robbed.”
He stood up straight and said, “Ma’am,
I think I might need to go,”
But just then he threw up on her,
It looked like a rainbow.
Then she seemed to lose her mind,
And a scream came out of her,
She grabbed him and ran from the room,
It seemed like such a blur.
All twas left was just us kids,
There was this horrible smell,
And that’s what set more retching off,
As far as I could tell.
Of twenty-five kids that day,
Only one did not throw up,
And I was not the lucky one,
My stomach did erupt.
A teacher came ‘cross the hall,
To see what was the uproar,
And though she tried hard to fight it,
She threw up at the door.
Legend says that wasn’t all,
Cause then the janitor came,
And some kids still to this day say,
He fared about the same.
Yet, though through all the sickness,
Not one of the kids did pout,
No one dared complain too much cause,
We got an early out.
Stan
Once there was a man named Stan,
Who worked on a drill press,
Old Stan he was a factory man,
He’s just like all the rest.
But you’ll see that Stan is shy,
Some fingers on one hand,
And there’s a real good reason why,
Stan is a dreaming man.
When old Stan would start to drill,
His mind would just get lost,
He’d dream of some imagined thrill-
And a finger’d be the cost.
Once Stan dreamt he was a king,
His wife a gorgeous queen,
Before he’d stopped to really think,
His thumb was severed clean.
Once Stan dreamt he drove race cars,
His mind really lingered,
Before he’d even gone that far,
He’d shear ‘doff his first finger.
Once Stan dreamt he played football,
And that was kind of fun,
The referee’s gave him good calls-
Stan lost the middle one.
Once Stan dreamt he was a mime,
With quick, expressive hands-
He lost the finger fourth in line,
The one for wedding bands.
Now there’s but the pinky left,
You’d think that Stan would quit,
You’d think he’d be a tad bereft-
He doesn’t care a bit.
Now he drills with his right hand,
And even though he’s slow,
With that left pinky he still can,
Hold smokes and pick his nose.
One day Stan may lose the rest,
And then he might relax,
Until then Stan’ll be the best,
At picking out earwax.
Farm Dog
We’ve got this dog here on the farm,
Who really has a unique charm,
He’s rather nice to have with me,
When I long for some company.
The problem is he’s kind of slow,
And I’m not sure he really knows,
That when our Lord passed out dog brains,
He must have been asleep that day.
When strangers come out to my place,
The dog just stares off into space.
But if old friends are coming in,
He’ll likely try to attack them.
He’s like a goat in appetite,
He’ll eat a frog in just one bite,
I even saw him eat some nails,
Then walk away and wag his tail.
And yes, he sleeps in the driveway,
No matter what we try to say,
We have to drag him to the side,
To get our pickup truck on by.
Yet though you’ll hear me gripe and moan,
A better dog I couldn’t own,
So maybe I’ll go pet him soon,
And use the hand without bite wounds.
The Squir'l
A squir’l ran out before my car,
Ten yards or so, not all that far,
His life I knew I’d surely mar,
If I might hit him with my car.
The first thing I thought was to swerve,
I knew that if I kept my nerve,
And around the squir’l made a curve,
I might pull off a des’prate swerve.
I thought I’d drive a little right,
And hopefully change this squir’l’s plight,
But try as hard as I just might,
He also chose to then run right.
I then thought left would work you see,
Although it was much more risky,
I’d have to miss a large oak tree,
But the squir’l’s life I’d save, you see.
But I didn’t know what to do,
Cause when I went left – he did too,
And so that’s when I really knew,
This squir'l must think just like I do.
And so I just drove straight ahead,
A little prayer I quickly said,
To now not turn the pavement red,
Hoping he’d duck his little head.
I looked back in my rearview mirror,
To check out the squir’l at my rear,
And I let out a little cheer,
I saw him standing in the mirror.
He looked at me with happiness,
Though ‘twas short lived I must confess,
The car behind made him a mess,
Which sort of damped my happiness.
The Story
My wife let out a scream one day,
While I was watching some TV,
It was such a sound of trouble,
That I leapt up to my feet.
Her noise was very frightening,
And the sound put my nerves on edge,
Some mugger must have broken in,
And was holding her hostage.
The noise came out the bathroom door,
So I ran as fast as I could,
To place my body between hers,
And this doer of no good!
When I reached my destination,
I found no threat’ning outsider,
Just my wife . . . she was pointing at,
A large, brown, hairy spider.
“Kill it!” she said, as she backed up,
Of my brav’ry she was quite sure,
But what I didn’t tell her was,
That I was more scared than her.
Yet I put on my toughest face,
Like I wasn’t scared in the least,
Reached back and said, “Hand me something,
With which I can kill this beast!”
At this point she put in my hand,
Something that I knew wouldn’t do,
To go to battle for my life,
She’d handed me a tissue.
Now I don’t think she was trying,
To go and get me killed you see,
I think wives just don’t understand,
The right choice of weaponry.
The spider then started to move,
I knew that I had to be fast,
I grabbed the head off the shower,
And cranked the water full blast.
I guess you could say I panicked,
As I chased it around the room,
Up, and down, and around the tub,
Til finally it ran to its doom.
And there I washed it down the drain,
And then keeping the pressure on,
I took a bottle of shampoo,
And I squeezed till it was gone.
I thought I’d drown or poison him,
Either way, the job would be done,
I turned to look back at my wife,
She was having lots of fun.
While I was risking my own life,
To protect my love from her death,
She was doubled laughing so hard,
That she’d almost lost her breath.
“Oh! That was so hilarious!”
She said of my near-death escape,
“I wish I’d had the camera,
To get the whole thing on tape!”
And now she tells most everyone,
About this infamous day,
And every time they laugh so hard,
I just walk the other way.
Questions
People always ask me,
Who mean such little harm,
About my days when I grew up,
On a small remote pig farm.
They have silly questions,
Always taking pity,
They just don’t seem to understand,
(They grew up in the city.)
I had a girlfriend ask,
About where our pigs roamed,
Did we keep them penned up outside,
Did they come into our home?
“Yes, yes,” I answered back,
“They come in all the time,
They sleep right next to me in bed,
And they like it mighty fine.”
A fella from New York,
Once asked me a strange thing,
Did we still use those outhouses,
Or have that indoor plumbing?
I told him, “We had both,
But we prefer outdoors,
Cause hearing all those outdoor sounds,
Can help nature take its course.”
One girl from Chicago,
Asked me about my school,
Did we get there on our tractors,
Or maybe ride a mule.
I said, “Oh, it’s the mule,
But sometimes he might balk,
And if the cows won’t let us ride,
Then we sometimes have to walk.”
And there is my fav’rite,
I get where’ere I go,
Now isn’t Iowa the state,
That is known for potatoes?
“Oh! Potatoes?” I say,
Not letting anger show,
“I think you might have us confused,
With those folks in Ohio.”
They nod and walk away,
And seem quite satisfied,
And I don’t feel much for the worse,
Cause they’re only small white lies.
I think it’s just their loss,
And I have a small fear,
If those dopes knew how good it was,
They’d consider moving here.
Where I’d Rather Be . . .
I’d rather be a pirate,
Sailing on the seven seas,
I think that it would feel good,
Living just as I would please.
I’d get up when I want to,
And I’d go to bed quite late,
I’d ride up in the crow’s nest,
And I’d drink with my first mate.
And if some guy had treasure,
It’d only be my duty,
To take my boat right to him,
And steal all of his booty.
If somebody messed with me,
A bad fate would befall them,
Laughing, I would grab their neck,
And then I’d keel haul them.
(Now I’m not exactly sure,
How to keel haul some one,
I will have to look it up,
But it sounds like lots of fun.)
And then there are the wenches,
That all pirates seem to get,
I don’t know where they come from,
But I’ll have a few I bet.
People would call me swarthy,
And I’d get to shout, “Avast!”
A flag of skull and cross bones,
Would hang high upon my mast.
Maybe even best of all,
I can lose a couple pounds,
Because a heavy pirate,
Is seldom to be found.
So that’s all I could ask for,
Booty, wenches, and my crew,
Sailing out there on my ship –
Pirate pants . . . size thirty-two!
till next time,
Jason
They actually hosted more than just me. The event really took place in three different locations. A quartet and a duet of singers performed in the Pastors' backyard. A showtune sing-a-long took place on the front lawn of the church. And I performed some of my poetry in the backyard of Arvin and Connie Bandstra (two members of our congregation with an amazing backyard filled with all sorts of beautiful gardens).
It was a progressive evening of entertainment - meaning - that if you bought a ticket, you would start in one of the three locations, watch a twenty minute performance by the entertainers, and then head to the next location for another performance, and then the next. So in all, each performance had to be done three separate times, for three separate audiences, which suited me just fine since I like to inflict my poems on as many people as possible.
I had a fantastic evening. Food was served at each location, and the poems went over quite well. (Although my second audience of the night seemed a little sleepy.) Everything got laughs in the appropriate places, and many wonderful folks gave me great comments after each performance. The backyard I performed in was, in my opinion, the most beautiful. The entire yard has pretty much been turned into a large series of gardens, complete with a small pond of goldfish on the patio.
The only real downfall of the evening was when a very nice lady accidnetally backed into the driver door of my car and put a pretty good dent in it. Oh well, these things happen.
And so, for you reading entertainment, I present to you the poems performed last night (minus the ones that have been previously printed on this site.) Enjoy.
The Best Day in School We Ever Had
I knew a little boy once,
Who’d eat anything you had,
He’d eat it if it tasted good,
Or if it tasted bad.
All my friends thought this was great,
So we’d give him things to chew,
It might be a handful of dirt,
Or’a jar of Elmer’s glue.
But he’d eat them and he’d smile,
He would laugh and say “You see,
You feed me anything you like,
I’m always hungry!”
One day while I was sitting,
Just in front of him one seat,
He said his stomach was grumbling,
And needed food to eat.
I was out of erasers,
And all of my glue was gone,
The only thing that I had left,
Was my box of new crayons.
I turned around with the gift,
To see if he wanted some,
He took the whole box right away,
And gobbled the first one.
Then he gobbled down the next,
Then another was his snack,
He worked his way from the white one,
Through the whole box to black.
He sat back full and content,
With a smile that widened far,
You would have thought they’d been cookies,
Or little candy bars.
And yet, ten minutes later,
During our geography,
I heard him give a little moan,
And lean up next to me.
He said he didn’t feel good,
The crayons didn’t agree,
He said he needed the bathroom,
“It’s an emergency.”
If it was that bad I said,
Then he should just raise his hand,
The teacher would then let him go,
It sounded like a plan.
But our teacher was well known,
To have been a little mean,
As he raised his hand she acted,
As if she hadn’t seen.
He said, “What do I do now?”
As I tried to read my book,
I said, “You have to say her name,
And just get her to look.”
“If she hears her name get called,
Then she’ll have to see your hand,
Then you can ask to be excused,
And she’ll have to say you can.”
He put up his hand again,
And he said her name quite loud,
She looked at him as if he’d cursed,
And gave him her best scowl.
“You don’t speak out in this class!”
Then her face went all askew,
“You don’t speak out, no not at all,
Unless I call on you!”
He whispered, “What do I do?”
And his fear began to show,
I said, “Tell her it’s serious,
She’ll have to let you go.”
He said, “Really? Is that true?”
I said, “Yeah, cause it’s a rule!
Or maybe a state law I think,
It’s binding for all schools.
We all watched him leave his desk
And walk right up next to her,
It was like she didn’t see him,
I wasn’t really sure.
He waited for two minutes,
Then he shuffled in his place,
He finally dared to say her name,
And flames shot out her face.
She screamed because he’d dare move,
And speak without her say so,
She turned and lectured the whole class,
It was almost painful.
She said, “You see, now there are rules,
I post at the first quarter,
If you cannot follow them it’s
Chaos and not order!”
“What would happen to this class,
If everyone talked at will,
Everything would just go haywire,
That’s why rules are instilled!”
Then she turned back to my friend,
Who now had started to sob,
She said, “Okay now what’d you need,
Our class time you have robbed.”
He stood up straight and said, “Ma’am,
I think I might need to go,”
But just then he threw up on her,
It looked like a rainbow.
Then she seemed to lose her mind,
And a scream came out of her,
She grabbed him and ran from the room,
It seemed like such a blur.
All twas left was just us kids,
There was this horrible smell,
And that’s what set more retching off,
As far as I could tell.
Of twenty-five kids that day,
Only one did not throw up,
And I was not the lucky one,
My stomach did erupt.
A teacher came ‘cross the hall,
To see what was the uproar,
And though she tried hard to fight it,
She threw up at the door.
Legend says that wasn’t all,
Cause then the janitor came,
And some kids still to this day say,
He fared about the same.
Yet, though through all the sickness,
Not one of the kids did pout,
No one dared complain too much cause,
We got an early out.
Stan
Once there was a man named Stan,
Who worked on a drill press,
Old Stan he was a factory man,
He’s just like all the rest.
But you’ll see that Stan is shy,
Some fingers on one hand,
And there’s a real good reason why,
Stan is a dreaming man.
When old Stan would start to drill,
His mind would just get lost,
He’d dream of some imagined thrill-
And a finger’d be the cost.
Once Stan dreamt he was a king,
His wife a gorgeous queen,
Before he’d stopped to really think,
His thumb was severed clean.
Once Stan dreamt he drove race cars,
His mind really lingered,
Before he’d even gone that far,
He’d shear ‘doff his first finger.
Once Stan dreamt he played football,
And that was kind of fun,
The referee’s gave him good calls-
Stan lost the middle one.
Once Stan dreamt he was a mime,
With quick, expressive hands-
He lost the finger fourth in line,
The one for wedding bands.
Now there’s but the pinky left,
You’d think that Stan would quit,
You’d think he’d be a tad bereft-
He doesn’t care a bit.
Now he drills with his right hand,
And even though he’s slow,
With that left pinky he still can,
Hold smokes and pick his nose.
One day Stan may lose the rest,
And then he might relax,
Until then Stan’ll be the best,
At picking out earwax.
Farm Dog
We’ve got this dog here on the farm,
Who really has a unique charm,
He’s rather nice to have with me,
When I long for some company.
The problem is he’s kind of slow,
And I’m not sure he really knows,
That when our Lord passed out dog brains,
He must have been asleep that day.
When strangers come out to my place,
The dog just stares off into space.
But if old friends are coming in,
He’ll likely try to attack them.
He’s like a goat in appetite,
He’ll eat a frog in just one bite,
I even saw him eat some nails,
Then walk away and wag his tail.
And yes, he sleeps in the driveway,
No matter what we try to say,
We have to drag him to the side,
To get our pickup truck on by.
Yet though you’ll hear me gripe and moan,
A better dog I couldn’t own,
So maybe I’ll go pet him soon,
And use the hand without bite wounds.
The Squir'l
A squir’l ran out before my car,
Ten yards or so, not all that far,
His life I knew I’d surely mar,
If I might hit him with my car.
The first thing I thought was to swerve,
I knew that if I kept my nerve,
And around the squir’l made a curve,
I might pull off a des’prate swerve.
I thought I’d drive a little right,
And hopefully change this squir’l’s plight,
But try as hard as I just might,
He also chose to then run right.
I then thought left would work you see,
Although it was much more risky,
I’d have to miss a large oak tree,
But the squir’l’s life I’d save, you see.
But I didn’t know what to do,
Cause when I went left – he did too,
And so that’s when I really knew,
This squir'l must think just like I do.
And so I just drove straight ahead,
A little prayer I quickly said,
To now not turn the pavement red,
Hoping he’d duck his little head.
I looked back in my rearview mirror,
To check out the squir’l at my rear,
And I let out a little cheer,
I saw him standing in the mirror.
He looked at me with happiness,
Though ‘twas short lived I must confess,
The car behind made him a mess,
Which sort of damped my happiness.
The Story
My wife let out a scream one day,
While I was watching some TV,
It was such a sound of trouble,
That I leapt up to my feet.
Her noise was very frightening,
And the sound put my nerves on edge,
Some mugger must have broken in,
And was holding her hostage.
The noise came out the bathroom door,
So I ran as fast as I could,
To place my body between hers,
And this doer of no good!
When I reached my destination,
I found no threat’ning outsider,
Just my wife . . . she was pointing at,
A large, brown, hairy spider.
“Kill it!” she said, as she backed up,
Of my brav’ry she was quite sure,
But what I didn’t tell her was,
That I was more scared than her.
Yet I put on my toughest face,
Like I wasn’t scared in the least,
Reached back and said, “Hand me something,
With which I can kill this beast!”
At this point she put in my hand,
Something that I knew wouldn’t do,
To go to battle for my life,
She’d handed me a tissue.
Now I don’t think she was trying,
To go and get me killed you see,
I think wives just don’t understand,
The right choice of weaponry.
The spider then started to move,
I knew that I had to be fast,
I grabbed the head off the shower,
And cranked the water full blast.
I guess you could say I panicked,
As I chased it around the room,
Up, and down, and around the tub,
Til finally it ran to its doom.
And there I washed it down the drain,
And then keeping the pressure on,
I took a bottle of shampoo,
And I squeezed till it was gone.
I thought I’d drown or poison him,
Either way, the job would be done,
I turned to look back at my wife,
She was having lots of fun.
While I was risking my own life,
To protect my love from her death,
She was doubled laughing so hard,
That she’d almost lost her breath.
“Oh! That was so hilarious!”
She said of my near-death escape,
“I wish I’d had the camera,
To get the whole thing on tape!”
And now she tells most everyone,
About this infamous day,
And every time they laugh so hard,
I just walk the other way.
Questions
People always ask me,
Who mean such little harm,
About my days when I grew up,
On a small remote pig farm.
They have silly questions,
Always taking pity,
They just don’t seem to understand,
(They grew up in the city.)
I had a girlfriend ask,
About where our pigs roamed,
Did we keep them penned up outside,
Did they come into our home?
“Yes, yes,” I answered back,
“They come in all the time,
They sleep right next to me in bed,
And they like it mighty fine.”
A fella from New York,
Once asked me a strange thing,
Did we still use those outhouses,
Or have that indoor plumbing?
I told him, “We had both,
But we prefer outdoors,
Cause hearing all those outdoor sounds,
Can help nature take its course.”
One girl from Chicago,
Asked me about my school,
Did we get there on our tractors,
Or maybe ride a mule.
I said, “Oh, it’s the mule,
But sometimes he might balk,
And if the cows won’t let us ride,
Then we sometimes have to walk.”
And there is my fav’rite,
I get where’ere I go,
Now isn’t Iowa the state,
That is known for potatoes?
“Oh! Potatoes?” I say,
Not letting anger show,
“I think you might have us confused,
With those folks in Ohio.”
They nod and walk away,
And seem quite satisfied,
And I don’t feel much for the worse,
Cause they’re only small white lies.
I think it’s just their loss,
And I have a small fear,
If those dopes knew how good it was,
They’d consider moving here.
Where I’d Rather Be . . .
I’d rather be a pirate,
Sailing on the seven seas,
I think that it would feel good,
Living just as I would please.
I’d get up when I want to,
And I’d go to bed quite late,
I’d ride up in the crow’s nest,
And I’d drink with my first mate.
And if some guy had treasure,
It’d only be my duty,
To take my boat right to him,
And steal all of his booty.
If somebody messed with me,
A bad fate would befall them,
Laughing, I would grab their neck,
And then I’d keel haul them.
(Now I’m not exactly sure,
How to keel haul some one,
I will have to look it up,
But it sounds like lots of fun.)
And then there are the wenches,
That all pirates seem to get,
I don’t know where they come from,
But I’ll have a few I bet.
People would call me swarthy,
And I’d get to shout, “Avast!”
A flag of skull and cross bones,
Would hang high upon my mast.
Maybe even best of all,
I can lose a couple pounds,
Because a heavy pirate,
Is seldom to be found.
So that’s all I could ask for,
Booty, wenches, and my crew,
Sailing out there on my ship –
Pirate pants . . . size thirty-two!
till next time,
Jason
Sunday, July 17, 2005
The Wedding Singer
Over the last couple of summer's, I've found myself performing / speaking at the occasional wedding. Andrea and I had two comedians, and good friends, perform at our wedding. And more and more I'm seeing the trend take off!
Last night, brother-in-law Kyle and I sang a new song entitled "Keep Quiet" for Kyle's new brother-in-law Rob Whitam at his wedding to Kyle's sister Jill. It was a beautiful wedding (short and beautiful), and a great reception. People seemed to take to the song really well, and I think Kyle and I should think about going professional in the wedding singing career. While the lyrics to our song were original, I will admit that the chording came from Johnny Cash's Drive On. (Which, in its original form, is probably not a wedding-appropriate song.)
I've never made it a secret that weddings aren't always my favorite place to be. And during the afternoon yesterday, the thought kept running through my head, "Because these two people fell in love two years ago, I'm sitting in a long sleeved shirt in the middle of July!" But it was worth it! Congratulations Jill and Rob.
Till next time,
Jason
Last night, brother-in-law Kyle and I sang a new song entitled "Keep Quiet" for Kyle's new brother-in-law Rob Whitam at his wedding to Kyle's sister Jill. It was a beautiful wedding (short and beautiful), and a great reception. People seemed to take to the song really well, and I think Kyle and I should think about going professional in the wedding singing career. While the lyrics to our song were original, I will admit that the chording came from Johnny Cash's Drive On. (Which, in its original form, is probably not a wedding-appropriate song.)
I've never made it a secret that weddings aren't always my favorite place to be. And during the afternoon yesterday, the thought kept running through my head, "Because these two people fell in love two years ago, I'm sitting in a long sleeved shirt in the middle of July!" But it was worth it! Congratulations Jill and Rob.
Till next time,
Jason
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Mr. Wonderful Meets Mr. Wonderful?
Attended the "Night of Legends" at the Newton High School last night in honor of the new inductees to the wrestling hall of fame (also in Newton, IA). Got to meet some of the greats and see old favorite Rick Steiner wrestle! When good friend Jenny Hedrick called and told me her fiancee Tracy had a ticket for me, I had no idea how cool it'd be.
This is me with "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff. A real big thrill for me. If you look close, you can see him giving me a stiff pat on the back. He was a really nice guy and acted like it was just as big a thrill for him to be in the picture as it was for me.
This is me with "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff. A real big thrill for me. If you look close, you can see him giving me a stiff pat on the back. He was a really nice guy and acted like it was just as big a thrill for him to be in the picture as it was for me.
This is me with Larry "The Axe" Hennig.
A real treat for me was getting to shake hands with the great NCAA and Olympic wrestler Danny Hodge. He was quite a character and the most fun guy to meet.
The man himself, "Handsome" Harley Race! And he's holding a newly autographed present for my brother's birthday.
Another real treat was getting to meet current WWE employee, and one time "Stooge" Gerald Briscoe who was being inducted this weekend. He seems a lot smarter than what they portrayed on TV. Go figure. (And if you look in the bottom right of the photo, you can just see Bob Geigel.)
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Just a little thing
Someone complained to me that only registered bloggers can comment on my site and they wondered if that was changeable. I said, "I uh wha, maybe." well it is. and it has been. so you can try now if you'd like.
jason
jason
SERVE Part VI
Here's the poem by Meghan Gage. (Although it's not the one from SERVE, but the one she wrote about SERVE when she spoke in front of her church.) Thanks for the great email, Meghan!
Dear Lord,
I came to Project Serve to see through your eyes
I came with problems I then lay before you
I met many new people along the way
I’ve learned to follow your path & praise your name
I worshiped you in many ways
I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, sung songs, and danced
I boxed & weighed food in a hot musty warehouse
I worked for hours on end on a run down trailer
In this trailer, I met two beautiful young girls too afraid to stay home
For they knew what would happen if left alone
I became your Nehemiah, weary and meek
Yet throughout the whole week, no matter how tired burnt, or sore
I grew & became stronger all through you Lord
There aren’t enough words to express my gratitude so I say this:
Thank you Lord, for all you do & all you’ve given me.
Amen
Dear Lord,
I came to Project Serve to see through your eyes
I came with problems I then lay before you
I met many new people along the way
I’ve learned to follow your path & praise your name
I worshiped you in many ways
I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, sung songs, and danced
I boxed & weighed food in a hot musty warehouse
I worked for hours on end on a run down trailer
In this trailer, I met two beautiful young girls too afraid to stay home
For they knew what would happen if left alone
I became your Nehemiah, weary and meek
Yet throughout the whole week, no matter how tired burnt, or sore
I grew & became stronger all through you Lord
There aren’t enough words to express my gratitude so I say this:
Thank you Lord, for all you do & all you’ve given me.
Amen
Saturday, July 02, 2005
SERVE Part V
Hey, got some great images from running partner Lauren! As you can tell by my pictures with Lauren and Meghan, I am in fact seven feet tall.
This second shot comes from telling the "puke" story. If you look down just beneath my left shirt sleeve, you'll see the outline of what looks like a chimpanzee crouching in front of the window. That's Danny. Troy is the gigantic shadow of a man on the far right of the picture. Thanks Lauren!
This second shot comes from telling the "puke" story. If you look down just beneath my left shirt sleeve, you'll see the outline of what looks like a chimpanzee crouching in front of the window. That's Danny. Troy is the gigantic shadow of a man on the far right of the picture. Thanks Lauren!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
SERVE Part IV
So, what do you do when you're sitting around on a Wednesday afternoon and sulking over the lack of SERVE? You get an email from Meghan Gage of course! And she reminds you how much fun you had and how hard it can be to go home after a week in God's presence. Home is only home if you make it that way, right? Plus, she sends you a cool picture. (I'm not exactly sure what's around her arms. It might be a straight jacket!) Thank you Meghan! You are the best!
SERVE Part III
The last and final SERVE post more than likely. Talked to Dustin last night on the phone and he and I both seem to be going through a similar post-SERVE funk. Although, I'll admit that mine's not as bad as last years. Everything went so great this time, that I'm still riding a pretty big SERVE high.
So what is there left to tell. Too much I'm afraid, so I'll just try to pull out a few more of the highlights from the week.
Poemetry
Well, as many know, I've been trying my hand at poetry writing for the last several months. On the first night of SERVE, I was playing prayer-partner-substitute for one of the prayer partners that couldn't make it to pray with their server, and I got paired up with a great young lady named Meghan Gage from Chicago. Turns out she's an aspiring poet as well, so I challenged her to write one by the end of the week, and then read it in the final worship. She did, and it was magnificent. I shall have to grab it out of my still packed suitcase and post it up here sometime soon. Yet, as great of a poet as she was, she did get a little feisty when I asked her to play Queen Jezebel. But oh well, Jezebel was pretty evil I guess. So, in a way, Meghan really nailed the part. Hope to hear from you soon Meghan!
Running
I've been running since the February / March portion of this year. Not a ton, just two or three miles a day - trying to remember what my body used to look like before five years of college and another five of youth directing. Well, lo and behold, I meet a young lady by the name of Lauren Hoag who's quite the runner herself and so we had a great two mile venture during the middle of the week. Unfortunately, even though Lauren wanted to run again, I had the very bad habit of staying up way too late with the boys at SERVE, and only made that one run. Sorry Lauren.
Staying Up Way Too Late With the Boys at SERVE
So we'd hit the hay around midnight or one, yet the chats and horseplay just kept on going. Things were flung around the room. Flashlights were use to put people in the "Hotseat" (a position where, if in the light, you had to answer any question asked), and many laughs were had by all. Was it worth it? Most definitely. I only wish the gals hadn't gotten so jealous at how much fun we guys had every night. My favorite night, of course, ended with me lullaby-ing the boys to sleep with a little four string tenor banjo.
More Than Meets the Eye
Part of the theme for the week was about using your spiritual gifts. So Dawn, the spiritual director extraordinaire that she is, had wrapped gifts for me to open every night right before my talk. Inside each gift was an object that had something to do with the talk that night. On the first night, I lamented to the group, as I opened the gift, that I sure hoped there'd be a new Transformer in one of these things during the week. Lo and behold, someone takes my joke seriously, and during my last talk on Friday night, what do I pull out of the gift, but a brand new Transformer from Small Group #3. He's a jetplane, and his name is Terradive, and I've played with him every day since.
Z.Z.
For the second year in a row I was blessed to have Zach Zomerman attend the SERVE where I was speaking. Zach is an amazing guy from Orange City who also attended the RISE Above Music Festival and schooled some folks in the Sioux City Wheelers basketball demonstration. Zach played Elisha to my Elijah on Thursday night, and did a great job. I've heard through the grapevine that he might be at the next SERVE as a volunteer on the host team, and I'm pretty pumped if that all falls into place.
Worksites
Well, Luke really out did himself again this year finding some awesome worksites for all the servers to take part in. My favorite was the Extreme Makeover site. The servers put in a fence, sandbox, new deck, and did some landscaping for a family who really needed it. While the work was being done on the home, Bartman put the family up in the hotel he works at, and they got a limo ride and a trip to the zoo. On Thursday, the groups got to make up their own challenges. And, deciding to become some crazy Nehemiah's, one group decided to head to a Laundromat and hand out free quarters to anyone who wanted them. I heard they had a great opportunity to share their faith and met some pretty interesting characters.
What more can I go on about? Hmmm. There are so many topics left that I may have to let the week process a bit more in my mind before going back to it. And if anybody out there knows something of great importance that I've left out, feel free to shoot me an email. Perhaps this won't be the last entry on SERVE - but it will be the last one for this week. Andrea and I are heading up to Okiboji for vacation, so it'll be a bit before this thing's updated again.
Till next time,
Jason
So what is there left to tell. Too much I'm afraid, so I'll just try to pull out a few more of the highlights from the week.
Poemetry
Well, as many know, I've been trying my hand at poetry writing for the last several months. On the first night of SERVE, I was playing prayer-partner-substitute for one of the prayer partners that couldn't make it to pray with their server, and I got paired up with a great young lady named Meghan Gage from Chicago. Turns out she's an aspiring poet as well, so I challenged her to write one by the end of the week, and then read it in the final worship. She did, and it was magnificent. I shall have to grab it out of my still packed suitcase and post it up here sometime soon. Yet, as great of a poet as she was, she did get a little feisty when I asked her to play Queen Jezebel. But oh well, Jezebel was pretty evil I guess. So, in a way, Meghan really nailed the part. Hope to hear from you soon Meghan!
Running
I've been running since the February / March portion of this year. Not a ton, just two or three miles a day - trying to remember what my body used to look like before five years of college and another five of youth directing. Well, lo and behold, I meet a young lady by the name of Lauren Hoag who's quite the runner herself and so we had a great two mile venture during the middle of the week. Unfortunately, even though Lauren wanted to run again, I had the very bad habit of staying up way too late with the boys at SERVE, and only made that one run. Sorry Lauren.
Staying Up Way Too Late With the Boys at SERVE
So we'd hit the hay around midnight or one, yet the chats and horseplay just kept on going. Things were flung around the room. Flashlights were use to put people in the "Hotseat" (a position where, if in the light, you had to answer any question asked), and many laughs were had by all. Was it worth it? Most definitely. I only wish the gals hadn't gotten so jealous at how much fun we guys had every night. My favorite night, of course, ended with me lullaby-ing the boys to sleep with a little four string tenor banjo.
More Than Meets the Eye
Part of the theme for the week was about using your spiritual gifts. So Dawn, the spiritual director extraordinaire that she is, had wrapped gifts for me to open every night right before my talk. Inside each gift was an object that had something to do with the talk that night. On the first night, I lamented to the group, as I opened the gift, that I sure hoped there'd be a new Transformer in one of these things during the week. Lo and behold, someone takes my joke seriously, and during my last talk on Friday night, what do I pull out of the gift, but a brand new Transformer from Small Group #3. He's a jetplane, and his name is Terradive, and I've played with him every day since.
Z.Z.
For the second year in a row I was blessed to have Zach Zomerman attend the SERVE where I was speaking. Zach is an amazing guy from Orange City who also attended the RISE Above Music Festival and schooled some folks in the Sioux City Wheelers basketball demonstration. Zach played Elisha to my Elijah on Thursday night, and did a great job. I've heard through the grapevine that he might be at the next SERVE as a volunteer on the host team, and I'm pretty pumped if that all falls into place.
Worksites
Well, Luke really out did himself again this year finding some awesome worksites for all the servers to take part in. My favorite was the Extreme Makeover site. The servers put in a fence, sandbox, new deck, and did some landscaping for a family who really needed it. While the work was being done on the home, Bartman put the family up in the hotel he works at, and they got a limo ride and a trip to the zoo. On Thursday, the groups got to make up their own challenges. And, deciding to become some crazy Nehemiah's, one group decided to head to a Laundromat and hand out free quarters to anyone who wanted them. I heard they had a great opportunity to share their faith and met some pretty interesting characters.
What more can I go on about? Hmmm. There are so many topics left that I may have to let the week process a bit more in my mind before going back to it. And if anybody out there knows something of great importance that I've left out, feel free to shoot me an email. Perhaps this won't be the last entry on SERVE - but it will be the last one for this week. Andrea and I are heading up to Okiboji for vacation, so it'll be a bit before this thing's updated again.
Till next time,
Jason
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
SERVE Part II
So here we go again. I'm avoiding a little paperwork this afternoon and figured I may as tackle another chunk of the out of control blog that is SERVE.
My absolute favorite part of the weeks I'm in Sioux Falls, is without a doubt the people. The main thing that differeniates this group from many others that I work with, is the way they immediately invite you into their little circle. Speaking and comedy can be a lonely job at times. You end up spending a lot of time driving in a car, sleeping in a hotel room alone, or sitting in empty sanctuarys while people are "leaving you alone" to get ready. Often when I go on extended speaking trips, I'm given a room to sleep in alone because my hosts want me to have some privacy. The SERVE group, on the other hand, has none of this. I'm bunked right in between the host team, and they treat me as if they've known me for years.
Practical jokes abound. Whether it be airhorns, shower shenanigans, towel snapping, surprise "gifts", or my personal favorite - putting a picture of a young, awkward, teenage Troy on the big screen during worship - these guys and gals know how to have fun. My father in law has always said that the key to a good spiritual week is to play just as hard as you worship, and the Sioux Falls crew has that down.
From prank calls on Danny's speakerphone, to constantly threatening to steal someones clothes and towel from the shower, everyday has new suprises. So without further ado, I'll end this post with a few of my favorite SERVE 2005 moments of hilarity:
5. Jason Bartman sings Garth Brooks
Drummer for the week, Bartman grabs a guitar one afternoon and proves he's just as proficient on the six string. He does a rousing rendition of "I Will Sail My Vessel" with a little help from Danny Fergen.
4. Chelsea Plays Screech
So, on the old show Saved By the Bell, there was the nerdy character Screech, who had a unique style of fighting. It's hard to describe, but essentially, he'd cover his face with one hand, and then put his other fist through the arm that was covering his face and swing the fist around. It's hard to imagine without seeing it, I know. But if you ever run into Chelsea Gerdes, she does it better than the man himself. I'm still laughing (and secretly imitating the move in front of the bathroom mirror.)
3. Dustin Attacks Mark
Good friend Dustin is wearing a low slung pair of plaid shorts. We find that if he hikes them up enough and walks a little goofy, he looks like a pretty big nerd. So we challenge him to run into the crowded cafeteria and do Chelsea's "Screech Fighting" with Mark. Dustin steps up to the challenge and many kids are left wondering about his sanity while Mark tries to defend himself.
2. Morning Radio
So every year, Mark and Dan think up new ways to get the servers wide awake at 7 AM. In the past, this has included air horns and whacking them with those large foam noodles. This year, however, they set up giant speakers around the school and put on their own little radio show with Danny Fergen. Every morning during the show, they'd have a "special guest" come in. It was typically one of the SERVE head honchos, Troy, Dawn, or Luke. Unfortunately, since they were always in a leader's meeting, I had to fill in doing my best impersonation. It lead to me challenging people to knock Troy's hat off his head, pick Luke up off the ground, and telling everyone that Troy and Luke were both Dawn's real life sons. Much confusion and hilarity with the servers ensued.
And my favorite . . .
1. Dustin and I Caught Alone Together
So, it's no secret that the crew and I are close. Often, this closeness brings a lot of practical jokes involving one guy, crawling into another guy's bunk while he's asleep (or close to it) for a surprise awakening. Well, one morning, I'm just waking up, and Dustin and I are the only two in the room together. He crawls across the floor, under a desk (he's thin) and onto my airmattress with me. Pretty funny. Meanwhile, the radio show is going on outside, and the boys have just announced that the first server that can bring them a Bible with a certain passage marked, will win a prize. Well, suddenly, in our room, the lights flash on, and two servers who are frantically looking for a Bible, stumble around the desk and find us together on my air mattress. All four of us look around a little bewildered, and after a short pause, one of the kids says, "We're . . . looking for a Bible . . ." Dustin yells at them and tells them there are no Bibles in the Leader's room, and they run back out the door - leaving us to laugh hysterically at the scene they just saw. Two grown men, in their jammies, sharing an air matress.
Phew. Enough for now? Enough for me anyways. One or two more entries should take care of the rest. We'll see. And once again, I've barely scratched the surface of what it means to be part of the Sioux Falls crew. But before I go, I'll leave you with a few of the honorable mention moments.
1. Dawn pulling a . . . ahem . . . muscle while doing a cartwheel and being very sore for a few days afterwards.
2. Me trying to be very serious during the Sunday morning worship as Mark has warned me to "behave this year". Then having Ashley come up next to me, practially bursting with silly energy.
3. Dustin yelling at farmwives driving slowly down country roads.
4. Getting everyone on the host team to Monkey-walk for my own enjoyment.
5. Watching Dan give blood.
6. Seeing what new and tiny places Luke could "Ping" out of.
7. Enduring Mark's "shower dance" for seven straight days.
Till next time,
Jason
My absolute favorite part of the weeks I'm in Sioux Falls, is without a doubt the people. The main thing that differeniates this group from many others that I work with, is the way they immediately invite you into their little circle. Speaking and comedy can be a lonely job at times. You end up spending a lot of time driving in a car, sleeping in a hotel room alone, or sitting in empty sanctuarys while people are "leaving you alone" to get ready. Often when I go on extended speaking trips, I'm given a room to sleep in alone because my hosts want me to have some privacy. The SERVE group, on the other hand, has none of this. I'm bunked right in between the host team, and they treat me as if they've known me for years.
Practical jokes abound. Whether it be airhorns, shower shenanigans, towel snapping, surprise "gifts", or my personal favorite - putting a picture of a young, awkward, teenage Troy on the big screen during worship - these guys and gals know how to have fun. My father in law has always said that the key to a good spiritual week is to play just as hard as you worship, and the Sioux Falls crew has that down.
From prank calls on Danny's speakerphone, to constantly threatening to steal someones clothes and towel from the shower, everyday has new suprises. So without further ado, I'll end this post with a few of my favorite SERVE 2005 moments of hilarity:
5. Jason Bartman sings Garth Brooks
Drummer for the week, Bartman grabs a guitar one afternoon and proves he's just as proficient on the six string. He does a rousing rendition of "I Will Sail My Vessel" with a little help from Danny Fergen.
4. Chelsea Plays Screech
So, on the old show Saved By the Bell, there was the nerdy character Screech, who had a unique style of fighting. It's hard to describe, but essentially, he'd cover his face with one hand, and then put his other fist through the arm that was covering his face and swing the fist around. It's hard to imagine without seeing it, I know. But if you ever run into Chelsea Gerdes, she does it better than the man himself. I'm still laughing (and secretly imitating the move in front of the bathroom mirror.)
3. Dustin Attacks Mark
Good friend Dustin is wearing a low slung pair of plaid shorts. We find that if he hikes them up enough and walks a little goofy, he looks like a pretty big nerd. So we challenge him to run into the crowded cafeteria and do Chelsea's "Screech Fighting" with Mark. Dustin steps up to the challenge and many kids are left wondering about his sanity while Mark tries to defend himself.
2. Morning Radio
So every year, Mark and Dan think up new ways to get the servers wide awake at 7 AM. In the past, this has included air horns and whacking them with those large foam noodles. This year, however, they set up giant speakers around the school and put on their own little radio show with Danny Fergen. Every morning during the show, they'd have a "special guest" come in. It was typically one of the SERVE head honchos, Troy, Dawn, or Luke. Unfortunately, since they were always in a leader's meeting, I had to fill in doing my best impersonation. It lead to me challenging people to knock Troy's hat off his head, pick Luke up off the ground, and telling everyone that Troy and Luke were both Dawn's real life sons. Much confusion and hilarity with the servers ensued.
And my favorite . . .
1. Dustin and I Caught Alone Together
So, it's no secret that the crew and I are close. Often, this closeness brings a lot of practical jokes involving one guy, crawling into another guy's bunk while he's asleep (or close to it) for a surprise awakening. Well, one morning, I'm just waking up, and Dustin and I are the only two in the room together. He crawls across the floor, under a desk (he's thin) and onto my airmattress with me. Pretty funny. Meanwhile, the radio show is going on outside, and the boys have just announced that the first server that can bring them a Bible with a certain passage marked, will win a prize. Well, suddenly, in our room, the lights flash on, and two servers who are frantically looking for a Bible, stumble around the desk and find us together on my air mattress. All four of us look around a little bewildered, and after a short pause, one of the kids says, "We're . . . looking for a Bible . . ." Dustin yells at them and tells them there are no Bibles in the Leader's room, and they run back out the door - leaving us to laugh hysterically at the scene they just saw. Two grown men, in their jammies, sharing an air matress.
Phew. Enough for now? Enough for me anyways. One or two more entries should take care of the rest. We'll see. And once again, I've barely scratched the surface of what it means to be part of the Sioux Falls crew. But before I go, I'll leave you with a few of the honorable mention moments.
1. Dawn pulling a . . . ahem . . . muscle while doing a cartwheel and being very sore for a few days afterwards.
2. Me trying to be very serious during the Sunday morning worship as Mark has warned me to "behave this year". Then having Ashley come up next to me, practially bursting with silly energy.
3. Dustin yelling at farmwives driving slowly down country roads.
4. Getting everyone on the host team to Monkey-walk for my own enjoyment.
5. Watching Dan give blood.
6. Seeing what new and tiny places Luke could "Ping" out of.
7. Enduring Mark's "shower dance" for seven straight days.
Till next time,
Jason
SERVE Part I
Hmm. How to start a post on my favorite ministry week of the year. I may not get it all down in one entry, but I'll see how far I can get.
For the past three years, I've trekked up to Sioux Falls, South Dakota to be the "Spiritual Leader" (guy who gives God talks) every night at a week long service project called SERVE. Kids from around the U.S. and Canada come to work in the community for the week. They work during the day, and worship at night. It's a fairly simple set up.
It's quickly become my favorite week of the year. I get to work and hang around with my favorite ministry team on the planet, (Troy, Dawn, Luke, Mark, Dan, Dustin, Danny, David, Jason, Adam, Chelsea, Michelle, Kristi, Ashley, Amber, and many, many others.) all of whom have become close friends. I get the best worship band I've ever worked with (Jonah's Wale / Sons of Thunder) to lead into my talks. I get to laugh like crazy the whole week. I get to see God move in some pretty amazing ways.
This year's SERVE kicked off on Saturday, June 18th. For those of you who read the last post, you may be saying to yourself, "Wait, didn't you emcee a music festival that day?" Yes, I did. So on just a few hours sleep, I headed up to Sioux Falls and got there around midnight or shortly after. The one thing I've quickly learned about working with the Sioux Falls crew is, there is generally an amazing lack of sleep involved, and this year was no different.
We were staying at the Christian school in Sioux Falls for the week, and, while walking up to the front door after arriving, I was greeted by several of the fellas who were waiting up for men and wanted to try out their brand new air horn. It was pretty loud. I think I disappointed them though, with my lack of reaction as I was pretty stinking tired when i finally rolled in.
Many hugs and "Hellos!" were traded as all the guys had stayed up to welcome me back. (Most of the gals remained asleep, but I won't hold that against them.) Even though it was late, and I hadn't had an enormous amount of sleep in the past week, I headed to the worship room to get ready for the Sunday morning service where I'd be speaking to about 1000 Sioux Falls folks from all the Churches that were supporting SERVE for the week. Dawn came in while I was preparing and gave me a welcome back, as she said she couldn't sleep. So we talked a bit about the week, got real jazzed up, and then I tried to head to bed only to find that now it took me a while to fall asleep since Dawn had gotten me so riled up about the week.
Sunday morning service went great. I saw lots of old friends and SERVE supporters. It's an outdoor service that they've held at the fairgrounds for the last two years, so it's a great environment (if just a tad windy) to have worship in. In my ever continuing struggle to make Troy, Dawn, and Luke question their hiring of me, I started off my talk with the question, "Who here's ever had the dream that they were naked in a public place." You'd be surprised how many people at church on Sunday morning wouldn't raise their hands to that simple question . . . or, well, maybe you wouldn't be so surprised. But we survived the service and a good time was had by all.
Then it was on to Falls Park where we looked at the waterfalls, took a group picture, ate some great burgers, and laughed a lot more. It was a warm day . . .
Then back to the school for Sunday night worship. I used Dan as my talk illustration, covering him with mud, calling him a leper and then watching as he washed clean in the river Jordan. Your basic talk stuff. I got to find out during the week just how brave of a soul Dan really is. From mud to blood, there really wasn't anything Dan wouldn't do to help me out for a talk.
Monday night was good again. Luke, Dan, and Dustin all volunteered to be mighty men for King David who almost died to get some water.
Tuesday, Joshua was "Achan" for some of God's love. Dan stepped up to the plate and donated a little blood (while I chose not to watch). We had a FOUR HOUR WORSHIP SERVICE. It was amazing and it was crazy, and I will write more about it later on, but now I think i'm going to finish out this post with just the overviews of the worships for the week.
Wednesday we got a little Crazy for Nehemiah with some help from Dustin and a pile of bricks.
Thursday we traded some spiritual mantles to raise our spirits.
And Friday, Luke put on his "tough face" as Elijah took on 850 prophets that were not of God, and won.
Worship was pretty amazing every night. As far as I'm concerned, with Danny, Troy, Dawn, David, Amber and Jason leading the music, we had pretty much my "Dream Team" of a worship band. As one wise man was heard to say last week, "They rocked my face off." And I would have to agree with that sentiment. Many noses, lips and eyes were dusted off at the end of the week as we were constantly picking them up off the ground.
And I've barely touched the surface of what the week was, yet. So, with those tidbits to go on, and this post growing too long for my tastes, I will rename this entry, SERVE Part I, and close for now. Later I'll talk about the service projects we hit, the fellowship I had with my favorite minsitry crew, and some of the super cool students I got to hang out with for the week.
Till next time,
Jason
For the past three years, I've trekked up to Sioux Falls, South Dakota to be the "Spiritual Leader" (guy who gives God talks) every night at a week long service project called SERVE. Kids from around the U.S. and Canada come to work in the community for the week. They work during the day, and worship at night. It's a fairly simple set up.
It's quickly become my favorite week of the year. I get to work and hang around with my favorite ministry team on the planet, (Troy, Dawn, Luke, Mark, Dan, Dustin, Danny, David, Jason, Adam, Chelsea, Michelle, Kristi, Ashley, Amber, and many, many others.) all of whom have become close friends. I get the best worship band I've ever worked with (Jonah's Wale / Sons of Thunder) to lead into my talks. I get to laugh like crazy the whole week. I get to see God move in some pretty amazing ways.
This year's SERVE kicked off on Saturday, June 18th. For those of you who read the last post, you may be saying to yourself, "Wait, didn't you emcee a music festival that day?" Yes, I did. So on just a few hours sleep, I headed up to Sioux Falls and got there around midnight or shortly after. The one thing I've quickly learned about working with the Sioux Falls crew is, there is generally an amazing lack of sleep involved, and this year was no different.
We were staying at the Christian school in Sioux Falls for the week, and, while walking up to the front door after arriving, I was greeted by several of the fellas who were waiting up for men and wanted to try out their brand new air horn. It was pretty loud. I think I disappointed them though, with my lack of reaction as I was pretty stinking tired when i finally rolled in.
Many hugs and "Hellos!" were traded as all the guys had stayed up to welcome me back. (Most of the gals remained asleep, but I won't hold that against them.) Even though it was late, and I hadn't had an enormous amount of sleep in the past week, I headed to the worship room to get ready for the Sunday morning service where I'd be speaking to about 1000 Sioux Falls folks from all the Churches that were supporting SERVE for the week. Dawn came in while I was preparing and gave me a welcome back, as she said she couldn't sleep. So we talked a bit about the week, got real jazzed up, and then I tried to head to bed only to find that now it took me a while to fall asleep since Dawn had gotten me so riled up about the week.
Sunday morning service went great. I saw lots of old friends and SERVE supporters. It's an outdoor service that they've held at the fairgrounds for the last two years, so it's a great environment (if just a tad windy) to have worship in. In my ever continuing struggle to make Troy, Dawn, and Luke question their hiring of me, I started off my talk with the question, "Who here's ever had the dream that they were naked in a public place." You'd be surprised how many people at church on Sunday morning wouldn't raise their hands to that simple question . . . or, well, maybe you wouldn't be so surprised. But we survived the service and a good time was had by all.
Then it was on to Falls Park where we looked at the waterfalls, took a group picture, ate some great burgers, and laughed a lot more. It was a warm day . . .
Then back to the school for Sunday night worship. I used Dan as my talk illustration, covering him with mud, calling him a leper and then watching as he washed clean in the river Jordan. Your basic talk stuff. I got to find out during the week just how brave of a soul Dan really is. From mud to blood, there really wasn't anything Dan wouldn't do to help me out for a talk.
Monday night was good again. Luke, Dan, and Dustin all volunteered to be mighty men for King David who almost died to get some water.
Tuesday, Joshua was "Achan" for some of God's love. Dan stepped up to the plate and donated a little blood (while I chose not to watch). We had a FOUR HOUR WORSHIP SERVICE. It was amazing and it was crazy, and I will write more about it later on, but now I think i'm going to finish out this post with just the overviews of the worships for the week.
Wednesday we got a little Crazy for Nehemiah with some help from Dustin and a pile of bricks.
Thursday we traded some spiritual mantles to raise our spirits.
And Friday, Luke put on his "tough face" as Elijah took on 850 prophets that were not of God, and won.
Worship was pretty amazing every night. As far as I'm concerned, with Danny, Troy, Dawn, David, Amber and Jason leading the music, we had pretty much my "Dream Team" of a worship band. As one wise man was heard to say last week, "They rocked my face off." And I would have to agree with that sentiment. Many noses, lips and eyes were dusted off at the end of the week as we were constantly picking them up off the ground.
And I've barely touched the surface of what the week was, yet. So, with those tidbits to go on, and this post growing too long for my tastes, I will rename this entry, SERVE Part I, and close for now. Later I'll talk about the service projects we hit, the fellowship I had with my favorite minsitry crew, and some of the super cool students I got to hang out with for the week.
Till next time,
Jason
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